Dancing With the Stars

And so the Olympian fittingly takes home the gold. Well, the glamorous mirror-ball trophy is actually more of a silver color, but you know what I mean. I’m so happy for Apolo and Julianne! These two began this competition with “the most potential” as the judges said early on (I was reminded of that thanks to one of the night’s many, many clip segments). They started good, and they became great. We were able to witness Apolo’s progress as a dancer over the course of these past 10 weeks: With his improved technical skills and fast footwork, he really resembled the professional male dancers. And let’s not forget how entertaining he was, e.g., the cheetah number, the Pulp Fiction jive, etc. I don’t think he and Julianne ever delivered a bad performance. Young Julianne proved to be one hell of a choreographer, always challenging Apollo to do creative and risky moves, and he stepped up every time. She herself is an amazing dancer, and yet she never stole the spotlight from Apolo and outdanced him. Their chemistry was there from day one, and their in-sync dance movements were one of the keys to their success.

And now, on to the losers. I’m kidding! In a competition where so many stars showed real talent and challenged themselves, are there really any losers? Joey and Kym proved to be most gracious runners-up (unlike certain disgruntled second-place competitors from last season, who shall remain nameless). Like Apolo, Joey never really gave a bad performance. But Apolo had that extra "wow" factor for me. Plus, I liked that Apolo grew as a dancer, whereas Joey did enter this race with some dancing in his background (yes, I know it wasn’t ballroom dancing, but still, he had a lot of prior experience with learning stylized choreography and dancing in front of crowds). And then there was the third-place finisher, the lovely Laila. She said she was “pissed,” but she said it jokingly and with a smile. I really enjoyed seeing her mambo again — that performance reminded me why she was in the finals.

Laila scored a perfect 30 in her final performance on Tuesday night. Ditto for Joey. And Apolo got a 30 as well. I know I said I didn’t like that only the judges got to score the final dances, but their across-the-board perfect scoring for the last dances (which is becoming routine by now) simply made their scores for those performances a moot point. I liked when Tom said it was time to look at the judges’ leaderboard again, after the final dances, and, um, the rankings looked the same as they did 30 minutes ago, Tom, only each score was 30 points higher.

As for the rest of the two-hour show: It was good seeing all 11 of the contestants, as well as all three prior seasons’ winners. Even Jimmy Kimmel’s DVD segment was funny. In retrospect, I’m liking everything. I think I’m still giddy about Apolo winning. I’m sure some of you are celebrating Apolo’s win like me, while Joey and Laila supporters are upset, no doubt. I understand, so I’ll stop gloating. But now the ballroom lights have dimmed, and Monday and Tuesday nights won’t be quite the same... until next season that is. I’ll miss the show, and I’ll miss blogging about it with all of you. It’s been a fun ride. And hey, there’s always the summer Dancing with the Stars tour to hold us over.

Find video from Dancing with the Stars in our Online Video Guide.

I've got to hand it to the producers of Dancing with the Stars: they're always mixing things up with regard to the finals, so that things are always fresh. Sometimes they have three contestants in the finals, sometimes two. Sometimes old routines are repeated, sometimes they use all new routines. I like the three finalists idea: It keeps things more competitive and allows for more surprises. And I also welcome the approach of doing all new routines — of course the dance styles were repeats, but they were done to all new choreography, and with new costumes. I'm not sure how I feel about the new wrinkle of having the third dance of the finals done on a separate night, thereby not allowing the fans to judge that last dance (it will only factor into the judges’ scores). Sure, I understand that the viewers' votes will still count for 50 percent of the finals and the judges' scores the other 50. But what if that last dance was something that would sway an undecided fan’s vote? Oh well, this is their newest approach so let’s roll with it.

Round 1 (Judges' Choice): They chose dances that would demonstrate each celebrity's growth. Makes sense, from a judging perspective. First up was Laila’s paso doble — and she was indeed on fire, as Len said. After weeks of giving good (but not her best) performances, Laila came back with a fighting intensity tonight. She did a low backward bend in the beginning of this number that was very impressive. She got into the determined spirit of this dance, and the judges simply loved her. I almost loved this performance. If this was her first crack at the paso doble it would have been great, but for the finals, I would have liked to see her and Maks in sync with their steps a little more, as well as even more intensity in the performance. I don’t like that the judges picked a dance style that showcases the male partner — how is that helping Laila? Once again, Maks was outdancing her and dancing faster than her. But it was a good performance nonetheless.

Similarly, the judges picked a dance that spotlights the female partner for Apolo (again, why?). I know they wanted him and Julianne to improve over their last rumba (in which they were criticized for overusing a chair in their performance), but this dance was mostly all about Julianne (who looked simply beautiful in her robe-and-negligee costume). Aside from that, there were a lot of nice flowing movements and a real connection between the partners. Len, however, failed to see any romance in this dance and that led to a particularly nasty disagreement between him and Bruno.

Luckily, Tom pointed out that their bickering stopped when they agreed that Joey’s cha-cha was too theatrical and more like a freestyle (a unanimous opinion echoed by Carrie Ann as well). They were right on the money with this, as initially I thought Joey was starting his freestyle dance one round too early. As for those puppet moves he and Kym did at the beginning and the end — I suppose they were a nod to 'N Sync's No Strings Attached album cover (though it also reminded me of that puppet number in Chicago), but they were just kind of weird. The rest of the dance was full of boy-band moves: I thought I was watching an 'N Sync concert, only with more ruffles. It just didn’t seem like a cha-cha.

So, round one was overall good, but not great. From an entertainment perspective, it may have been more enjoyable if the judges had chosen the dances in which each celebrity had previously excelled. Laila got the top judges' score... personally, I’d call that one a tie between Laila and Apolo.

Round 2 (Freestyle): Finally, the dances we’ve been waiting for all season! This time, Laila literally came out fighting with a boxing-themed number. Her outfit of fringy shorts and boxing gloves was adorable, and she appeared to be more comfortable than ever. She and Maks, of course, couldn’t do lifts, but lifts aren’t essential for a good freestyle. Plus, she did jump on him at one point. It was a fun kicky performance, capped off by Laila ripping Maks’ shirt off (a little something for us ladies that was much appreciated). The judges were both nice and critical, telling Laila she should have gone with her strength of elegance. But I’m not so sure elegant will win you the freestyle. I agree with Bruno’s advice that she should have gone with her “sex appeal and sensuality” — some of her early moves in the mambo and samba were where she really shined.

