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« Desperate Housewives
January 14, 2007: Not While I'm Around
First thing I need to say right off the bat is how funny I thought the show was tonight. Not that I don't always think it's humorous, but I found it even funnier than normal. So I must commend the writers co-executive producer Kevin Murphy and producer Kevin Etten for a hilarious script. There were so many great lines, but I think my favorite was Lynette to Tom after Tom told her he wasn't inviting her to the opening of his new restaurant due to her snarky attitude, which made Lynette say no to sex. Tom: "So we're not havin' sex?" Lynette: "Hey you banned me from your opening." Shut up. To think that Lynette had to expose her breasts to that old man Harry (Richard Herd) just to get him to sign off on Tom's liquor license. What a wife won't do for her husband. Mrs. McCluskey was an excellent inspiration for Lynette, so Kathryn Joosten was able to deliver one of the episode's many other zingers (re: Tom): "It's bad enough you cut off his cojones. Now you want to juggle them?" Good thing Lynette found out all the info that Tom was hiding from her. It was nice for Lynette to convince Tom that he wasn't a loser just because she helped him out: "We are a team."
The couple that I'm glad won't be a team anymore is Austin and Julie. Luckily, Julie found out calmly from Susan about Austin's secret relationship with slutty Danielle. Such a sweet, motherly way for Susan to preface it to her daughter: "I wish there was a pill you could take to protect your heart." What perfect timing it was earlier for Susan and Edie to walk in and discover Austin and Danielle cavorting on the couch, right after Edie told Susan that Austin loved Julie. Yeah, right. Earlier, Nicollette Sheridan's best line was when Edie was told by Julie that "condoms are only 85 percent effective." "Is it true? Damn. I thought I could coast all the way to menopause." Later, the best line of Teri Hatcher's was when Susan was on the phone with the doctor that prescribed the birth control pills to Julie and said that "Julie's mother" gave parental consent. Susan (after the doctor described Julie's mother as being blonde and Susan saw Edie outside): "I don't have blonde hair. Wait. Did my blonde hair have dark roots?" It had been a while since we were treated to a Susan/Edie bitchfest, so the writers gave us some doozies. Susan to Edie: "You might've gotten your first diaphragm with milk money, but that doesn't give you the right to corrupt my daughter." That was followed by (in reference to Julie): "She's just a boob job away from being you." Please, please, please I want Edie to be on this much every week! Are you with me here, people?
Not only was Edie involved with the Susan/Julie story line, she was also aggravating Bree by selling the Applewhite house to Alma. So we got a tad more, but only tidbits, about Orson's past Gloria Hodge had told Alma that Orson did something (we dont yet know exactly what) to Monique and that Orson ran over Mike Delfino (we already knew that, but we didn't know anyone else knew). We also know that Alma's living across the street from Orson because she wants him back, even though Orson doesn't love her. She's not the woman she used to be: "I'm stronger and more confident." Obviously. Best Bree/Orson dialogue was Orson to Bree: "I will get Alma out of that house. I don't care if I have to live up to my reputation and strangle her." Bree: "Oh, you're a good husband." I like when mysterious things happen, such as Bree finding the photo of Orson and Monique, along with a handful of someone's teeth. Monique's, can we assume? That Alma brilliantly taught her bird to say "Don't tell Bree" in front of Bree killed me. And how about Bree at the very end of the episode, with the teeth in her hand, calling and leaving a message for Orson to come home soon and then grabbing for her gun while looking out the window and seeing a smiling Alma wave to her? Was she wanting to shoot Alma or Orson... or just protect herself from either of them? Oh, the mystery. What isn't a mystery is the way they are filming the pregnant Marcia Cross. Interesting how all the neighbors sit on their porches at night without a jacket, but Bree walks around during the day wearing that overcoat. 
