American Idol

Everyone was in the house for the grand finale of American Idol, as Jordin and Blake opened the show with a long-awaited Beatles tune. "I Saw Her Standing There" was a premonition of things to come.

We drifted quickly into a performance by the touring Gwen Stefani singing her song “4 in the Morning.” She looked and sounded fantastic.

Red-carpet tidbits — there were lots of Idols both past and present. However, the real stars were ushered past me on the red-carpet press line at the speed of light, as though I had a form of jumping leprosy. I spoke to:
The crying girl.
Blake’s dad, Dallas.
Writers of the song “This Is My Now” (as opposed to my later on).
Sabrina Sloan — simply lovely.
Constantine Maroulis — all business, currently starring in The Bold and the Beautiful.

Kelly Clarkson rocked the heck out of “Never Again” will I put up with Clive Davis yelling at me; I’m a star, damn it! I can’t imagine why Clive doesn’t like her new album; it’s gritty and sexy and it rocks. I like it. A shot of Clive found him looking quite unhappy.

Ryan handed out three Golden Idols, those pesky little awards that they give out every year to the worst of the worst, and they were dreadful reminders of the oddity aspect of this show. Take a trip down memory lane…
Best Presentation nominees were X-centric, Isadora Furman and Margaret Fowler. Simon Lythgoe escorted Margaret to the stage, where she proceeded to kiss the heck out of Ryan. I couldn’t help thinking he probably wanted to wash his mouth out with a quart of Listerine.

And the nominees for Most Original Vocal were Nicolas Zitzman, Sandy Chavez and winner Sholandric Stallworth. The Best Buddies category went to Jonathan and Kenneth (aka Bush Baby), who were working for Jimmy Kimmel Live on the red carpet, though Amanda and Antonella, and Simon and Ryan were also nominated.

The Smokey Robinson portion of the show started with our top-six male contestants singing “Ooh Baby Baby.” Again with all the white. The Smokinator himself sang “Being with You.” The medley finished with “Tears of a Clown.” Smokey said of Jordin, “She’s got a lot to give. I told her to remember that she’s very blessed, keep her feet on the ground and go get it.”

Doug E. Fresh and Blake beatboxed, and I thought, “Wow, that was fantastic!” This is what Doug E. Fresh had to say about it: “Blake is incredibly talented and a good guy." He met Blake when he came to the show with his good buddy, Akon. Blake invited Doug E. to beatbox with him that night, and they had a “nice vibe” which led to “the start of our relationship." He went on to talk about being the creator of beatbox. “Hip-hop has five elements — the DJ, the graffiti, the dance, the emcee and beatbox.” Mr. Fresh “created it, but [is] still a student.” When asked if they had rehearsed their flow before the show, Mr. Fresh replied, “All of it was freestyle on stage tonight.” The energy between him and Blake is “so natural." He likes what Blake’s about; Blake showed him how to use his Sidekick. He went on to congratulate AI on adding the hip-hop element this year to the show, saying it would have a powerful impact and it took Blake to intertwine hip-hop and singing.

The top-six ladies then sang “I Heard It Through the Grapevine.” Gladys Knight was announced and someone from MTV shouted, “Ooh, it’s Melinda!" Gladys, looking fantastic in a glittery black top and white slacks sang “I Feel a Song in My Heart,” then stepped it up with “Midnight Train to Georgia.” The train conductor tooting-the-horn choreography cracked me up — I may have snorted, I was laughing so hard.

Mentor Tony Bennett was finally over the flu and came to serenade the audience with “For Once in My Life.” That little trick ending got me! Nicely done, daddy-o! Saw him later in the hallway, and I waved and said, “I’m a big fan!” He was very gracious and waved back. Highlight of my night.

Melinda Doolittle joined BeBe and CeCe Winans, with whom she had toured and recorded as a background singer in the old days, to sing “Hold Up the Light.” This is her kind of music: She sounded ridiculously amazing! CeCe said that when Melinda used to sing with them, “She was shy and nervous.” BeBe said, “She was happy as a background singer." They are “very proud of her." BeBe said he “will sing background for Melinda. It’s all about having a good time and enjoying one another. Know your self-worth.” Surely Melinda knows that by now.

Ryan, or actually Ford, gave Blake and Jordin new Mustangs, red and blue. Who gets which one?

Carrie Underwood sang “I'll Stand By You.” Kind of a downer for this pretty up-tempo finale… but it’s a beautiful song and that girl can sing.

Clive Davis from BMG (or the hugest music conglomerate in the world) came out to tell everyone how great Idol has been for the music industry. He said Chris Daughtry has broken through as the best-selling artist of the year. His album is still in the top 10 six months after getting there. He congratulated the judges and Jennifer Hudson, the songwriters who’ve written all the songs, and Fantasia. But he had yet to even mention the first Idol, Kelly Clarkson. He offered a certified award to Carrie Underwood (for six million units sold of her debut album).

All the way from Uganda, the African Children’s Choir performed on the show again. Since we missed them live, they held an impromptu concert for us in the pressroom. They were all smiles and happiness and light, and it was a joy to see and hear them. They picked Jordin to win and said their favorite judge was “Uncle Simon."

Sanjaya was allowed to perform and sang “You Really Got Me” with an aged Joe Perry from Aerosmith. Perry said, “Sanjaya is such a great guy and so easy-going.” He was asked if he thought the fans were getting it right: “I’ve been trying to figure out the fans for 20 years." He had been headed to Dubai to lay on the beach before the band's first show there, but thought this would be more fun.

Holy cow, Green Day! They did a fantastic version of John Lennon’s “Working Class Hero,” which was off the Instant Karma: The Campaign to Save Darfur album put out by Amnesty International to raise awareness for the situation in that country.

Taylor Hicks' first performance had him wearing a very cool jacket and looking good. He still reminds me of Michael McDonald from the Doobie Brothers. But I like his voice and style.

“You're All I Need to Get By” was what Jordin sang with Ruben Studdard, and I was easily reminded of why he was referred to as “The Velvet Teddy Bear” — what a smooth voice. It was a feel-good song and brought the fever back up.

Wearing a leather skirt and looking great, Bette Midler (a huge surprise and treat) sang “Wind Beneath My Wings.” Paula and Randy were dancing to Bette.

Kelly Clarkson began the Beatles medley, singing “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” with Joe Perry. If they ever get that Janis Joplin biopic out, this girl should star in it!!!

Taylor Hicks returned for a “Day in the Life” and Carrie Underwood followed with “She’s Leaving Home.” Ruben Studdard brought us “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" and the kids sang “With a Little Help from My Friends.”

Enough already — the show’s been on for two hours and we’re still not done.
Ryan returned from break to tell us there were 74 million votes and Edward Boddington held the results. The judges tossed out their last-minute thoughts: Randy picked Jordin; Paula was “just proud of both of you. You’re both winners"; Simon prematurely (but correctly) congratulated Jordin.

