Saturday Night Live

Hey guys, it's Erin Fox, back from vacation. Thanks so much to Adam Bryant for filling in while I was gone. We always have lively discussions about SNL on Mondays, so I knew he'd be a fantastic addition to the recap blog. Yay, Adam!

So tonight is the season finale, and Steve "The Office and now big movie star" Carell is hosting. If I recall, last time he hosted wasn't all that phenomenal, but hopefully, that won't be the case tonight... especially with all the political fun to be had.

Cold Opening
Steve starts off giving an address to some graduates from the "Pounder School." The name is awesome, even though I don't get the reference yet. He talks about how this school is for outsiders, that no one, regardless of background or funny sounding names would ever be made fun of... this is a family. Now he reads the names of the seniors, which is every name Bart Simpson would use to crank phone call Mo (and much dirtier ones). Some of my favorites, "Jack David Mehoff," "Lotta Christine Semen," "Eaton Thomas Bush," "Dick Hurtz… Where's Dick Hurtz… Who's Dick Hurtz?" "Harry Nicholas Pairoftestes, the third." Does bathroom humor ever get old? No, no it doesn't.

Monologue
Steve talks about being a big deal as the season finale host. He also said he had about six Red Bulls and some sour patch kids to pump himself up. Then he does what he does best, crack up, make inappropriate noises and act like a maniac a la his possession in Bruce Almighty. He bolts off stage and sits on a dude from the audience's lap and asks for a head rub. He bolts out of the audience and runs into his awesome wife (Carol from The Office) Nancy, who gets him to admit he never drank Red Bull or ate candy... he's just nervous. Amy appears and asks if this happens often, and Nancy replies, "Every morning." Heh.

Split Screen Democratic Race Commercial
Fred as Obama and Amy as Hillary share a creepy split screen (as in one side of their shared face is Hillary, one is Obama) commercial about the democratic party. They speak in unison until they interject their points: "We have our weaknesses (Hillary says to Obama: Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Obama says: Bill Clinton)." Ha! It's pretty funny actually.

Deal or No Deal Sketch
Fred plays an awesome Howie, and Steve plays the contestant. He's about to open his suitcase after turning down 211K bucks. His belligerent dad played by Will Forte tells him he's not surprised since he always makes bad decisions. Howie tells "Rebecca" to open her case (super funny Kristen Wiig) and all she does is tease him by opening it a crack and closing it while she makes sad then happy faces. Steve looks like he's going to go postal between the case girl and his Dad screaming at him. It's funny until it gets sentimental at the end.

We get a special sneak peek of Get Smart, and unfortunately it looks really... well, not smart.

Karaoke Night Sketch
Keenan starts with "Everything I Do," and then the host, Steve, gets up on stage in a vest (ha!). We see Jason and Kristen dressed as douchey A-Holes doing karaoke. They both smack gum, she's texting and playing with her hair, and Jason says "babe" every two seconds while sporting a cell earpiece. They decide to do stand up instead of karaoke while Steve tries not to kill them. I'm getting bored now. They decide to do "Baby Got Back," but then just stand there and chew their gum. Not as funny as it could have been. Bummer.

SNL Digital Short
Ricky Gervais sits in a director chair and discusses the far superior British version of The Office. This is awesome... his timing is so perfect and dry. After bashing America for ripping off his version, he says he was inspired by the original Japanese version of the show and wants to show it to us now. Uh-oh, hold onto your hats. This is gonna be good, I hope. The beginning is perfectly redone, Japanese style. The best part is that they got Jason to look just like Jim and Bill to look exactly like Dwight... who pulls out the stapler in the Jell-O while cursing in Japanese. All the actors speak Japanese (I think) convincingly and I'm cracking up. This is brilliant! They go to a Japanese commercial which is Darrell Hammond playing Regis Philbin. He's plugging (ew... pun intended) Hello Kitty tampons. OMG, it's so true! Celebs always plug random crap overseas. Awesome. Back to Ricky who simply says, "It's funny because it's racist." My fave part is Kristen's Asian-girl giggle.

McCain Campaign Sketch
It's really McCain! Wondered when he's show up (not in a cartoon). He's totally making fun of the fact that he's so old. He wants to do the right thing and cut pork-barrel spending, like 160 million bucks to developing a gaydar jamming device. LOL. The rest is pretty funny too, including his frugalness in Arizona, like reducing paved roads from 23k to 900 miles. Heh. Nice job.

Usher performs
I loves me some Usher, but this song is mostly heavy breathing, and his funky dance moves. He pretty to look at though.

Weekend Update
Yay! They start off with political stuff as usual. "John Edwards officially endorsed himself for vice president this week." Hee! That's what I thought when I saw that as well. McCain is back! The real one, even! He wants to thank Republican voters because he's honored to be their choice. He wants to reach out Democrats to say "Don't pick out a candidate too soon." Seth and Amy begin to bicker, and McCain says, "That's right, fight amongst yourself." Hehehehe. This is actually really funny... better than his first bit. Besides saying that he thinks keeping two people on the ticket through and even after the convention is crazy! Crazy exciting!" Ha! He also suggests John Edwards has good ideas and they should consider, "Kicking the tires on that idea a few more times." Awesome. Well, played. Keenan and Darrell play Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson. Hammond's Jackson is spot-on. He's an amazing mimic. Keenan, not so much. But they made him look like Al, which is funny in itself. A little. Hey, I'm trying here, people!

The Charlie Flitt Show
Steve plays a weight loss phenom that looks like Lumbergh from Office Space. Amy joins him onstage as another weight loss success story. She lost weight on Subway... and she's met Jared! (He's just as hot in person... ew). Her fiancé played by Bill has the reverse story. He was thin and then gained it back. Everyone has to break through paper images of themselves. This skit just doesn't do it for me at all. I think it could have been funny, but it's missing something. Oh yeah, funniness!

CPR Sketch
Steve sticks his chest out as any good Red Cross volunteer CPR teacher would do. He demonstrates CPR compressions on Andy who tells him to do it harder. Steve presses all the way into his chest cavity and blood starts spurting everywhere. Ew. He begins mouth to mouth and a balloon inflates every time he blows. Andy dies, Usher enters and does a mini PSA about how CPR is fun but can kill. BOO.

Usher Performs Again
This time he's wearing black and has a dancing partner who is more like a stripper with those moves. Ooh, now there's a blonde stripper! The song is less annoying though.

Random Musical Sketch
Steve and Kristen do a strange "Bless This Child" song and dance number with a baby doll. It's very weird and only a little funny. Let's just think back to the Japanese Office.

