Screen Shots

Yes, deep down in this NPR/PBS-loving feminist body, I also have a 13-year-old-boy self demanding to be amused. Also, I have a husband who's kept me in tune with the completely-opposite-of-finer things in life: Jackass, '80s skateboarding videos and the MTV Spring Break monstrosity our friend worked on, Wild Girls of Makos. But I'm proud to say that I've introduced him to a number of juvenile forms of entertainment. And now I will share some recent finds with you, my not-too-refined readers.

1) All things Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Watch the trailer, alternate endings and heavy-metal music video here. I just caught the movie last Wednesday, in preparation for my hard-hitting interview with Master Shake, which we'll post Friday, and it is an absolute must for fans. For those of you who haven't yet seen these animated fast-food objects in their absurd universe (in New Jersey) on Adult Swim, you are advised to watch an episode or 10 now. Trust me, there are no teens, no crime-fighting forces, nor any perceivable theme. Just an innocent wad of meat, a wise box of fries, a selfish shake, a lazy slob of a neighbor with a sweet above-ground pool and a handful of bumbling aliens and monsters. The movie is more of the same, only more violent and with a longer plot about an exercise machine, the Insanoflex, which will spell the end of the world as we know it. I could have used much more Mooninite presence, though, especially after all that trouble Ignignokt and Err caused in Boston.

2) I may actually be too girly and squeamish for MTV's new show Scarred, which shows real videos of skaters, dirt-bikers and the like getting seriously injured, in gruesome detail. The trailer alone made me queasy. But maybe that's a good thing: Kids should see just how badly they can hurt themselves. (Thanks, Inner Mom.)

3) If you're not a frequent recipient of oft-forwarded videos, nor a MySpace regular, you might not have seen Sad Kermit yet. In his R-rated video cover of Nine Inch Nails' "Hurt" (in the style of Johnny Cash), we see just how far the Muppet fell after the death of Jim Henson. It nearly makes the puppets of Team America: World Police look tame. The MP3 of Radiohead's "Creep" is pretty awesome, too. But if all of this leaves you too depressed about the state of our childhood felt friends, take a minute to see old-school (and officially sanctioned) Kermie's performance of the Talking Heads' "Once in a Lifetime."

4) Speaking of silly covers, but momentarily veering into more feminine territory... even though I've never been an Alanis Morissette fan, I adore her weepy version of the Black Eyed Peas' "My Humps."

5) Ron Jeremy, the patron saint of average schlubs who think they're god's gift to women, really does seem like the sweetest guy (remember how great he was to Tammy Faye and Trishelle on the Surreal Life?). He knows jack about gadgets, but for some reason, Heavy.com gave him his own show, Techsmart with Ron Jeremy, in which he gets man-on-the-street wisdom about cell phones and other highly advanced gizmos. Entertaining, if not in the least bit enlightening.

6) I'm getting psyched for outdoor music season. Since I'm a decade removed from being a hip teenager, I've got to do my homework on the next big things (and next retro things: The Stooges, David Byrne) by catching up with last month's South by Southwest Festival here. Also, I recommend watching videos from last year's Bonnaroo, an eclectic rock festival held on a farm an hour outside of Nashville, here. And yes, I'm one of those specks in the audience. Find me there again this June, hanging out with all the scruffy boys.

This is what I call inspirational TV. I finally got hold of the first episodes of Showtime's This American Life, the half-hour TV adaptation of the public radio show, and it's predictably brilliant. And I hope I can convince those of you who've never even heard of Ira Glass to tune in. Non-Showtime subscribers: The first episode's available for free on Yahoo right now, so keep reading.

First of all, how can you resist a show that begins with this story (and a very tasteful, beautifully shot reenactment) about an 8-year-old girl's dilemma: On the way home from a field trip, her class' schoolbus is stuck in traffic, and she desperately needs to pee. So what could be the harm if she slides forward on her seat and tinkles on the bus floor? No one will notice, right? Well, not until the bus starts moving, causing the liquid to trickle back to the rest of the students, who call her "Peezilla" for years to come. Host Ira Glass uses this little gem of a tale to establish the theme of his premiere episode: what happens when reality messes with a seemingly good idea. What follows are two longer true stories, one about a Texas rancher who has his favorite pet bull cloned after it dies, and another about an improv troupe's well-intentioned prank on a fledgling rock group.