The votes were in... and Jordin took it all! She looked like she was being crowned Miss America(n)– Idol!!! “Thank you, mom, dad. I love you!”

Jordin sang “This Is My Now” (again). Her voice was shaky and nervous. Don’t know how she’s keeping it together. Her dad was even teary-eyed. Group hug and we’re out.

Jordin sang "TIMN" but I say “This Is My Now” — the AI blog is over!!! Wow, I finally get my life back. Have a great summer, and thanks for reading!

Woo-hoo! The final countdown is here. We've been together since January, and I feel like I know each and every one of you. OK, maybe that's a bit over the top, but it has been an interesting ride, wouldn't you agree?

This was a fairly entertaining show. Both Blake and Jordin really went for broke. It will just come down to who the American public will choose when they vote. These are two very different types of contestants, and that makes it difficult to predict the winner. Blake has his “Blaker Girls” and his beatboxing and his ability to make even out-of-date songs seem contemporary and hip. Jordin can make anything sound good with her huge, beautiful voice. Do you go for entertainment value or singing ability? It’s a tough call and could prove to be one of the closest contests yet.

Simon looked very nice tonight. Too bad he doesn’t wear a jacket more often, it was quite becoming!

On with the show:
Blake wore not one, but two different argyle jumpers (that’s British for pullover sweaters).
His first song choice, Bon Jovi’s “You Give Love a Bad Name” was perhaps his best performance of the entire contest. He opened the show really well and was entertaining and exciting. He really pulled out all the beatboxing stops, and it was even better than the first time he performed the song.

Next up for Blake was “She Will Be Loved” by his heroes, Maroon 5. I love this song (though I didn’t know it was M5’s) and this may have swayed me somewhat. However, in the infamous words of our spangly-jacket-wearing Randy, “It was just OK for me.” Since Blake had really blown it out the house with the Bon Jovi song, it was going to be hard for him to rise back to that level.

Finally, Blake brought us his version of the songwriting contest’s winning song, “This Is My Now.” I’m not sure from the sound of it what that title means, however, it was a cheesy song and as Simon said, “not the kind of song [Blake] would normally sing.” I think this might have hurt him. He needed a totally different ending, something more akin to the first performance or some of the other show-stoppers he’s performed along the way.

Incidentally, the song was written by two guys, Jeff Peabody and Scott Krippayne (who reminded me of HRG from Heroes), both of whom looked more like staff writers on a sitcom than songwriters. But rah for them: You know that song is going to be sung on every Idol tour date this summer.

Jordin took on Xtina and I had to give her kudos. She chose “Fighter,” one of my favorite Christina Aguilera songs. Not only is this a tough song to sing, but no one should take Xtina on without really committing. That being said, Jordin did an excellent job (though I’m partial to the original).

Then she brought back her fantastic rendition of Martina McBride’s “A Broken Wing” and it will now be known as Jordin Sparks' “A Broken Wing” — she outdid Martina. This was her best performance of the night. She nailed it.

Finally she also sang the new Idol song, “This Is My Now.” (Could they only pick one song out of the thousands sent in?) But unlike it being a problem for Blake, this was a perfect song for Jordin. It was anthemic and highly emotional; she even ended up getting a little verklempt at the end. Remember, this is an awful lot for a 17-year-old to handle, and Jordin has done it with grace and poise. Simon admitted that he was wrong last week and that tonight Jordin, “wiped the floor with Blake.” Once again, my British friend, we agree.

Anyhow, without further ado: Jordin's slated for the big win. That's my story and I'm sticking to it! Jordin is my pick. After all, it is a singing competition.

Chris Daughtry closed the show singing his hit, “Home.” I love this song. We’re all winners here. Chris got kicked off early on last year and look at him now. The lyrics, “Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it all,” were very telling, however, as he’s been trying to distance himself from Idol.

So for further excitement, I’ll be on the red carpet for the finale chatting up Idols both present and past. Any burning questions you’re dying to ask them, ask now, or forever hold your peace. I’ll pick the best ones and let you know the Idols' answers here tomorrow.

Meanwhile, check out the Idols on our Online Video Guide.

Homer Simpson opened the show and wanted to know if he could still vote for Fantasia. "Who is heading for glory and who is heading home?" Just the way Ryan said that line made me worried. The problem was I didn’t want to wade through an hour of dreg to hear the final tally. I found it very hard to get through this show.

While waiting (im)patiently to hear the results, we were subjected to the following:
— A plug for the upcoming Idol tour.
— The emotional journeys back home for the final three.
— Haley, Brandon and LaKisha in the audience.
— Why are the challenges so stupid easy?
— Another Ford commercial.
— Elliot Yamin (See below.)
— Maroon 5 (What does that mean, anyway?)
— The continuous, drawn-out torture of the final three as Ryan read the judges' comments from the previous night and refused to tell them how America voted in order to build anticipation. (Which in my case was already so built up, I thought I might have a heart attack – please, get on with it! I can’t take the suspense!)

Elliot Yamin arrived with a lot more hair (a tribute to Sanjaya?). Somewhere between last year and this performance, he grew out his hair and he got his teeth fixed. Was he keeping his eyes closed because his bangs were too long? Or was he just really feeling the music? It looked like he got dressed with his eyes closed, too. (It was a little sloppy, that’s all I’m saying.) However, he has a nice voice and I liked his song.

Maroon 5 performed as well, and what can I say? The lead singer is a cross between David Bowie and Dave Gahan (the lead singer of Depeche Mode). That being said, if they are as huge as they are, Blake’ll go far.

Finally, Ryan gathered the final three to center stage and brought Jordin up front, only to grant her the safety she so rightly deserved. Then it was Melinda’s turn. She had such a look on her face, I was terrified for her. Ryan told her that after the nearly 60 million votes, there had not been enough to keep her in the competition. She didn’t look shocked for the first time in the whole competition.

So, Blake is in the finale. I was sideswiped for an instant, because I really thought Blake would be sent back to Bothell. Frankly, I think it’s the judges' fault: Melinda got way too much kudos from the judges last night. I think sometimes people are turned off by that; or just the opposite, they assume everyone else will vote for the person and they can vote for someone else.

I think I said early on that there was a chance Melinda wouldn’t make it through to the finals, and it wouldn’t be based on her ability — because she’s got that in spades — but because she didn’t quite have the Idol image. I think either Jordin or Blake fits the ideal more easily. At any rate, Melinda will be successful, no matter what: She’s got the chops. I really got behind Simon’s parting remarks, “My commiseration to you, Melinda, because you are one heck of a singer.” Sadness ensues. I’m going to go download Melinda’s rendition of “How Can You Mend a Broken Heart” and cry myself to sleep.