What did you guys think? Was it a good season finale? Do you miss Tina Fey like I do?

Related

• Use our Online Video Guide to watch more SNL.

Hey guys! SNL is back this week, but Erin is wrapping up a week at the beach. As such, I, Adam Bryant, am here to recap tonight's show. Tonight will be Shia LaBeouf's second time hosting, and despite all the rumors I've heard about him being a jerk off camera, all the work he's turned in (Disturbia, Transformers) has been solid. Let's hope the same is true tonight!

Cold Opening
The show opens with Amy Poehler giving an address as Hilary Clinton. She's pointing out that even following the grueling campaign, the nomination will still likely rest in the hands of the super delegates' "sober assessment" of the candidates, basically doing away the importance of all the caucuses, primaries and most importantly, popular vote (chuckle, chuckle). Her campaign is now focused on three issues that make her the better choice to face Sen. John McCain: The fact that she is a sore loser, her supporters are racist and she has no ethical standards. While making sure to "not attack her opponent, she points out that she will not support Obama should she lose the nomination, as he would for her. She also says while Obama's supporters would still vote for her, her supporters would not vote for him. (She also notes that she is close to gaining the endorsement of Obama campaign killer Rev. Jeremiah Wright, of CNN/Fox News/YouTube fame.) Finally, she says she should get the nomination because she has no ethical standards &mdash while Obama refuses to play the race card, she will both play the gender and race card against McCain. As with most of the political stuff in this post-strike season, there are a few laughs, but nothing that really blows me away. Amy's impression is solid as usual, though.

Monologue
Shia takes the stage, and immediately starts plugging his new flick, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. He says the only detail he can reveal about the movie is that Harrison Ford plays a white man between 10 and 100. After a Q&A session with the audience goes sour (someone basically sums up all the rumored spoilers of the movie, making Shia uncomfortable) Shia is joined by Darrell Hammond as Sean Connery, Amy as Short Round and Will Forte as the "Nazi with the melted face," each representing the three movies in the Indy trilogy. Each gives their reasons for why they should be in the new movie, but Shia says he is the only one that gets to be in the movie (fake spoiler alert, I hope) where Indiana Jones dies. Ha! Not a bad start to the evening.


MacGruber Part 1
MacGruber is back. After the last few of these recurring bits, I was really growing tired of it. And while no new ground was broken tonight, I must admit I was laughing quite a bit. While trying to defuse a pipe bomb, MacGruber asks for a petroleum-based substance, and Shia (as MacGruber's son?) gives him some, ahem, anal lubricant. The look of horror on MacGruber's face when he learns the "lucky lady" his son's been experimenting with is Scott lasts until the building explodes as usual. Of course it's low-brow, but it's good fun.


It's A Match Gameshow Sketch
Next up is a Match Game rip-off show, featuring an array of crazy characters, some based on the actual celebrities on Match Game, and other wacky ones like Shia's unicorn shirt-wearing magician. When it comes time for the host to make his entrance, a police investigator shows up, informing the panel that the host was found murdered in his dressing room. I cracked up when he asks them questions, and they all write their answers on cards, true to Match Game style. The clichéd '70s game show answer "making whoopee" makes several appearances as do references that the host was sleeping with the "happily married" father of two who is also clearly gay. (Do we see a theme developing tonight?) The sketch was good for quite a few laughs, mostly coming from Shia's magic tricks, which all end with him staring at the camera, wiggling his fingers and half-whispering "It's magic."

Shoplifting Teens Sketch
We find Andy, Bill and Shia in a police station after having attempted to shoplift Grand Theft Auto IV at the Gamestop in the mall. The cop brings in Keenan as inmate Macintosh (doing his best attempt at being gangster) to teach the kids a lesson via the "Scared Straight" program. The running gag of the sketch is Keenan repeatedly saying "This is real," even though all of his examples of real life are plots from movies and his facial scar is drawn on with a sharpie. When the kids call him on this, he always makes a graphic threat involving prison rape. (Again, theme anyone?) There a more than a few low-brow laughs (an arrow that says deposit here, "there ain't no grease"), but the sketch probably should have ended a minute sooner.

MacGruber Part 2
Following up on his realization that his son may be gay, MacGruber has spent the last 2 months trying to "undo" the situation. Instead of asking for his son's help in stopping the bomb, he asks him to recite Bible verses and name his favorite parts of the female anatomy. Just when MacGruber begins to feel at ease a blurred-out sex toy falls from his bag and buzzes around on the floor, once again prompting a look of disgust until the building explodes. I feel like I shouldn't be laughing, but I can't help myself.

Suze Orman Show Sketch
I'm really glad to see this sketch back tonight. Kristen Wiig does this character so well, and it’s quickly becoming one of my favorites of hers. Of course, she starts her show by giving tips on how to she keeps her hair volumized (by riding in a speedboat for tow hours before visiting Pam and Jan's barber shop in Phoenix). There's plenty of lesbian references thrown in (am I making too big a deal of this them thing?), but the big laughs for me come when Suze claims she used her federal stimulus check to buy, not her jacket but a snap-on collar, and the fact that she has buttons tattooed on her chest so it looks like she is always wearing a jacket. Shia is her guest as a Miami nightclub/sensual buffet owner, but I don't really get his presence, except that he suggest he gets a five o'clock shadow permanently tattooed on his face, which sets up the aforementioned tattoo gag for Suze.

Digital Short
This week's digital short features Andy and Shia in a music video for "The Best Look in the World." To quote the song, "Dress shirt, black socks, no pants — the best look in the world." Kinda funny. Mercifully short. No complaints.

My Morning Jacket (Performance 1)
I'm no music critic, but the song's not bad. It's upbeat, guitar-driven, with some nice solo work. They have a bit of a classic rock sound. And hey, the guys is "Amazed" by pretty much everything.

Weekend Update
The Update has been on fire for most of this season and tonight's is equally solid. A few highlights, with punchlines bulleted for easier reading.

• Stamps are going from 41 cents to 42 cents, prompting a response from oil of, "Awww, that's cute."
• This past week's Cinco de Mayo represented a celebration of the putnumbered Mexicans defeating the French by hurling empty Corona bottles at them.
• A New York city congressman was arrested for drunk driving, revealed to have an extramarital affair, as well as having a secret child. Which they call in Washington, "the Trifecta."
• Another oil price joke — If Gas gets any more expensive, rappers will start to drink it.
• A Weather Channel anchor is being sued by his co-anchor because of his sexual remarks, prompting Seth to try out his own: "The forecast in Amytown is cloudy with a 40 percent chance of ding dongs."
• The fat in women's hips and thighs may protect from diabetes, but is sadly effective for attracting Sir Mix-a-Lot.
• Ugly Betty is moving to New York where it is set, though Amy thought it was set on a gay space ship.