One of Apolo and Julianne’s greatest strengths has always been their oh-so-in-sync moves (sorry, Joey). They took this and ran with it, and their matching outfits (including their headbands) really showcased this. These two are so in tune with one another that they even did some steps blindfolded! The judges called their hip-hop, break-dancing freestyle “hip” and “up to date,” and Carrie Ann even hugged them.

As opposed to concentrating on certain strengths, Joey went with the smorgasbord approach for his freestyle. Carrie Ann complimented him for incorporating everything he learned, and he said that was their goal with this dance. It was a nonstop energetic number, filled with spins and difficult lifts that were done perfectly. Len compared him to Harry Potter (that seems odd, but it was indeed a compliment from Len).

So round two didn’t disappoint, and greatness was achieved. (But I will say that I missed Cheryl’s clever freestyle choreography, and her cowboy dance with Drew remains this show's No. 1 freestyle in my book.) Apolo and Joey tied with perfect scores from the judges. Tough call for me. Apolo and Joey were both so impressive, but I’m going to give a slight edge to Apolo for displaying originality and having a central theme to his dance.

And so that brings part one of the finals to a close, but the finalists still have another dance on Tuesday night. All of Season 4's celebrities should be back, as well as all three past winners (Kelly, Drew and Emmitt). I’m sure there will be a lot of recap filler in those two hours, but there also should be a lot of fun mixed in. And of course, the moment we’ve all been waiting for: the awarding of that glorious mirror-ball trophy. If I have to pick one, I’m rooting for the Olympian to take it home. But like I said last week, I’m in that camp that will be fine if any of these three hardworking and impressive celebrities win.

Find video from Dancing with the Stars in our Online Video Guide.

Oh, how they like to toy with us, the fans of Dancing with the Stars. I thought for sure they’d have Ian do his jive as the encore dance: On Monday night he got his first 10, followed by his first perfect score. Why not give him his first encore dance? So what do they do? Pick Joey, who gave a repeat performance of his snappy jive in his Dick Tracy ensemble that suddenly made me really want him to make it into the finals. Soon after, Samantha’s really grilling Joey backstage on the subject of “What if this is your last night?” He almost went home last week — what if this encore was serving as a sort of goodbye dance? So now I’m thinking all signs are pointing to Joey leaving, and I’m upset. (What do I title the blog — "Bye Bye Bye"?) Then they say they’re going to declare one couple safe, and it is... Joey and Kym!

In between all of these tense results was filler, but pretty good filler. Enrique Iglesias: nice to listen to and nice to look at, so I won’t complain that there was no dancing during his second number. I liked seeing flamenco dancer Joaquin Cortes. Showcasing different types of professional dancing is right up this show’s alley, and they should do it more often. And speaking of different, Jimmy Kimmel changed the focus of his skit last night, and it was refreshingly funny. I almost thought I was watching my own office up there on screen, what with the way we’re always dancing in the hallways and busting a move by the photocopier any chance we get. (If only....)

But back to business. Tom explained they wouldn’t be revealing an official “bottom two” tonight, but one more couple was to be saved, and it was... Laila and Maks. Yay for them, but bad for Ian and Apolo. Now I was worried again, so I realized whom I wanted to go. Apolo’s been so good, given such crowd-pleasing performances... he can’t go, right? He just can’t. And so, the couple going home... is... (could they drag this out any longer?!)... Ian and Cheryl. Ian was such a great sport about it — so grateful and humble, saying he never would have gotten this far without Cheryl. He improved so much throughout this competition. And I loved his answer to Samantha’s tired question about what he learned from this experience: “I learned how to dance!” I wish all four of these talented couples could have advanced to the finals, but that of course could not be. This means Cheryl will not three-peat and has to give up her title as the show's current professional champ. But she and Ian have a lot to be proud of. Remember that episode of Beverly Hills, 90210 where spoiled party-boy Steve Sanders turned out not to be such a jerk and wowed everyone with his hidden dance talent? No...? OK, it never happened, but I was such a huge 90210 fan back in the day. And I will remember the time Ian Ziering turned out to be a hell of a nice guy and an impressive dancer on Dancing with the Stars — and I’ll continue to be a fan of his.

Next week... the finals! Will Laila and Maks finally incorporate some tricks? Will Joey and Kym continue to strike the right balance between technique and showmanship? Will the always-creative Apolo and Julianne give us a freestyle that will just blow us away? Tune in and find out!

Find video from Dancing with the Stars in our Online Video Guide.

Now we’re getting down to business. It’s the semifinals, and there’s no screwing around with these four serious contenders. Tom said he and the judges were chatting and came to the conclusion that this was the show’s “strongest semifinals yet,” and I’d have to agree. Let’s break it down by each performer.

Len: OK, so he’s not one of the contestants, but we got to see him dance last night, if just for a few brief moments in the behind-the-scenes footage. How cute was he? Standing in between Ian and Cheryl, holding their hands while they all did kicks... still so light on his feet! Not bad for someone who’s “been dancing for what, 95 years” as Joey said. And he gave helpful tips that targeted the problem areas of each of the contestants: Ian’s kicks, Apolo’s turned in feet, Laila’s arms and Joey’s butt. Even better, they all took his advice and didn’t forget it when they got on the dance floor.

Apolo: He turned in two more top-notch performances, which was no surprise. His quickstep was lively, and he and Julianne’s steps were so in sync (as usual), which is such a joy to watch. Len noted that he seemed to “fly across the floor,” and Carrie Ann thanked him for setting the bar so high for the night. Then he did a smokin’ cha cha, which Carrie Ann described as “the sexiest cha cha I’ve ever seen.” (They’ve certainly gotten over that brother-sister vibe they worried about early on in the competition.) Everyone seemed to love it — everyone except Len, who reverted to his sometimes stuffy self and complained that the dance was “too raunchy.” His 9 cost the Olympian a perfect 60, which Apolo stated was his goal of the night. A score of 59 isn’t bad, but I think he definitely deserved a 60.

Ian (aka Elvis): He consulted a motivator/life coach, which at first sounded a little desperate, but apparently should have been done weeks ago. Ian displayed a confidence and passion that he had only occasionally cracked the surface of, and he gave his best two performances yet. His tango was both intense and enjoyable to watch, earning him his first 10 ever (from Len, no less)! Then he eclipsed this with a fun/silly jive in which he donned an Elvis wig and costume. He really let himself get lost in the character and the performance, and at times I forgot it was Ian dancing. (No, I didn’t think it was actually Elvis; I just thought it was someone other than blond 90210-er Ian). This time he got not one 10 but three, giving him his first 30 of the competition.

