CSI: Miami

Well, it was no, “We’re going to Brazil.” In fact, it didn’t even feel like a season finale. Where was the cliff-hanger? Where was the oh-my-god moment? It’s a sad indicator of the state of CSI: Miami when the scariest aspects of an episode are the fashions. Was there ever a more disturbing haircut than that sported by Mama Wade? And was Ryan wearing a pseudo-Members Only jacket?

It’s depressing, really, because this one had potential. In the end, both Lucas and Lindsay Wade were murderers. She killed their other sister by pushing her down the stairs when they were all children, and everyone blamed little Lucas because he was supposedly genetically predisposed to violence. He took this to heart, and as an adult just started murdering women. Because it was her fault that Lucas did this, Lindsay decided to kill another woman to get her brother off the hook. Oh, and back in his corrupt traffic-cop days, Ryan pulled Lucas over, but had no reason to suspect he was a murderer. (I’m not sure that that can be determined simply by the way one drives, but then again, I’m from New Jersey, where no one drives well.) Still, Ryan could not forgive himself. “Who knows how many women I could have saved?” he lamented. That’s a very noble thought, Ryan, but it’s time to realize that you are not the nexus of the universe.

The shocker of the episode? Calleigh got kissed. And not by Eric, but by ex-boyfriend Jake. It seems as though the writers might have forgotten that Calleigh and Jake were supposed to have dated in the past, or maybe they just chose to ignore it. Either way, it certainly allowed for some serious drama when Eric was forced to watch Jake kiss Calleigh. That look that the potential soul mates shared across the hallway after? Definitely the highlight of the night.

And maybe that was the problem. We had all the requisite pieces of a good CSI: Mepisode, but none of it really came together. The only story line that we could care about was Eric and Calleigh’s. Ryan’s continuing redemption was abbreviated and hollow, Natalia just seemed to appear places, Alexx didn’t have much to do, and no matter how guilty a pleasure that final shot of Horatio on a rooftop was, there just wasn’t enough worth caring about to make this a good regular episode — let alone a decent season finale.

I’m looking forward to reading all of your thoughts on this episode and on the season as a whole. Many thanks to all of you readers who stuck with me this season through the voodoo practitioners, exploding courtrooms, gambling addicts and all the many, many Hummer chases.

Check out great clips and full-length episodes of CSI: Miami in our Online Video Guide.

Here comes the new Wolfe, same as the old Wolfe. Talk about giving someone the benefit of the doubt. After the list of grievances Calleigh gave early in the episode (just to add to my list from last week), it turned out that all Ryan needed to do was admit the error of his ways while he was live on the air, and subsequently apologize directly to Horatio. If only everyone were so forgiving.

The crime was a vehicle to serve up Ryan’s redemption, and as such, was mostly a yawner. As always, for those who missed it, the carjacker, Jim, wasn’t actually a carjacker. Sherry, the “victim,” was getting paid by his brother to get him out to her car so that said brother could shoot him, on orders from the drug lord. When Jim discovered his brother’s duplicity, the two got into a fistfight on Jim’s boat, during which Jim was knocked overboard. The drug lord decided that he’d rather have Jim dead than discover where the missing kilos of heroin were. Oh, and Horatio got to ride out in a Coast Guard boat. It was a nice change of pace from the Hummer.

But what about that man-trap? I so rarely get to say it, but thanks, CBS promos people, for not ruining the real shock of this episode. It was a little gratuitous, but I knew that cameraman had something bad coming to him after pushing Ryan to interfere with the crime scene. I didn’t know, however, that he was going to get a whole bunch of metal spikes through his leg.

We got a breather from the Eric-Calleigh flirtation this week. Sure, there was a little moment of Delko jealousy when he saw Ms. Duquesne on her cell phone all smiles and laughter (much as I am loath to admit it, it was actually a pretty cute scene), but there was no real action, probably due to the fact that this episode was all about Ryan.

