Gilmore Girls

It’s really over. As hard as it is to write those words, I actually feel like I am able to let go. I had a lot of help, actually. It took a village. Every single person in the wonderfully quirky Stars Hollow made it easier to say goodbye to Rory as she left her tiny town for wide-open America. And it was bittersweet.

Who else but Luke would gather everyone to plan a huge last-minute surprise party for Rory in the town square? And when the forecast (aka Babette’s swollen ankles) called for rain, he collected tarps and raincoats to sew together a tent. Sure enough, it was pouring on celebration day when Lorelai and Rory pulled up in their Jeep as all of Stars Hollow huddled beneath that tent. I loved that panning shot of the happy faces that we’ve gotten to know over the past seven years: Zack, Liz, Kirk, Lane, Michel, Lulu, Brian, Gypsy, Miss Patty, Babette, Morey, Taylor, Jackson, Sookie and a wide-grinning Luke all clapping and cheering for Rory. “I can’t believe you pulled it off,” Lorelai told Sookie as she looked around in amazement at all the decorations. Sookie was more than happy to correct her. “It was all Luke. He made me promise not to tell you, but I don’t care…. He must have stayed up all night doing this.” That’s when she realized this farewell gathering wasn’t all about Rory. And she was right. “I just want to see you happy,” Luke told Lorelai when she thanked him for all his hard work. Then came the moment: The Kiss. Yes, what we’ve been waiting for all season. We’ll never get to see those two underneath a wedding canopy, or the huppah that Luke once built for Lorelai. But they’ll be there. Because we saw The Kiss. And that’s proof enough for me.

I was glad to see Richard and Emily at the festivities, even though they stood alone in a corner. (Considering they never tried to be a part of Lorelai’s special enclave, it was actually the perfect spot for them.) Dick praised Rory at his cocktail soiree but finally turned his affections to Lorelai. “It takes a remarkable person to inspire all of this,” he told his shocked daughter. Only took him 22 years to praise her for the way she raised Rory. Typically grumpy and dour Em eventually cheered up when Lorelai agreed to continue Friday night dinners — no spas, no tennis courts, no strings attached. Looks like the Gilmores agreed to a peace treaty, and without Rory as barter!

Of course, Rory wouldn’t be Rory if she didn’t land a fantastic gig. Who needs the New York Times when you’ve got Obama, the bus and the campaign? Wonder if she placed that call to Christiane Amanpour after meeting her at the Dragonfly. Nice cameo! The news goddess actually seemed comfortable in an acting role. “Get in there, do what you can, show them what you’ve got and the rest will take care of itself,” she encouraged Rory. Great advice, from her idol, no less.

It’s nearly impossible to pick a favorite moment, but mine was the final scene at the diner. “What a delightful menu! In such a lovely font! We need a minute, we can’t decide,” they told Luke, who’d opened up at 5 am just for them. (Oh, and in case you didn’t catch it, Rory complimented Lorelai on her pretty necklace. Yep, Luke gave it to her!) We left our girls just as we found them in the pilot: bantering over coffee as the camera slowly pulled back from the diner window. Bon voyage, Lorelai and Rory. We’ll really miss you.


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I’m shocked. Totally and completely shocked. Not that Rory turned down Logan’s public marriage proposal. (You never want the answer to be, “Will you come talk to me, outside?”) No, I can’t believe she gave back the ring the same day she got her diploma. “I graduated today. It was supposed to be the happiest day of my life. Now when I look back on it, I’m just going to think about this horrible thing that happened,” she told Lorelai. So she couldn’t wait one day? Guess not. Maybe that’s because deep down she always knew she could never marry the guy. Did you see her face when Logan said goodbye and walked away for good? Lorelai looked more anguished during the proposal. Rory just didn’t seem all that devastated over such a “horrible thing.” Sorry, Rory and Logan fans. I know you’re upset, probably more so than Rory. I’m upset too — that we didn’t get to see the huge rock he probably gave her. Aren’t you the least bit curious?

That said, it was wonderful to see Rory in cap and gown walking across the podium to get her diploma. (Did we know her middle name was Leigh?) Loved how Lorelai didn’t try to hold back her tears of joy as she and Christopher gave Rory a standing ovation. Even Paris looked happy (with sexy blonde curls!) as she threw her arms around Rory and told her she could achieve anything. For once, I think she really meant it.

Meanwhile, I love that there’s still serious tension between Luke and Lorelai, even after they made up in the hay maze. Yeah, I know there's only one last chance for them to pull it together. But these two are stubborn and neither is known for budging. Lorelai was thisclose when she tested the waters at the diner. That is, until Luke heard her tell Miss Patti and Babette that the big serenade “meant nothing.” His huge smile collapsed, his voice got flat and he handed her the coffee and donuts to go. Ugh! Lor had a chance to make nice when she ran into Luke and told him the big news about Rory. He seemed glad that she hadn’t made up her mind. But who were they really talking about?

Luke: Some people need time.
Lorelai: Or they’re never ready.
Luke: Well, I wouldn’t say never. They want to be careful. They’re a little slower to make sure it’s right.
Lorelai: You can’t always be 100 percent sure. Sometimes you take a leap of faith.
Luke: You have to know what you’re leaping into.
Lorelai: After all this time, how can you not know?
Luke: Who not know?
Lorelai: Rory.
Luke: Right. Rory.

