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« Wife Swap
May 28, 2007: Silver/Pitney
I had a few problems with Ashley Pitney. One, she had this whole theory that real men shouldn't tap dance. Gene Kelly tap danced. So did Fred Astaire. Both were men. Neither one was really a "girly man." Men can tap dance or do ballet. But Ashley seemed to be against that. She wanted her boys to play sports and be tough men. She said dancing was for little girls in tutus, which bothered me. Because both boys and girls can dance, play sports, do whatever.
Ashley Pitney seemed to have a very specific idea of gender roles that kind of rubbed me the wrong way. She waited on her husband and boys hand and foot, which is fine if that's what she prefers. While Alan Pitney gambled online for hours and her sons played video games, she did everything. But she didn’t mind.
Ashley Pitney didn’t know what to do when she was transplanted into the Silver household, where the man waited on the wife hand and foot and the boys enjoyed tap dancing more than sports. Instead of trying to engage in the tap dancing and the music, she made her spiteful comments and tried to change them into her notion of real men.
I know that she was trying to show the Silver boys a different kind of lifestyle, but I felt like she was really aggressive about it. She didn’t try to understand them. She just looked down at them and thought they were girls instead of boys. She didn’t try to understand their take on spirits or psychics; she just balked and called it hocus-pocus. She seemed rude to me. She gave Sam Silver a microphone and told him to start voicing his opinions, but then she gave him opinions to voice (telling him to say, “I won’t do the dishes tonight”). I think she and her husband, Alan, were kind of mean. When the video game console wouldn’t work in the Silver household, Sam and the boys said that it was because the spirits wouldn’t allow it. Ashley screamed at them: “The spirits have not made the game stop working! Y’all have freaked me out for the last time.” That, to me, is not an effective way of discussing someone’s beliefs. They believed in the spirits, and everyone has their own beliefs. She should’ve been more accepting of that. Instead, she was quick to call it hocus-pocus and tell them that they were crazy.
I did like that Ashley introduced Justin Silver to basketball. The Silver boys did need to be more social and find other activities to do. Andrew Silver was kind of caught up in the idea of being a star. His mom, after all, told him that he was destined to be a star, so he was naturally overly into it. Remember the scene at his mom’s creative group? After he finished playing his guitar for the 60-year-old ladies, one of them asked him when he’d written it. He said he’d done it that day in under an hour because he was quick like that. I think he believed a little too hard in his destiny of becoming a star. He wasn’t allowing himself to look at other things because his mom, Sheree Silver, had told him what he was meant to do. If my mom told me that I was meant to be a tap-dancing star, I would’ve believed her.
Of course, Sheree Silver was also kind of odd. But I think she knew that and didn’t think of herself as strange. She was a professional psychic who made her kids listen to relaxation tapes every night to go to sleep. They went to sleep with her reading affirmations to them. Her husband, Sam, painted her toenails and blow-dried her hair every morning. He was a sweet guy, but I don’t know if he should’ve been pampering her to the extent that he was. In a way, he did need a pep talk from Ashley Pitney about standing up for himself, but he did not need her yelling at him that he was a woman, not a man. She was really rude to him at the table meeting, as was her husband. Alan Pitney called Sam “mullet” and told him to shut his trap. He told Sam that he should tell his wife to shut her trap more often. That, to me, was rude.
I understood why Sheree got upset and walked away. But Sheree was definitely out of line when she told Alan that his son Tyler used to be an extraterrestrial in a past life. If she knew they’d be resistant to that, maybe even angry about it, then why would she tell them? Sheree believed in her psychic powers and wanted her kids and everyone in her life to believe in them, too. She didn’t seem to understand that maybe Alan and Ashley wouldn’t enjoy the idea that she called their son an alien. Sheree’s son may have been convinced that he was a soldier and that his dad killed him in a past life, but some families don’t like their kids thinking that kind of stuff. I know I wouldn’t tell my kid something like that, especially if they were as vulnerable as the Silver kids.