No, this week wasn’t as strong as other episodes have been recently, but it still had its moments. Delko’s “nice shirt” comment was a cute off-the-cuff line that gave the feel of camaraderie in an office where that sort of thing is usually lacking. Wolfe was still doing his best Horatio, and for the first time in ages we had a great Horatio line: “Judge… jury… and executioner.” (It’s all in the delivery.)

There’s just one episode left before the summer hiatus, and as H might say, “Things are just… heating up.”

Check out great clips and full-length episodes of CSI: Miami in our Online Video Guide.

Let’s get the simple stuff out of the way first: Everyone was guilty of something. Claire dumped the gasoline to frame Anthony (her ex-boyfriend), who then sent Ron Cramer after her anyway, and Ron accidentally created the catalyst for the fire to start. Oh, and Ryan got fired for owing money to Michael Lipton. (Sidenote: I have a good family friend named Michael Lipton. Remember that episode of The Simpsons where a TV character has the same name as Homer? That’s how exciting this was for me.) However, before we get into Ryan’s misdeeds, I find it necessary to point out that not only is there no way this could have taken place in under 24 hours (how could the house have cooled enough to let in people without fire suits?), police departments have special arson units who deal with these kinds of cases. The CSIs would not be involved to the degree that they were.

For a show that isn’t really into thematic cohesion, I was pleasantly surprised to find one major symbolic thread running through this episode. Going along with the arson, Calleigh and Eric are stoking the embers of L-O-V-E, and Ryan got burned by his past and was subsequently fired. So it’s a little unsubtle; at least it was there.

Mr. Wolfe. Of all the things you’ve done, this is really what gets you fired? It seems that, really, he was correct in saying that he did the only responsible thing, which was to recuse himself from interrogating Michael Lipton. He gave information to “the mole” last year and he screwed up numerous investigations this year trying to be a hot shot for the cameras, and they fire him for having an unsavory personal life? The scene where Horatio questioned him was priceless, though, for the simple reason that Jonathan Togo seems to be picking up acting cues from David Caruso. It was like a mirror image of uncomfortable poses and stilted lines. Heaven, really, for a CSI: Miami fan.

Lest we forget, Yelina is suddenly back. The way they’ve set up this plotline, it certainly seems that she’ll be a recurring character, but with this show, who knows? Why does she have to be a P.I.? With her history, one would think she’d want to stay as far away from anything resembling police work as possible. Of course, then she wouldn’t have the chance to run into her brother-in-law.

This season is definitely going out on a much stronger note than it started on, and (dare I say?) it’s fun again. Next week looks to be Ryan’s Revenge, so be sure not to miss it!

I knew this episode was headed somewhere fun when our opening Horatio-ism was, “Welcome… to the divorce… of the future.” After I stopped laughing, I considered the fact that we had already seen a house with lasers, Kelly Carlson with a chainsaw, and a personal trainer named Mandi. What more does one need in a pre-credits sequence? Nothing, that’s what.

As always, for those who might have missed the big reveal, Hank and Laurie jointly killed Hank’s lawyer when they realized that he stole everything from their safe-deposit box and also got the deed to their house. In fact, in what passes for an ironic twist, they stabbed him with their wedding-cake knife. Much as I love Kelly Carlson, her Laurie was just an older, married and somehow slightly less screwed-up version of Kimber from Nip/Tuck. Not that there’s anything wrong with sticking with what works.

On the other hand, Rachel Quaintance certainly shied away from type as a supremely bitchy female divorce lawyer with no ethics. I was having so much fun with this episode that I didn’t even care how she got Carmen to make a dramatic entrance (in the sleekest courthouse ever, I might add) in order to discredit Delko. (This week’s effort to connect all the plot threads was even more forced than usual, but it was such an enjoyable episode compared to what we’ve had recently that I can’t be too harsh.) Was it wrong of her to question Eric’s competency? No, but she did it for the wrong reasons. It’s hard to imagine any situation where he’d be back four months after a major trauma involving memory loss and not have anyone triple checking his work.