All together now: yeah, riiiight. Why, why, why didn’t she respond, "you!" Sigh. Another missed opportunity. Same for Luke when he decided not to give her the necklace that matched her eyes. And so Lorelai walked away alone, down that same empty street, yet again. We’ve seen that sad scene before and it’s still hard to watch. Let’s hope that next week’s series finale brings the joy that everyone has always deserved.

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We have just witnessed the power that is Gilmore. Who else could turn a reckless, rakish, rebellious little rich boy into a responsible, polite, mature grown man? And who else could make a rough, hardened, jaded tough-guy tear up over a love song? Yep, those are our girls!

So Logan is going to ask Rory to marry him! And he actually went to Lorelai’s house to ask her permission. Now, usually I would write this off as one of his typical smooth moves. But you know what? He had me at “I came here to see you, Lorelai.” This wasn’t just some old-fashioned formality. He really, really wanted her approval. And he thought he’d get it. After all, they’d just bonded over late-night pie and ice cream. She told him she believed he had cleaned up his act, that he didn’t need to convince her anymore. But there’s one teeny-tiny problem: Lorelai’s reaction. The last time we saw that devastated look was when she woke up next to Christopher, not Luke. (That brilliant final shot has to finally earn Lauren Graham an Emmy nod.) So what is it? Was she caught off guard? Did she realize that the two Gilmores will no longer be one? Or does she feel deep down that he is wrong for Rory? Hard to say. But she doesn’t have to love Logan, Rory does. And she’s always supported her daughter. “You could never disappoint me. Ever. Ever. Ever,” she told Rory when she didn’t get the fellowship. So you know she’ll say yes.

Maybe it was too much to process. After all, she’d gone out the night before for a fun night of karaoke and ended up serenading Luke. It started off as a cheesy tribute to Rory: “Here’s another embarrassing moment for your diary, kid! Happy Graduation!” Then out came a shaky but sweet version of “I Will Always Love You.” (A little more Dolly than Whitney, but impressive nonetheless!) But just as she started to sing about “bittersweet memories, that’s all I’ll take with me,” Luke walked in. And suddenly, everyone at KC’s Bar knew it wasn’t about Rory anymore. As Lorelai warbled her way through the goodbye song about “joy and happiness,” Luke actually got choked up and teary-eyed. His rare display of emotion probably got Lorelai through that song. In the end he nodded and smiled. And I was wiping back tears.

Good thing this ep wasn’t entirely emotional. We finally got to see Lane with the twins, and she’s totally rocking motherhood. She’s so cool, she’s willing to stay home and give Zack the chance to tour for two months with Vapor Rub. (Hilarious moniker, and apparently more famous than Hep Alien if they’re playing Roseland and the Bowery Ballroom.) And Paris wouldn’t be Paris if she didn’t throw a party for her future Harvard Med School classmates just to size up the competition.

Rory’s future seems shaky, as the rejection letters pour in and she’s turned down by the newspaper she’d just dissed. Apparently the Pro Jo is looking pretty good these days. At least she admitted that she was cocky about landing the fellowship, figuring she was “so in.” When a meltdown ensued, mom came to her rescue with the pep talk (“Every setback is a setup for future accomplishments”), junk food (the diner, natch) and, of course, shopping. How can you not love this woman? I bet Luke is asking himself the same exact thing.

Let’s get the worst part out of the way first: Rory didn’t get the fellowship. I’ll admit it, at first I was a little surprised, especially after Paris opened acceptance letter after acceptance letter. But sometimes the best opportunities don’t go to the best people, a lesson Rory has finally learned. Remember, this is the girl who breezed right into prestigious Chilton, was accepted to both Harvard and Yale, landed a top spot at the best college newspaper in the country and then became its editor-in-chief. These things don’t just happen to your typical journalist. At some point, that chance-of-a-lifetime will be given to someone else. But without the risk, there is no fellowship. So good for you, Ror, for going for your dream job. And don’t worry, we’ll be seeing your byline really soon.

Now, what to make of Luke and Lorelai? At first I thought the car shopping would go smoothly. You know, an afternoon of witty repartee, lots of bonding over Hummers, hybrids and hatchbacks. Not exactly. Luke wanted her in something safe and sturdy. Lorelai wanted “that feeling.” (Hate to tell her, but she’s not going to get that on a car lot.) It took three cars before almost a year’s worth of pretenses and politeness was immediately dropped. She was picky. He got mad. She got fussy. He was frustrated. She got irrational. He snapped. (My favorite line, courtesy of TV-obsessed Lorelai: “Jack Bauer should torture his suspects by making them go car shopping with their exes.”)

Really? 'Cause in the end, Jack always gets what he wants. And wouldn’t you know it, so did both Luke and Lorelai. He went online, found the exact model Jeep, negotiated the price down $1,500, then asked Gypsy to put the good engine inside Lorelai's old car. Voila! Same Jeep, memories intact, moving forward required, moving on not needed. After a day like that, Luke still swooped in and came through for Lorelai in a big way. But is that old song and dance really the best thing for those two? Something to think about....

