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« Law & Order: Criminal Intent
October 31, 2006: Masquerade
"The following story is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event" (wink, wink) — which of course means: "This episode is based on a true story and features fictionalized versions of real people — but, you know, we don’t want to get sued over it or anything." Gotta love those patented Law & Order disclaimers.
Anyway, as we all know, tonight’s Criminal Intent dealt with John Mark Karr’s bogus confession last August to the murder of JonBenét Ramsey. So it was a wise move to acknowledge the source material in the first scene with our JMK stand-in, Simon Fife (who will henceforth be referred to as Sesame Logs), being taken into custody. It definitely felt weird for Goren and Eames to make their arrest at the beginning of the show, but for me, it allayed some of the fears that this would be a been-there, done-that episode because of the case's media overexposure.
And man was Sesame Logs creepy – he totally nailed the JMK vibe. And in the process, he got to deliver — with a straight face — the immortal line, “She gorged on sweet honey and sesame candies while I made love to her.” Well-played, Sesame Logs: both hilarious and nauseating — not an easy trick to pull off.
I also thoroughly enjoyed the strange rapport between him and Goren. Watching a familiar TV character serve up the much-publicized champagne-on-a-plane brought a weird level of surreality to the proceedings. And I loved how the creep told Eames later he wanted to speak to Goren because "Bobby believes me." Listen, Sesame Logs, Goren’s kinda like Robert De Niro in this respect — you can only call him Bobby if you’ve worked with the guy. And probably not even then.
It was also fun to see more interaction between Captain Danny and Goren, albeit with less friendly banter this time around. Not many people really stand up to the imposing and heavily armed (in the battle of wits) Goren. But Danny’s none-too-gentle reminder to the detective to determine guilt or innocence, not put Sesame Logs on the therapy couch, sure got a rise out of Goren. And loudly opening his can of Coke while the detective was proselytizing — that was just plain rude, but also struck me as funny for some reason.
So this episode was already pretty darn entertaining, and then in walks Liza Minnelli, stammering out a disturbing hybrid of Liza with a 'Z' and Patsy Ramsey. Between weepily clutching her dead daughter’s stuffed unicorn, belting show tunes in the kitchen and flirting (?) with D’Onof over roast chicken and a bottle of wine — just get this woman her guest-actress Emmy now.
All theatricality aside, I did find some of the episode-closing twists rather implausible. I could buy Prince Charming’s oops-I-suffocated-her routine — he sure seemed tortured enough. How about his sleazy tabloid-author dad offing I Dream of Jeannie Jr.? Well, he was obviously guilty of something from the minute he showed up on screen.
But it was the motive I had a problem with. Killing the little O.J.-hawker out of sheer panic? You’d think that if you were in the process of hiding the body of a girl your son just suffocated, you’d be relieved to learn she wasn’t actually dead — rather than, say, freaking out and bashing her head in. But maybe that’s just me.
Either way, this one was never boring, even if it occasionally crossed the boundaries of good taste — I mean, did they really need to say "We have your whore daughter" twice?
Next Week: This one looks to be sleazier still, what with pole-dancing hussies, beefy bouncers and copious gunplay. But at least we’ll have the Nothster back to crack a little wise — and maybe even a couple skulls (fingers crossed).
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Oct 31, 2006 10:57 PM
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Well, it was glaringly obvious where this story was ripped from, and I found that annoying. I think this show has the ability to be more creative than that. At first, I felt like I was watching one of those cheesy crime "re-creation" stories.
I was also a little shocked at Liza. Was she acting...or does she really talk like that? She didn't have a stoke, did she? I don't mean to be cruel, I was just shocked and am curious as to why she is the way she is.
I thought the story was OK but for some reason it seemed to drag on a little too long. I think that's what happens when the subject seems predictable.
And the new captian still strikes me as wooden. It almost sounds like he's just reading his lines. Even in his terse interation with Goren, it just didn't feel natural.
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Nov 1, 2006 9:26 AM
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I think Daddy panicked when he found the girl alive, because his son had given her a bloody nose and tried to suffocate her. He probably figured out that ShowBizMommy would have sued him, put his son in juvie and Daddy would have lost his career as an author. He killed the girl to mainly protect himself, because he threw his son and wife under the bus.
I agree, Liza Minelli was creepily good in this role. We know she's had a dysfunctional life. I don't know if she was really doing that much acting, as much as she was projecting what's inside of her.
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Nov 1, 2006 10:07 AM
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Due to Halloween Party commitments I missed theep. . .But I did record it to watch ASAP.
But this morning, just to be sure it had recorded right, I watched the preview for next week.
"I'm shocked. Just shocked." Can't wait to see what made Logan say that. Even taken out of context Noth seems to have hit that line perfectly. But that's no surprise. Like you said, glad we have Noth back to crack a little wise, and hopefulyl a couple skulls. 
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Nov 1, 2006 11:21 AM
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Stupid double post. . .Sorry
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Nov 1, 2006 11:21 AM
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I'm so glad this show is getting better ratings on this new night. Though it isn't always a no-brainer to figure out who the perp is, it's still nice to just watch Goren and Emes. I've watched this show since day one and even watch repeats on Bravo and USA. I liked the way Liza flirted with Goren. She looked slimmed down and her acting wasn't over the top like I thought she'd play it. Since reading that Rita Moreno will be playing Goren's Mother in future episodes, am excited that we'll be knowing more of his personal life. I like Chris Noth's Logan, too, but CI will always be the Goren/Emes show. Also I think it's a hoot that they've done a take-off on Nancy Grace a couple times now...LOL.
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Nov 1, 2006 1:30 PM
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I'm loving this season, both sets of detectives. Loved the Faith Nancy (is that her name?)cameo on tv with Nasty Dad. And Liza was perfect.
Hadn't heard about Rita Moreno- awesome! Think she'll walk into the precinct yelling "Hey You Guys!!!" ?
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Nov 1, 2006 9:31 PM
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To iliketowatchtv: I think that Liza looked the way she did because she has had WAY too much plastic surgery.
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Nov 2, 2006 6:30 AM
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The last poster certainly nailed the reasons for Liza's current "look". And TVGUide Todd....I think you are jumping the gun by thinking Ms Minnelli will walk away with an Emmy for this performance. You undoubtedly missed Leslie Caron's guest appearance on Law and Order: SVU as Lorraine Delmas, in an episode entitled "Recall". To say that Ms Caron blew Ms Minnelli away would be an understatement.
Remember, you heard it here first kiddies...now listen to Mother!
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Nov 2, 2006 7:31 PM
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Like the last poster, I too was impressed by Leslie Caron's performance, which was way above the usual TV standard.
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May 28, 2007 12:34 PM
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