Not that this is "Pick on Eric Delko" night, but him and Calleigh? Seriously? When she kissed him on the cheek, he looked like a satisfied seventh-grader. This awkward flirtation must end. Now. At first it seemed as though Calleigh was just helping Eric out in the wake of his accident, but all of a sudden it seems a lot less innocent — and a lot more disgusting. Someone needs to have a sit-down with Calleigh and explain that it’s OK to date outside of the Miami-Dade police force.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that the last part of the season seems to have shown a slight uptick in quality so far, with each week getting a little better. Let’s hope that trend continues over the final three episodes. Luckily, next week looks pretty awesome, so I’ll check back in with you all then.

When Law & Order does ripped-from-the-headlines, it is so stunningly similar to real events that the disclaimers at the beginning and end seem superfluous. When CSI: Miami does the same, they take three weeks worth of Us Weekly, stick it in a blender, and see which elements survive. It makes me recall the Paris-Nicole rip-off from last year, where one of the girls ended up electrocuted in the tub by her assistant.

What did we have this week? The actor from a podunk town made into a sex symbol (I’m going to pick Ashton Kutcher on this one), the starlet who goes into rehab though she’s not actually addicted to anything (Lohan with a twist), and um, Britney Spears (renamed “Elvina”). But you know what? It kind of worked for me.

As always, for those of you who fell asleep before the end, it was the first person interviewed, Eddie Cabbott, who killed Brody Lasseter. Why would Eddie kill his best friend from Podunk, PA? Turns out that Brody had just confessed that he had killed Eddie’s older sister in a car accident. Eddie was, understandably, upset about this, so he pushed Brody to the floor, which resulted in a hematoma. Thinking Brody was dead, he staged a suicide using Jolene’s dental-floss rope, which obviously killed Brody.

It is my humble opinion that CSI: Miami thrives when it takes on tabloid culture, because it’s so over-the-top that it just fits the sensibilities of gossip really well. For instance, in the same hour we saw Brody possibly being gay, Holly pretending to get herself arrested for the publicity, and yes, a crazy-ass celebrity shaving her head. Based on what’s happened over the last couple of months, this seems like the CSI:M scenario most likely to actually happen in real life. Is there something totally wrong about that? Probably. But it’s a nice change from scalpings and courtrooms blowing up.

Things we found out about our characters this episode: Delko can be just as creepy as Horatio, and Calleigh is a closet gossip-freak. The Delko thing isn’t exactly surprising, but Calleigh’s guilty pleasure (or should I say "addiction," heh heh) certainly was. She struck me as so no-nonsense about everything that I guess I imagined her curling up in bed with U.S. News and World Report, not Star. But it adds a new dimension to her character, and ya’ll know how big I am on that. Here’s to continuing character development!

I’ll see you all next week. Try to stay out of rehab until then.

Just to get this out of the way, was there ever a more nonsensical piece of dialogue than, “Harassment is not without its consequences/My team thrives on consequences”? I’m serious. What does that mean? How can one thrive on consequences?

I have to admit to being slightly uncomfortable with this episode. Did we really have to have a Native American scalping someone as retribution? Granted, this Doug Lansing fellow did not seem to be the most altruistic person, but… scalping? For those of you who might have fallen asleep before the end, the murderer did end up being the very first person the CSIs talked to: the room-service attendant, who did it because he was 1/16 Native American.

I do have to point out that O’Shay is a pretty brilliant evil mastermind. While in the end the Doug Lansing murder had nothing to do with him, he still managed to get Reggie Venton and his wife out of the picture by having a common thief sneak into Anna’s house to steal her black book (which apparently hookers pass down from generation to generation), which contained Reggie’s contact information. His wife was so incensed that she stabbed him in the face.

This face-stabbing incident brings me to my next point. I’m not the squeamish type, but this episode really had my stomach turning. From the oft-repeated shot of Doug getting scalped, to Ryan actually finding the scalp, to the big splashes of blood falling from the ceiling, it all seemed shocking just for the sake of being shocking. It was one of those increasingly rare times that I was glad not to have an HD television.