I’m not sure which intrigued me more: Lorelai’s rejuvenated Jeep or her demolished dollhouse. It was sort of funny to see Jackson tiptoeing around her house, putting away his shoes and socks, picking up his towel from the bathroom floor. Then the clumsy dude had to touch the only meaningful thing from Lorelai’s childhood — which naturally meant he’d drop it, fall on it, then smash it to pieces like a silly old clod in a really bad cartoon. But if you think about it, that’s the last thing Lorelai was holding onto from her past. No more Christopher. No more Friday night dinners. No more debt or servitude to Em and Dick. And the replication of her old life: the tiny Victorian furniture, the mini Oriental carpets, the itty-bitty crystal chandeliers, the petite porcelain dinnerware and silver place settings? A pile of shards in her living room. Yeah, I’m going with the dollhouse. Sometimes it takes total destruction, not rebuilding, to really move forward. I can only hope she'll figure that out in time.

This was one of those episodes. You know, if you turned away for a just a minute to grab another Diet Coke, you missed Lorelai and Logan making nice. In the middle of the night. In her kitchen. Who’d have thought, right? Well, come to think of it, a lot of loose strings were nicely tied up in this ep. Here are a few of my faves:

1. Luke and Lorelai make up. Sure they’ve run into each other tons of times and always do the awkward small talk. Lorelai’s answer to Luke’s “How are you?” is always “polite, succinct, fine.” But when Lorelai runs into Luke while stranded in the middle of Taylor’s dopey hay maze (symbolism alert!) they really did have the perfect conversation. First, Lor apologized for running off to be with Chris that night. (And yeah, why didn’t she do that sooner? Not cool.) Then Luke fessed up to using April as a way to push away Lorelai. (It took a custody battle and her cross-country move to figure that one out? Oh well, I’ll take it.) Loved how Lorelai noticed April's silver Apache bracelet, a sign of Luke’s commitment to his daughter. Even better? When Luke showed Lor out of the maze. Hmm… now what do you think that sign means?

2. Logan does a Gilmore. Minds out of the gutter, please. I am talking about the much-needed appeal Logan made to his girlfriend’s mother, after a very long and shaky history with Rory. And then there’s the recent matter of losing millions on a shady business deal. Smart idea to bury the hatchet. But I thought it was extra smooth to remind Lorelai that he is now doing exactly what she did: leaving a life of wealth and privilege to make it on his own. A little too Sybil for me. (Wasn’t he just playing the role of Christopher Hayden?) But hey, if the wasted Yalie is going to finally remove the silver spoon from his mouth and pay for his own credit card bills, well Boola! Boola! as they say at his alma mater.

3. Rory ditches The Pro Jo for The NYT. Gutsy move for the logical planner girl who does up a pro/con list in the middle of the night on her laptop. I had a feeling she’d go for the fellowship — and not just because of all her waffling about Providence, or whether it would be better to be a big fish in a small pond or a small fish in a big pond. You can’t be around Logan without being a little inspired by his cojones. So she ditched the sure thing for the long shot. She might not get the coveted internship, but this writer says she still made the right move. Go for your dreams and start early.

4. April grows up. OK, she’s still sort of a geek: the brainiac books on vacation, the hypertalk and the endless prattling of random facts. But I did laugh out loud when she said New England “can, like, suck it” because it’s not nearly as old as the ancient pueblos in New Mexico. (Full disclosure: I lived in Boston for almost 10 years.) The bracelet was sweet — especially when April told Luke, "the Apache say turquoise is like a piece of sky that falls to the earth" — and so was helping him out at the diner when he was swamped with orders. Was it just me, or did her super-long, super-straight dark hair and those new brown glasses remind you of Kennedy, that old VJ from MTV? They even talk alike. Scary.

Runners-up:
— Zack and Lane name the twins Kwan and Steve. I was hoping for something more rock and roll, but let’s wait for their explanation.
— Logan put on pants, a shirt, socks and shoes to get a drink of water in the middle of the night. You know, just in case Lorelai sees him and thinks he’s David Hasselhoff.
— Hay became a symbol of spring in Stars Hollow. Don’t they save the mazes for Octoberfest?
— The commercials. OK, was that Alyssa Milano all sexed up in that hot silk dress, shilling for depilatory cream??? Fine, she’s got a great body. But I really don’t care how she deals with her hairy legs. If that wasn't funny enough, I bet you loved that Chanel commercial. When I am putting on lipstick, I’m pretty sure I’m wearing more than a bed sheet. I'll double-check next time. And what was up with the weird Oreo eating contest? OK, it was for charity, which is always a good thing. But when I heard the phrase “one final lick-off,” cookies did not come to mind. Sorry.

And on that note, I am going to pour myself a tall glass of milk and… go to sleep. Now it’s your turn. Write in with your favorite moments.

Our three Gilmore girls together on a road trip to North Carolina? You’d think it would be witty Lorelai providing the comic relief, but this time it was typically humorless Emily! Driving the Jag in the slow lane with a parade of cars behind her. Fighting with Lorelai over the power window button, and winning by using the child-proof feature. A stop at a greasy spoon, where Em actually ordered a chardonnay. “That’s the clear one,” she informed the waitress. And of course, there were show tunes for entertainment. (For those of you who aren’t theater geeks, that was “Oh What a Beautiful Morning” from Oklahoma!. Love the irony.)

Afterwards came some much-needed bonding. (This was a road trip, after all.) Which did you think was more powerful? That Emily sought out Mia for some old pictures of Lor and Rory? After all, the woman was essentially Lorelai’s surrogate mother and Emily’s nemesis. (Talk about swallowing your priceless pride.) Or was it when Lorelai finally admitted to her mom that it must’ve been hard when she upped and left home. Of course, Lorelai had the kinder reaction; she was visibly touched. Emily barely uttered an acknowledgement. Typical. But she did eagerly join Rory and Lorelai for a night of junk food and a movie at a cheap hotel. How gauche! And how freaking cool! Oh, and Will Smith? Really?