POLL: How shocked are you by Melinda's exit? Vote here.


To watch the kids sing their songs, check our Online Video Guide.

As we wind down to the last few shows of Season 6, excitement is in the air. Each of the three final contestants has a shot at stardom, and will have a decent career whether they win this thing or not. This week, the final three each sang three songs — songs picked by the judges, the producers and the contestants themselves, and running the musical gamut from the old to the new. (By the by, I love Paula’s hair!)

The Jordin Show
Simon chose “Wishing on a Star” by Rose Royce, and Jordin did a fine job. The judges thought she “sang it brilliantly,” but Simon didn’t like the “weird jazz arrangement.”

The producers chose “She Works Hard for the Money” by Donna Summer. Jordin sounded great — but there was no "wow" factor for me. “You [are] working it out up there!” shouted Randy. Paula thought Jordin “worked hard for the money,” and Simon found it a “very good performance.”

Jordin chose “I (Who Have Nothing)” by Shirley Bassey. It was phenomenal the first time she did it, so I would say probably a good choice to kick her through to the finale. This is her song. Chills. Randy thought it was her “best performance of the night." Simon “hated the fact she was singing a 60-year-old song.” And once again told this hip young thing she sounded “old fashioned.”

Overall rating: pretty darn good. The finale? Please, come through.

The Blake Show
Paula chose “Roxanne” by The Police. What was up with his dorky sweater vest? This song deserves more than that sweater. He rushed the song and the tempo was too fast. I was thinking, “Please go home, already.” Randy thought it was “hot.” Paula thought he was “fantastic and fresh.” Simon thought it was a good choice of song and emphasized, “It was good, it wasn’t great.”

The producers chose Maroon 5’s “This Love.” (They’re on the show tomorrow.) It was a pretty good showcase for Blake’s particular style. Randy advised that when Blake makes his record, he should cover that song, or at least songs of that ilk. Paula told Blake he was “totally in [his] element." Simon actually liked it!

Blake chose “When I Get You Alone” by Robin Thicke (the guy who just a few short weeks ago was rubbing himself inappropriately on this family show). For me, it was just OK, though I can appreciate that he is entertaining. However, as this is a singing competition — and I’m not letting anyone down here — Blake is not the best singer. I think he would be better suited to make records his own way and not be hampered by the directives of the American Idol conglomerate. Randy and Paula blew some smoke, and Simon really liked it and respected Blake because he didn’t “play it safe," and took risks and had fun.

Prediction: In the words of Peter Gabriel, “My heart going boom, boom boom. Pack your things, I’ve come to take you home."

Drum roll, please, Ms. Melinda’s in the house.
Randy chose “I Believe in You and Me” (and everyone we know) by Whitney Houston — nothing like a really difficult song for our star contestant. Did anyone else hear her call Randy “Randy Johnson.” That was funny. Then I got chills on the first note, and on each successive one. Melinda is a consummate pro, probably the best this show has ever seen. Randy wanted to challenge her with Whitney, “You blew it out the box — very well done." Gushed Paula: “You were fantastic, amazing and [it was] one of your best performances this season.” Simon thought it was her “best [performance] in the last four weeks. Round one goes to Melinda!”

The producers chose Ike and Tina Turner’s “Nutbush City Limits” — great choice!! Much better outfit! Loved it!!! “Stellar performance,” gushed Randy. Paula brought, “We love you, we love you and we love you.” Simon said he loved to see that side of her, adding, “another brilliant performance."

Melinda chose “I'm a Woman.” (What happened with the words in the second line?) It was a perfect song for her — she’s so sassy! Randy loved “seeing the range of Melinda; you could sing the phone book.” Paula admired her “stepping out into the spotlight." Simon, ever the dirty old man, leered: “Melinda, loved the striptease."

Prayers for Melinda? Hopefully Simon sealed her fate when he said, “If I’m going to award a place in the finals [for someone] who’s consistently delivered week after week, it’s you."

It is going to be a very close call. If it were up to me, Melinda and Jordin would be the two in the finale. That said, I'm keeping the ladies and kickin' Blake, (and his sweater vests) to the curb.

While you're waiting for the results show, check out these cool Idol vids on our Online Video Guide!

Thanks to a little bit of magic known as the TV webcast, and a tall guy going by "JK", I was able to watch Idol in L.A. at the N.Y. time, while the show was being taped live back in L.A. (Crazy, I know!) So, I’ve got the goods for you tonight earlier rather than later. See, I’ve got a gig to get to, so on with the show.

After sitting through an hour of just about nothing — seriously, we’re winding down here and there’s only so much filler a girl can take — here’s all you really need to know. (Besides, if you watched the show, you really don’t want me to recap all that. And if you didn’t watch the show, you’ll thank me for not having to live through every stretched-out moment.)

Barry Gibb sang live; his voice was as falsetto-y as ever. Pink sang, though not live, and she was pretty good. She’s grown on me since I saw her last year at the TV Guide Emmy party. She pretty much brought the house down there, and I had only really known one of her songs — that party song, something about getting it started. And well, it wasn’t all that and a bag of chips, as the kids say. But I really liked this performance.

LaKisha looked miserable from the get-go, though in her defense, she really tried to sound perky in her interactions with Ryan. Blake wasn’t sure if he should just go with the flow and be happy, or crawl down into his beatboxing soul and hide his head. Melinda and Jordin looked pretty darn confident, as well they should.

The medley of Bee Gees songs was almost bearable until they got to “Islands in the Stream,” a song I never thought I’d have to hear again. Images of Kenny and Dolly twangin’ it were conjured, and not in a good way, and I really like Dolly Parton. I can wholeheartedly admit that the kids did sound really good singing together — just wished they had chosen better songs.

Audience participants included the lovely Jessica Alba, her costars from Fantastic Four, Bill Maher and Simon's girlfriend, Terri Seymour. What? Rewind. Now there’s a face I never thought I’d see in that crowd — Bill's not Terri's!

Let’s get on with it, drumroll, please….

Ryan sent Jordin to the safety of the chairs very quickly, then lingered over another 15 minutes of show before announcing that Doolittle was safe, and even Blake was safe. By my uncanny sense of deduction, that left us with only LaKisha to finally nod our heads to. She sang “Stayin’ Alive” as her final Idol outro, and she sang it just as well as the night before. She will be staying alive in the music business, because with a voice that big and powerful, any record company would be proud to have her.

I look forward to these last two weeks when we really get down to the nitty-gritty. Blake has a lot of supporters out there, and Jordin is pegged to win, but Melinda has been rock-solid for most of the competition. Even her bad days were better than most.

Hope you enjoyed my spiffy shortened version of Idol. When the results are in, what else is there, really? Have a great week. Now, I’ve got to go get my “rock” on.

Find video from American Idol in our Online Video Guide.