What's so unique about TAL, both the TV and radio versions, is the quirky combination of Glass' singsong voice, delivered in the TV show from behind a desk in the middle of a cornfield under a stunning blue sky — all of which, to me, call up the optimism of American dreams — and the totally bizarre nature of these stories about regular people in extraordinary situations that somehow make you reflect on your own life. They're not necessarily that different from topics you'd see reported in, say, 60 Minutes or your local news, but they're told in a much more soothing, natural tone than the forced cautionary or inspirational voices of those network broadcasts.

You will totally fall in love with rancher Ralph, who dearly loved his gentle bull, Chance, a celebrated family pet who'd traveled all over the country, letting people ride him at events like the Republican National Convention and even appearing on Letterman once. Chance would roam Ralph's land freely, usually just choosing to sit under a tree outside the kitchen window. When he knew Chance was about to die of old age, Ralph convinced Texas A&M University to use the bull for a cloning experiment. Shortly after his pet died, he got Second Chance, who, upon arriving home, immediately wandered back to Chance's place under the tree. Unfortunately, things don't turn out as well as Ralph planned, but his unwavering optimism and love for his animals is really enough to make you want a pet bull of your own.

"Act 2," as Glass calls it, is about a kind of performance by the group Improv Everywhere, a band of people who stage "events" in New York City that range from throwing birthday parties for strangers in a subway car to becoming choreographed window displays in the shopping center at Union Square. Founder Charlie Todd came up with the idea of giving a struggling band their "best gig ever." He found an unknown act from Vermont, Ghosts of Pasha, on their first tour, and instructed 35 Improv Everywhere members to learn the band's songs (from the Internet) and show up at the gig pretending to be huge fans of the band. The concert was, in fact, an amazing experience for the band, who couldn't figure out how they'd attained these fans when it was only their third performance ever. I won't spoil the ending for you, but I just got an invite to a show in Brooklyn this weekend at which Ghosts of Pasha is playing, so you know the band eventually learned to benefit from free publicity.

I caught the second ep, too, which largely focuses on the efforts of a 63-year-old first-time screenwriter and her peers at a retirement community who try to get their short film into Sundance. All of these stories are simultaneously heartwarming and heartbreaking. As a writer, I'm most intrigued by how TAL finds such fascinating subjects. As a viewer, I'm just thrilled to take a break from contrived reality TV and ominous news programs and instead just revel in the fact that real life in America can still be so diverse and entertaining.

Confession time: If there were such a thing as "Radio Guide," I'd be working there instead of here. I'm pretty sure that if I logged the number of hours I spent listening to my local public radio station, WNYC, and the number of hours I watch TV, the former would win. Nope, the dial's never set to Clear Channel-approved music or loud-mouthed shockjocks. I'm seriously hooked on the grown-up, commercial-free, listener-supported fare. NPR's Morning Edition wakes me up every day. The husband and I have pet names for each other derived from reports we heard in our preconscious hours (is that TMI?). When I get home at night, I switch the dial to AM, so I can listen to Fresh Air with Terry Gross and the news talk-show On Point while I walk the dog, wash dishes, make dinner, etc. On weekends, the radio is on in every room in the house for Weekend Edition, Studio 360 (interviews with artists and entertainers), Car Talk (I don't even own a car!), Prairie Home Companion, Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me, On the Media, This American Life and All Things Considered. I suffer withdrawal symptoms when I'm out of town and away from the stereo. As you can imagine, I'm a wreck when pledge drives disrupt my listening habit. I'm not quite sure I can explain my love for these shows. It's not just about their interesting, commercial-free content; I think there's something very comforting about the rhythm of the hosts' and reporters' voices (even when I inevitably tune out on occasion). And there's something very liberating about being able to imagine the pictures that go with their words without having to sit still on my couch. It's funny; sometimes I don't even know what major figures in the news look like because I've only heard their voices.