At least Alan Pitney learned to appreciate his wife more. And he doesn’t gamble as much, since Sheree Silver hypnotized him into stopping.
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May 28, 2007 9:36 PM
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Ashley isn't alone in her belief that real men shouldn't tap dance. We are in a southern state and here boys are brought up in the shadow of Kentucky basketball and are taught to be tough and play sports. I also want to say right up front that Brandon and Tyler enjoy sports and love to play. Baseball is not something thats force fed to them like the hocus-pocus mumbo-jumbo that Sheree Silver dishes out to her two "boys"
As parents, it should be your goal to get children ready for society. You should want that transition to be as easy as possible and you should want them to "fit-in" I'm hate to tell you that even if you don't want it to be true, there is a clear-cut definition between boys and girls in life and the Silver boys were not being raised to be true boys. Their room was PINK for Heavens sake! PINK! Boys should not have pink rooms. It's a good thing they were home schooled because children are cruel and teenagers are worse and these boys would be skinned alive in public schools.
You berate Ash for not trying to understand "someone's beliefs" I want you to think for a minute about the beginning of the show when Sheree stands in front of Brandon's trophies and has herself what we call here in Kentucky a "fit" She was judging them before she ever met them. At rule change she took away sports and caused Brandon to miss a tournament. Unlike her boys and their "talent", our Brandon is AWESOME at baseball and actually has a chance at being someone in the sport. Also, unlike the Silver "boys" he is not forced to play. He wants to play. He loves to play.
Before you degrade Ash and Alan for yelling at the Silvers, walk a mile in their shoes. Take a stressful situation and combine it with people that don't listen and you'd yell to. You may find them to be rude, but I find that when someone tells the truth, someone else's feeling usually get hurt. You don't have to agree or disagree with anything I say or Ash says on the show. But you do have to realize you got to see 44 minutes of 2 week event and you don't know the whole story.
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May 29, 2007 6:42 AM
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Well...how about before you degrade the Silvers you walk a mile in their shoes. And you weren't judging them at all? Mmm-hmm.
So they let their children do more artistic things. Oh no! Heaven forbid! We should ban the arts! It turns you gay!
If being a real man means you bark orders at your wife, let her be harassed by the children, leave her feeling unappreciated (her own words), and have no ability to pick out your own damn clothes then sign me up for a "fake" man any day.
Your post doesn't seem to have much point... Are sports a good way for children to socialize and learn about how to be good winners and good losers? Yes. No one denies this.
But wanting to play sports and being good at them do not make you more of a man than a guy who wants to dance, or be a computer engineer, or star on Broadway. So the kid missed one frakkin' baseball tournament. Who cares? It's ONLY a game. That's right. I said it. ONLY a game--since he's only allowed to play sports he'll have a trillion other tournaments in his lifetime.
It's a shame you are proud of this small-minded attitude that if a guy likes something you don't he is automatically less of a man. Some days I have faith in this country then I read things like this.
By the way, sports ARE force-fed to those boys whether or not you think so--the difference is you find it socially acceptable for the boys to be sporty as opposed to dancing. We tend to enjoy what our parents encourage us to do. In one house last night it was dancing. In another it was sports. Both boys learned from what their parents taught them.
Yes, we should prepare our children for society. But maybe you shouldn't teach children to make fun of others because they have a pink bedroom. Or that they dance. Why are you putting the blame on the parents for "allowing" these things? I will then blame you for teaching children ignorance and bullying behavior towards those who are different.
See how that works?
Just because you like something that offends Southern sensibilities doesn't mean it's "wrong." Is their pink room hurting you? I applaud these boys for liking what they like. They were smart enough to know that were still men even though the "lovely" Ash tried to make them feel bad. Why would you purposefully try to make a child feel bad about something they like?! Dear God!
Do I think the Silvers were perfect? No. But those boys were encouraged to think outside the box and to be creative (writing songs, etc.) I was disappointed the Silver husband did not respect his son playing sports. That was also a shame. But so was disrespecting dance. It doesn't "turn you gay" to like dance or something. For crying out loud.