Those were the good old days. Probably long before most of you were born. But I remember them well. And I remember The Brothers Gibb, aka the Bee Gees, and Saturday Night Fever. Skinny guys in high-waisted white pants with matching jackets. It’s time to bring them back!

Barry Gibb, who has possibly the highest voice I have ever heard on a grown man, was happy to have the four remaining Idols sing not just four, but eight of his songs. Eight songs, you say? Whoa, boy….

I’m lining them up two-by-two, praying for an early night.

Melinda kicked off the show declaring, “Love You Inside and Out” and she reminded me of Gloria Gaynor (that’s a huge compliment)! I’ve got no issue with Melinda’s version of the song. You know how I love this gal. Randy said it was a “solid performance.” Paula said, “It’s hard to critique you,” which isn’t saying much. Simon said, “I expect incredible tonight,” and it was “more of the backing vocal” performance, and not a “star song.” What does he know? Oh, yeah, Il Divo. Need I say more?

Melinda came back in the second half of the show and asked “How Can You Mend a Broken Heart.” Barry was worried for her because of the difficult chords, but didn’t anyone tell him she’s the resident pro? Worry not for Melinda, Barry. We’ve got her back. I loved her dress. Randy said, “You got it.” Paula said she reminded her of Stephanie Mills, though I disagreed. She also “didn’t think it popped.” Simon had something nice to say: “The second half of that song has put you into the semifinals.”

Haley “Legs” Scarnato was in the house. Wonder if she ever got that Nair commercial.

Blake ordered “You Should Be Dancing” and chose not only to sing it, but to beatbox it to death. I must take a moment to note that everybody is singing so high tonight; and I don’t mean like “I inhaled” high, I mean falsetto-y. Even Melinda did it a bit in her song. I am not a fan of Blake, but he is original, I’ll give him that. And I liked what he was wearing for the first song. Randy felt he was at a “weird discotheque in a foreign country.” Paula said Blake had “true musicianship [and it] showed why you are unique.” Simon found it “absolutely terrible,” but was silenced by the “you’re done” music. He shouted through it, “I’m not finished!” I guess, sir, you are.

Blake arrived a second time (in that awful argyle sweater from a few weeks back) with “This Is Where I Came In." Never heard of that song? Neither had anyone else, and it’s often not a good idea to pick a song no one knows. I threw my hands up hollering, “Stop with the beatboxing, already!” But he didn’t hear me. I was bored and ready to send the boy home. Randy was “still not jumping up and down — you don’t have to beatbox on every song,” and I for one am darn glad he said that. Paula titled him the “contemporary rebel in this competition,” and said she “enjoyed you singing it,” because he sang on key. Simon, my new hero, said it was “completely tuneless.” I couldn’t agree more. However, the young girls differ.

The judges were mean tonight!

LaKisha hoped she would be “Stayin' Alive” by singing a slower version of Mr. Gibb’s song. He said he “liked what she’s done with it." LaKisha was on fire! She never did actually go up on that last note like Barry suggested, but it was OK. Randy thought it was “weird for me. Baby, it wasn’t working.” Simon swore, “No kiss for you tonight,” and added that Kiki’s “performance was verging on scary.”

LaKisha’s second chance was to “Run to Me” (not ‘me’ exactly). Barry thought she would rise to the challenge of two key changes — though I only heard one. She wore a beautiful and quite flattering green and black dress, which was better than the first outfit. Her voice was breaking, but key changes sell tickets. I admit, I got a chill or two…. Randy wasn’t thrilled, but Paula said she is “still a champ.” Simon prophesized that she and Blake were “vulnerable.”

Jordin just wanted “To Love Somebody.” Barry was having a hard time imagining a girl singing the song. (Did anyone else notice that he referred to the female contestants as "ladies" or "girls" throughout? Talk about old-school.) I thought if she does as well on stage as she did in rehearsal, we’ve got our winner... well, not so much. It didn’t translate well. But she sounded good. Randy, Paula and Simon agreed it was the “best vocal so far.”

Jordin returned as a “Woman in Love” (as performed by Babs herself).
Barry was all atwitter about Jordin, saying she “is going there. This is going to be one of our greatest female performing artists.” Wow! That’s something to say. I thought she looked gorgeous in that blue-green dress, but Simon said she looked “pageant-y” in it. This song had more melody than any of the others tonight, and Jordin did it fairly decent justice, though her voice was breaking as well. (What are these kids going to do when they are on tour and have to sing several songs a night?) Randy found it “pitchy” and offered “props to Barry Gibb” for his great songs. Unfortunately none of the contestants handled them extremely well (as a whole). Simon loved the song and hated the outfit.

The best part of the show for me was when Judge Judy said she and Simon were twins separated at birth — now that’s funny!

So wow, LaKisha or Blake, Blake or LaKisha? This is a hard, hard decision…. All right, not that hard: Blake is adored by the young gals, and they vote faster and more frequently than LaKiki’s voters. So he’s probably going to be safe. LaKisha, you’d better wear those gold lamé boots tomorrow because they’re probably gonna do a little walkin’.

Let’s go to sleep tonight with the hope that the results show is only a half hour. Ah, to dream.

For video of American Idol visit our Online Video Guide.

Well I'll have a lot more for you later, but suffice it to say, I picked the two to go home this week in my last blog. And though I was right, I don't feel very good about it. Phil Stacey and Chris Richardson were voted off after a combined two-week total of 135 million votes — that's an insane number!

You know how I feel about Chris, so it was really hard to see him go, and Phil had actually been performing a lot better over the last few weeks. There's no joy in being right tonight.

As we get down to the wire it gets harder and harder to be happy about who’s going home. Oh sure, back in the days when we were ready to jump off a bridge if America kept Sundance around for another week it was all fun and games, but that’s all changed with this week.

I trust you all watched in horror as Ryan and Simon had their weekly tiff — this time about puppets. If I had kids, I’m really not sure I would let them watch this show. It’s very randy. (Not randy as in Jackson, randy as in racy.)

Ryan took to the streets, or rather to the farmer’s market next door to the Idol studio. He met up with the Blaker girls, a couple of twins who were hoping their namesake would make it all the way to the top spot.

In the “get to know the Idols” fireside chat, we learned the following:
— Blake mashes up his songs with new beats to find those crazy arrangements. He also just wants to have fun.
— Jordin gave it all she had.
— Phil was discouraged from listening to pop as a kid, but snuck some in anyhow.
— LaKisha kissed and told us that Simon is a good kisser, and she’d do it again (so would he). (Ryan, back on the puppet joke from earlier, said, “He’s got a girlfriend and it is very serious.” Somehow this made Simon hysterical.)
— Melinda said participating in IGB was "a huge blessing.”

Velvet teddy bear Ruben Studdard asked us to donate, as did Fantasia. And is that Taylor Hicks? Why, it is! I haven’t seen hide nor hair of him since he won last season. What has he been up to these days?