But kudos goes to Rory. Finally... for months she seemed so lost and off track. Last week I said she’s back, and she continues to prove it. The girl who had been tip-toeing around an out-of-control Logan actually stood up to him in the most powerful way possible. She agreed with Mitchum. “I love you but I am not going to support every stupid decision you make,” she lectured a stunned Logan. “I don’t see you getting your bearings, I see you hiding out, not facing your responsibilities. You’re being a jerk!” My sentiments exactly! Old Rory would have caved when Logan swooped in on Mia’s wedding “to talk.” Not this time. “This is so last year’s Logan!” she hissed at him. “You think you can fly anywhere I am and overwhelm me by your grand gestures. I’m just not impressed.” Neither am I. I’ve been waiting and waiting and waiting for her to see through all the expensive gifts and vapid displays of wealthy wooing. She finally put it together in just one sentence: “If I am going to do this, I am going to do this on my terms,” she explained to a shocked Lorelai. (Oh, and by the way, good advice for Mom, too.) She might be tough, but she’s still our Rory, which means she’ll always be supportive when Logan does right. And when he told her that he quit his father’s company, Rory was proud of him. I’ve never been a big Logan fan, but I’ll admit it: That move took serious cojones. Good for him.

I’d be remiss if I didn't mention the great, and at times hilarious, interaction between Luke and Zack. It makes sense that Lane and Zack would want a father figure for the twins, especially since Mr. Kim is MIA and Zack’s dad “left when he was like, 10.” And who better than Luke, who was wonderful with Rory and now April? Did you catch the stunned look on Luke’s face when they asked him to be their children’s godfather? (He thought they were going to ask him for money!) I think he should have been more freaked out at the diner when Zack asked if he should have the boys circumcised. Really, the best part was when Zack started to panic about becoming a father (I think he might have been crying) and Luke calmed him down. “I found my dad mode. So will you,” he told the soon-to-be father/rocker.

Didn’t it feel like everyone found their mode? Absolutely no complaints here.

Don’t know about you, but I feel like I finally got my Girls back, and then some. It took a while, but both Lorelai and Rory have found their footing and are moving in the right direction. And the steps they’ve taken have affected everyone around them, both good and bad.

Let’s start with Lorelai. Her recent behavior? Making demanding ultimatums, then impulsively getting married. Since leaving Christopher, she’s become a patient daughter, a good friend and a fantastic mediator. She helped Luke win partial custody of April, she stepped in when her mother needed to get Richard’s business in order and she’s brokered one hell of deal between the stubborn Lane and intolerable Mrs. Kim. The listener, the messenger, the pacifier: Lorelai played every role perfectly. In the end, Lane accepted that her twins could turn out to be bible readers, and Mrs. Kim understood that they could be rock and rollers. Loved Lorelai’s gentle reminder, “My mother missed so much. I don’t want that to happen to you.” That one small comment brought together Mrs. Kim and Lane, who finally admitted that her mother had always been there for her. If Lorelai could get those two to agree on something, she could probably bring peace to warring countries. She’s clear, focused and insightful. In other words, the Lorelai we’ve always known and loved.

Now Rory. Her recent behavior? Way too much pining away for Logan, even after he returned to the States. Half-heartedly participating with Paris as she charted out potential career goals. Chasing after a new friendship that didn’t seem worthy of the drawn-out fight. But now she’s back on the journalism track, networking with the assistant managing editor of The New York Times. And she’s a contender for very a prestigious fellowship. (Inside magazine joke: “This could be the difference between interviewing world leaders or standing on a street corner asking passersby who wore that dress better.” Nice little dig at InTouch, the mag known for such columns and the one that Sookie happened to be reading out loud at Lorelai’s house.) And her attention is back on her real best friend, Lane, who asked Rory to be “her Lorelai Gilmore.” (Essentially, the godmother to her twins. What higher compliment is there?) She’s clear, she’s focused, she’s insightful. In other words, the Rory we’ve known and loved.

Oh, Logan, Logan, Logan. His recent behavior? Cleaning up his act, working 60-hour weeks, creating his own company and moving it to New York City. He'd stopped the partying and started to network, making lots of late-night deals and grand handshakes over cognac. Dude actually became an adult, and won the respect of his unrelenting father. His relationship with Rory improved as he made her more of a priority, remaining faithful (remember hot Bobbi?), setting up romantic rooftop dinners and offering endless support when Richard had a heart attack. I was actually impressed — but I knew it wouldn’t last. Sure, he screwed up and lost everyone’s money. (“Even the guy from the hot dog stand,” he joked.) Yes, that’s a huge deal, and he is allowed to get drunk and feel sorry for himself. But not telling Rory for weeks? Then skipping out on the baby shower as if the huge blow happened that day? Totally selfish! Even worse? Instead of taking comfort in Rory, he ran away to Vegas with Colin and Finn on a private jet. He’s unclear, he’s unfocused and falling out of touch. In other words, the Logan I love to hate.