Such a disappointment to read that comment. Blah.
Needless to say, I agree with you Erin...
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May 29, 2007 11:32 AM
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the silvers were definitely a different family, and telling her sons that they are destined to be a star and that one was a soldier whose father had killed him (or something weird like that) is a horrible thing to do to your children; and not helpful in guiding them to becoming healthy, productive adults.
however, those pitneys were horribly rude and small-minded. the whole point of going on the show is to maybe pick up a few ideas from another family about how you might improve your own. you cant blame the stress on their mean comments and his hideous screaming. maybe that's "normal" in kentucky, but in more progressive areas it's called abuse. sheree was totally weird, and i would be extremely pissed if she told my son he was an alien. but giving those hyper boys an entire plate full of cookies right before bed----or ANY time----is a really bad idea. no wonder they were so hyper and crazed. they are not doing those boys any favors feeding them crap and allowing them to get so wound up. that much sugar and junk is not good for their growing brains and bodies.
and alan DESPERATELY needs anger management. his crazed screaming was scary. and neither of them could handle an intelligent conversation over disagreeing topics, they just yelled and called people names like a couple of children. i dont doubt their love for their children or each other for a second, they all appear to love each other very much, but they might want to consider that there is a big world out there with all kinds of different people in it. i'm so glad my family lives in a bigger, more toelrant, more interesting world.
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May 29, 2007 11:46 AM
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Personally I think the first "man" that left the comment needs to grow some balls, just like the Silver "man." Ashley Pitney couldnt have been more right in the "opinions" she was throwing out. For the love of God...he does her hair and toenails. That is not a mans job. If you want to get biblical with it, a mans role is head of the household, a man is to take charge and provide and protect the family. Not sit back and let the woman walk all over him.
Sheree is a freaking weirdo. She has serious problems if she thinks she is "expanding" her girls, i mean boys, minds. She is intorducing them the their future of gay freaks. How is mom going to feel when the boys get pinned behind a building one day and beat up becasue they are freaks of nature. Oh wait...im sure her "Spirits" will tell her its goign to happen. What boy in his right mind has a pink room? And in a house that big, they cant have thier own rooms??? What is wrong with her? Is she clinically insane?
And yes, Alan was screaming, but my God can you blame him??? Look at what he had to put up with for a week. Shes lucky he didnt back hand her. And another thing comes to mind....if all they eat is organic fruits and vegetables...how is it that the "junkies" are half their size?? Somebodys slipping a ho ho now and again if you ask me.
The Pitney boys are NOT forced to play sports, they do what they love. As Im sure you could tell they are allowed to do whatever they want when they want. And they sure as hell didnt want to dance. I think 15 years from now if you were to compare the two brothers you woudl see a dramatic difference. The Pittney boys will be normal well adjusted boys while the Silver boys are still going to be sitting at home in their pink bedroom styling each others hair.
And I hope to God they put some of that money towards fixing their teeth. Then at least they can be pretty gay boys!!!
AND HERE IN THE SOUTH, OUR MEN ARE MEN AND OUR WOMEN KNOW OUR PLACE.......
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May 29, 2007 8:33 PM
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Small minds, small argument.
I'm glad you know "your place." You can keep it. Any man who backhands me will live to regret it. No man has the right to hit a woman--and I'm sorry you think that is acceptable behavior.
BTW, I think you may have...called me a man? I am not, thank you very much.
I agree with Kimba that there is a bigger world out there and I'd rather live there where it's interesting and I'm not forced to live by rules that have no real meaning or basis in life except as "tradition."
These "Southern values" being spewed forth are nothing to brag about.
I did say the Silvers were not perfect. But those boys were able to recognize bigotry when it spat in their face.
Woo hoo. Let's brag about hating anyone who is different. YAY! If YOU want to get Biblical what about all that crap of loving thy neighbor and being tolerant? Sounds like you pick and choose which Biblical readings work for you.
This isn't Fred Phelps in disguise is it!?!