We did some reliving of "Idol Gives Back" — talk about filler! Then Robin Thicke — he’s gotta be related to Alan [Editor's Note: Robin is Alan's son] — performed. He had a prep-school look with just the slightest suggestion of a mustache… and a falsetto that reminded me of the Vienna Boys Choir in the old days when they used to, oh, you know what I mean. Then Robin began to sing the following words: “You touch yourself when you see me.” So much for this being a family show.

The Ford commercial brought us back from the other commercials with the kids dressed as circus freaks singing “Paint it Black,” a very cool song indeed. I really liked how they made Blake be the barker.

Results on the half hour with 135 million votes over two weeks:
Melinda — you’re safe
Phil — leaves us tonight (see below)
LaKisha — you are safe

Phil had gotten better over the last few weeks, so I have no doubt he’s got a career ahead of him. What an appropriate song to leave the show singing — “Going down in a blaze of glory” — and it sounded even better tonight than last night. I gotta say I was stricken with sadness when he sang. Almost as sad as when Gina sang “Smile” for the last time. Phil looked happy, though, and even his wife looked pretty darn thrilled because Phil’s leaving Idol means he’s coming home to help her take care of the kids! There was a big group hug with lots of tears, myself included (with the tears, not so much with the hugging).

Ryan then asked Jordin to stand and then immediately asked her to sit down: “Jordin, I put you through enough. Sit down, you’re safe.” Hallelujah. Two guys left standing — Blake and Chris — and we all knew at this point what that outcome was going to be.

Mr. Jon Bon Jovi and his band, Bon Jovi, sang one of their new tunes. It was pretty nice and he didn’t mention anyone touching themselves while looking at him, so I was happy with the performance, though I thought he was going to rock out.

Back to Blake and Chris, who tell America they are BFFs. Blake asked, “Why ya gotta do this? But it doesn’t matter, we’re going on tour together.” Ryan asked to dim the lights and I thought it had to suck to be Chris at that moment — he knew it was over but managed to say it had been “worth it. Thanks to everyone for keeping me in this long!” Then he sang and sounded even better than Tuesday night. The girls were hysterical and a shot of Gina showed her all cleaned up after her shabby appearance the previous night. Did anyone catch what Chris said to the group when they were in the throes of the goodbye hug?

Now there are only three (powerhouse) girls and one (beat-boxing) boy left. I won my YahooTV! office pool, but I’m not feeling very proud about that right now because I think both Phil and Chris were pretty good on Tuesday and have been consistently good for a few weeks prior. We’re getting down to the wire. I’m sad and excited. Let’s have a little poll: Who are your picks to win the whole shebang?

While you’re mulling that over, put on some Bee Gees and get ready to boogie with Barry Gibb next week.

Ryan helped raise so much money last week that he didn't feel the need to wear a tie… nor to shave. Say what you want about the commercialization of music that American Idol perpetuates, but those crazy folks got us all to donate $70 million ("That's seven zeros," Ryan pointed out) to make the world a better place — and for that I give them kudos.

Who’s in the house? Antonella “Girls Gone Wild” Barba’s in the house! Anyone else in the house? Gina “I don’t care what you say she’s still a rock star to me” Glocksen’s in the house!

Phil chose "Blaze of Glory" and wanted to sing it into his comb. He was the only Idol who seemed to have the vaguest idea who Bon Jovi were. Randy was jazzed because he recorded this song for the Bon J and said it was Phil’s “best performance ever on the show.” Paula also swooned, saying it was the “best opening all season long.” Mr. Ornery “thought it was OK.” And likened Phil to a “bad actor playing a role” and would like to send Phil home. But it was good. But, was it good enough? Simon, Paula and Randy fought over the truth, while Phil said he knows who butters his bread, and it’s not the judges.

Jordin told Jon, “My mom got me into y’all,” and I think that was maybe not the best way to start out with the Bon J. She chose, for reasons which escaped me, "Livin’ on a Prayer," whining, “His songs are hard to sing.” Is that because J Bon J writes songs with fewer than five notes? I enjoyed her Gina-influenced red streaks but not the fact that the song was way too low for her…. Urgh — not my favorite Bon Jordin performance…. Though she still has a killer voice, Randy said it was “very interesting for me… thought the verses were a little rough.” (She agreed!) Paula said: “You went for it even knowing it was out of your range.” (Bon Jordin agreed again!) Simon had this to add, “First of all, the look — it was like something out of The Addams family.” He continued that it was “verging on shrieking at times.” (She knew it was not her week but we still love her.)

LaKisha wouldn’t sit down with RyRy because she wanted the camera to get her good side. Which is fine because the sooner we get the Q&A over with, the sooner we can get to LaKiki singing. She chose "This Ain’t a Love Song," which J Bon J told her, "Oh, but it is a love song." [Sigh] Does he really think he needs to explain these things? He was psyched because it’s a soul song, too… and so we asked LaKisha to simply, “Bring it, sister.” And in the end, LaKeeks actually brought it. Key changes always impress people — a show-stopper. The girl is back in the game!!!! Randy said, “You sold me” and “you blew that out the box — LaKisha’s back!” He threw in some hand gestures for good measure. Paula rejoiced that the “low part of your voice is money in your pocket,” and therefore Paula’s pockets, and Simon’s and Randy’s, etc. Simon declared: “I actually could kiss you after that — on the lips,” and he did. “You were so good!”

RyRy, feeling left out, managed: “The image of your [LaKisha’s]lipstick on his [Simon's] lips is priceless.” Simon wasn’t finished. He told the Kikster, “You rose to the challenge and absolutely nailed it and I am so glad you’re back — and nice lips.” Boy, did she need that performance! Good job, Keeks!

First, Blake, you give love a bad name. (Kidding, that’s just the song he sang.) J Bon J showed a smidge of concern over The Blak-i-nator’s choice, calling it an “adventurous rendition.” He conceded that if he could sell his interpretation of the song that has been long-loved by Bon J fans through the ages, then mazel tov to him. Second, Blake dyed the heck out of his hair — possibly a nod to Clay Aiken’s tribute to Bryan Ferry? He started by beat-boxing a record getting put on the turntable. Beat–boxing to Bon J, hmm...? Very interesting. However, in the end I thought he did a nice job contemporizing a '90s rock song…. It felt like he decided to just throw it out there. Randy gave him an “award for most original song on Idol ever.” Paula said, “You put yourself out there — amazing — this was your night.” And then she said that Simon’s mom was loving it. But when they panned to this alleged mother of The Ornery One, it was two young girls, so not sure what that meant. Simon gave him 50/50 odds for the audience loving/hating it, but said it was the “right thing to do.” He called Blake a “brave young man” who took a “massive risk.”