All of our CSIs (save Horatio) seemed a little more human than usual this week. In the past they’ve been somewhat one-dimensional, but this week, they tended not to exhibit their signature personalities. Ryan wasn’t an obnoxious know-it-all, Delko wasn’t defined by his brain injury (though in all fairness, he wasn’t doing anything particularly taxing), and Alexx didn’t even talk to the body on the table. It was a nice change of pace.

As much as I was not a fan of O’Shay’s in his first appearance, I’m kind of hoping that we haven’t seen the last of him. I’m almost a little sad that he wasn’t in the previews for next week’s episode, which looks like it’ll be suitably bizarre. From the looks of it, we’ll be back looking at scalps, but at least they’ll still be attached.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go not stare at “retracted” scalps. Till next week!

Just take a moment and imagine how awesome it would have been had the CBS promos department not totally ruined the twist on this episode? When Beth Selby (aka Leslie Bibb No. 3) showed up 15 minutes before the end, it was less than shocking. Nevertheless, I was thoroughly creeped out.

The whole conceit is kind of disturbing (if not downright unhygienic!): triplets who exchange everything in their lives to the point where they’re really all living one life. You marry one (Ashley), impregnate the next (Beth) and get killed by the last one (Kayla) — all without ever knowing the difference. To Dominic Whitford’s credit, the sisters Ashley, Kayla and Beth did not seem to have any discernible differences in personality, though to be fair, one could argue that Beth seemed the most distinct, in that she seemed to actually care about another human being, and was generally more nervous than the other two. Leslie Bibb did an admirable job portraying all three, even if it didn’t exactly flex her acting chops, while Colin Ferguson (Eureka) pretty much just had to stand there and look ruggedly gorgeous in his underwritten role.

In something that may come as a minor shock to those of you who are regular readers, I actually wish we could have seen more of the B-plot: the psychopathic assistant. That seemed to be introduced and dismissed more quickly than it might have been. On the other hand, had they dwelled, perhaps I’d be criticizing it for being too disjointed an episode.

We’re still seeing Delko recover, which I’m actually appreciating. It seems like we always need someone making mistakes in order to add some extra dramatic element, and though his mistakes aren’t nearly as egregious as, say, Natalia’s were earlier this season, it adds a layer of depth to someone we know to be capable otherwise. Other than that, we didn’t really get much from our team last night.

You may all disagree with me, but all things considered, I enjoyed this episode. Yes, I wish hadn’t known one of the major plot twists going into it, but even knowing that, some parts still shocked me. That opening fall from the balcony onto the ice sculpture was, er, graphic to say the least, as was the plastic-surgery montage. This show certainly put its own distinctive mark on the murderous-siblings story. When was the last time outside of sci-fi that we saw two guest stars play five look-alike characters?

Ah, and how can I forget to mention how much I loved last night’s H-line?
Alexx: “That’s cold-blooded, Horatio.”
Horatio: “It’s as cold... as ice.”

And with that, I leave you until the next new episode, though I’m not totally sure when that is. Stay classy!

OK, let’s work this one out together. Of the three men on the “mancation” — sidenote: has anyone in the history of anything ever called a vacation a mancation? Or am I tragically unhip? — the one who wasn’t Dennis or Rob (but whose name I never caught) killed Tess, and Dennis killed the bodyguard Rocko. Then he got nervous and wanted to call the cops, so Rob and not-Rob smeared Dennis’ vest with vanilla bought from the man from Deliverance so that the only grizzly bear living in the Everglades could maul Dennis. Everyone got it so far? Then, it turns out that Tess was only at the hotel in the first place because Anna had to make her demo tape. But because Anna was actually part of a prostitution ring, Horatio is in trouble with a horny politico played by Ed Begley Jr.

Now my head hurts.

Maybe it’s because this show airs late-ish and my brain isn’t in working order. Then again, maybe it’s because the plot made no sense. Last week I praised this show for a relatively narrow focus. This week, the focus was still narrow (there were really only two stories), but the pacing and arrangement of the episode caused a breakdown of massive proportions. Each piece of the story made sense, but it didn’t all make sense together. I found myself wishing for the relatively simplistic Army-recruit episode from December.