How many of you were surprised to find out Gabrielle's big spender/secret admirer was Zach Young? I was, even though I saw Cody Kasch's name in the opening credits as a guest star. But I thought Zach was going to be seen visiting Paul at the prison. Nope. Umm... can we talk about Zach's hair? I was thinking that maybe he'd been away because he was touring the country as the lead in Tarzan. Perhaps entering a Charlie's Angels look-alike contest? We knew Gaby wasn't going to be attracted to Zach, but he sure did have a good comeback for her when she told him he was "way too young" for her: "I'm two months older than John Rowland." Only Gaby could come up with an even better comeback: "For God's sake, Zach. Don't hijack a Ferrari if you don't know how to drive." I loved that Carlos followed Gaby on her mystery date just to protect her and kept the offer open to always protect her when need be.
As for Paul Young, I was happy the prison guard told Mike that Paul had paid the thugs to beat Mike up to make it look like he was protecting Mike. Hopefully this will jog Mike's memory so that he'll remember his past with Paul and that Paul's son Zach is actually Mike's son Zach. I agree with those of you who said that Mike without a memory = Mike without a personality, so I hope he gets his memory back soon and they play Celine Dion's "It's All Coming Back to Me."
If you haven't done so already, go here to read my colleague Matt Webb Mitovich's awesome interview with Dixie Carter. Among other things, you'll find out why Dixie's been MIA the last few episodes. But thankfully, she'll be back.
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Jan 15, 2007 6:49 AM
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Hey Dave....I have to agree with every single word of your commentary. The show was great last night. I do, however, think we haven't seen the last of Julie and Austin. I mean...they did keep throwing that 85% effective condom rate around....Julie may be pregnant...and then Susan and Edie would have LOTS to chat about.
Nycgar
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Jan 15, 2007 9:39 AM
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I also thought last night's episode was hilarious. Zach's hair was hysterical, whether they intended it to be or not. I get that they wanted to make him look different, but - maybe some facial hair would have given him an older more mature look? Instead of a, um, feminine look?
Besides for being surprised about Zach being Gaby's admirer, I was really surprised when Susan and Edie walked in on Austin and Danielle. I thought that would get dragged out into a whole blackmail situation, which Bree's children seem to specialize in.
Oh, and I'm trying to decide whether I would be happy or upset if Julie was pregnant - I think it would depend on which situation would cause Austin to leave Wisteria Lane.
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Jan 15, 2007 10:12 AM
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i also thought that last nights episode was funny. i would of never of thought that zack was gabi's secret admirer. i didnt see that one coming a mile away. when gabi walked away from zack was yelling at my tv for her to say "and cut that hair." isnt it bad enough that us days of our lives fans has to witness wills hair on a daily basis, and now we have to see this mop mess. i wonder if zack knows about mike.
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Jan 15, 2007 11:53 AM
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I thought the funniest scenes were with Carlos and Gabby. He was especially hilarious last night.
Also really liked Lynette and Tom's scenes together.
Oh heck, I enjoyed the whole show.
More Edie!!!!
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Jan 15, 2007 12:34 PM
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Spot on commentary. I must admit I cheated a little bit and pretty much guessed that Zach was the admirer. I checked out IMDB last week. They only had 2 guest star names for this episode listed at the time. Since I did not know one of them, I assumed Zach would have to be the one. Why do I love my spoilers so much??
More Edie for sure. I read that she will be stepping up quite a bit more in the wake of Marcia's reduced workload. I hope that is true and look forward to it.
Loved Mrs. McClusky again last night. They need to keep her around! Plus, it helps the writers explain away why Lynette's youngest is rarely around.
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Jan 15, 2007 12:45 PM
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Yikes to Zack's hair! It was actually quite distracting. I did like the "I'm two months older than John Rowland" comment. That was funny.
So, I'm thinking that Alma killed Monique and pulled her teeth to make it look like Orson did it, so she could blackmail him into staying with her, or coming back to her. I think Bree is afraid of her, and that's why she had the gun, not 'cuz she was going to kill either of them.