Until last year, I assumed I was a freak of my generation, to be obsessed with the medium of our grandparents. But then pop culture caught up with my retro taste. Robert Altman made Prairie Home Companion into a movie, which was actually boring as hell (I didn't even make it past the first hour), but it made me happy to see the old-fashioned radio variety show I'd been listening to since childhood get a bit of mainstream publicity. At the same time, everyone, their little brother and my boss started podcasting, essentially making the talk-radio format the next big thing again.

Then, of course, there's the hipster darling This American Life, Ira Glass' Chicago-based show. Even after 15 years on the air, Glass himself has trouble defining the show in one sentence. Here's his description. They're real people's completely unusual stories, sometimes told in the first person, always told in a very intimate, compelling manner. Each week is like an issue of a magazine you never want to throw away, because you know you'll refer back to its stories in conversations, want to share them with your friends and reread them yourself every once in a while. It covers an astonishingly wide range of topics, from the experiences of soldiers in Iraq to a woman's recollection of her first trip to Disneyland to the hilarious tale of a pair of cops who tried to capture a squirrel loose in someone's home and ended up setting an entire couch on fire. It's the home to brilliant personal essays by David Sedaris, Sarah Vowell and others. TAL has a long-standing deal with a movie studio (first Warner Bros., now DreamWorks) to let them option any interesting stories it chooses. This resulted in December's Unaccompanied Minors, starring Wilmer Valderrama. The (I can only assume vastly better) original radio version, in which a grown woman remembers the time she and her sister were flying to visit their dad for Christmas, but a blizzard stranded them and a bunch of other children of broken homes at the airport.

But I have very high hopes for TAL's upcoming venture, the one that's giving me an excuse to write all this stuff about radio on this site (even though I'm not getting to it until the fourth paragraph): This American Life the TV series on Showtime, premiering Thursday, March 22, at 10:30 pm/ET. On Sho.com, you can watch the trailer for it and an interview Glass and his TV producers did at Sundance. Though it's shortened to half an hour, it doesn't look like it's lost any of that poetic pacing or randomness of subject matter we've come to love on the radio. I'm trying to get my hands on the screeners as soon as they're available, so I'll get back to you after I see the real thing. In the meantime, listen to archives of TAL here, and hear Terry Gross' interview with Glass, in which he discusses the process of putting radio on TV, here.

So am I alone here? Who else out there is a radio junkie? Any of you satellite-radio subscribers want to make a convert of me? Please share.

This is the time of year when I always feel like a total freak of nature for not liking football. Come Sunday afternoon, I'll be gearing up to go to a concert, not the least bit concerned about the big TV event I'll be missing. Especially now that I can see all the ads online the next day. The only regret I'd have is if Prince somehow had a wardrobe malfunction. Anyway, all the hype always reminds me of the Super Bowl parties I was forced to attend as a kid, in particular that one in 1985, when I happened to take a break from trying on all of my friend's mother's makeup just in time to catch "The Super Bowl Shuffle." Even then I knew it was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever seen grown men do (probably because those were the days before reality TV). But it wasn't until I decided to rewatch it today that I realized how much effort must have gone into making this silly spectacle, which actually made it to No. 41 on the Billboard charts that year and earned a Grammy nod. Apparently, football does not require rhythm, 'cause the players frequently fail to shuffle together on the beat. More than the team's hilarious pelvic thrusts or primitive rap skills, I'm most amused by the redundancy of the lyrics. For those of you who never committed them to memory, here's part of the chorus:

"We are the Bears' Shufflin' Crew.
Shufflin' on down, doin' it for you.
We're so bad, we know we're good.
Blowing your mind like we knew we would.

We're not here to start no trouble.
We're just here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle."