As for their guests, Bill and Fred as the video game characters from Grand Theft Auto IV were brilliant (particulary their stilted body movements), while Keenan as Jean K. Jean, um... not so much.

Vinny Vedecci Sketch
Bill Hader returns as the Italian talk show host who has American actors on his show, despite his ability to actually speak English well. The best part of this recurring bit is Hader's ability to run through the Italian. I have no idea how accurate it is, but it sounds good. Shia plays himself who has to explain to Vinny that Transformers has nothing to do with him getting a sex change, which makes pretty much all of his other questions worthless. The gag about Shia's arrest for smoking prompted a nice look around the studio where Vinny and his entire staff (including a cameo from Lorne) are scared, as they all smoke like chimneys. Vinny also shows a clip of himself doing Italian voice-over work for Temple of Doom, and gets upset when a bunch of snakes supposed to fall on Shia comes a minute too late. (I love that Will forte sits off-set just constantly eating spaghetti, even when they cut to him). The sketch is full of chuckles, but got a big laugh from me when it ends with Vinny apologizing to the other "transformers" (Kristen and Jason in drag) for running out of time.

MacGruber Part 3
Continuing the homophobic story line, MacGruber is very upset when Scott shows up to help. Though MacGruber's son insists (while being tickled) the boys' relationship is platonic, he is forced to kiss Vicky to prove it once and for all. He pukes in her mouth just as the building explodes. Welcome back, MacGruber.

Restaurant Sketch
Amy and Kristen are out, and quickly notice all the guys in the restaurant staring at them. Andy and Shia have ridiculous grins that are both "happy and scared," which is really the gag of the whole sketch. They pad the thought a little by revealing a table full of guys in the restaurant that are equally strange, though the girls think they have found "the Abercrombie catalog". When they wonder what the guys are thinking, we're treated to voice tracks of all the guys singing/talking unintelligible gibberish, which still doesn’t deter the ladies from hoping for an 8-way. It's kind of funny, but again, short and sweet, which makes all the difference.

My Morning Jacket (Performance 2)
This one still has the classic feel, but is a bit slower and moodier. Again, it's not that bad to listen too, but the first was one was a little more fun.

Dressing Room Sketch
Luckily this is the last sketch, because it really doesn't do anything for me. Amy is a wacky southern lady who has brought her two "daughters" to New York from Georgia. They are trying on clothes, all of which she finds to be "New York funky." Kristen plays one daughter while Shia plays the daughter Amy knows is a man. Even though she's changed the diapers and knows what's going on down there, she says the rest is still a "funky misfire." Amy tries to get Shia to accessorize to draw attention away from his "hairiness" and other less feminine traits. She also repeatedly says "yes, no, yes" which tires quickly, but references to looking like a "funky New York native" who can direct you to the Empire State building and a lack of a "funky Dress Barn" keep it bearable until it finally ends.

That's a wrap! All in all I though tonight was a pretty solid outing for the SNL gang, and I am really looking forward to next week's Steve Carrel/Usher season finale. Erin will be back for that, but until then, tell us what you thought of tonght's show. What hit? What missed? Let the comments begin!

Happy Mother's Day!

Hey kids! It's Erin Fox, your SNL blog mistress. This should be an interesting evening with Ashton Kutcher. I'm wondering if he'll just be "Kelso" in every sketch, or if he'll show a little range.

Cold Opening
We're shown a C-SPAN spoof on the Petraeus Reports on Iraq. Will Forte is General Petraeus who says the Sunnis and Shiites are getting along well now, and have been brought together by various forms of crime. Heh. Darrell Hammond does a pitch-perfect John McCain, Amy is back as Hillary (who hilariously claims that she's been against the war her entire life). Fred Armisen is Obama and Petraeus falls all over him for writing his two excellent books. They keep saying he'll be the next president, "No offense [Hillary]." Ha! Petraeus then goes on to say how awful John and Hillary's books are. This is actually a really funny opening.

Monlogue
OMG, Ashton comes out doing an air guitar bit. Are you kidding me? He begins his monologue, but then I'm distracted by a flash of his hot bod. Whoa, did you see that? He raises his hand to point at some lights, and you can totally see his handle bar muscle (right below the pants... hey now!). He's doing a shtick on how he's "producing" now and shows how great he is at it by walking around and giving the actors and control room people notes. Demi Moore pops out of a hallway backstage and asks him to please not wear some red short shorts on the show. He agrees and said, "Produced the hell out of that!" This is one of the lamest monologues I've seen in a while. And, Demi? Pointless.

The Cougar Den
I'm laughing already because Amy, Kristen and Casey are dressed and made up perfectly as cougars. Kristen has a 22-year-old boyfriend who she took to see The Ruins. Afterwards, she gave him a blow joy, "because it's certainly not a job." OMG. Awesome. Before their first guest comes out, the ladies (with super-low, tranny-like voices) take a Boniva break. LOL. Out comes guest cougar KiKi— but wait, that's Cameron Diaz! (She's in the movie that Ashton is promoting by being on SNL). She has a great fake rack and funny Hispanic accent. She's written a book called Pounce on It. Ha! Then they take a kegel break (strengthening their hoo-ha muscles). This is genius and raunchy, and I love it. Ashton comes out as a "cougar cub" and discusses how cougars are great because they buy you junk. Heh. Well done, ladies.

Fat City Clubbing Sketch
Ashton plays himself trying to get into a club and Keenan is the bouncer who doesn't let him in. He waits next to Fred who plays lame guido "Oliver" who keeps talking about his pathetic life while Keenen lets in everyone else (including a group of retirement home people) into party. This sketch is just OK.

Daiquiri Girl Sketch
This is supposed to be where the SNL Digital Short is, and instead it's a crappy YouTube like video of Andy Samberg singing "Daiquiri Girl" while a message scrolls over the screen. It basically says that they were supposed to have a funnier short but the musical act backed out at the last minute, and so this is what the audience is gonna get. The song is really annoying.

Activia Sketch
Kristen plays the yogurt spokesperson Jamie Lee Curtis, and she's wearing a hilarious wig and blabs on and on about how she loves to pose naked for every magazine article about her. She proclaims that she "loves" the yogurt and can't wait to do the commercial. They start shooting the commercial, and she gets a horror-stricken look on her face. Then her eye twitches. She's totally pooping her pants because she's had too much Activia. But hey, "she's proud of it!" Gross, but ha!