Laila: She gave two solid performances. The point was made that Laila is the last female celebrity left in this competition, and that is tough when people inevitably compare her to the other females who are all professional dancers. She can’t do the super-high kicks and show-stopping splits (plus she has knee problems). She also had the misfortune of picking the exact same dances as Apolo (they all got to pick the dances themselves last night) and dancing later than him in the competition. So his “setting the bar high” dances were always there, ready for comparison. Len made a very good point that Laila’s dances had steps that were “more basic” than those of other contestants, and he didn’t note this as a flaw, just as a way of explaining things. But at this stage in the competition, when all the contestants are so good, I want to see the flair — I want to see them try to top one another. Now Laila did get two perfect scores, so she placed higher than Apolo. But for me at least, Apolo’s dances were more memorable and topped hers.

Joey: He came back fighting after landing in the bottom two last week, and his extra effort worked: He too got two perfect scores. The fox-trot is often the most boring dance on this show, yet it was anything but that when he and Kym danced it last night. Bruno compared them to “two movie stars of the ‘40s,” and Len admired how Joey was finally able to “blend” his razzle dazzle and technique. Striking that perfect balance hasn’t been easy for Joey, but he finally managed to get it just right. Meanwhile, Carrie Ann simply declared that he “won the ballroom round.” For round two, they did a jumpin’ jive that surpassed the one they just did a few weeks ago. Bruno described Joey as having “more flash than Vegas,” and he’s got quite a friend in Len, who praised his big, um, personality, and told him that he should be in the finals.

And so this brings us to the finals. Three will make it this time, but one of these four strong contestants will not. This one’s a tough call. They all are talented dancers, and they all have a lot of fans. Like many others on this blog have said, I too would be fine with any of them winning. I’d be lying if I didn’t say my support has flipped back and forth among all of them. Before this season started, I was so excited to learn Ian was a contestant so he had my initial support. After Week 1, Laila won me over. Soon after that, Apolo completely blew me away. Joey was a little too hammy for me at first, but his series of highly entertaining performances are continuing to impress me. If I have to predict who’s going home on Tuesday, I’m going to guess Ian, if only because his top performances are coming out so late in the game. But his fan base saved him last week, and they may do it again. Whoever goes, it will be hard to watch — albeit in a fun, reality-show way.

Find video from Dancing with the Stars in our Online Video Guide.

Billy Ray said he was getting ready to appear on Jimmy Kimmel later tonight, and time preparing for that was not time wasted. Yes, it seemed like he had wanted to go for a few weeks now, yet I don’t think he ever gave up in this competition. He gave each performance his all; it’s just that ultimately that wasn’t good enough. But his effort was impressive, as was his charm. I’ll admit I was no Billy Ray Cyrus fan when this season of Dancing with the Stars started — I used to mock his popular "Achy Breaky" song and his mullet back in the day. But then, around week two in this competition, he won me over with his dedication and spirited performance: He was crowned “most improved” and danced a pretty decent dance (and was looking cuter than he did back in his breakout heyday of the early ‘90s). I didn’t see that initial turnaround coming, and so for a while there I was rooting him on. It would have been nice if he continued to improve each week, but unfortunately that was not to be. The guy’s not a horrible dancer: He’s as good as your average wedding guest who has a few of his own signature moves. He’s just no ballroom dancer who can execute highly stylized, precise steps. Thanks to a zealous fan base, he may have overstayed his welcome by a week or two, but I’m glad he did this show. Admit it — this season wouldn’t have been the same without him. He brought some heart, delivered some amusement and carried on a fight with a judge. Oh, and he drove pouty Karina to take a crying break in the bathroom.

Luckily there was really no fallout from Monday night’s fight with Bruno. Angry, hurt Billy Ray went back to being just-thankful-to-be-here, self-deprecating Billy Ray. It’s a good thing, because Tuesday’s results show had enough tense moments of its own. It started when Ian and Cheryl were announced as being the first safe couple of the night. The two of them looked both thrilled and shocked. That of course meant that one of the three couples often predicted to make it to the end would be facing possible elimination. After Laila was declared safe, Apolo started looking really nervous. But then he too was saved, which left Joey in the bottom two for the first time. With the judges’ scores, Joey placed second overall. That means his fan turnout had to be pretty low to drop him to fourth place. Perhaps his confidence-versus-cockiness distinction is not translating well to fans. Maybe he gave too much razzle dazzle in his second performance this week, or not enough in his first. Whatever the reason, he has one week to work on things and try to rebound in the semifinals. One thing is certain: This competition just got a lot less predictable.

Find video from Dancing with the Stars in our Online Video Guide.

Emotions ran high on and off the dance floor last night, running the gamut from sentimental dedications to insults taken too personally. Let’s start with the good before we proceed to the bad and ugly. The guest we’ve been waiting for all season was finally in the audience: Muhammad Ali, on hand to support his daughter. Laila dedicated her performances to her mom and dad, and she had an extra sparkle in her eye all night. She began and ended her lovely waltz like Sleeping Beauty, and at one point blew a kiss to her dad. I was reminded of Jerry Springer’s emotional waltz last season — the waltz is fast becoming the father-daughter dance of this show. Carrie Ann commented that she always looks for emotion in dancing, and she felt Laila truly delivered that with this performance. Next up was Laila’s jive, which was fun and lively (Laila confessed she was happy she didn’t have to deliver any extra-sexy performances with daddy in the audience). I did notice that both of her numbers, especially the waltz, seemed very short, and then the judges shed light on this problem when they criticized Maks (thank you, ABC, for finally spelling his nickname on the air) for having intros that were too long, resulting in dances with not enough content. Laila admitted it was her idea to add some theatrics. In addition, just last week the judges commented that this pair needed to add some more tricks. I’m a fan of Laila’s and I want her to go far in this competition, but I think how high she winds up placing will depend a lot on Maks’ choreography. Hopefully he’ll step up to the challenge.

