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« American Idol
January 30, 2007: The Tears of David Hasselhoff
Word of the day: Overwhell. No, not overwhelm, just overwhell….
We’ve arrived in Birmingham — the home of Bo Bice, Taylor Hicks and Ruben Studdard. Frankly, I haven’t seen much of any of them over the past year. Now 11,000 potential American Idols await their fates.
Please, someone, tell me what was up with Ms. Abdul? She was definitely on something. She was up, she was down, and that was only during day one. She didn’t even bother to show up for day two.
Another night full of many wastes-of-time and only 20 make it to Hollywood. (Thank God, or Simon?)
I was terrified when the woman who uttered the word “hisself” was sent to Hollywood. Evidently, correct grammar is not a necessary attribute of an American Idol. Jamie Lynn Ward, aka the Blue-eyed Bombshell, had a boob job and a nose job and couldn’t have been 20 years old. Though after hearing her life story, she deserves whatever happiness she can find. Her father shot her step-mom, no mention of whether he killed her or not, after which he shot and paralyzed himself, pardon me, hisself. (And why is he not in jail?) I did think she had a pretty voice, however tame. Did anyone else notice that not only were the knees of her jeans missing, but there was a tear in the side hip where her flesh was signaling through? Jamie and her exposed skin made it through to Hollywood. My prediction: she’s ousted in the first two weeks and back to caring for daddy.
The two best singers in Birmingham were Chris Sligh and Tatiana McConnico. OK, Bernard Williams was good, too.
Tatiana McConnico is a 17-year-old wunderkind who came off with a remarkable maturity for her young age. She attends a performing arts high school, and it showed as soon as she opened her mouth. She was very professional and sang, "Never Loved a Man the Way I Love You." I always worry when these girls pick singers like Aretha and Christina to audition with, but Tats won the right in Alabama. Randy offered that Tatiana’s “might be the best voice he’s (sic) gonna hear in Birmingham.” And I agree. She’s young, has a cute look and could lay it down.
Bernard Williams II was good looking but needed some dental work done. I figured, since Erica Skye was not sent to Hollywood, and she was in school to be a dental hygienist, perhaps she could do the work for him. He unfortunately chose "Rock with You," which is a lousy song for an audition, if you ask me, but he actually sounded pretty darn good. Simon said he was “very good," but Paula thought he was off key. I just have one question: Was she high? Bernard looked to Randy to save him by calling him “dawg.” Randy, of course, responding to that term like dog to Pavlov’s bell, gave him the second yes to send him through to Hollywood.
Meanwhile, Chris Sligh, another candidate for a haircut by a sassy L.A. stylist, (remember Castro?) had a unique look, but had the pipes to send him on through. He sang Seal’s "Kiss from a Rose," a rather difficult tune to sing, and sang it well. It was a good choice for him. He’s no Sundance Head, but he’s got something. Perhaps we can get the trainers from The Biggest Loser to come on and get these boys into a manageable weight. Chris had another thing going for him; he was genuinely funny. When asked why he wanted to audition, he said, “I want to make David Hasselhoff cry,” referring to the tear in the eye of the beholder after Taylor Hicks won last year. His after-audition chat included the line, “Paula crumbled in my chubby little hands.”
Victoria Watson, of the Crystal Gayle hair, is worth mentioning only because I think she has had the best response to why she was auditioning, saying that she thought she would be a “good role model and wanted to touch people's hearts” with her music. The judges, Simon and Randy, the only two present at this audition, saw her as a very nice person, but a lousy singer. Too bad she couldn’t pull off the Josh Groban song she chose.
OK, so those were the good. The bad and the ugly were definitely in town. We had Margaret Fowler who was 26, 33 or 50. I would have guessed 56, but who’s counting? She was wearing a shocking yellow outfit she referred to as her “frilly look to go with my golden ticket,” which she was never going to get in this lifetime. Randy did beat-box to her rendition of a song that was unrecognizable in this universe. Lakia Hill had overly-long nails that were in line with the fact that listening to her sing was like hearing nails dragged down a chalkboard. Oh, you all remember that sound! Simon’s response to her audition was, “What the hell was that?”
The one I would have voted "yes" for was Team Nicole. I thought she could sing, but Simon and Randy agreed she was too nasally and not ready. I thought she was better than a few contestants they put through, but maybe she’ll be back next year. My only worry about her was that she called Bonnie Raitt "Bonnie Ray-itt." Ouch. She had a pretty mature voice for a 17-year-old. Simon thought she was old-fashioned. I’ll bet he is, (fortune cookie).
I’m grateful this show was only one hour. I can’t wait to hear all the good singers side by side and be rid of the jokes that show up. I understand that people just want to be on TV and will do anything to get there. But the ones who actually think they are good and just completely suck, where do they get this? It’s painful to watch and I think the show would benefit from cutting down the terrible and ridiculous and just showing us the good stuff all along. Good TV doesn’t have to include people making complete fools of themselves. But that’s just one person’s opinion.
And so we’re off to Hollywood, or the Rose Bowl, to be more specific. American Idol ends up in L.A. See you later!
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Jan 31, 2007 2:04 AM
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Paula, it's Josh Groban, not Grobin. The girl that attempted the song had great hair but not the greatest voice.
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Jan 31, 2007 2:10 AM
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Great recap Paula. I thought it was funny when they played the Sesame Street theme during Ms. Fowler's "getting to know you" thing. Too funny!