Gnarls Barkley Performs
Wow, this song is super annoying. I'm fast forwarding it now.

Weekend Update
Seth and Amy's first few jokes are spot on. Then Kristen comes on as a travel writer with a crazy mile a minute speech problem ("Just kidding, I'm fine, just kidding, I'm not, just kidding," etc.). It's amazing how fast she can speak but this bit goes on too long. It actually makes my head hurt a little bit. Back to Seth and Amy: I like the bit about High School Musical 4; Amy says it will focus on "why these kids can't graduate from this super-queer school." Ha! Now Fred is on doing his Nicholas Fein character. It's funny for a second, then it's annoying. Do you see a pattern emerging here? But Amy and Seth recover nicely and make me laugh out loud many more times.

Bar sketch
Jason, Bill, Will and Aston are good ol' boys at a bar drinking some beers and listening to tunes on the juke box. The song reminds Jason of his old girlfriend who he loves because she listens to everything he says, and does all sorts of sexual things without protest. And by golly, once she comes out of a coma, he'll propose! Boy, he loves being a doctor. Ew! Gross! They all go around the table with their stories, each more disturbing than the next (Will is a pedophile: That's really not funny). Randomly, at the end of the sketch, they put on the headgear from The Village People and sing "YMCA." Weird.

Jack Johnson Mellow Show Sketch
Andy plays Jack and Bill comes out as a barefoot Dave Matthews. He nails the impersonation and sings a song called "Snickerdoodle Cookies." Keenan comes out as his crazy violinist. Ha. It's kinda annoying that Andy is trying to channel Adam Sandler here. Ashton plays "mellow" John Mayer. He does the weird John Mayer singing faces well, but beyond that, this sketch is kinda lame.

Gnarls Barkley Performs
This song is much more my style: Mellow and bluesy. Nice work, Gnarls.

Strip Joint Sketch
Keenan, Andy, Will and Jason play office guys out for a night on the town (aka, a strip club). Ashton comes out looking like he's straight out of Boogie Nights and introduces Dusty, the paralyzed stripper. Jeeeeeeeeez, they have no shame tonight. Casey plays the stripper, who needs Ashton to move her around and take off her clothes. It's not funny, it's not funny, it's not funny— yet I chuckle a little. It's so tasteless, but the looks on the guys' faces are so priceless.

That's it for this week! Next show in May features Shia LaBeouf! Yay!

Hello, again! It's Erin Fox, and I hope you had a lovely little break from SNL the last few weeks. I actually had a life last night and saw some theater, so that's why this is coming to you the day after the show. So, what did you guys think of Christopher Walken? I'm a big fan of his past performances on the show, but as some of you said in the blog last week, his last few hosting gigs have been kind of... stale. I know "The Continental" sketch has been overdone, but I'm sorry, it cracks me up every time. Let's see what they come up with for Mr. Walken tonight.

Cold Opening
A screen reading "Hillary for President" flashes across the screen. Darrell Hammond and Amy Poehler play Bill and Hillary who discuss having to release their tax return information under scrutiny from Obama's campaign. Hillary says they made about $109 million in the last five years. Most of that coming from what "Bill loves to do most: Talk to people." Bill agrees by saying, "That is what I love most in the world: Talking to people... and nothing else." Heh. Hill and Bill continue to mock the tax return inquiry by reminding us that the sums they were paid to write their memoirs were published in every paper... so it should be no surprise that they are rich. It's pointed and snarky, and I love it. The best part is when Hillary says, "So I think at this point I think it would be in the best interest of the party for me to step aside for the Obama campaign. Psych! That's never gonna happen." Ha!

Roll opening credits....

Monologue
Walken says it's his 100th time hosting... ha ha. He's going to answer questions from the audience, but to make sure they're good, he wrote them himself. The first question is "Which do you prefer, acting in movies or live performances?" Walken thinks this is a great question! He answers, and the next question (which he wrote, remember), "What is your favorite color?" He berates the woman who asked his question for such a lame request, saying "That was a stinky question." The next question is, "What do you like to do when you're not on camera?" Walken bristles and says, "Please don't come at me with questions about my intimate behavior." LOL. He continues, "I have a question for you: You should be ashamed of yourself!"

Annuale Commercial
We've already seen this brilliant commercial about year–round birth control during Tina Fey's hosting episode. It still makes me laugh so hard, I had to pause the TiVo to regain my composure. "When you finally do get your period, hold on to your f--king hats." HA!

Grease Sketch
Walken wears a hilariously bad wig as a musical theater director of Grease who is worried that the show's lyrics are too dirty. Andy, Keenan, Bill and Jason are the high school kids in the production and they launch into "Grease Lightning," and Walken stops them with, "Whoa!!! The chicks will what (cream)? That's dirty! Do you know what that means?" Andy whispers in his ear, and Walken says, "Yep that's it, congrats. Tell your friends, they want to know." Hee. Walken chooses another ridiculous rhyme for 'cream' that makes no sense. This continues until the song is so completely unrecognizable, it's pathetic. Yet funny.

Goodbye Office Party Sketch
Jason's leaving a company and they're throwing him a goodbye party. Walken plays that creepy guy... you know you all have one at the office... that kind that thinks he knows you really well. So Walken approaches Jason at the party and tells him how sorry he is that Jason's leaving. Actually, you can see he has a very scary one-way man crush, bodering on stalker relationship with poor Jason. He says things like, "You're so positive. You're like a breath of fresh air, or a moist towelette after a large delicious plate of ribs." People from the office come over to say goodbye, but then leave quickly as to not interrupt his time with Walken. Jason pleads with them all not to leave, that this guy is a freak. But, no one listens and it just escalates in awkwardness. Including that Walken made him a mix CD and a painted portrait. Jason is really skeeved out now, and it keeps getting worse. At the end as Jason runs to escape the psycho, Walken says, "Part of me wants to let him go, and part of me wants to run after him in the parking lot, come up behind him and choke him to death. Then make love to his corpse for the rest of my life." Wow, that just got disturbing on so many levels, yet I'm laughing.

SNL Digital Short
Bill and Andy barge in on Lorne Michaels at a dinner with Senator Dodd to talk about their newest digital short. Lorne knows what it is already: Laser Cats. This is the weirdest sketch ever, yet because they intertwine stuffed animals with real cats and a pug puppy I couldn't help but chuckle. They are basically playing laser tag but the cats shoot the lasers. Weird, right? But funny. And the pug puppy is so damn cute!