From daddy’s girl we move on to “Jessie’s Girl.” Let me admit up front that I’m a total sucker for this song (and I know I’m not alone on this) — what '80s compilation is complete without it? Normally, I wouldn’t think to pair it with the tango, yet it worked here. The house band was no Rick Springfield, but that didn’t detract from this performance. I loved Apolo and Julianne’s modern, pumped-up tango. Loved it — it was my favorite dance of the night. Cranky Len had to ruin things (this is when it turned bad) and say it “lacked passion” — I have no idea what dance he was watching. His comments got the loudest and longest boos I’ve ever heard on this show. There was much criticism aimed at the choreographers last night, as here Len told Julianne to be “less hectic.” I hope she doesn’t listen to him. At least Carrie Ann and Bruno loved their tango and gave them 10s, so they got a 28. No wait, make that a 27 — hold on, back to 28. (This time we can’t blame Samantha, but instead a computer malfunction that resulted in some uncertain scoring.) Regardless, it should have been a 30. No worries, though, because they did get a perfect score with their paso doble. Apolo was really on fire last night, and this second dance also had a contemporary, energetic flair. It was cool how his cape turned into Julianne’s skirt in the beginning of the performance. If they continue like this, they’re gonna win this thing.

But Apolo will have no time to slack off because always close behind him is Joey. And just as the judges argued intensely about Apolo’s first dance, they bickered about Joey’s first performance as well. Again, it was Carrie Ann and Bruno against Len, only this time Len praised an area the others found lacking: no razzle dazzle. Len liked that Joey’s waltz was proper and elegant. Carrie Ann and Bruno said Joey was holding back. Again I’m going to side against Len — the dance was good, but a little boring. True, Joey can go overboard with things like lightsabers, but when he’s able to simply incorporate his fun-loving personality without excessive props, he gives his performances a welcome flair. By dance No. 2, he was back in top form. Len complimented his solid use of technique and tricks in his series of “clever underarm turns” and Bruno liked how he “pimped the mambo.” Joey also felt the need to explain that he’s “confident, not cocky.” It’s a fine line to walk, and so far he hasn’t crossed it.

Yet Billy Ray felt that Bruno crossed a line when he called his foxtrot “crap.” This is when things got ugly — Billy Ray was really offended by Bruno’s not-exactly-delicate words. On one hand, this was a cold, harsh criticism from Bruno, but on the other hand he says stuff like this all the time. By the time Billy Ray’s second dance was done, he still wasn’t over this, calling Bruno “so rude.” As for Billy Ray’s dancing.... Well, I wouldn’t use Bruno’s term, but he certainly didn’t give the top performances of the night. Carrie Ann looked on the bright side and mentioned how much he’s improved since week one, which is true. Len said his foxtrot had the “most content” of any of his dances, albeit with “all the steps at all the wrong times.” Billy Ray’s dances are always full of ambiguity: He manages to look like he’s both bored and intensely into his performance, like he’s mad and having fun at the same time. It’s perplexing, yet you feel drawn to watch him. I will echo the judges’ sentiments that he’s always enjoyable to watch, as well as their acknowledgment that we’re heading into the finals soon, so it’s time for him to go.

Speaking of the finals, with the semifinals next week, it looks like the finals will be a three-contestant race, similar to the way things were done in Season 2. Will Ian be one of those three? I’m gonna guess no, with the way he regressed slightly last night. I liked his foxtrot a lot — he seemed looser, with some old-school classiness. But Len and Bruno had problems with it, describing him as a “jumping goat” who was too “skippy and hoppy.” Next was his rumba, which was really just OK. Carrie Ann pointed out that she saw passion, but “it was not authentic passion.” Len summed up Ian’s main problem: his dancing “lacks naturalness.” Then there’s Samantha backstage, who’s never one to miss beating a point to death: “Cheryl’s never been in the bottom two!” I’ll chalk it up to her just trying to prepare Cheryl, as she most likely will find herself in that position for the first time Tuesday night. Alongside Ian and Cheryl will probably be Billy Ray and Karina, with Billy Ray bidding us adieu.

Find video from Dancing with the Stars in our Online Video Guide.

As excited as I was about seeing a former member of Tony Soprano’s crew on Dancing with the Stars, I was even more thrilled when I heard that John Ratzenberger was going to be Vincent Pastore’s replacement when he dropped out. The nostalgia ran high at the thought of seeing someone from the legendary ‘80s sitcom Cheers. And from Week 1, John never disappointed. He quickly made us forget that he was the last-minute replacement on this show as he gave it his all every week. Just the other night Carrie Ann crowned him “the best mover” of “all the older gentlemen dancers we’ve had on this show.” And she rightly pointed out that while he used his charm, he didn’t simply coast on it the way someone like Jerry Springer did. Of course, she also called him a “dancing teddy bear” last week, and that was also true — I don’t think anyone had him pegged to win this thing. Nonetheless, his work ethic was impressive. But really, would we expect anything less from the man who played Cliff Clavin, a character wholeheartedly committed to delivering the mail through rain, sleet or snow? As John literally bunny-hopped out of the competition (what is it with him and the animal references?), I couldn’t help but think that while he went a week too early (his dancing topped Billy Ray’s on Monday night), at least he went out on top with some good performances this week. We’ll always be “glad you came,” John. (Sorry for getting too corny, but I love Cheers.)

I’m also glad I got to watch DanceCenter, my new favorite dance-analysis show. With all the athletes on this show, I’m surprised they didn’t think of this skit sooner. Kenny Mayne’s dry delivery was perfect: “The other issue with Ian is he’s with Cheryl Burke. Cheryl’s won two in a row. Women hate her, they’re voting against her. No shock, moving on.” Plus he got solid support in the booth from fellow analysts Jerry Rice and Len. I loved the little details, like Kenny and Jerry’s silky, sparkling shirts. I think this was the funniest Dancing with the Stars comic segment yet. Doing it every week might get a little old (like Jimmy Kimmel’s shtick), but they should do it at least once a season.

Keeping things fresh is always good, and seeing the child dancers perform was a fun treat — it was interesting to see how the heels kept getting higher as the girls who were dancing got older. And if we have to have some random singer as a guest, at least we got to see dancing during both of his songs (but really, who doesn’t think of Meat Loaf when they think of ballroom dancing?). As for next week, at least we now know that Billy Ray’s fan base isn’t so large that it can negate low judges’ scores. It looks like he will be on his way out, and I was a little disappointed when he said to a voted-out John, “I’m so jealous of you.” That’s no way to approach things, Billy Ray. Hopefully he can follow John’s lead and exit with one of his best performances — maybe even finally grabbing an 8.