Also, I feel like I missed something with Supervisor O’Shay. Has he been introduced before? In looking through Ed Begley Jr.’s credits, I can’t find any evidence of another appearance on this show, but the way he was introduced gave the impression that we should know who he was. What is he the supervisor of? Why does he hate Horatio (aside from the obvious reasons — yes, I read all of your comments and know very well your feelings on Caine)?

However, it’s nice to know that even a C-grade (I’m being very generous here) episode can still give us an A-rated Horatio line: “That means our victim… was the bait.” Cue Roger Daltrey.

I could be harsher on this episode and give it a D, but I really do think it was a victim of a poorly arranged plot. Imagine how much more smoothly it could have gone if they’d concluded the “mancation” part before introducing us to Anna and the prostitution ring? We might have had more time to understand just who this Supervisor O’Shay was, and why this group of prostitutes was so in demand. And that’s not a sentence I ever thought I’d type.

Next week is a rerun, so until we meet again, beware of bears, prostitutes and Ed Begley Jr.

Why is Delko back so soon? It seemed to be the question on everyone’s mind this episode — including his. He even said, “I came back too soon.” Well, yeah. I suppose it’s one thing to not have a scar or any swelling after getting shot in the neck, but it’s another to not even be limping after getting shot in the leg. If House has taught me anything, it’s that you don’t come back that easily from a leg injury. I nitpick because I love.

I liked this episode. As all the regular readers are no doubt aware, I have not been a fan of the global focus of this season of the show. But this week we had what CSI: Miami does best: narcissism and nutcases. Here, Dr. Lasker was the narcissist, and Heather Crowley’s family and boyfriend were the nutcases. (We could consider Horatio to be both, but we pick on him every week, so I’m going to give him a reprieve.) I appreciated the tighter scope of this story. One murder spawned another and led to an investigation into seven more — though we were blessedly spared the tedium of six of those.

Seriously, though, how screwed up was poor Heather Crowley? Her boyfriend slept with her mother, which forced the boyfriend to kill Heather's father. This angered Heather so much that she killed her mother. One thing I don’t understand, though: If her father was knocked out cold by the motorcycle helmet, how did he get covered in blood? I did really like the horror-movie opening, however. It’s been a while since this show did something creative like that. Plus, the look that Heather gave her boyfriend as they were put into separate cop cars spoke volumes. Actually, it mostly said, “This is all your fault.” And you know, I can’t say that I blame her for that.

I kind of wish we had gotten to see more of Dr. Lasker. Doctors killing patients in their care is a concept that has always freaked me out (and I don’t think I’m out of line in saying so). He seemed so completely unrepentant that he really embodied the ideal of the “cold-blooded killer.”

Finally, the first person that can tell me the name of the song that played over the closing montage gets a gold star. Aw, heck, a gold star to all of you for sticking through the season until a decent episode came along. As an extra gift, I’ll leave you with your Horatio moment of Zen:
— “I just needed some time to point the finger.”
— “Yes, well that finger… is now pointing at you.”

This past week I stayed away from all the spoilers I came across so that I could give you my honest reaction to however Delko’s situation played out — not an easy task for me, as I pretty much live for spoilers. What is my honest reaction, you ask? What the frak?! Frakity frak frak. Not to sound callous or anything here, but wouldn’t it have just been kinder to kill this guy off? Yes, we have a very much alive Delko, but one who also has significant memory loss (the go-to plot device for dramas this season). And here I was preparing another one of my snappy obituaries. I’m sorry that Delko can’t remember his sister is dead, but perhaps someone could kindly point out that her spitting image is working as an ADA up in Manhattan. It might help ease the pain. It’s too early to know how this is going to play out over the rest of the season, or even the rest of the series. And in the near future, I may be talking about what a brilliant move this was on behalf of the writers, but forgive me for feeling a little ripped off at the moment. And just as an aside, how is it not a conflict of interest for the entire team to work on Eric’s case?