Surprise Party Sketch
Kristin Wiig is the star of this sketch, wearing a dorky wig and awful sweater, she plays a woman that gets ridiculously excited by helping throw Walken's granddaughter a surprise party. She freaks out over every detail, and literally looks like she's about to explode. This turns into a Mary Catherine Gallagher meets the Target lady sketch. She bashes a bottle over her head and crashes through each window from her excitement. My husband cracks up at this sketch, but I find it funny at first, and then annoying. Although crashing through the window is always chuckle-worthy.

Panic at the Disco Performs
Fun and upbeat with their band dressed in high school band uniforms. That's just mean.

Weekend Update
Amy begins with the Clintons tax return story, saying that their income was mostly from Bill's speaking engagements, book deal and stud fees. HA! She continues with the Olympic torch arriving in Beijing, and immediately suffering an asthma attack and dying. Hahahahah. Two for two, Amy! Seth nails his first joke about Hillary comparing herself to Rocky: A washed up, over-the-hill contender who despite a Herculean effort, is soundly beaten by the charismatic black guy." Well played! Andy comes out as the pregnant guy who was on Oprah. He invites Amy and Seth to his baby shower. He says there will be lots of beer and even a stripper... who is also pregnant because it's a celebration of life. Seth is grossed out, until Andy says, "Do you want to feel my stomach?" Seth says, "Oh my gosh, I feel it kicking!" Andy ruins it by saying, "No, that's my dong." They are on fire tonight! Bravo!

Family Reunion Sketch
Every cast member wears a Walken wig, and sports his accent/speech pattern. This is the funniest sketch of the night. Hader's "Walken" is the best, but everyone puts in an A+ effort. It's just so awesome.

Plant Expert Sketch
Walken plays a plant expert who's "very scared of plants." He's in another ugly wig and spraying water on his plants from a distance. The cacti all have "Googily eyes" on them, which is so weird, but really goofy, so it makes me laugh. I'm realizing that most of the laughter is not about the actual skit, but about Walken's delivery of all his lines. Genius.

Top Chef Sketch
After the success of the Project Runway sketch, the team decides to spoof Top Chef. Walken plays a chef who clearly has no idea what he's doing, just wants to talk to the other contestants. The ingredients they have to use to make pizza are really funny: Beets, cous cous, stale peeps, etc. Walken is fully reading the cue cards, which is my biggest pet peeve about the show. I know everyone does it, but he's not even shy about it.

Panic at the Disco Performs
What is there to say? They are fun and sound good.

Larry King Sketch
Fred plays Larry, and Darrell plays Jimmy Carter. This guy is the master of all impersonations. The voice is dead on, as is the stiffness is hilarious. I wish Fred would play Larry more clueless... you know, like he is in real interviews.

And... scene! I mean, end of show. Hope you enjoyed Walken as much as I did. Next week Ashton Kutcher will host and Gnarls Barkley will perform. What did you think about this week's show?

Watch more SNL at our Online Video Guide.

Hello! I'm back for the fourth week in a row to recap SNL. I have high hopes for tonight... I'm not sure why, but let's go with it. Wait! Now I remember why... Spitzer-gate! They must be drooling over this story at SNL. I also think Jonah Hill is a funny guy. You might be saying, "Who the heck is that?" Well, anyone under 21 already knows he's the chubby guy from Superbad, which this 31-year-old thought was super awesome! Hopefully, he'll fare better than Seth Rogen did last year. Oh! And, also, Mariah freakin' Carey is performing. They've been trying to nab her for 10 years, so I think her performances will rock the house (again, I'm trying to be positive).

On with the show....

Cold Opening
Hee heeeee, it's a Spitzer skit with Kristen Wiig as his stone-faced wife, and Bill Hadar as the former governor. Kristen's reactions are priceless. She's nailed Spitzer's wife. Spitzer's advertising his new services as a lawyer for humiliating cases only. The number to call if you "slip and fall in a gay bath house," is 1-800-T-A-W-D-R-Y. Hahahaha. This actually made me chuckle a few times, but I was hoping they'd go for the jugular more.

Roll opening credits....

Monologue
Aw, he genuinely looks thrilled to be there, including a twinkle in his eye. Oh no, they're making him do a musical opening?!?!? WHY! It's like Guys and Dolls, and is all about how "fancy" he is underneath his sloppy veneer. I'm actually looking for the funny under the veneer of this opening. I appreciate the effort... A for effort... but it's just an odd opening for this guy.

MacGruber Sketch (more of a bit actually)
Ha, Will Forte plays a MacGyver rip-off in a returning sketch. The '80s cheese is spot on, but MacGruber isn't that funny... he's so concerned with his reputation that he lets the bomb he's trying to defuse explode. On the positive side, it was only a minute long!

What’s Your Situation Sketch
Jonah plays the host of the game show "What's Your Situation?" He asks the contestants (all attractive women) real questions, and then follows it up with "What's Your Situation?" so he can see if they're single. When Casey says she's married, she's kicked off the show. Then Kristen gets to the second round, which means she has to go to the isolation booth with Jonah. It's just kinda icky.

Benihana Sketch
Jonah plays a precocious 6-year-old who is trying to pimp out his divorced dad to some single girls. He's playing up a Jewish-yenta accent, and it's actually funny— especially if you've ever had the pleasure of sitting next to an obnoxious Dakota Fanning-scary smart kid with too much sugar in his system and not enough parental boundaries. I actually laughed a lot at this one.

MacGruber is back... Isn't he dead?
This time on MacGruber, he's bitching about not being able to trust anyone. He buckles under the pressure and cries, then tells Jonah's character to try to defuse the bomb, but it blows up again. I wish this sketch would blow up.

(Side note: Christopher Walken is hosting next time on April 5th!!! How awesome is that?)

Suze Orman Show Sketch
Wicked... Kristen Wiig is playing Suze (who was in dire need of some mocking for a long time now). She nails the impersonation! Yay! She's mocking Suze's awful jackets, and says she spends 85% of her gross income on them. She then advises a multi-millionaire to not go to Europe and go to Epcot Center instead. Then Jonah comes on as Kenny who wants to buy a hospital on the San Andreas fault. She tells him not to, and to listen to her "tan face and pale body." Again, I mildly chuckled a few times! Improvement!

SNL Digital Short
Jonah tells Andy he needs to chat before the show about meeting Andy's family last week... uh-oh... where is this headed? It can't be G-rated. And there it is! Jonah admits to Andy that after meeting his dad, they have begun to date. Andy is confused. A flashback explains how they bonded, when... HOLY MOTHER OF #*@(#!!!! They're now showing Jonah and his dad fully French kissing!!! It just gets more disturbing, yet I'm totally cracking up. Ew…hahaha…EW…hahhaah.