I loved Lynette telling Tom that they were a team. If I were Lynette I'd be a bit worried that he seems to think she always wears the pants in the family. Hopefully this pep talk will make him feel better. She is a strong woman, but isn't that who he married? When the show started she said she was the one with the big career, and gave it up for the family. It's just who she is. I kinda wanted to slap him when he was being so whiney about it all. So I'm glad she told him they were a team. Loved her showing her boobs to get the license.
I don't think Julie will get pregnant. I think the show was doing a PSA with all the 85% effective stuff on the condoms. I used to watch Young and the Restless and they did this stuff all the time. When Victoria first had sex with Ryan I thought I would throw up if one more character made sure to tell her to use a laytex condom. Just a way of letting the public know some much needed info. How many of us realized that? Even Edie didn't know that (one would think that she would know that already-right?).
Next week looks very good. I won't post any spoilers if you don't watch them, but it should be fun on all fronts. People that were getting a little miffed at the show should be happy. It seems to be swinging back into first season terrific mode. 
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Jan 15, 2007 1:43 PM
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I have to agree with everyone about more Nicolette Sheridan!! I've been whining about this since last season. Thankfully, last night was positively "Edie-licious"!!
I also LOVED the Zach twist! I did not see that coming at all.
Is anyone else tired of Bree? I like the Orson storyline but her character has gotten tiresome.
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Jan 15, 2007 2:06 PM
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I agree this episode was loaded with great lines. Another favorite, when Gabby was on the phone with Zach - "I'm not the world's most beautiful woman. All right, maybe top ten." Especially funny given Eva's constant appearance on all those magazine lists!
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Jan 15, 2007 2:38 PM
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Didn't like the Zach twist. So I guess that's one thing I can live without. Usually not a Teri Hatcher fan, but she was great last night......I laughed out loud when she came down the stairs on her belly!
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Jan 15, 2007 2:43 PM
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Stop it with Celine singing It's all coming back to me! Maybe the prison will break out into song and dance too!
I have to agree with you that this was a very funny episode! DH is BACK!
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Jan 15, 2007 3:43 PM
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I love Gabrielle and Carlos scenes. And Susan and Edie scenes. And how Gabrielle was so intuitive about where Julie was hiding her pills. I haven't watched a single episode of the 3rd season until this one but if it's anything like what I saw last night, I've been missing out.
Lynette has always been my least favorite of the housewives because I found her too shrill and overbearing with her pushover husband but she really showed how she can be a strong woman but still be likeable in this episode. Definitely the best I've seen of Tom and Lynette.
I agree about Zack's hair. I couldn't think about anything else while it was on the screen. I'm pretty sure they actually fluffed it to make it bigger. Best line of the night has to be Gabrielle's ferrari quip.
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Jan 15, 2007 4:06 PM
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Did I miss something. When did Tom hire Andrew to work at his Pizza place? I would much rather John Rowland had been the admirer.
It was a joke that he thought Gabriel would take him serious with that hair even if he is in the fourtane 4000 with a penthouse and a swiss chatoue(sp). Besides i thought Zach was all into Julie. Why his sudden interest in Gabby?
Also was the dress delivered with the price tage still attached? How could Gabby know it was a 6000 dollar dress?
Loved that cabby was terrified but not enough to get rid of the dress. LOL
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Jan 15, 2007 4:49 PM
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Being desperate house wives and hearing rumors that a characyer would be pregnant I wouldn't count anyone out. We know Alma wants to get pregnant. How ever we could see Julie and Daniel both get pregnant from Austin.
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Jan 15, 2007 4:51 PM
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With Gaby's fashion background and expensive tastes, it wouldn't be a stretch for her to know how much that dress cost.
Weren't Zach and Julie were the same age, which would put him at about 16. I couldn't stop laughing at his hair, though. I like how both Zach and Paul were brought back into the storylines.
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Jan 15, 2007 9:00 PM
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