Of course, I do get to mourn one character: Clavo. I will miss him and his back-and-forth with Horatio. Some great lines of his:
• “You know what, my friend? You are a serious player. You could learn something from this man, pop. He never gives up, and I love that about you, Caine.”
• “Lieutenant Caine — now my parade has officially been rained on.”
• “Yet another startling revelation on the obvious.”

Who can blame him for having a major beef with Horatio? H made one of Clavo’s fathers disown him, and then he made the other one disown him. That takes some skill. Clavo's got his own failings, though. Cathy Gibson (played by Jennifer Hall) wasn’t a very good fake hostage. But to be fair to her, Clavo certainly didn’t make things easy, what with dumping her on the beach and all. It’s still better than the unfortunate fate her über-crazy Monica Wilder suffered on Nip/Tuck (you know, that other Miami-set drama).

Where the whole blood diamond plot came in, I’m still not sure, but I renew my objection to CSI: Miami’s strange obsession with being an issues-centered show as of late. This was almost two episodes in one, and for me, the Clavo half worked much better, mostly because it didn’t take itself too seriously. Plus, the more serious stuff tends to invite me to explore plot holes — something I’d really rather not do.

I suppose I’ll be thinking for a while about the aftermath of this episode. This could be just the shot in the arm CSI: Miami needs in order allow for some character development. What are your thoughts on Eric’s fate? Are you interested to see how this affects the team? Just glad he’s still alive? Wish it had been Horatio instead?

Until next week, as always, friends.

Please look at the title of this entry. If you are a police officer and you’ve been shot, you are never, ever, ever, ever to say this. Ever. Even though Delko's getting shot was the worst kept secret on tvguide.com, I certainly wasn’t expecting it to be anything like it was. Dare I say, CSI: Miami is giving us suspense again? When he got shot in the leg, I figured that was it. And then he just had to go and say, “I’m gonna be fine.” Horatio didn’t even have any sunglasses to fiddle with. He just had to stand there and actually emote. It was a watershed moment in the history of this show.

I have to admit that when the first Clavo episode aired, I was definitely more concerned with passing my physics-for-poets science requirement, and so while I vaguely remember it, it doesn’t have quite the same resonance for me as it may have for others. I like the character, though. He’s very over-the-top and so obviously evil that he almost makes up for the loss of Nick Townsend. (Was that really only two episodes ago? It feels like it’s been an eternity.) The flashback sequences where he talked about how it was awesome to watch a woman die gave me shivers that were unrelated to the bitter cold enveloping much of the U.S. Plus, he’s the only one that can really take on Horatio. Who didn’t cheer him on just a little bit when he said, “Lieutenant Caine: the master of the obvious”? He’s like a Bond nemesis in the amount of planning he puts into his schemes. He arranged a massive gun theft in order to get a rocket launcher which allowed him to blow up the exact courtroom in which he was being arraigned. And he managed to get a million dollars wired to Horatio’s bank account, take a hostage and get Delko shot (twice!). I’m beyond excited that we’ll have him back next week, as he seems to be the infusion of life that this show desperately needed.

I was also impressed with the subplot concerning the little boy getting shot accidentally by his brother. It certainly seemed more plausible than many of the other crimes this season, as the brother really had no idea what he was doing when he shot through the wall. It would have been more effective, however, had Ryan not been gnawing the scenery. Fighting back tears is not a good look on him, nor does it seem very fitting with his character. He’s dealt with worse cases than this, and never got too emotionally involved, so this rang a little hollow. I’ve given up on where the documentary-maker went. That story seems to have just disappeared.

Overall, probably the strongest episode this season, and I wish there were more for me to say about it. But considering this is a two-parter, much has been left unresolved, so there’s only so much to talk about. I’m really looking forward to next week’s episode, which promises to be the emotional show that I thought was coming with that bomb-on-the-beach monstrosity. Delko’s life is in the balance, and I think I speak for all of us when I pray that they let him live. I’m still not over the loss of Speed (Marisol, eh...), I can’t bear to lose Delko as well. If he isn’t going to survive, at least we get another episode with him next week. When he was lying on the ground at the end of this one, I really thought he was dead.