Mariah Carey performs
Damn, she looks good. Thin, healthy, sexy…oops, the camera gets a shot of her knickers! Ratings will soar! Seriously, Mariah, could that skirt be any shorter?

Weekend Update
It begins with a Spitzer joke: "Turns out the whistle blower was having his whistle blown." Ha. They are really on tonight. They really go after Spitzer and I'm loving it! In the section called, "Really?!" they just let all of their pent up jokes fly. Go Seth and Amy! Well, look at who we have here! Tracy Morgan does a cameo! He's talking about racism in the country saying, "We are a racist country America! How else did we convince everyone in Ohio and Texas that Barack can't answer the phone at three in the morning?" Tracy is crazy and not all there, but still funny. In conclusion, Tracy feels that Barack would be a qualified president, and that even though he loves his girl Tina Fey, he disagrees with her statement, "Bitch is the new Black!" He says instead, "Black is the new President, Bitch!" WOW. That was kinda hostile. And that's coming from my cranky ass. This week's update rocked. Bravo.

Target Lady Sketch
Kristen plays her old character "Target Lady," which is such a great bit, but the sketch is kinda lame considering how funny she can be. Jonah plays a gross, greasy brace-face who likes a girl but can't tell her. It's kind of a mess, but I did laugh at Kristen.

Brian Williams Sketch
Will Forte does BW well. He's announcing that Senator John McCain is "old." How does the Senator respond? (Darrell Hammond plays McCain stunningly well... the voice is so close, it seems like they dubbed it). He says he's not old, yet Brian shows him in line at Bob Evans for dinner... at 4:30pm. Ha. I'm way more fascinated by Hammond's McCain impersonation than by the sketch. Amy Poehler and Fred Armisen appear "via satellite" as old people on Long Island to confirm how old McCain is. They ask if he watches Wheel of Fortune, has a jar of hard candy in his house, and steals Sweet & Low packages from restaurants. He says yes, and they confirm that indeed, he's old. Just like this sketch is now.

Country Singer Sketch
The best part of the sketch is that Jonah is cracking up. It's making fun of bad self-produced country album commercials. The songs all mention beer, spaceships, Model Ts and toddlers. It's funny because of how committed they are to the sketch.

Date Sketch
Casey and Jonah are on a date where Jonah's character has lied a bit about who he really is. She asks if he was in the movie biz, and he says yes, he works at Netflix in envelope receiving. She reveals that most of the things he said were really references to his junk. Kinda funny. Mercifully short. Yay.

So, do we all agree that this week was better? What was your favorite sketch? How did Jonah hill do?

That's all for this week kids! See you for Christopher Walken on April 5.

Related Links

• Watch more SNL at our Online Video Guide

Hello everyone. Happy rainy Saturday night. I had a nap today just so I could rally myself to write you the recap of your lives. Actually I just ate too much sugar and passed out. You might only get a half-conscious recap now. Maybe that's for the best considering last week's terrible show with Ellen Page.

So, let's just jump into the show, shall we?

Cold Opening
Amy Poehler is Hillary once again. Did you expect anything else? "She approves of this message," which is actually a spoof of her "Who will answer the phone," campaign commercial. Black and white stills of Hillary in cold cream and a shower cap cut to black and white sills of Obama in the White House as president. He's been calling her every two seconds for advice on everything from foreign policy to finding the heating reset button in the basement. There's a lot of swearing on Obama's side, and he's smoking, which is supposed to be funny but is just kind of strange.

Roll opening credits....

Monologue
Amy Adams is so damn pretty it makes me want to hurl. She brings out Kristen Wiig because they look so much a like (sorta...); they pretend to be as close as sisters, and then burst out into song about loathing each other. It's very Disney/musical theater. What it's not: funny. But it's OK for now because she's so damn cute.

ABC Family Sketch:
Kristen and Amy A. play kids on a show called Mirror Image. "Haley" has a twin and they try to swap places to get away with doing half the work in school. The problem: Haley's twin is way fatter and stupid with a strange accent. When Haley winks to the camera and a little chime sounds, her twin winks to the camera and a fart sounds loudly. Because my husband and I think bathroom humor is funny, this is the only part that makes us laugh.

Couples Therapy Sketch:
Amy Adams plays a marriage counselor, Amy Poehler plays a haggard Russian bride, and Will Forte is the husband. All the bride wants is her citizen papers signed because she "gave the sex" on her wedding night. The therapist keeps pressing the couple to share feelings, and role play. It ends with, "You sign forms, I give one more sex." It goes on way too long and isn't that funny.

SNL Digital Short
Samberg is out it again. With short hair, in a shirt and tie singing above the city... it's a cheesy ballad making fun of someone but I can't really figure out who at this point. Suddenly he's in a super hero outfit but is still singing. He tries to stop a mugger, but gets the crap beaten out of him instead. Kinda satisfying actually. Speaking going on too long... the beating happens for a solid minute. Ugh.

Bravo Commercial
Amy P. plays the Project Runway winner/ fashion expert from Bravo on a makeover show. All she keeps saying is "You're fierce, you're a tranny, you're a hot mess," over and over again. If I watched Project Runway, I might think it was funny. Who am I kidding, no I wouldn't.

Vampire Weekend Performs
Preppy and poppy. Do I care? Nope.

Weekend Update
Chuckles but no big laughs so far. Will Forte comes on at Tim Calhoun who is running for president. He's quiet and stiff and this is so random and too long. I actually just fast forwarded through this. Not a good sign. It's mostly political jokes that are just so-so, and a pretty tasteless Nazi joke about fat German soldiers. Amy does a whole riff on a ghostbusters commercial and is pretty committed to it. Seth looks annoyed. Now Keenan is on as a French comedian Jean K. Jean... but he's totally sporting a ghetto accent and looks scarily like Re-Run in that beret. I have no idea what he's talking about. The writers were gone way too long to return with this kind of crappy material.

Traffic School Sketch
Amy A. plays the teacher and Kristen reprises her role as Penelope the famous one-upper who speaks really fast and then trails off. This is one of those classic sketches that's funny for literally 1.2 seconds, but they insist on dragging it out for 3 minutes.

Dr. Uncle Jimmy's Smokehouse and Outpatient Surgical Facility Sketch
Will plays a Mark Twain-esque creepy guy who owns the rib joint/surgery center. They've done some weird sketches before but this ranks up there with the weirdest... and lamest. Boo.