Remember that episode of 90210 where Steve entered a dance competition and Brandon, Kelly and Donna cheered him on? No? OK, it never happened, but it sort of felt like such an episode last night when founding members of what Tom dubbed the “90210 Alumni Association” were in the audience supporting Ian. I don’t know if it was their cheers or Billy Ray’s tutoring, but whatever it was, it worked. Ian finally came alive on the dance floor! His first dance was good and showed marked improvement from last week; his second dance was even better. For weeks now, Ian’s had the moves down but has been unable to sell his performances. Last night that all changed and the judges took notice, telling him he finally had fun out there and was authentic and “enjoyable to watch.” Most importantly, they pointed out that he and Cheryl had some real chemistry for the first time.

Perhaps this means Joey will no longer be able to say, “If you become too serious, you become Ian Ziering.” Ouch! Yes, the competition is definitely on now, with the celebs going on the attack both on the dance floor and behind the scenes (all in good fun, of course). Formerly third-place Joey had his sights set on “taking the gold from Apolo,” and he did just that with a perfect 30 jive and a near-perfect 29 fox trot. Joey didn’t just talk a good game, he upped his game by incorporating more tricks demonstrating surprising flexibility, as Carrie Ann observed. Nevertheless, Len had to complain about “too much razzle dazzle” in his performances. Personally, I liked the showmanship in both of his dances. Thankfully, Len reined in his crankiness for Joey’s second dance and complimented that “it had freedom, but was not wild.”

As good as Joey was, he did not sit at the top of the scoreboard alone. He tied with Laila, who finally got the 10 from Carrie Ann that she was striving for. Carrie Ann was full of praise for her, pointing out that Laila showed more confidence with her dancing by no longer being so small with her movements. Indeed, Laila looked very comfortable on the ballroom floor with her big smile, fast feet, graceful hands and smooth hip action. She and Max seemed to have found a great rhythm together. She’s tied for first place for two weeks in a row now, making her not only good, but consistent.

Speaking of consistency, Apolo said that he “wants to see more consistency from the judges.” A valid point. I’m sure he was referring to the fact that his performances get scrutinized, while celebrities who lack technical ability (Billy Ray, John) get heaps of praise such as “I love your determination” and “the fun you have out there is contagious.” However, Apolo should realize that he’s like the straight-A student who’s now expected to bring home A's and nothing less. As Len said flat out, “You were good, but I expect great from you.” His two dances were both good this week and a lot of fun to watch. But it’s hard living up to that terrific samba he had two weeks ago, as well as another great performance last week — all of his work will be compared to those. An A- or B+ performance from him is now considered disappointing. Meanwhile, C students Billy Ray and John do one right thing and the judges are ready to celebrate. Is this fair? No. But it is what often happens in life. (And if we can’t look to reality shows for life lessons, where can we look?)

So let’s move on to the C students. John received heaps of praise last night, and deservedly so. Bruno said it was like he had been to “dance rehab.” I think this was especially true with his fox trot, which seemed to really showcase his personality and had a few fun, quirky moves that we hadn’t seem before from him. Carrie Ann also crowned him “the best older gentleman dancer” (or as John translated, “geriatric”) in all four seasons of this show. I agree with her on this — John doesn’t overly rely on his charm and he does more actual dancing than past older performers. I would have liked to have seen more such movement from Billy Ray in his waltz. He claimed that he wanted to step aside and showcase Karina. I half believe that. Sure, he feels he takes her down and he wanted to give her an opportunity to shine. But I think doing two dances scared him a little, so he chose to rest up during dance No. 1 so he could focus solely on dance No. 2. And like Len said, his samba was better than his waltz. Of course, this was mostly because he actually moved during the samba while he just stayed still through most of the waltz. Bruno described Billy Ray’s waltz best when he compared him to Vanna White on Wheel of Fortune. Also amusing was Bruno’s bafflement at his own reaction to Billy Ray’s samba: “Somehow, we watch it and enjoy it.”

I think it’s safe to say that either John or Billy Ray will be dancing his last dance on Tuesday night. Based on this week’s performances, John is outshining Billy Ray. But when you factor in the voting from their fan bases, the results may be different. Yet John has narrowly escaped elimination before, so... it could go either way.

Apparently Samantha Harris wasn’t the only one who could accurately predict the future this week. Heather Mills said she knew that she was going home, and she came prepared with notes for her parting words. She didn’t appear upset so much as determined — determined to express her thanks to various people and to get her message out about animal rights. She seemed to achieve both of the goals she set for herself in this competition: She raised money for her charities and served as a role model for people with prosthetic limbs. Honestly, Heather lasted much longer on Dancing with the Stars than I initially thought she would. I remember reading message boards when this season’s slate of contestants was first revealed, and there was a lot of anti-Heather sentiment out there. A lot. I thought she might be the first one out — not because of her leg, but because of her extreme unpopularity. Yet she made it halfway through the competition and showed herself to be both hardworking and slightly goofy. Ultimately, I think she won over quite a few folks. (I know, there are still a few of you out there who don’t like her....)
Overall, this results show was better than last week’s. How great was it that they picked the group swing as the encore dance? I don’t remember them ever picking the group dance for that esteemed distinction before. The cast of Dreamgirls gave a nice performance. Joss Stone sounded good. And then there was Julianne’s brother Derek — obviously, some dancing gene runs in their family. Like Julianne's done all season, he demonstrated some really impressive moves: a flip in the air, then a sort of one-handed handstand at the end. Everyone shined in that performance, but Derek was truly a standout.

The comedy was also good tonight. Based on the behind-the-scenes segment I’m calling “silly stars,” I don’t know which celebrity is the craziest. Joey seems the obvious choice, but then there’s Billy Ray wearing a skirt and Ian spinning around on the floor or telling lame jokes. It’s hard to believe they get any practicing done. The funniest audience comment of the night came from George Wendt, who admitted that he always enjoyed dancing with John. And then there was Jimmy Kimmel’s comic segment, with his and his partner’s much-improved dancing skills. They almost looked like different people when dancing (almost like Jonathan and a real woman!). Hopefully the celebs took notes during his segment, because they’re going to need all the help they can get in order to each perform two individual dances next week.

Let’s jump right to the highlight of the night: the group swing was 100 percent fun, perhaps the best group dance that involved the celebrities in the past four seasons of Dancing with the Stars. Everyone was so into the performance that the energy was contagious. Even more impressive was how well they gelled as a group (even Heather and Jonathan, who missed the group practice). The couples all played to their strengths (e.g., Ian and Cheryl did back-to-back lifts, while Laila tossed Max aside and carried Apolo), and no one upstaged the others. Plus they all got into character and pulled off the cute little theatrical moments, such as Joey and Ian’s mock fight and the ladies all fawning over Billy Ray.