Keep your fingers crossed, and take with you this little nugget of medical knowledge, courtesy of the other “master of the obvious,” Alexx, and her “medical degree”: “This one has blood coming out of his ears. It might be internal bleeding.”

I got so excited when I read the description of tonight’s episode and found out that it involved Frank and a land mine. I was then crushed when I found out that it was not going to be an emotionally wrenching hour of bomb-squad awesomeness à la Grey's Anatomy, nor perhaps a friendship forged around a certain death due to a subway accident (we miss you and your Baltimore ways, Frank Pembleton of Homicide: Life on the Street). Instead, I learned to stay away from con artists and received a lesson in the politics of Cuban exiles. What now? That doesn’t really have anything to do with bombs and Detective Tripp, you say? Yeah, tell me about it. It took me pretty much the whole commercial break after they saved Frank to recover.

Once I did recover, I was confused. Why would the past-his-prime pitcher randomly set land mines on a beach? I’m aware that he knew that’s where his rival would be landing, but wasn’t it kind of lucky (or unlucky, depending on how you look at it) that the victim just happened to step on one? I managed to follow this story line with relative ease, but I got totally lost when it morphed into a tale of Cuban exiles, and assassins with promises to Fidel Castro (and speaking of Castro, did you know that he apparently tried out for the Cincinnati Reds in 1941? I wouldn’t put money on it, but that’s what the shady sports agent said). As far as I can figure out, it was just that the CSIs were able to identify a shell casing as Cuban that led them to discover a plot on a prominent exile’s life. That’s some good sleuthing.

(Warning: rant ahead) I have found the focus of CSI: Miami this season to be, at best, schizophrenic — as well as misguidedly centered around American foreign policy. Nowhere is this more evident than with Delko’s new personal plotline. At the beginning of the season, we paid attention to him and Horatio as they brought Marisol’s (and Ray’s) killers to justice. Then we needed to endure Ryan’s self-destructive tendencies and Natalia’s ex-husband, with some Calleigh mess thrown in there, too. Now it’s cycled back around to Delko. I’m all for character development — in fact, in the past I’ve practically begged for it — but this is getting to be too much. I care about each of these characters, but please, follow through on a story before starting a new one (and don’t end one too early, like what happened with Nick Townsend). What happened to Ryan’s documentary? That just disappeared! Suddenly, Delko was facing what could have been a real character expansion story line, and it ends up with him settling because he doesn’t want too much focus on the lab. It’s enough to make my head explode like those land mines did. Is it a crime to want to know more about what makes my Miamians tick? (Rant over)

According to the listings, we have yet another rerun next week, and then a new episode on Feb. 5, which will be the first of two parts. So, until then, my friends, and as always, I’ll leave you with some classic lines from this episode:

— Frank: Well that’s a hell of a way to start off a day!
— Horatio: And it’s only… 8 o’clock.

— Agent: I have a signing meeting this afternoon.
— Horatio: The only thing you’ll be signing is a booking slip.

And so we say goodbye to deliciously creepy Nick Townsend. He is survived by his ex-wife, Natalia Boa Vista, who had him put in jail. His apartment had been described as “Grand Central Station, with women coming in and out,” but he had many other redeeming characteristics as well, such as stealing and stalking. Upon further consideration, he had no redeeming characteristics whatsoever, except that he was just basically awesome. I, for one, will miss him and his alter ego, Rob Estes. Thus ends the obituary of Mr. Townsend. You knew that in the end he was either going to go to jail or be killed, but I was always of the opinion that the CSIs on this show needed a more serious nemesis, and he seemed like a good one. I suppose that over the rest of the season it’ll be the terrorists, but still, I’ll always have a soft spot for this guy.