Last, Luke. His recent behavior? Fighting for partial custody of April, and winning. Showing up to the hospital when Richard had a heart attack and bringing food. Being cordial when running into Lorelai and Chris. Then refusing to gloat when the two broke up. (Sure, he screwed up when he and Chris had a smackdown in the center of town, but I think most guys would’ve wanted to kick his ass.) For once, Luke actually listened to his kooky sister who compared him to his dad: “stuck, doing the same thing, the same way, every day of his life.” So Luke finally sold the boat, the one his father worked on for 20 years and left for him when he died. Loved how the guy “who takes a week to buy a t-shirt,” according to Lorelai, bought a new boat the next day so that he and April could take vacations. “Things change,” he explained to a shocked Lorelai. He’s clear, he’s focused, he’s insightful. In other words, he’s the Luke we’ve known and loved.

It’s almost as if Lorelai and Rory have a domino effect on people. When they are at their best, everyone comes to life and their true identities emerge. We like what we see (uh, sorry, Logan) and I have a feeling the best is soon to come.

Finally, a good solid dose of Stars Hollow! We wanted our lovable wacky townspeople back, and we got ’em! Who better than Miss Patty and Babette to gossip about Chris and Lorelai out loud in the diner as Luke was passing right by them with coffee and plates of food? Loved the bizarre code names: Chris was the beagle (though he probably should have been the hound), Lorelai was the hen (if anyone, Babette’s the mother of all hens. I’m thinking a swan would’ve been more appropriate). And Luke was the rooster (that one actually makes sense, the domestic male). Why did those two even bother using symbolism? Not only was the conversation totally obvious — “Did the hen break up with the beagle or did the beagle break up with the hen?” — but Luke already knew, thanks to East Side Tilly “who was in here yesterday, blabbing her big mouth off.” For a moment they considered whether Lorelai and Luke should get back together, causing Babette to deliver one of the strangest lines of the season, “Maybe the hen belongs with someone else, like a penguin or an ostrich.” (There aren’t too many available men left in S.H. I shudder over the possibilities.) One thing’s for sure: Kirk will never be an ostrich contender. The “misunderstands everything” guy got outraged over their “perverse conversation” and the “reprehensible immorality” of a hen mating with an ostrich. Can we say cuckoo? Let’s just hope those two don’t think Taylor’s the penguin. (Haven’t seen him in a while. Don’t miss him, don’t care.) I could have used a dose of Zack and Lane instead of Liz and TJ, whose pity party for Luke was a little too loud for the middle-of-the-night conversation. Those two procreated? Ugh.

And while he's not a Stars Hollow resident, the sudden appearance of Mitchum Huntzberger was a bit of a shocker. Not as surprising? The butt-kissing he gave Rory for turning Logan's life around. Wait until Daddy hears that Rich Boy lost a fortune on a bogus patent. Whoops!

Those of you who prefer the drama inside the Gilmore mansion are probably just as giddy. Richard as a pain-in-the-ass patient? Hardly shocking. But watching him abusing the help was a genius Gilmore twist. But of course, Emily always manages to steal an episode. She finally told Lorelai what she always needed to hear: How proud she was of her daughter, an independent woman who survived, no, thrived, on her own without the help of a husband. And Em even admitted how helpless she was without Dick, just days after boasting how she keeps his life running smoothly. I’m not sure which was better: that she knew Lorelai and Chris had split without being told, or that she actually comforted her daughter. “It’s not such a horrible thing, getting divorced,” she said, patting Lorelai on the shoulder! “You’re going to be fine.” You just don’t get that kind of affection out of this ice queen unless massive amounts of cocktails are involved. And wouldn’t you know it, it was the alcohol talking. (I was hoping those were mocktails she was downing, but alas….) The next morning Emsie was back to her frigid self, coolly thanking Lorelai for her help, then dismissing her without even looking up from her morning paper. Heartbreaking. Let’s hope that Lorelai, who’s done the drunk-diatribe thing a few times before, knows the phrase in vino veritas: “in wine, there is truth.” I say cheers, l'chaim and bottoms up to that.

If you managed to catch the preview for this episode — and I’m not sure you could have missed it since it aired every half-hour for a week straight — you knew the end was coming. “You’re the man I want to want!” wails Lorelai in the promo. So when she finally choked out those sad words in the episode, they kinda lost their kick-to-the-stomach-effect. Which was a shame, because the familiarity practically robbed us of her honesty. It’s as if the lines were delivered by a woman on truth serum, admitting to one horrible thing after another: “I still have feelings for Luke.” “I jumped.” “I’ve always thought of you as a possibility” (BTW: Chris, “possibility” is another word for “backup.” Ouch.) And then the Big Line. Chris took it well, actually. Who wants to hear that someone wants to love you, but you know, they just can’t muster up the feelings? Interesting: Chris is a selfish jerk, but sometimes he does handle other people’s feelings with grace. I’m sure a lot of people would have flipped out over that doozy, even if they knew it was true.

My favorite scenes with Lauren Graham are often the silent ones, which is ironic since her fast-talking, quick-witted, pop-culture refs make her one of the best written characters on TV. (This combo should make her an Emmy contender, Academy of Television Arts and Sciences.) The first of her silences in this ep was when she passed the window of Luke’s diner and saw him filling out a check at the counter. She forced a smile when their eyes met and he waved, but when she turned away, the look of regret and sadness washed right across her face. If you weren’t sure about her “future” with Chris by that point, then did you notice when she was choking back tears as Zack played an acoustic version of “My Heart Will Go On” at the funeral for Michel’s dog? (Pure genius! Nothing could be worse for a rocker than playing Celine Dion, even for a good cause. I am still shuddering.)