Theatrics wound up playing a big part in many of the dances last night, a night in which the judges really emphasized the importance of performance. No one learned this lesson harder than Ian, who said that he was going to try to focus more on performance than technique this week in his paso doble. Cheryl explained to him that this was a love/hate dance, so he channeled his inner Shannen Doherty and assumed a kind of pissed-off look to get into the bullfighter character. Unfortunately, this didn’t work for him (nor did having Andrea Zuckerman in the audience for support), as his bullfighter lacked fire. The judges gave him some harsh feedback, telling him basically the same thing for weeks now: You have a lot of promise that you’re not fulfilling; you overemphasize technique and don’t come alive on the dance floor. I have to agree with them. He’s got some good hip and foot action, but I’ve been waiting for him to really shine for awhile and it hasn’t happened yet. Carrie Ann gave him the oddest yet best advice: Watch Billy Ray — not for his technique, but for the joy and truth that comes out of his dancing.

Speaking of Billy Ray, the cowboy was back in top form (top form for him, that is). After last week’s sleepy performance, his feet were moving fast and furious in his jive. Karina finally realized that he’s not the next Mario and she won’t be getting any 10s this season, so she choreographed a performance that played down technique and played up fun. It worked, and their dance was cute and lively. Bruno pointed out that they had some of the correct jive steps, while Carrie Ann noted they made up some of their own moves. Karina was hoping to appeal to the audience, but for the most part, it impressed the judges as well. (Bruno happily rhymed, “You’re going the right way, Billy Ray.”) Nevertheless, a desired score of 8 still eludes him.

Like Billy Ray, John also pulled off a cute performance. True, he got some animal comparisons, such as Len’s “ruptured duck” comment. I can’t quite picture what Len was talking about, but Carrie was right on the money when she described John as a “little dancing teddy bear.” He has this one signature move that he does a lot, and with his round shape, he looks sort of like Winnie the Pooh dancing. It’s not fancy, and it’s not proper ballroom technique, but it makes for enjoyable television. (Oh, and that other teddy bear Norm was in the house to support his bar buddy.)

Not to be outdone by the others’ theatrics, Joey, the master of ham, was back adding some silly moves to his playful samba, and it worked. He was mouthing the words to his song (actually, several of the celebrities were doing that this week) in an energized performance Len described as “swashbuckling.” Carrie Ann again captured the essence of the performer when she said, “you’re insane, and that reads well” into the performance. However, unlike most of those above, Joey also received praise for technique and improved posture.

While Joey went for comedy, Heather went for drama. She got into character for her paso doble and mouthed some of the words to “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina.” She received praise (once again) for attempting more tricks than anyone else, and criticism (once again) for not polishing the upper half of her body. She is consistent. I fear she’s starting to follow Ian’s example of showing that she’s overthinking her moves. But to be fair, Heather and Ian both were assigned one of the more serious dances of the night, while most others had peppier numbers.

Meanwhile, Laila and Apolo did some of the sultriest moves of the night. Glitzy Laila, decked out in gold, got comparisons to Tina Turner with her sexy cha-cha. She convinced Max to add some of her own funky choreography to their dance which gave it a distinctive flair, but Len didn’t like her input. Still, she continued her climb back up the scoreboard, while Apolo held steady at the top. He was worried that he and Julianne wouldn’t be able to transform their brother-sister vibe into something sexier on the dance floor, but Julianne’s real brother (also a dancer), said he’d been in the same situation (with his actual sister!) and convinced Apolo that it could be done. Their rumba sizzled, and they got praise for their creative moves: Julianne continues to impress — there have been a lot of splits done on this show, but she did one last night that then went immediately into shifting her one leg up into the air... you just had to see it. Len did feel they were a bit too theatrical, yet earlier he praised Heather for being dramatic. He’s a hard one to please.

As we come full circle with the theatrics, let’s not forget Samatha’s impressive performance as a clairvoyant, revealing Laila’s score before the judges held up their paddles. (I'm at a loss for words with this....) Yet the real drama will occur when two stars go under the dreaded red light Tuesday night. It will be hard to see one of these celebrities go, as the ones left are all really trying. Sure, there are some dancing really well and a few relying heavily on selling fun performances, but all of them at this point are pretty enjoyable to watch. John and Billy Ray have the lowest scores, while Ian and Heather aren’t following the judges’ advice enough and are therefore slipping. My guess: Heather and John will find themselves in the bottom two.

You know those T-shirts and hats that read “I’d rather be golfing”? I bet Clyde Drexler owns at least one of those. As the weeks went by, the former NBA star brought less and less of his A-game to this competition, and his laid-back approach to dancing wasn’t working out too well. Basically, his heart wasn’t in it anymore, and it showed on the ballroom floor. Yet he always brought his gentle smile and positive attitude to each performance, and those are the things I’ll miss about him the most.

Heather Mills, accompanying Clyde in the bottom two, was rather sweet when she took his hand as they waited for the results. And when Clyde learned that he was the one who would not be returning next week, he appeared to be relieved rather than disappointed. Moments earlier, when Billy Ray learned that he would be returning, he looked mad. But I interpreted that reaction as Billy Ray misunderstanding what was said and thinking that he was told he was out (honestly, they take their time announcing the results and don’t present them in the clearest manner). I don’t think Mr. “I Want an 8" is ready to leave just yet. Meanwhile, Clyde is more focused on the number four — as in yelling “fore!” — when he tees off.

As for the rest of the show, well, it wasn’t as good as the last results show. While it was nice seeing Lisa Rinna again, it was more fun seeing Drew Lachey last week. (Can Drew come back every week?) Then Macy Gray sang.... And no one danced around her. To paraphrase some of Clyde’s parting words, "this isn’t American Idol." I don’t recall seeing any dancing-only performances on that show, so what’s up with the singing-only performances on Dancing with the Stars? Oh well, at least we got a preview of next week’s swing dance, although I’m sure the celebrities’ performance won’t look quite like what we saw last night. But their first attempt at a group dance number should be fun nevertheless.