Also, we got an introduction to the bizarro-CSI: Miamians, aka the night shift. Of course, if we aren’t counting Jake, there seemed to be only two of them, which struck me as odd. Maybe we’re getting set up for a spin-off of a spin-off, CSI: Miami: Night Shift. In fact, I kind of want a flak jacket with that on it. Johnny Whitworth’s Jake Berkeley was doing his best to step into Horatio’s shoes, with some good lines (“Spoken like the last request of a guilty man” and “The evidence trumps your confession”) and a new, very twitchy mode of presenting himself, but a second-rate Horatio isn’t even as good as a first-rate Ryan, so leave me my Caruso-isms, please.

It was kind of neat how the Benjamin Rhodes and the Townsend murders were tied together; for those of you who missed the ending, Jeff Murdock killed Nick because Nick had the last remaining piece of evidence that connected his wife to the murder of Rhodes, because Nick always stole from crime scenes, so it wasn’t just the standard A and B plotlines. It was a particularly nice surprise to see Sharon Leal as Lauren Sloan, considering I spent most of my day listening to the Dreamgirls soundtrack, on which I got to hear her sing (she played Michelle), plus I was a fan of her character on Boston Public.

We must address, though, what this means for madams Boa Vista and Valera. Should we be concerned that both of them thought that Valera had killed Nick and neither of them came forward until kind of late in the game? At the very least, one of them could have called 911. As neither of them was guilty of the crime in the end, I guess no disciplinary action will be taken, but (at least to me) it still feels like something needs to happen. I suppose we'll have to wait and see.

So let's take the time to mourn a great and sinister character, one who managed to spout the best quote of the night: “What’s the matter, Eric? Test tube too small?”

I certainly spent more than my fair share of time in the state of Florida on Thursday waiting for my massively delayed flight to leave (again, apologies for not getting this up earlier!), and yet I could not wait to get home and see it again onscreen. Luckily, I wasn’t nearly as disappointed by this episode as I expected to be when I saw it opening with Sonya, the gorgeous lady terrorist. Once I got past the fact that that courtroom was larger and sunnier than any I had ever been in — and I once worked in one — I was pleasantly surprised.

There was a great small moment in this episode. When Calleigh went to Frank to ask him about gang tattoos, I almost jumped for joy. Rex Linn is so underused on this show, and it was wonderful to see him give some input rather than just acting as a foil for Horatio to bounce one-liners off of (though, as I’m sure you can all tell from previous write-ups, I am a huge fan of the one-liners). I know we’ve gotten some back-story about him before, but we hardly ever get to see him really contribute, and so for that incredibly short dialogue, I give the writers an A.

It was also unexpected to see Horatio do some actual lab work — which I did see someone else mention in the comments in the discussion thread — but a nice change of pace. In fact, everyone really had something to do in this episode, and because the plotline was quite obviously setting up the show to come back after winter break, it gave us a break from the frenetic (and might I add, unrealistic) pace that we usually have. Yes, they solved two crimes in the space of 48 hours, but something bigger is coming, so for me at least, this didn’t have quite the air of finality that end most episodes.

As for how Ryan screwed up the investigation with his overzealous use of Luminall as a show for the cameras, I found the staff’s downright angry reaction much more convincing than what seems to be amnesia about Natalia being the mole. However, what I find incredibly frustrating about the filmmaker (and likewise, Natalia’s ex-husband and Calleigh’s undercover ex-boyfriend) is how inconsistently this sort of plotline is brought up. Shouldn’t this guy have been following Ryan around for several episodes now? And yet this was only the first time since his introduction that he’s appeared.

I suppose we’ll find out in January just what is to become of Sonya and the al-Qaeda sound-alike group that I won’t even try to spell. So I’ll leave you with the closest thing we got to a classic CSI: Miami line, courtesy of Ryan:
“It causes a glow. Another word for it is… evidence.”

Hi everyone!

I'll be in a warmer climate next week, so the write-up up for Monday's episode (December 11) will appear on Friday. Until then, feel free to discuss here. Plot holes, Horatio's ticks, Calleigh's lipstick... it's all fair game.

Enjoy.

Update: Morning, everyone! Unfortunately, my writeup will have to be postponed again until tomorrow, as my flight into Philadelphia was massively delayed last night. It'll be up by noon on Saturday.