Ryan, with the Q&A, said, “I’m here with Justin Timberlake!” Then he let us know it was a joke, it was only Chris. He asked what Chris thinks of when he’s on stage. Chris took a cue from Cyndi Lauper and answered, "JT look-alikes just wanna have fun!" But he’s really "Wanted, Dead or Alive." J Bon J warned us there’s a blue note that must be found — No. One. Move! It’s found in the “lyrical content” and is “more sad than glorious.” If he (meaning Chris) “can sell that to America, he’ll be here next week….” I found it to be a very good choice, he really got to sing this song. It made me actually like the Bon J. (Linda, how could you not love this kid — Chris, that is, not the Bon J? You just don’t want him dating one of your daughters!) Randy was “worried about these songs,” admitting he didn’t think any of the kids could handle them, and if Gina were there she would’ve knocked it out the house. Paula said, “this is turning out to be a great night,” meaning, “Are we done yet?” Simon, in that way that he has, said, “You did as much as you could do with this song,” but doubted it was enough to keep him around for the next go. I thought Chris looked superimposed on the screen next to Ryan. He’s a sizable boy.

Melinda! She told J Bon J she’s “so bad at rock" and he said, “I can teach you how to rock,” and I think he meant it in a different way because he had a gleam in his eye, or maybe it was hair gel. She chose a new song that no one would know so we couldn’t judge her on interpretation. It was called "Have a Nice Day," and she sang it like she didn’t want any of us to. J Bon J was happy because she brought some soul to the song that it miserably lacked due to his Bon Joviness. He told her to “take it to church,” which was a good suggestion because Melinda said, “OK, I like church.” Then he said, “You just joined the band!” He hugged Melinda. And I said, “This girl can sing anything!!!!” And I mean anything! I want to go to the Church of Melinda! Can I get a witness? Randy said she brought a little Tina Turner attitude. Paula was like, “Game on!” Simon “totally endorsed what Randy said” and added that “vocally it was in a different league to everyone else.”

So we were all warm and cozy, and then Bush and the Mrs. showed up. (Rupert must have friends in some pretty lofty places). Bush thanked us for raising so much money and wondered why more people voted for Idol last week than actually participated in voting for the presidential election. But he had his answer: It was because Bono was there.

Last week I was ready to send LaKeeks home… but she’s gonna get great votes for this performance. I hate predictions. I am so bad at them. However, if I must, and I feel my arm being twisted, Phil and, I hate to say it, Chris must go.

Must sleep. Until manana, mes amis.

This is going to be a different kind of blog tonight as I am frankly stunned, shocked and really pleasantly surprised that Idol pulled this little telethon together so quickly and so effectively. Idol is in a position to do something to help others less fortunate, and I am proud they took this opportunity to do it. They have friends in very high places, and scores of Idol-worshiping celebrities offered their services to help spread the message. Not only that, but they partnered with One.org to bring awareness to extreme poverty. And although the show felt pretty much like a long Ford commercial, I am happy and amazed that they did it. A little more than halfway through the show Ryan announced they had raised $30 million! That’s pretty impressive. So if you haven’t donated, do so now!

There were some funny moments, but mostly these were two hours that really touched me. I started to lose it during the segment about New Orleans: After walking back and forth to the bathroom for Kleenex three times I decided to just bring the darn box with me to the viewing area. It was too lengthy a show for a play-by-play, but some of the highlights for me:

Eric McCormack: “If everyone who ever voted for Sanjaya gave just one dollar, we could do so much good.” (You know who you are!)

Ben Stiller: “Mousse it down?”
Ben Stiller singing “Reminiscing” by the Little River Band.
Ben Stiller dancing while singing.
Ben Stiller mentioning Pure Prairie League ("Amie, what you wanna do?")

Paula visiting with the kids at the Boys and Girls Club in Hollywood, listening to the one little aspiring dancer who started telling the story about her mom working “three jobs and sometimes we can’t pay the bills” and breaking down into tears. Another tissue, thank you.

Jack Black as the “audience member who was lucky enough to get to come up on stage.” His rendition of Seal’s “Kiss from a Rose” was nearly as good as Chris Sligh’s! Kyle Gass, the other half of Tenacious D, was holding a rose looking on. It was priceless. And then the judges really threw Jack to the curb, but Seal saved him.

Kelly Clarkson singing “Up to the Mountain” with Jeff Beck playing a beautiful guitar solo along with her. She really has an incredible voice.

Carrie Underwood singing “I’ll Stand by You” was really nice.

The “Stayin' Alive” video was star-studded, and I especially liked seeing Gillian Anderson and Miss Piggy.

Ellen donating $100,000 during the show.

Josh Groban has a remarkably good voice. (I know, I know, but I didn’t know!)

The smiling faces with the missing teeth of the kids from the African Children's Choir. Those toothless grins made me smile.

Ryan and Simon back in Africa where everyone was either dying of AIDS or malaria. I pretty much finished the Kleenex box during that segment.

The Simpsons judging Simon as a contestant. Good to know Simon can have a laugh at himself.

Homer Simpson, the judge, to Simon, the contestant: “Lose the accent, Mary Poppins!”

The duet between Céline and Elvis was pretty cool. I figured they had to have a guy standing on the stage, though it looked as though even Céline wasn’t really there. I think the whole thing was like a holograph and neither of them was there. (I know Elvis wasn’t really there, he works in Vegas.)

Madonna showed up from Malawi and urged us all to donate.

Bono.

As for the results — you probably already know — everyone was safe! The judges felt that since it was a show about charity, the least they could do was keep all six for another week. Jordin was the last to be told she was safe, and the relief of hearing it after everyone else was asked to sit made her burst into tears. Ryan mentioned they had over 70 million votes last night. And so next week, sadly, we’ll lose two.

The kids finished the show singing “American Prayer.” I really have to fix my DVR, because it stopped taping before they had finished. Bummer. Just want to drive it home that this was a grand gesture, and I sincerely hope the producers make it an annual event. Suggestion Box: Rather than spending so much money on the production of it, how about donating even more money to help people in need? So go download some of the songs and videos from tonight’s show on iTunes. You’ll feel so much better knowing that by hitting the “download” button you may have saved a life.

Tonight we learned about giving until it hurts. It started out all well and good and then ventured into some “aren’t we fabulous” territory and into a puddle of... I am getting ahead of myself. Ryan looked dapper in another skinny tie from the '80s and, what is that? Is that facial hair? I do believe it is. Well, Ryan, who knew you had it in you? Before announcing what show it was we were watching, Ryan was nice enough to mention that as we vote tonight, not only are we “saving our favorite contestants, we are also saving lives!” And there you have it. Watching American Idol will make you a lifesaver. Me, I’m butter rum.

