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January 8, 2007: Lawrence/Caddel
When I started watching this episode, I cringed. I knew what was coming. The evangelical Lawrences wouldn’t take to the tattooed, bald-headed, free-thinking, Bible-hating Jinxi. And the proud atheist Caddels wouldn’t take to the Jesus-loving, Bible-toting, overly controlling Karen, otherwise known as Big Mama.
Big Mama, it seemed, went into the situation to “save” the Caddels. When she was investigating their house, Big Mama saw a photo album and called the Caddel kids “offspring of the devil.” I didn’t think that was respectful or understanding. She saw the stripper pole and all the racy artwork and was immediately judging them. That was what happened with these families. They immediately started judging each other and putting up a defensive wall.
Right off the bat, I knew this wasn’t going to work out well. Religion is a personal thing, and these families are from two sides of the extreme. I didn’t see how they would be able, in two weeks, to really open up to each other. Although at the end there was some understanding, it didn’t seem genuine. Yeah, Steve Caddel broke down crying because he felt guilty about mocking Big Mama’s religion and throwing the Bible into the trash. They hugged and forgave each other, and Steve let Big Mama take his family to a church social. He said he had a different opinion of Christians than before, but I didn’t buy it. I didn’t really see either family learning about each other’s beliefs or how they worked as families.
Neither the Lawrences nor the Caddels were really willing to open themselves up to something different. The Lawrences were steadfastly devoted to their evangelical ways, and the Caddels were not going to budge on their atheism. But instead of trying to learn from each other, they immediately pointed fingers, mocked, tried to force beliefs and ideas onto each other, refused to listen, put up walls and just let an experience go by without actually trying to understand each other.
The Lawrences gave Jinxi Caddel a Bible the second she walked into their home. Yeah, it was a nice gesture, a gift to welcome Jinxi into their family. But that gesture was pushing their lifestyle onto Jinxi without considering who she was or what she would be like as a person. They were trying to send a message about who they were as a family. Giving someone a Bible without knowing them is, to me, being too aggressive and insensitive.
But I didn’t agree with the way that the Caddels, especially the father Steve, treated Big Mama, either. Yes, Big Mama was all about worship and saving yourself. Yes, she tried to get the kids to pray without them believing in it. But to mock her religion in front of his kids? He was teaching his kids to be disrespectful of someone else’s beliefs. I think Steve crossed the line when he said things like “great, more Christians to mock” when Big Mama said they would be going to a church social, and “great, more firewood” when Big Mama gave his family Bibles. Every step of the way, Steve was not respecting Big Mama. And yes, she was out of line when she tried to get his son to pray to God because “that’s what the rules were.” She shouldn’t have used the rules of Wife Swap to indoctrinate Steve’s kids and get them to be saved. But Steve shouldn’t have been disrespectful and teach his kids to be disrespectful.
And while I’m all for self-expression and being yourself, I think Jinxi crossed the line when she took down all of the religious items in the Lawrence household. She was being closed-minded. If she just stopped for a moment and found out about them, maybe she could’ve understood their devotion to their religion, instead of simply rejecting it.
What was really interesting was that Jinxi had come from a strict Mormon background and wound up a free-spirited, tattooed adult. She didn’t really go into it, except to say that she wanted her kids to have more freedom, more choices than she had. Then there was the fact that the Lawrences were “born again,” which meant that they had some kind of past that we didn’t know about. But neither family really asked any questions about each other.
I was left thinking at the end that neither one really knew the other at all and had forced quick hugs and exclamations of forgiveness for the sake of having closure. The only thing that they seemed to switch off on was the ridiculous Man Law that the Lawrences had. The Man Law, in the Lawrence household, had the women cooking and cleaning, treating the men like kings, while the men did their manly things (sitting around watching TV and waiting for food). Cleaning toilets, according to Derryl, was women’s work. If he told me to clean a toilet, I think I might have thrown things at him.
I think some good things did happen. Jessica Lawrence was able to get out of the house and hang out with boys, even though her father wanted her to be a virgin until she was married. And the Caddels finally allowed their son to have a set of drums, despite the fact that it had to come out of their tattoo fund. (How many tattoos did they need that they were spending $35,000 on them?) Plus, Jinxi realized that she had to spend time with her kids, and the Lawrences learned to loosen the stiff reins on their kids. And finally, the Lawrence boys had to do some cooking and cleaning. It was great to see Big Mama being treated like a queen.
All in all, I was kind of disappointed that these two families only superficially learned from each other and didn’t really get to know each other more deeply. But at least the kids seemed to get something out of the experience.
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Jan 8, 2007 10:57 PM
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While it doesn't seem that Wife Swap is too popular with the TV Guide Commentary crowd, I continue to watch and read the blog every week. This show (and Trading Spouses) are must-see television for me. I always learn something and I always come away feeling that I can be more compassionate toward others. Keep up the blog!