It had to happen sooner or later. (No, I’m not talking about Heather falling, although that did indeed occur.) What I mean is that someone had to finally get the first perfect score of the season, and thanks to Apolo, that happened last night. He and Julianne attacked the samba with a tigerlike ferocity (a theme carried out through their costumes), and it worked out beautifully. More than any of the other male contestants, Apolo most resembles the professional male dancers in terms of his body type and flexibility. He said that he and Julianne were going for sexy instead of cute last night, but would he mind if they came off as both cute and sexy? There’s just something so sweet about those two. All three judges were ga-ga with praise for them — I think it’s a safe bet that they’ll be asked to do the encore performance Tuesday night. These two haven’t had a really off night yet, and they are becoming the little couple that could, as in could go all the way and grab the trophy at the end of the season.

If they do this, it would mean stripping Cheryl of her crown, but I don’t think Ian’s going to let that happen easily. He turned in what I thought was one of his most solid performances yet; he’s loosening up his body more and more each week. Now, he just needs to loosen up the facial expressions. Hardworking Ian always shows you just how hard he’s working. Like Carrie Ann said, you can see him overthinking his dance moves as he executes them. He needs to mask that and convey that he’s having fun out on the dance floor (even if he’s not, fake it!). Until he does this, he’s going to keep hearing things from the judges such as, “show more confidence,” and have his dances described as merely “competent.”

In contrast to Steve Sanders, Cliff Clavin was having a hell of a fun time with his samba. Sorry, I mean John Ratzenberger. It was just that his navy and blue costume reminded me so much of Cliff’s mailman uniform. John’s performance was his best yet: cute, energetic and enjoyable to watch. Sure, it didn’t rank up there with Apolo’s superb execution, but I think Bruno described it best: “One of the best worst sambas I’ve ever seen.” Exactly.

Likewise, Heather captured the fun carnival spirit of the samba. The upbeat, lively dances are proving to be her strong point. Balancing on one leg is not. Yes, she did fall at the very end of her performance, but it was really nothing dramatic, and thankfully she was not hurt and got right back up. Actually, there wasn’t too much talk about her leg tonight, as it was upstaged by all the talk of Jonathan’s chest-waxing.

And yet, as wince-inducing as footage of Jonathan’s procedure was, it still wasn’t as painful to watch as Clyde’s rumba. He did the first — and, I’m sorry to say, worst — rumba of the evening. Carrie Ann went so far as to call him “the worst dancer in the competition.” Clyde’s charms are wearing thin and his dances are becoming boring to watch. Being that the difficult rumba is described as “the woman’s dance,” it’s easy for the male contestants to take advantage of this and basically stand there while their professional partners do all the hard work. And unfortunately, that’s just what Clyde did. But he wasn’t the only one: Billy Ray can be accused of doing the same thing. He pretty much was on the dance floor to hold Karina and make sure she didn’t fall as she did some very fancy twists and bends. His usual charm was also MIA for the most part. However, his rumba was slightly more appealing than Clyde’s. The judges pointed out that it “lacked romance,” but he did try to connect a little more with the dance than Clyde did. His facial expressions and holds made an attempt at romance, and Carrie Ann pointed out that he had improved arm movements and no heel leads.

So while Billy Ray and Clyde were underselling the rumba, Joey was overselling it. He performed a lot of stretchy, flexible moves, but the judges thought these crossed the line and were “a little bit feminine.” They said he was sort of mimicking his partner’s moves, whereas he should have been more subtle. Again, the rumba proves to be a tricky dance for the male contestants. Yet, it’s no walk in the park for the female celebrities either, as they really have to step it up in this dance. The only way to truly excel at it is to be seductive, and luckily, that’s one of Laila’s strengths. After a few weeks of sinking scores, Carrie Ann deemed her the “comeback kid.” With flowing, smooth moves, Laila sold the sexiness required of this dance (in spite of the mock protests from her fiancé during the practice-session footage, which was funny). She wound up with the best rumba scores, and the second-best overall score of the night.

Hopefully the viewers’ scores will mirror the judges’ scores, and Clyde will go home on Tuesday night. His heart hasn’t really seemed to be in the competition the past few weeks, and he’s given some weak performances. But that alone is not the factor in who gets voted out, so last week’s nearly-gone John is in danger, too. Whoever leaves, hopefully he or she will have some famous friends on hand to provide comfort. Based on last night’s audience (Lance Bass, Alfonso Ribeiro, Florence Henderson, Sugar Ray Leonard, Miley Cyrus, etc), that shouldn’t be a problem.

Even in the end, Leeza Gibbons was smiling. Whenever she heard harsh criticism from the judges, she put a positive spin on it and talked about working harder and learning from what they told her. Leeza’s sunny disposition has been a constant these past few weeks. The only exception would be when she got into character for dances like the tango or paso doble and put on her stone face, but unfortunately her dancing fell in line with her facial expressions at these times and she came across as too stiff. She wasn’t the most exciting dancer to watch, but she gave it her all and accomplished her goal of serving as a role model for women aged 50 and above. With her parting words, she talked about this as a learning experience for her and how she grew because of it. As expected, she found a silver lining to getting the boot somewhat early in the competition.

Speaking of boots, we saw a lot of the cowboy variety during last night’s show, thanks to the fun Western-flavored performance accompanying Big and Rich’s “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy” number. I saw Cheryl’s costume and thought, "Isn’t that the exact same outfit she wore when dancing to this song with Drew Lachey?" To those of you who predicted that the Season 2 champ would be the secret “special guest”: good call! I forgot what a big fan of Drew’s I became last year because of this show. Then he came leaping off the stage, leading the group dance and reuniting with Cheryl. Their original freestyle dance to this song is still the best freestyle dance done on this show, in my opinion. Hopefully his guest performance last night can serve as an inspiration to some of this season’s contestants who need to step it up a bit.

But Drew’s presence wasn’t the only correctly guessed surprise of the evening. Some of you speculated a week or so ago that Samantha Harris may be pregnant, a rumor that she confirmed last night. So even though we lost another contestant, the Dancing with the Stars family is still growing.

Overall, I thought this results show was much better than last week’s. There was just one musical act, and they had a real connection to this show because of that first song they performed. A former contestant returned, and he did more than just wave, he actually danced. Hopefully they can keep up the good work and keep the results shows a little more thematic and focused.