For the first of several sections devoted to showing off the great team in the disastrous world in which we live, Coldplay made caring about extreme poverty, malaria, malnutrition and hunger seem hip and cool. I noticed while watching most of the segments that they never really said anything about what was going on so much as showed the judges and Ryan walking around a lot or kneeling in the dirt, though Simon was genuinely affected by the devastation in Africa. They “hope that tomorrow will be a better day.”

Only six singers left this week, and I feel blessed. There’s only so much a person can take. We started off with Chris, who chose to sing Eric Clapton’s “Change the World.” Dressed sharply in what Randy referred to as a “fly jacket” and one of Ryan’s ties, Chris sounded pretty good and looked even better. After hearing about the starving kids in Africa I wondered whether the judges would really be able to say anything negative about these well fed kids in Hollywood. A shot of Brandon Davies in the audience made me hope that tonight these kids would really strive for greatness, since making people want to vote for them also meant Idol would be giving a little something back. There was much love passed between the judges and Chris, even Simon saying he showed “soul” and was “sexy.”

On the way back from commercial, Ryan plugged MySpace, another one of Mr. Murdoch’s castles in his grand kingdom that is News Corp. We also heard that his megalithic kingdom would donate 10 cents for each vote up to 50 million votes, in other words $5 million. With two lines open for each contestant, I prayed people would go that extra mile to dial, knowing it meant there’d be more money for the cause.

Ryan also led us through several cities in America, each with their own tale of need and neglect. Randy visited New Orleans to see the damage from the hurricane. They also went to Kentucky, where illiteracy is a growing problem; Arizona, where kids are going hungry; and Atlanta, where homelessness is a never-ending concern. So your votes are helping kids in Africa as well as people right here at home.

Melinda came out looking and sounding fantastic. She sang “There Will Come a Day” by Faith Hill and interspersed it with her own amazing interpretation. You know when this woman wins her first, second and third Grammys she will be thanking the good Lord. Her devotion to each song is inspirational and the judges agreed, “You have arrived” and “you’re magical,” which made her sound a little like Tinkerbell. Simon said Melinda’s rendition of the song made him “believe you had recorded it originally — a vocal Master Class." Could there be any more love in the room for this gal? I don’t think so.

Electricity was "in the air" when Blake took the stage to sing John Lennon’s “Imagine” (a song few should ever attempt). But he managed to hit the off switch. It was boring except for a few notes that sounded OK. Blake pronounced the word “people” as “bee bowl.” Simon said it best when he said, “It didn’t go anywhere.” The judges swooned over him, and I just do not understand why. They found him sensitive and sincere, but I found him lacking.

LaKisha foolishly took on Fantasia, though she dressed better than Fantasia. She looked elegant in the long, black gown. She sang “I Believe” and, though it was an emotional performance, it was a bit screechy. Simon agreed with me and was booed. “Will you shut up?" he begged the audience, and then the music started and drowned him out.

Phil looked particularly creepy; I think it was the extra pencil in the brow. He told Ryan he misses his babies when he is stuck in Hollywood becoming a household name. Sticking with the country theme, he sang Garth Brooks’ “The Change” (which sounds like an anthem for menopausal women). Interestingly, the piano player had a ponytail in his beard. Once again, Phil gave a half-decent performance, and though I liked last week's better, he sounded pretty good. The judges all liked him, too. Have they taken happy pills?

We closed out the show with probably the next American Idol, Jordin. Not only did she look fabulous, but she sounded rather fantastic, too. She chose an old standard, “You’ll Never Walk Alone,” and really sang it. It was an emotional performance. Randy gushed that it may have been the best performance on an Idol show ever. (Hi, can you say “over the top”?) Trying to be funny, Simon said, “Unlike Randy, I thought you were fantastic.” Then Ryan gave her his tie. Is that like giving a girl your pin? Or your varsity sweater?

If I have to send only one person home it would be Blake, but I think America may choose LaKisha. She is skating on thin ice and the judges love Blake, for whatever reason. Jordin will probably take the whole thing, but we’ve got a few weeks to go to find out. Anyway, we have two more star-studded hours to get through this week, so see you back here tomorrow so we can get our “Bono” on.

Before I give away too much for those of you who haven’t watched the results show and haven’t heard the news — and obviously live in a vacuum, because this news will be everywhere — let's just say that Ryan walked past the Idols as he does every Wednesday and looked at Sanjy when he asked the fateful question, “Is your favorite safe?”

But first, Simon and the “eye-roll” warranted commentary from he, himself. He broke his rule never to discuss press frenzies, not wanting to be thought of as that guy who finds tragedy worth ridiculing. And my how they went on about it. They spent more time explaining what actually happened on the show last night than they did making any intelligible or coherent comment the night before about the VT tragedy. Ryan told Simon that if he did less talking and more listening, we would not have to spend so much time reviewing the tapes to see what really happened.

Ryan announced the kids would sing “I’m Alright” and I thought he meant the “I’m Alright, don’t nobody worry ‘bout me,” Kenny Loggins tune made famous in Caddyshack. I was seriously worried. Thank God he meant a completely different song I have never heard. However, and none of you are allowed to hold this against me, I actually didn’t mind the kids' sing-along this week. When there were less mouths to listen to, I thought it actually worked all right. The harmonies were nice, nothing too tricky, but they did sound good together.

Then we had to watch them talk about all the music they are listening to these days. Ho-hum. Melinda said she was listening to some gospel, because she had to “get her Jesus on.”

Then they made us sit through Fergie, and why? Can we talk for a moment about her accessory choices? What were those huge things on her arm? And what was up with the top that shouted “maternity wear"? I found myself waiting for her to take a Heather Mills fall right off those 5” heels. It’s not that she doesn’t have a decent voice, but the song seemed so meaningless. I did not know what it was about. It was nonsensical.

I caught the last few seconds of the shameless Ford commercial with the kids singing “I Ran.” And I thought, are they singing a Flock of Seagulls song? And sure enough, they were. What will they think of next, a-ha?

Then on to the self-promoting bull-donkey. It is really nice to have your own show so you can advertise your other shows on it. Then the flash of: POP. MUSIC. HISTORY. Very self-aggrandizing, if you ask me.

Finally, the split… Sanjaya to the (stage) right, Phil to the left — interesting….
Jordin to the left, LaKisha to the right — hmmmm….
Chris to the left and Blake to the right — wow!

And Melinda stuck in the middle with Ryan. He quickly told Melinda she was safe, like we had to worry about that. Then he made her look at both groups and decide who was going home. Jordin mouthed the words “I’m sorry,” but to whom? To Melinda? Or to the losers on the right side of the stage? Melinda stood mortified with Sophie’s Choice in her hands and beautifully chose not to choose and sat on the floor in the middle of the stage. Good move, sister.

Ryan told her she couldn’t sit there and she should join the kids on the left of the stage, which meant they were all safe. Thank goodness — I clapped because even Chris was safe.