Roger Clemens Presents Sketch
Jason Sudeikis plays a 'roided out Clemens who's written a play called, "Guess What Dingbats? Steroids Are Good for Baseball." Amy A. plays a ballplayer that's gone off the juice and is now a scrawny weakling. Amy P. enters, also "tiny and useless" according to Roger. Jason plays Roger crazy and yells all his lines. Where's my mute button?

Tookie Styles Show on DVD Sketch
Keenan plays a cheeseball ghetto talk show host... kinda in the style of a local access shows. This poor guy doesn't get to do anything but the stupid stereotypical ghetto characters. Come on writers? Are you all still on vacation?

The Band Performs Again....

Celebrations Club Sketch
Amy P., Amy A., Casey and Kristen are all dolled up for a night on the town and enter the newly remodeled Celebrations club (that's playing "Celebration" in the background). They bust out in an old-school 8th grade dance routine to Rhianna's "Umbrella." Then they do it again to "It's the End of the World" by REM. You can see where this is going... they keep doing the dance to attract all the men that will be "all over them." I'm just over it all together.

Well, that's it for this week my friends. Let's hope next week's show with Jonah Hill from Superbad will wake me up from this awful nightmare (otherwise known as the last two episodes of SNL).

Watch better episodes of SNL at our Online Video Guide.

For another take on this weekend's SNL, read the latest Roush Dispatch.

I'm baaaack! We'll see how long I last tonight. The promos for Ellen Page's performance tonight haven't looked promising. But then again, none of Saturday Night Live's promos are ever really good. Come on, Ellen, I'm rooting for you... especially after watching you on Barbara Walters' special last weekend. She came off as humble, sweet, quirky and completely unaffected by Hollywood. I was kinda dumbstruck since most of our days are spent staring at headlines of celebs her age in rehab or getting busted for DUIs.

Enough of that, let's get on with the show....

Cold Opening
The usual bit on current politics. This time, it's an MSNBC debate with Will Forte as Brian Williams (awesome), Amy Poehler as Hillary, Fred Armisen as Obama, and the wicked Darrell Hammond as Tim Russert. Ha! The best part is "Hillary" talking about how she could take down special interests and lobbyists because her annoying personality will crumble their resolve. PS. Amy raises her eyebrows a lot and her forehead doesn't move at all. That's talent. RANDOM SIGHTING OF THE NIGHT: Vincent D'Onofrio and the "Thump-thump" from Law & Order: Criminal Intent, trying to convince Hillary that the debate isn't a joke. Wha?! Just when I think it's over, we get an "Editorial Update" from the real Slim Shady... er... Hillary Clinton! She gives a shout-out to Amy, who then hops on stage. Their side-by-side likeness is hilarious, and Amy's "Hillary laugh" prompts the senator to ask, "Do I really laugh like that?" Then at the same time, they both say, "Well, yeah." Fantastic. Bravo on the cameo, Hill.

Roll opening credits....

Monologue
She is no bigger than a minute! She kinda gives off a little bit of a butch-biker-chick vibe, wrapped in a Lindsay Weir of Freaks and Geeks blanket, no? Andy Samberg hops on stage in Diablo Cody drag; complete with Oscar and hamburger phone from Juno. The outfit alone is a winner in my book. His dialogue is so perfectly and ridiculously over-the-top. Last line: "I was a stripper!" Ha ha. Take that, Diablo, you over-exposed, hipster writer! (Note to audience, I kid, because I'm jealous... the chick won on her first screenplay, so no hate mail, k?)

Dakota Fanning Show Sketch
Poehler breaks out the Dakota sketch. I think she does a great impression, but is it really that funny anymore? She does a man-on-the-street bit as Dakota and asks real kids questions that are way over their heads. Their expressions are funnier than the sketch. Back in the studio, Ellen appears as Miley Cyrus, and spazzes out effectively. The sketch fizzles out, though.

Robert Smigel Cartoon: The Obama Files
Obama is surrounded by his peeps, and then Jesse Jackson tries to crash his party and steal his show. Obama instructs his wife to distract the press and she vomits on cue. Obama takes Jesse aside and tells him he’ll have to go to a remote part of Africa in order to help his campaign. It doesn’t get funny until his people tranq Brian Williams as he interviews Obama, and then Al Sharpton appears from some other remote location. Obama gives him a dog shock collar so he can only get so close to the senator. Jesse calls him up, and they realize they’ve been bamboozled by Obama, and try to seek revenge, but just end up in a van with Chuck Norris and Bill Clinton. Weird.

Office/College Sketch
Don’t get excited… no Steve Carell in this sketch. It’s a take-off on those crappy local college commercials (this one is called “College of Excellence”) with outdated people and offices. Starting to nod off....

The Other Other Boleyn Girl Sketch
This one actually makes me giggle. Anne is played by Ellen, Mary by Casey (new girl) and Kristen Wiig plays “Eunice Boleyn, the other, other Boleyn girl.” She has a massive unibrow and is missing all her back teeth with makes her look really horse-faced. Now I’m really laughing. Wiig plays awkward like no one else. Then all the dudes in the cast dress up as “other” Boleyn girls. Meh, that's just OK now that I think about it.

SNL Digital Short
Ellen wakes up from a freaky dream, looks in the mirror and sees nothing, then looks back, and we get a creepy shot of Andy Samberg. His face is so goofy; it’s not scary at all. Then we see it’s Andy’s creepy dream… no it’s Ellen’s! I’m confused. Now everyone, including Dracula (random), is waking up from creepy dreams. Next!

Wilco Rocks the House
It’s bluesy and makes me happy. Yay, Wilco! So far, you’re the best part of this show.

Weekend Update
I’m fading fast… but wait! Rudy Giuliani makes an appearance to endorse John McCain once again. He’s pretty funny, actually. He said his real mistake was hosting SNL and wearing a dress, not, you know, betting his whole campaign on Florida’s primary. Best line: “My campaign was like an SNL skit. It started out strong, but really had no ending.” Amen, brotha!

Shopping with Virginiaca
Keenan plays a “naaa-sty” shopper at Baby Gap, with her stepbaby, played by Ellen… whose accent is something special… there’s a lot of booty-shaking going on. And stereotyping. I think Keenan trying not to crack up is funnier than the sketch.

Captain Hook Sketch
Bill Hadar plays Hook, who’s reminding the pirates that a bunch of kids are out-pirating them. Guess who’s Pan? Ellen! She sings and does a cheesy little dance that distracts the pirates long enough for her to steal their treasure. Hook tells them to shoot Peter in the head when he returns. This is kinda disturbing. Peter returns and steals more treasure. Now Hook is asking the pirates to grade their performances. Then Amy pops up as Tinkerbell, and then Hook stomps her to death. Peter of course asks for clapping to bring her back to life. It works. Yay! (Dear god, are we done yet? My fake enthusiasm is dwindling.)