I'm so tired of the tired, tired argument that if you like pink and are a boy you must be gay! If you like to dance and are a boy you must be gay! Not all straight men are dominant personalities. I thought we were living in 2007--not 1850.
My own mother was the breadwinner in my family. What a bitch! How dare she break tradition! IS SHE CLINICALLY INSANE!!?? What have I learned!!! OH MY GOD! Oh wait, I've learned that I can stand up for myself and take care of myself and be independent. MY GOD!! What! Has! She! Done!?
Really, that's the best you can do? And who the eff cares if these boys do sit in their pink bedroom styling hair? IS IT HURTING YOU?
Note to self: Never move to Kentucky.
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May 29, 2007 9:06 PM
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AND HERE IN THE SOUTH, OUR MEN ARE MEN AND OUR WOMEN KNOW OUR PLACE.......
Posted by kentuckyprincess
You are exactly right...and my place is anywhere I want it to be. It's not being a slave to some lazy man and it's certainly not next to him and two kids in the same bed each night. Of course, I don't live in Kentucky so my idea of "my place" may be different than yours. To paraphrase Ashley, "she and Alan are like brother and sister". Husbands and wives don't live that way in the part of the South where I live.
I hate it when people generalize the whole South and make us sound like a bunch of Hillbillies and it's worse when it's done by my fellow Southerners.
While I thought the Silver's were pretty strange and I didn't agree with how they were raising their boys, they were not classless and rude. The Pitneys showed their complete lack of class during the table meeting. How immature and ignorant they appeared.
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May 29, 2007 11:04 PM
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This is Sheree Silver. I appreciate all of your kind words. I want to tell you more about my life so you can understand my work.
I have been a hypnotherapist and psychic for over twenty years. In 2005, I received my Ph.D. in Metaphysical Philosophy. You can learn more about me by visiting my website at www.shilohspiritualcenter.org.
I have written a book called “A Voice from Heaven,” which is available through my site along with my relaxation CDs.
I also want people to be aware that my son, Andrew, is not just in a writing group with older woman. The group he is part of is POW (www.pow100.com). They have children as well as men and women.
My boys were not only involved in dance and guitar. Before the show, they played golf, swam, and rode their bikes.
Justin has one very good friend who is also a dancer who spends the night often as well as other children he knows in the different activities they are involved in. Andrew and Justin have been involved in local community theater for several years, and there are other boys.
The costumes they wore to dance came from a recital they were in last year (they matched the girls’ dresses).
Thank you for watching the show. I feel happy that the work I do helped the Pitney family. In all it was a good experience.
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Jun 3, 2007 5:01 PM
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Pitney's views of gender roles peeved me, too.
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Jun 6, 2007 7:52 PM
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AND HERE IN THE SOUTH OUR MEN ARE MEN AND OUT WOMEN KNOW OUR PLACE...
And Southerners wonder why the rest of North America thinks they are a bunch of cousin-marrying, toothless, trailer park trash yokels who don't have one good brain cell to share between all of them.
Now, I know that the literacy rate in Kentucky is only 60% so it makes sense that you haven't read all the psychological studies that have confirmed that playing sports, participating in the arts and assigning the specific colours (ie. blue and pink) have absolutely no effect on how a child identifies with their gender. If you ever bothered to venture outside of your Southern bubble, you would realise that cultures all around the world have very different ideas of gender roles. Take a look at Russian male gymnasists and ballet dancers and the pride their countrymen have in them.
It's a good thing they were home schooled because children are cruel and teenagers are worse and these boys would be skinned alive at public schools.
Well, maybe the problem isn't with the home schooled boys, maybe it's with parents like you teaching your children that if someone is different they are the target of ridicule and bullying. How about rather than just accepting that your children are cruel human beings, you actually act like a parent and correct this behaviour. Teach your children empathy and compassion for all people...isn't that what Jesus preached?
Here's hoping that your baseball playing sons don't turn out like the young men who brutally murdered Matthew Shepard and Brandon Teena...passing along your ignorance and prejudice to your children is putting them right on that track.
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Jun 25, 2007 1:22 PM
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