I might be remiss if I finish my column without writing about Rory. Crush on her T.A.: totally adorable! Telling Logan all about it: completely lame! So she had stammered her way through a few conversations and offered the guy a book to read. (OK, I looked up Eva Luna, by Isabelle Allende. One site did describe it as “sensuous.” Big screaming deal! It’s not like she offered him the Kama Sutra!) Her reason? She wanted to make sure Paris had it wrong, that she hadn’t “broken Logan.” He said she didn’t. (Riiiiight. What guy would admit otherwise?). Then again, Paris did deliver the best line of the night: “Logan was on the Colin Farrell Freeway just about to pull over at the Robert Downey Jr. rest stop.” Maybe Rory didn’t break him, but instead sent him on a better course. Considering the Gilmore track record, that’s an accomplishment.

While I am so, so tempted to write all about how Chris completely bailed on Lorelai during her awful time of need (was that four or five messages left on his cell about Lorelai’s dad having a heart attack?), instead I will write about Rory. Yes, Rory, the fair-skinned, doe-eyed, too often incomprehensible but still incredibly bright daughter of the esteemed Lorelai Gilmore. (There I go mentioning Lorelai again! Gotcha!). Now that you’ve picked yourself up from the floor, 'cause you know, I actually mentioned the "R" word, let’s move on.

Can you believe how Rory’s relationship with Logan completely turned around? One minute she’s jealous over Bobbi, two minutes later he’s jealous over Marty, and now Rich Boy actually flew in on a freaking helicopter from Montauk, Long Island, straight to the hospital in New Haven! (Hey, if you had a hedge-fund partner-dude who’s willing to lend you his chopper, you'd swoop in Jack Bauer-style, too. I'm just surprised he didn’t jump off the helipad and shout, “Secure the perimeter!”) OK, enough with the jokes. Logan was at her side the entire time, managing Emily’s bizarre fish request, helping Rory gather together Richard’s comforts from home (Cole Porter, Scott Joplin, Chuck Berry. Guy sure has eclectic taste). Logan even found the missing Bing Crosby record. And when Rory leaned her head on his shoulder or thanked him, he genuinely seemed in love with her. “You don’t have to thank me,” he told her. “There’s no place I’d rather be.” You know what? I actually believe him. So Rory’s finally got a stand-up guy. It’s about time.

So now can I talk about Lorelai? (Great, thanks!) I won’t rant and rave for too long; it’s obvious that Chris was a total ass. Poor Lorelai, standing outside in the snow making desperate phone calls to her husband whom she loves so much. “I’m your wife, you’re my husband. You’re supposed to call me back,” she pleaded. So sad. And when he finally did show up, he didn’t offer one reason for not returning any of those calls. At that point, he completely lost the right to be mad at Luke for being there first, and for leaving all that yummy homemade food. And for the record, his dirty look was plain pathetic.

The performance of the night goes to the brilliant Kelly Bishop, who can ponder the origins of Milk Duds and arrange her husband’s schedule with equal aplomb. Emily was sharp and focused during a devastating time, calmly and coolly canceling dinner reservations, rescheduling Richard’s business meetings and gathering together his will with the family attorney. It wasn’t until Lorelai accused her of being his secretary and not his wife that Emily finally broke down. For the first time since Season 5, we actually saw the woman with steel nerves cry. Don’t know about you, but I kinda got choked up when she explained that Richard is her entire life, and she didn’t know what she’d do if he died.

This is the great stuff I’ve been waiting weeks for — two characters, two lost souls, bonding over something real. I’m sorry, but tonight the two Girls were Lorelai and Emily. Too bad if that disappoints you, but they’re still Gilmores. And right now, I’ll take them just as they are.

So, wouldn’t ya know it, Chris found The Letter. The one Lorelai slaved over, the one she wrote and rewrote, the one she finally banged out on a typewriter, the one she hid, the one she keeps calling a "character reference." Big diff, right? Well, actually it is. I wouldn’t exactly refer to Lorelai’s praise of Luke (“He’s honest, he’s decent, he’s kind, he’s caring…. Once he’s in your life, he’s in it forever”) as a love letter. Now that kind of thing would go on to say something like: “And I can’t believe I gave you that ridiculous ultimatum. When you said no and stormed off, I went straight to my ex Christopher’s house, slept with him, told you the next day while turning down your offer to get back together, then impulsively married my ex only a few months later, let him move into the house that you helped me rebuild and actually allowed Chris to put up a ridiculously ginormous plasma TV in the living room of my quaint and tastefully decorated Victorian-style home.” I didn’t hear any of those words as the judge and Chris read that letter at the same time. (That voice-over work was the best part of the entire hour.) So why was Chris so angry? More importantly, why was I so angry?

Maybe because back in the old days of, oh, last season, this show used to move so fast, I could’ve reached for a fat-free chip and missed someone getting pregnant. That’s what made Gilmore Girls so damned smart and so freaking good. (Did you catch that Sookie is knocked up? Because it only took two gigantic scenes to set that one up.) So I watched The Letter Scene two more times, just to make sure I didn’t miss something. You know, 'cause Chris was so mad, mad, mad! And guess what? I didn’t! Lorelai looked Chris straight in the eye and said “I am not in love with him!” And yet he still didn’t believe her. (She is, but that’s for another blog.) So, he stormed off and never came back that night. I’m not quite sure he had a good reason, but if this is the start of the breakup, then so be it. Oh, and if you weren’t sure, Sookie is having another baby!