Ryan tortured the bottom three by asking the judges what they thought. Randy was surprised by Blake’s presence in the bottom three, but he was lousy this week, so I was not surprised. After Paula gushed with pride over the losers, she said, “I understand why two of you are up there,” which is rude for her. Simon offered, “I’m beginning to sense something here,” and obviously thought Blake and LaKisha would be safe. Well, we wouldn't find out for another 20 minutes!

Ryan made a joke stretching out American Idol with his hands as he said it. Then we had to watch the kids go to DreamWorks to watch Shrek the Third. Really? This is just another commercial within the show — talk about product placement. It’s gross. The only interesting part of that segment was when Ryan spoke to Antonio Banderas in the audience and, having no clue what Mr. Banderas had just said, Ryan responded, “That’s exciting!”

Finally, the week’s mentor, Martina McBride came out to sing. Although she was wearing far too much blush and was sporting an extremely non-country-music-looking outfit, she really impressed me. She sang the words “dream it, anyway” directly to the Idols and connected with them and the audience. The song was inspirational and I believed her, which is more than I can say for some of the other performers this season.

OK, congrats to anyone who made it this far, and let me stretch out the recap as much as Ryan stretched out the entire show. Ryan, Martina and her daughter Emma sent Blake straight back to the safety zone while Sanjy and LaKiki grasped each other not knowing the verdict. Drumroll please… 38 million voters agreed: "Sanjaya, you’re going home." Can I get a witness? And I started to just cheer and then I thought, “how completely mean, Paula. I mean, here’s this 17-year-old kid who’s worked just as hard…." And then I stopped myself and decided I wasn’t that nice! Finally! America, you heard my pleas! Sanjaya closed the show for the last time and sang, “Let’s give ‘em something to talk about other than hair!” Now we’ve got a serious competition!

Next week, no mentor, per se, but two days of Idol Gives Back. So, enjoy the rest of the week, because next week is gonna be interesting!

“... that love was meant for beauty queens and high-school girls with clear-skinned smiles....” Who could this be about?

Martina McBride, country superstar and mentor to the Idols, showed up. And after she won award after award, year after year, with the same haircut, Martina got a weave for the Idolites. Her advice to the Idols was to “tell the story” of the song — sounds like the same advice Tony gave them, J.Lo gave them; I think even Diana Ross may have said something similar. Only Gwen neglected to share with them that bit of wisdom. So with Martina, her weave and Phil Stacey’s shiny noggin, we began the top-seven countdown.

Philly boy, nice save. With the help of Keith Urban’s “Where the Blacktop Ends,” Phil was able to come back from the depths of never-never and skid into middle earth. He actually sung the song from beginning to end. He brought it with the first note, and he took it all the way through to the last note. The song was perfect for him — where’s he been hiding his country edge all these many weeks? Randy told him he will have a career in country music, which is what Phil claimed to have been aiming for. As far as I am concerned, he can stay another week.

Jordin was divine. She sang “A Broken Wing” — a Martina song in front of Martina. Takes a lot of cojones, and she seemed to have them in spades. Jordin gave a completely emotional performance, picked a fantastic song for herself, looked gorgeous and may just win this little talent show. The judges agreed with me. It’s about time. This girl has definitely learned some kind of truth at 17.

I “expertly” said to my hiking pal that Sanjaya was done with the hair thing for a while and, after last week’s very nice performance, was going to focus on his singing. Boy, was I wrong. What was with the bandana? He chose a Bonnie Raitt song (that frankly, Chris should have sung). He said he hoped he would do Bonnie proud, but I tell you, she was sad she ever recorded that song after Sanjaya’s performance. I’ll bet she never sings it again. It was a tremendously bad choice for him. He was pitchy, he brought no sexiness to it, and that song is about nothing if it isn’t about the naughtiness of PDAs. The judges let him have it. Simon finally gave in to the whole nonsense that surrounds Sanjaya, saying it was “utterly horrendous” and as “bad as anything we saw in the beginning of the competition.” Simon wants Sanjaya gone.

Ryan tried to defend Sanjaya, and then he and Simon got into it like an old married couple. Simon queried, “Who rattled your cage?” and then, “Oh, shut up, Ryan!” Love is in the air. Isn’t this a family show?

Carrie Underwood’s “Jesus Take the Wheel” was the unfortunate choice made by LaKisha. Martina was verklempt at Kiki’s rehearsal, but I found no reason to cry about it when she performed. LaKisha was smart enough to wear a less revealing top, covering her assets, and I loved her golden boots. Now they were made for walkin'! However, it was a terribly boring song, and I kept hoping she was going to make it kind of church-y. Randy wanted to hear the Gospel, as well, and felt disappointed it never came to that. In the best line of the night, Simon likened it to “eating a hamburger for breakfast,” it just didn’t work. Kiki, take your place in the bottom three.

Chris, who was overwhelmed with emotion about the events at Virginia Tech, had days ago chosen Rascal Flatts' “Mayberry” tune. It was pitchy, though I thought it was better than the judges did. Randy felt completely unconnected, and Paula said the “joy and love didn’t come through.” Simon skewered my boy, saying it left “no impact on me at all” and was “completely insignificant,” which was just really cruel. Chris gave a shout-out to his friends in Virginia. My fear is that Chris will be in the bottom three.

I’ve never heard of Julie Reeves, though we all know it’s true that “Trouble Is a Woman” with a man on her mind! After Melinda’s star performance of the song, everyone will know who she is. Randy told it like it is: “Another solid performance from our resident professional.” As usual, Simon threw in a backhanded compliment, telling Melinda she was not allowed to look surprised when he told her, “It was fantastic!” He even likened her to Tina Turner with the attitude. She really is a completely different person when she sings. Melinda, you’re safe!

OK, I just do not always feel the love for Blake. Take his performance of “When the Stars Go Blue,” a Tim McGraw cover. Please, take it. He seemed uncomfortable to me and he was pitchy. Does anyone else think he looks like Marc Almond/Soft Cell who famously sang “Tainted Love”? I didn’t care for it in the least and when the judges were gushing all over him I asked, “Are we watching the same show?” Simon said it was “OK” and then immediately said, “It’s been a tricky week for you guys,” and "we the judges want to send our best to the families," and then went right back to criticizing Blake. It was all very weird.

Before Ryan even announced the show, he made mention of the “difficult time” many people are experiencing due to the recent events at Virginia Tech. It was just bizarre. We could get into a whole debate about the proper etiquette of a live show responding to a horrific current event, but none of the several disjointed efforts by Ryan, a few of the contestants and the judges made any sense. As heartwarming as it was that they wanted to share their condolences, I couldn’t understand their handling of it.

Top of the Heap:
Jordin
Melinda

Middle of the Road:
Blake
Phil

Take your pick to go home:
LaKisha
Sanjaya
Chris (sadly)