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Jan 31, 2007 2:20 AM
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i also thought that some of the best singers that made it to hollywood was tatiana, chris, and bernard. chris had me rolling about wanting to make david hasselholf cry. but he said that people compared him to jack black, i think he resembles jack osbourne espically with the hair. and bernard williams is cute. hope he goes to the top 12. there hasnt been a cute guy in the top 12 for awhile now.
i couldnt believe she even said that bernard was off key. she must of been on something to say that. she needs to look in the mirror sometimes.
i think team nicole will be back next year for tryouts. she was way too good.
and ryan defianlty had a great big grin about jamie lynn.
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Jan 31, 2007 2:57 AM
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OK, cool - I also thought Paula was nuts when she said Bernard Williams was off key. And I also thought Nicole deserved to go to Hollywood. Glad to see I wasn't alone here...
Chris cracked me up and I loved his voice - I'll be looking forward to him in the Hollywood round. More funny comments!
American Idol - Birmingham Recap
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Jan 31, 2007 6:59 AM
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I can't believe you forgot to mention Brandy, the last audition of the night! How hilarious was it that she thought the floor was the problem?!? And then Simon and Randy let her sing again on the carpet. Talk about delusional. Where do these people come from?
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Jan 31, 2007 8:50 AM
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Paula was terrible last night- scary. I seriously wonder what she's on? Then when she didn't show on day 2 I figured she was sleeping it off- whatever it was. That woman needs help.
On to the singers- Chris was the bright spot for me. Not only could he sing (and sing Seal at that) but he actually made me laugh out loud- and he's the only one to do that so far this season!
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Jan 31, 2007 8:57 AM
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surely, out of 100,000 people, there are more talented singers than the 20 that got sent through...the producers obviously do not allow us to see some of the maybes...does not make for good tv...
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Jan 31, 2007 10:03 AM
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I just cant believe they sent through the girl who talked like she was 3. OMG! It was like nails on a chalkboard! And her sining, IMO, wasnt good enough especially since Nicole wasnt let thru. I think she would have improved and should have been given the chance. If squeeky 3 yr old and the Castro dude could get thru, she was robbed.
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Jan 31, 2007 10:34 AM
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Chris Sligh was definitely good and funny. The rest of Birmingham pretty much sucked. Seems their hospitality put the judges (particularly Simon) in a great mood, though. His interaction with Brandy (she was crazy, and not in a good way) was funny.
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Jan 31, 2007 10:58 AM
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Chris and Sundance can REALLY sing, no matter what how much they weigh. Tsk tsk for the snotty weight comments.
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Jan 31, 2007 11:19 AM
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I keep hearing people say they need to get rid of the bad singers and get right to the good singers. That is silly.
What made AI so successful was seeing the process and opening it up. Typically these people wouldn't even get to a record producer to audition, but the whole premise of the show is...what if they could? How would a record producer (the judges) respond.
If you take away this part of the show...you have every other talent show ever produced. I think sometimes they hit below the belt with some of them, but for the most part, if these people want to make idiots of themselves on TV...bring them on.
Also, everyone is on Paula for being drunk or looney or a little of both. For the most part I will say I agree (athough I see the inate humor in it and so I don't find it all that bad). However, the one thing I will say in her defense is...you sit in a chair for 6-8 hours auditioning people and see how punchy you get.
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Jan 31, 2007 12:20 PM
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I really liked Chris and I remember Randy saying that his season favorite was a curly haired guy who didn’t look like an American Idol so I think that’s him. I love “Kiss from a Rose” and he sang it well, I was right there with Paula swooning. And out of all the contestants, he’s the one I like most personality-wise. He seems down to earth and has a good head on his shoulders and while I love the crack baby stories and the paraplegic parents, it’s nice to just have someone normal come in, sing well and not have any drama surrounding them. And the David Hasselhoff line was classic! I love the Hoff!
As for Margaret Fowler, first off, lying about your age so drastically is pathetic. Secondly, if anyone lives in the LA area, they had her on the news after House where she was giving an impromptu performance in a Jack in the Box or something. I realize that news programs will want to capitalize on Idol’s popularity but seriously, I avoided the news solely for that purpose.
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Jan 31, 2007 12:29 PM
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So the hell what about Paula. Everyone get off her case. Whatever she is or is not on is no one's business. Seems like more time is spent musing about Paula than anything else. If she does her job, and apparently the producers think she is, then unless your signing her checks, lay off.
As for the rest of the show, seemed like more candidates were from everywhere but Alabama, which is fine. At least those we saw. I do believe that most of those who get through are never seen by the TV viewers until the Hollywood show. Gotta save some surprises. But the rejects were interesting. The gal whose dad shot his wife, then himself and is now paralyzed, well, that could be a fabrication, could be true. Reminds me of a gal named Kelly from last season.
I am skeptical by nature so don't blast me for my opinion. Why would someone make something like that up? Because it's so verifiable? Ignorant people do ignorant things for example, why are newspapers filled with the goings-on of stupid criminals. Because they are just too stupid to think they will be caught. Same here.
But then again----
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Jan 31, 2007 12:34 PM
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IF ANYONE IS WONDERING ABOUT JAMIE LYNN TELLING THE TRUTH ABOUT HER STEP MOM AND HER DAD BEING SHOT GO TO AMERICAN IDOL'S WEBSITE AND GO TO THE MESSAGE BOARDS THERE IS A WRITE UP ABOUT IT SOMEONE SENT IN A MESSAGE TELLING THAT SHE LIED ABOUT SOME OF THE DETAILS
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Jan 31, 2007 12:47 PM
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