Sigh. This ep was Lauren Graham’s debut as producer. It’s impossible to find her fingerprints, since there were a million other people listed with her. (Her name came up right after the credit for our beloved Amy Sherman-Palladino. Nice!) Producers, co-producers, executive producers. Too many cooks in the kitchen! Too many, and it shows. We could have done without the Paris scenes, the Sookie scenes, the Lucy scenes. All those side-stories used to keep us sharp throughout the hour. This time my head kept falling in the chip bowl. That is, until Richard’s heart attack at the very end. OK, so now you have my attention. Too bad you had to wake me up out of a face full of Fritos to get it.

Yep, that sentence can explain both Lorelai’s head and much of this episode. We waited seven weeks, seven long weeks for our Girls to return. So where were the Lorelai and Chris struggles, the Luke and Anna tension, the Rory and Logan misunderstanding? They must’ve disappeared in rerun land and were replaced by seven Christmas trees, Chris' hugely garish stockings and Gigi and Rory’s strings of cranberries and popcorn. OK, so Lorelai put Christmas on hold until Rory got back from London. She even did a dance with a coconut bra to make sure it didn’t snow. (And for real, it didn’t, not here in the Northeast. Maybe the bra worked.) Sure, that’s sweet. But this whole scenario would have been so much more charming, I don’t know, maybe two weeks after the holiday? But not an entire month later! It wasn’t Stars-Hollow quirky, it was Stars-Hollow bizarre. And so was Lorelai as she tried to write Luke’s character-witness letter. “Bicycle, unicycle, unitard, hockey puck, rattlesnake, monkey, monkey, underpants!” That’s what she was coming up with? I mean really. I can understand why she was so befuddled by his request — after all, she had to write wonderful things about the ex who got away. (When Luke formally shook her hand to thank her, her startled look was classic Lauren Graham at her best.) As much as she denied it, Lorelai had to dig deep to write that letter. That meant searching for her feelings, not turning into a blithering idiot. Good thing she was finally able to write the damn thing, hiding it from Chris the entire time. Which you know will blow up in her face.

Moving on…. Loved every second of Lane — so much so that I’m starting to hope for a Zack and Lane spin-off. “Is it not acceptable to be a plus-sized woman is this culture?!” she yelled at a customer who’d asked if she was pregnant. (Our little drummer girl is carrying twins, but she does seem a little too huge.) When the patron profusely apologized, she snapped, “Of course I’m pregnant!”, slammed the plates of food on the table and waddled off in a huff. Hilarious. And how sweet was Zack, showing Brian how to hold a baby using his mandolin, and consoling Lane when she got upset about having had only a short window of time to rebel. “Sonic Youth has a kid, and they rock. Mick Jagger has like 15 kids. He rocks hard and then, like, makes another kid.” Loved the way those two connected. Same for Luke and April, whose day of bonding was a pleasant surprise. Did you notice that April let Luke keep her microscope while Lorelai chose a telescope for Christopher? Can’t help but wonder if it meant Luke’s looking closely at the details of his life, while Chris' head is in the stars. That’s the best I could come up with, in an ep that seemed mostly like… a big bag of weird monkey, monkey, underpants.

Here's a rerun you didn't want to miss. I am tempted to go off on Luke for his horrendous comments when he ran into Lorelai on the street: "It's not as big a deal for me as it is for you. So we're not getting married. It's fine by me. You're the one who proposed in the first place." Ouch!

But you know what? Enough agita. I'd rather talk about Lane and Zack, Stars Hollow's best couple. Naturally Pedro's Paradise turned out to be anything but... the poor couple spent their Mexican honeymoon in Pedro's dirty apartment, nowhere near the beach, overlooking an ad for Mexican nasal spray (of all things). I'm surprised a control freak like Lane actually let Zack plan the honeymoon in the first place, but we'll let that one slide.

If that's not bad enough, Lane is convinced that her mother was right about sex all along, "that women are maintaining this pervasive media-supported charade, that sex is normal, that sex is wonderful, that sex is sexy." You too would think sex was pretty awful if your first time involved cold water, mud, crabs (the crustaceans, not the STD) and a perverted snorkler watching while you were trying to re-create the beach scene in From Here to Eternity. Yuk. (I like Rory's advice: Try a bed next time. Yep, they only did it once.)

The kicker? Lane ends up preggers! ("That's what you get for making whoopee, folks!") I loved how Rory consoles her by naming bad celebrity mothers (Britney, Courtney), then making fun of all the ridiculous celebrity baby names in vogue these days. "I wonder if Blanket ever met Tom and Katie's pillow? That would be a good play date. They'd be totally set at naptime. Then they can invite Gwyneth's Apple over for a snack. Afterwards, Rachel Griffiths' Banjo can play for them. Then they can jump into Mia Farrow's Satchel and make fun of what's-his-name? Pilot Inspektor Lee!" Old-school Gilmore banter at its best.

But you know what? Lane might not know what a pram is, or how to change a diaper or why mothers test formula on their wrists. But she and Zack will become Stars Hollow's coolest young parents, dressing their twins in tie-dye onesies and Ramones baby tees. Hey, I'd babysit.

Ladies and gentleman! In this corner, we have lightweight Christopher Hayden! Prep-school flunkie! Former deadbeat dad! Total metrosexual! Newly minted millionaire! Recently married to Lorelai Gilmore! And in that corner, we have heavyweight Luke Danes! Diner owner! Public-school grad! New father to a teen he didn’t know existed! Total tough guy! Regular middle-class Joe! Recently engaged to Lorelai Gilmore! Let’s get ready to ruuuuuumble!