Tonight our celebrities tackled one of two very different dances: the graceful waltz or the commanding paso doble. Overall, those with the waltz did better. Most of those doing the paso doble kept getting the criticism that they didn’t muster up the necessary fire and passion needed for the dance. And then came Joey, the final dancer of the night. He listened to the judges' prior comments regarding both technique and presentation: He kept his butt in and eliminated the gimmicks. The result was a fiery, well synchronized paso doble that deservedly earned the first 10 of the season and put him at the top of the scoreboard once again. Not only the best paso doble of the night, but the best dance of the night.

The runner-up for the paso doble goes to Billy Ray (yes, you read that correctly). While his dance was nowhere near as good as Joey’s, his was the only other paso doble that had any kind of sizzle. Carrie Ann described his performance best: “That was oddly awkward and sexy and hot and strange all at once,” and she followed that up by saying she loved it. The others judges explained that they’re not saying he’s turning into a great dancer, but that he is improving and they really appreciate the huge effort he’s putting into this competition. We learned that this effort is at times reducing Karina to take crying breaks in the bathroom (perhaps payback for her being such a sore loser last season?), but the work she’s putting in with Billy Ray is paying off. There was one section in the middle of his dance that was really good, with impressive footwork on his part. I only wish there was more of that throughout the dance. Instead, we did got a lot of Karina making big showy moves around Billy Ray.

Karina was certainly not the only professional dancer overcompensating. Usually we see this from the female pros more, but tonight Max was really going all out with some extra fancy solo moves. Laila’s paso doble with him was nowhere near as hot as I expected it to be, especially after that sultry mambo they danced just a few weeks ago. The judges were once again harsh with Laila, but this time they had a point: It does seem like she’s regressing a little. Hopefully, she’ll be able to make a turnaround and climb back up that scoreboard, because she seems to have so much potential. And I can’t neglect to mention that the horrible song Laila was given (worst song of the night) was no help to her performance.

Similarly, Leeza had to contend with dancing the paso doble to Bon Jovi. (Did the producers learn nothing? Just last season Vivica A. Fox was given a different Bon Jovi song to accompany her paso doble, and that wound up being her last dance.) But with Leeza’s performance, I was so distracted by the motorcycle-club outfits (she should have saved the tattoo for this week) and stiff dancing that I soon forgot about the music. This time the judges did not hold back with her, using gems like “dull,” “safe,” “awkward,” and “unsteady” to accurately describe her performance. John didn’t fare much better with his magician-witch performance (and like Karina and Max, Edyta again tried her best with some camouflaging moves). John heard criticisms such as "confusing," "disaster," "stumbling about," and "this dance didn’t suit you." A fare but harsh assessment, and the judges understandably got booed by John’s 91-year-old mother, who was in the audience.

Those dancing the waltz heard more compliments, especially Apolo. He and Julianne were just adorable and reminiscent of a fairy tale couple. The judges praised their good technique and said they “believed the romance,” giving Apolo the best waltz performance and second overall best score of the night. Close behind him was a clean-shaven Ian, with a really good waltz. The judges did point out that they can sense a tension about him on the dance floor, and he’s going to need to shed that if he wants to really break out in this competition. But the McStiffy comment from Bruno seemed uncalled for (OK, it was kind of funny — and a nice Grey's cross-promotion for ABC).

Heather also danced a solid waltz, with some very nice moves in which she twirled on one foot. I was thinking, how in the world is she going to insert a cartwheel into the waltz? But in a welcome break from pattern, she skipped her now-signature move. The one thing I found her performance really lacked was passion. She mentioned that she was struggling with this in practice, and I don’t think she overcame it — I didn’t feel much connection between her and her partner. She seemed to look away from him more than she looked at him. Yet the judges didn’t seem to find any fault in this area, as they said nothing about it.

Nevertheless, they had plenty to say about Clyde’s lack of passion for this competition. They seem to think he’s not putting in enough effort and just walking through the dances. Carrie Ann noted that every dance of his looks the same, and that he has to learn that each dance has a different style. I thought he had the right graceful demeanor for the waltz, but his performance was a bit underwhelming. However, quiet Clyde got very bold in his backstage interview and was mad at the judges for saying that he was not committed to doing his best in this competition.

The themes of effort and commitment were highlighted by the judges throughout the night. Len pointed out that on average, this season’s contestants aren’t putting in as much practice time as last season’s, and he is not happy about that because he thinks it shows in their lackluster performances. (He praised Billy Ray for practicing more than any of the others this week, and no doubt that factored into his score.) I suppose that's true for some of the celebrities, but then there are people like Joey and Apolo who consistently bring their A-games. So will lack of commitment play a part in who's going home Tuesday night? I believe it may factor in. Leeza's been playing it too safe, and she almost went home last week, so I think she will find herself the third one out on Tuesday.

Shandi, we hardly knew ye. And that was probably the main reason Shandi Finnessey was the second person to leave the competition: the lack of a large fan base. Add to that her OK but not great performances and a professional dancer who’s so new to Dancing with the Stars that he didn’t have a following of his own, and her early departure really didn’t come as a surprise. It’s a bit ironic that the pair the judges deemed the “all-American couple” did the classic American jive, and yet America did not vote to keep them on the show. I never really felt that all-American vibe the judges kept forcing upon them — if anything, I got more of a plastic vibe from them. So maybe that other nickname of “Barbie and Ken” was more appropriate, albeit not in a good way. I was even trying to muster up some hometown pride and get behind Brian since he was getting a lot of “local boy” coverage here in the Philadelphia area, but that didn’t work for me, either.

Speaking of Philly, I blame last night’s show for not being able to get Rocky III’s “Eye of the Tiger” out of my head. They really had a jam-packed musical night, with absolutely no central theme. There was Ciara singing and dancing with a lot of background dancers. Then Josh Groban sat and sang — but at least his song had lyrics about dancing (it’s nice when they can find a song like that), and a barefoot Julianne gave quite a graceful ballet-like performance during that number (yes, Tony was good, too). What was not quite as graceful: when the camera went to an empty spot on the stage, zoomed in on Leeza and Tony, and then lingered on them as Samantha talked about John and Edyta’s results (this was a behind-the-scenes error, not Samantha’s fault). But it’s fun that there are moments like these to remind us that this is indeed a live show.

Leeza and Tony wound up being the safe couple in the final two. Considering they had such high judges’ scores, they must have had pretty low voter turnout to wind up in that position. That doesn’t bode well for them next week — unless their numbers are aligned or they’re giving off good aura colors (yes, I’m referring to the numerology/clairvoyant segment). Until then, we’ll say bye-bye only to Miss American Pie — I mean Miss USA.