Regarding this week's show, I agree with your whole assessment of the Caddels. I expected the Lawrences to be judgemental, but I thought Jinxi's LDS background would help her be more accepting. My one issue: that stripper pole in the dining room. That's just something that kids shouldn't be exposed to so young. Keep it in the bedroom, people!
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Jan 10, 2007 9:55 AM
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I agree, dgjonesil, while the Wife Swap commentary doesn't seem to elicit many follow up comments, it is something that I read each week. I always enjoy the show because there IS something to be learned in each episode.
The only problem I had with this last swap was how utterly disrespectful Steve was in throwing and tossing the Bible around (and ultimately in the trash). You don't have to believe in the Bible to understand that it is a sacred book to many and that it should at the very LEAST not be treated disrespectfully.
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Jan 10, 2007 11:24 AM
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Thank you for reading! And for your comments. I'm glad to know I have some fellow Wife Swap-lovers out there! 
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Jan 10, 2007 11:44 AM
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I love the blog also - please continue.
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Jan 10, 2007 1:35 PM
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I have a friend who was on a Trading Spouses show that was quite similar to the Lawrence/Caddel show. His family was shown as the narrowminded, right-wing fundies, and the other family was the accepting free thinkers, even though they were by far the most close-minded. He said that what happened wasn't anything like how they edited the show. His wife would have a two-hour conversation with the other spouse, both sharing what they believed and being accepting of the other, and it would be edited to be a two-minute conversation where the wife just wouldn't accept anything the other spouse had to say. Just consider that the show has the ability to edit so only parts they want aired are left, and it doesn't mean it was truly how it really was.
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Jan 10, 2007 5:01 PM
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tigger62, very insightful post about what happened to your friend. I think we all can agree that tv is more about entertainment than as a vehicle for self-help, at least in regards to prime-time shows. Even though that's probably a fair assessment of how WS puts a show together, I'd like to think they take more of a high-road approach than the hacks a FOX. At least WS does a follow up segment to show what the families gleaned from the experience. All you get at TS is bewildered faces after the money distribution letter scene.
I rarely have high hopes when they swap out the very religious for the atheist non-believer families. That's too far a gap to be bridged in 2 weeks. But I too was appalled at the way the bibles were thrown about. Total disrespect and very hurtful behavior to display, especially as an example in front of your children.
Usually I gravitate towards one mom or the other as the "right" one who got and gave the most to the experience, but I just wasn't feeling it from either one this time. And it didn't seem like either family really gained much from doing the show, but hopefully we, the viewers, did. At least we got a more powerful turnaround on the episode of Supernanny afterwards. Now that was a family that needed some serious luvin' to turn things around.
On a side note, Erin, I really appreciate reading your WifeSwap blogs each week and hope you continue even when it doesn't seem as popular as others. And I hope you didn't take my comments over on the "Christine" blog the wrong way. Ok, you probably did if the slamming I took from others is any indication. That's not the spirit in which it was written and I do apologize if it came off as mean and judgmental. That was me venting and you just happened to be in the line of fire, I guess. Again, sorry.
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Jan 10, 2007 5:27 PM
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thank you for waking up alittle.
it's sad that we can't believe anything we see anymore [ even "real news"
but thats something else. EVERYTHING on this show is scripted and edited. don't you think it's strange that the term :big mamma" was used in both houses? and the poor little girl crying "i dont like that i cant have religion hanging in my house" it was all written for them.. the show would be pretty boring if there were no arguments or tantrums...don't you guys see a pattern here? all the shows are the same and have the same situations and reactions.....and as long as we keep watching they will keep doing it the same way.......
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Jan 11, 2007 2:28 PM
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Wow, Steve, sorry to hear of your horrible experience with WS. It's not surprising that "reality" ends up on the cutting room floor more times than not. Like you said, contention trumps constructive dialog when it comes to entertainment value. And this is a prime time network show, not something one would see on TLC or the like. Let's face it, we live in a tabloid world where the loudest wins. Sad but true.
But in Erin's defense she was blogging on the show a couple of hours after watching it. I don't think it's her job to do massive research to seek out the truth; that would be ours, the viewer. Thanks to her blog and the format here you had the opportunity to set the record straight, at least from your point of view. That's a good thing, as I see it.
More evidence that leading a life of anonymity is probably the way to go, IMO.
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Jan 14, 2007 12:23 PM
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Yes, it's true. I don't have access to any "behind the scenes" research when I'm writing. It's on the spot reactions to the episode. ABC doesn't post the manuals on the website until after my commentary is due, so I don't have access to anything but what I see. I can only respond to what I see, and I suppose, in a way, that's the edited version that ABC wants me to see.
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Jan 16, 2007 4:35 PM
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