Wilco Plays Again
It's great!

Going Gay at Melissa Etheridge Concert Sketch
Ellen is very excited about this concert and all the lesbian sightings and vibes from the show. She’s jumping all over the couch and freaking out. Andy plays the… straight guy. He tells her she totally went gay at the concert. Second best line of the night goes to Ellen: "Why do we have to have labels, why can’t I wrap my legs around a woman in friendship?” Ha!

Annnnnnnnd, scene! Goodnight!

Check out more Saturday Night Live at our Online Video Guide.

Hello! Are you as stoked as I am to be watching Saturday Night Live again... and with our beloved 30 Rock star Tina Fey rockin' the premiere episode? (Sorry, I could not care less about Carrie Underwood, even though she's talented.) Yes, tonight is the night that SNL can reignite its fans' passion for the show... or it could fail miserably (but we'll still get to have a few episodes of 30 Rock to heal our wounds).

So this recap will be a little different. I'll go skit by skit, and give my opinion of each. Cool? Hope so, because that's what you're gettin'.

Cold Opening
It's a CNN debate with Hillary and Barack, and a panel filled with Obama fans who are so excited to be near him that they are suffering from "Barack Attacks." Ha! Kristen Wiig plays moderator Campbell Brown, who openly shares the fact that CNN is biased for Obama, and introduces Hillary by citing that her husband was president and then cheated on her before her career in the Senate. It's much funnier than I'm writing it, and Amy Poehler plays Hillary with robotic denial-heavy perfection. I'm stoked they've picked Fred Armisen to play Obama, and I love his posture, big ears and forehead crease. Perfectly Obama. However, the writing for his part of the sketch is really boring. Next we get an appearance from "Obama Girl," and when Hillary interrupts, Campbell insists that Hillary issue the entire nation an "Obama-pology" Ha!

Roll opening titles....

Monologue
Tina enters wearing her trademark glasses and an adorable black dress. Lookin' fine, Ms. Fey. You go, girl. Back to the monologue: If those of you out there don't know it, Tina Fey was a big supporter of the writers' strike, and picketed on the lines often. So the fact that she can make fun of herself and address what could have been an awkward situation with angry crew members (who didn't get paid for 12 weeks) is awesome... IMHO. I love that the boom microphone smacks her in the head after she says, "No hard feelings." When you hear the conditions, it does sound ridiculous, right?

OMG... Steve Martin just popped up on stage! Yay, surprises! He's there to make her remember that she's not just a writer but a talented performer as well. He makes her stand up straight and say, "I can do it!" in a million different accents. He keeps slapping her, too, which is fake yet satisfying for some reason.

Fake Commercial No. 1
Tina is in a hilarious wig as a voice-over comes on about having one period a year. Cheesy shots of women shopping and doing yoga follow... uh-oh... something's gonna happen. Wait for it... there it is! The V.O. says, "When it is time for your period, hold on to your f---ing hats!" And we cut to Tina wielding an ax and screaming at her terrified coworkers. Ha! Hormone jokes are funny cuz they're true. (I'm a chick, so no hate mail.) Oh, jeez, I didn't need to see Kristen Wiig frenching a dog because of her wacky hormones. (Shuddering with disgust.)

Rock of Love Sketch
Jason (Floyd from 30 Rock) Sudeikis plays skeevy Bret Micheals. Tina is all tatted up and has huge fake lips as she talks like a doped-out stripper. Awesome. In comes recurring character Amber, the one-legged belligerent chick played by Poehler. This skit is funny for like a minute and then I'm bored. PS. Amy should lay off the Botox.

SNL Digital Short
"A Message for Old People." An old guy talks about getting confused during movies, so his grandkids (Bill Hader and Andy Samberg) pop into all his movies to explain things or warn him of violence. It's kinda dumb. Sorry, you can do better, guys.

"What's That Bitch Talkin' About" Sketch
The title says so much. Keenan Thompson hosts and contestants try to guess... what that bitch is talkin' about. Tina's character can decipher the girl talk. Really, the funniest line is the title.

Carrie Underwood Performs
I've timed my DVR perfectly so I can fast-forward through what I'm sure is a lovely performance.

Weekend Update
Now we're talkin'. This better be good. And why isn't Tina making an appearance? The best joke so far, again aimed at the strike, was about Hollywood losing $2.5 billion during the shut-down — or "10 movies about treasure." Hahaha. So true. Surprise No. 2 tonight: Gov. Mike Huckabee explaining why he won't concede to John McCain for the Republican nomination. He's trying to make fun of himself, and I have to give him some kudos. The whole bit is about why he's still in the race even though it's impossible for him to win. Seth has to explain it to him several times, including that he can't win superdelegates. Huckabee then says he's always been known for being able exit gracefully when it's time... and then promptly sticks around until they have to kick him off stage. Cute. Finally, there's Tina! She's doing "Women's News." She disses Lindsay Lohan for finding "new ways to look old." Ha! Dude, she's on fire, especially when discussing Hillary's popularity issues. She says that we should like Hillary even if we think she's a "bitch" because "bitches get stuff done." Guess we know who she's voting for now.

Fake NBC Promo Sketch
They're spoofing Celebrity Apprentice with crazy Z-list guests including a funny impersonation of Rachael Ray. I give it an A-plus for capturing her obnoxiousness.

Wedding Sketch
Another take on drunken, awful speeches we've all awkwardly sat through at weddings. It's not all that funny, but I think we can all relate.

Fake Commercial No. 2
Hot-air balloon rides. Weird and random.

Food Network Sketch
"You're watching the Food Network — porn for fat people." That's gonna piss some people off. I chuckled, though. The FN show is hosted by the Daniel Day-Lewis character from There Will Be Blood and his son, who are searching for the perfect milkshake. Talk about weird and random. I realize they are trying to get in as much Oscar stuff as possible. But boo. Just boo.

Carrie Underwood Is Back
Nice outfit. Nice song from what I can tell as I fast-forward.

Lady Business Sketch
Making fun of the crappy Lipstick Jungle and Cashmere Mafia shows that managed to make it on air due to strike desperation. It's not even as funny as it could be. And that's the last bit of the show for ya.

See ya next week with Ellen Page hosting and Wilco performing.

For another take on SNL's return, read Cheers & Jeers.

Watch more Saturday Night Live using our Online Video Guide.