Now, I’m not one for violence, and I usually look away when things get brutal. But this was one smack-down I was not going to miss. I was shocked that Chris, the kind of guy who gets manicures and facials, could even hold his own against lunky Luke. But he got in a few good punches before Luke socked him right across the jaw, knocking him to the ground. That didn’t stop scrappy Chris from lunging back at Luke. (Nothing says Merry Christmas like two grown men rolling around the town square, taking down the Stars Hollow Christmas Tree and crushing all the decorations.) The best part, really, is that neither one of them won. They both got up, dusted themselves off, circled each other like two rabid dogs, then turned and walked away. Which only means one thing: This ain’t over. Not even close.

We all know why Luke is pissed. He lost his woman, literally, overnight. But Chris? What’s he got against “the diner guy”? (OK, Luke did punch him in the face once, but Chris knew he deserved it, and let it go.) Well, for starters, Lorelai won’t leave the house that Luke rebuilt. Chris did seem pretty cool about staying, but living there has to creep him out just a little bit. And it didn’t help that Lorelai, Luke and Doula made such a happy-looking family. Did you see the look on Chris' face when he saw them together outside the market? (By the way, I stand corrected: Last week I said Chris didn’t want more kids. But that was before he saw his wife cooing over Luke’s newborn niece. Nothing like a little jealousy to get the testosterone flowing.) And I can understand why Chris would be mad that Lorelai planned an entire wedding for Luke (in one day, remember), but she didn’t want to have one with him. (Though he is forgetting a few important things: Luke wasn’t involved in any of the wedding plans; now Lorelai has to deal with pushy Emily. Can you blame her for not wanting a froofy wedding?) But Chris was right about one thing. When Lorelai told her mother she eloped to avoid a wedding, he quickly corrected her. “No, we eloped because we love each other and want to be together forever.” For a second, I actually felt bad for him. Clearly, that’s what pushed Chris over the edge. But that didn’t give him the right to try to punch Luke’s (and Stars Hollow’s) lights out.

Ever since Chris quickly moved in on a fragile Lorelai, someone needed to help her find her footing. And surprisingly, it was Emily Gilmore, the only one smart enough to notice that the marriage is in trouble. When she told Lorelai that marriage is serious business and is all about compromise, she wasn’t exactly imparting pearls of wisdom. But then she reminded Lorelai that her trademark pride and her need to win every argument will destroy the marriage. Those words prove that no one knows her better than her mother, even if Lorelai is loathe to admit it. Perhaps this will send her on the right path. Because neither Luke nor Chris can help her do that.

Quick: What’s the first thing you think of when you see someone knitting? What about an entire town full of people knitting, huge balls of yarn in Stars Hollow Square, and Sookie cooking up balls of spaghetti speared with bread sticks? Okay, we get it. This one is about children. A little too heavy-handed this time around. (Meanwhile, what town actually holds a knit-a-thon to save a beetle-infested bridge? Don’t most New Englanders raffle off romantic swag like intimate candlelit dinners for two, midnight hay rides and weekend stays at cozy B&Bs?)

So, of course, Liz finally had her baby. I loved how Luke rushed right over as she was delivering — at home, natch. Did you catch that huge smile when he first held his niece, Doula? (With a name like that, I hope this kid will pack a mean punch on the playground.) I don’t think I’ve seen Luke that happy since he and Lorelai kissed on the gazebo the night they got engaged. Good thing, because holding that newborn finally lit a fire under his butt. I was pretty sure he wasn’t going to let Anna take April to New Mexico without some sort of argument. But I was not prepared for the big confrontation at Anna’s house. Could you believe how livid he was? He said all the right things — that April was his daughter too, that he has rights as her father, and that he’d fight Anna if he had to. Finally! (By the way, this was Scott Patterson’s best scene in... I don’t know how many episodes.) Now, if only Luke fought like that for Lorelai, maybe she wouldn’t be tiptoeing around Stars Hollow with her new husband Christopher, receiving chilly welcomes from Babette and Miss Patty. And she wouldn’t have to set Chris up on “man-dates” with Jackson, either. (By the way, when did he suddenly become Mr. Popular? I find Jackson slightly less grating than Taylor — and not by much. But I’ll give him props for the whole soil-and-crop chat at the bar. Chris was smart enough to figure out the analogy, and later parrot it back to Lorelai as his own. Smooooooth.)

Speaking of smooth: nice of Chris to put the kibosh on the knitting festival by throwing around his money, yet again. Yuk. Yes, it was generous to donate the $7,800 to meet the town’s 10-grand goal. But it also sent everyone packing after only a few hours. The bridge was saved, thanks to Chris’s trust fund — not the hard work of the dedicated Hollowites. When I look a little closer at the possible symbolism, I see a man who doesn’t want any more children. I wonder if Lorelai knows about this? I doubt it, since she’s too busy staging her own personal What Not to Wear episode, changing Chris out of his trademark tight clothes, reminding him go easy on the hair gel and sending him outside wearing a comfy outfit. Sounds like she’s treating him, let’s all say it together, like a child. We know he won't tolerate that for very long.

I just wish we had a chance to see Lane and Zack in this ep. The cool couple expecting twins should've been the only two in SH allowed anywhere close to knitting needles and balls of yarn.