Anyway, I believe we all need to watch this today. Not that I'm rooting for the Bears over the Saints or anything — oh, wait, someone just pointed out it's the Colts... see what I mean? — but because this kind of spectacular mediocrity puts American Idol auditions to shame. I can't guarantee this link will still work by the time you read this — apparently the Bears (or someone) are still trying to make money by selling DVDs of it, and they keep taking down the low-res videos that find their way to Google and YouTube.

And here's a list of some of the best parodies of the Shuffle I've found:

1) A self-proclaimed "lame comedy troup" does a perfectly nerdy take on it.

2) "The Super Bowl Mumble," featuring beat-boxer Yuri Lane, calls the current team boring.

3) And then there's this. Actually, it has nothing to do with the Super Bowl. It's Estelle Getty's 1993 workout video set to Beyoncé's "Check on It." I have no other reason for putting it here but that it's brilliant.

Now, please share your favorite sports-related silliness here.

I've had a pretty busy week by my standards, but it's nothing compared to all the tech geeks I know who've been struggling to balance work with their compulsion to research everything they can about Apple's new iPhone and the other new gadgets presented at Macworld and the Consumer Electronics Show. For a few days, I relied on eavesdropping on the IT guys' debates for my info. By now, however, the hype is unavoidable, so if like me, you're not so into reading supertechnical blogs and computer magazines, but you don't want to seem like you've been living under a rock in your grandmother's living room, these videos should bring you up to speed:

If you have a lot of patience, and appreciate Mac/PC jokes (all at the expense of PCs), you can sit through Steve Jobs' whole Macworld keynote address from Tuesday. After all these years, it's nice to see that this dude is the best cheerleader for his company. You can also just skip ahead the segment of his speech where he introduces the device that will change the world. The best part about this video is watching the orgasmic looks on the faces of the guys in the crowd.

Then again, you might not want all that Apple love. Instead, watch the video demo of all of its fancy-pants features. It says something about the way I think about technology that while watching this, I was completely distracted by trying to figure out who this user "Bob" is, why he answers everyone's lengthy e-mails with two-word responses, how he liked his trip to Tuscany, why he just hung up on that poor girl at Starbucks and if he's actually going to make it in time to meet Sydney and Gary for their bike ride after wasting all this time watching The Office and searching for the Washington Monument on Google Maps. But even with all those distractions I did start lusting after the thing.

They didn't seem to let reporters touch the phone, so a lot of the news footage out there involves people staring at it in a rotating glass case. This CBS News video sums it all up in a tidy way. And once you see all the puff pieces, you will, of course, start to gravitate toward the critics' views of this holy grail. My initial complaint is that it's with Cingular — I am counting the days until April, when I'll be done with my crappy Cingular contract and can finally get a service with reception in my apartment. But the geeks have some more intelligent issues. Watch this heated conversation among some technobloggers at the CES, who bring up valid points about memory, durability and battery power.

Even after watching all that, you might still side with South Park's Cartman in this digitally altered clip. Or you might remain as clueless as Sharky, who has a very different kind of phone in mind. As for me, on my current salary, I might as well emulate this masked bandit, who has stolen the very phone Steve Jobs used in his speech!

I must admit, I was really happy this year when all of my favorite shows went into rerun mode. And not just because that means I get a breather from writing the columns-formerly-known-as-Watercoolers. This is also a great time of year for all of us to gather 'round the DVR, DVD player and computer to catch up with all those shows we've been meaning to watch but couldn't because of the pressing desire to know what happens next on Heroes/America's Next Top Model. I'm already on vacation as I type this but here's a brief list of what I've been watching during the December hiatus. Please share your lists, too.

1) Smart stuff. The Sundance channel is rerunning its Iconoclast series (the second season began in October) many times throughout the week for procrastinators like me. So far, I've seen organic-food pioneer Alice Waters and her old friend Mikhail Baryshnikov share their world-changing visions, dance steps and meals; then pals Fiona Apple and Quentin Tarantino met for the first time in five years to discuss film, music and violence. It all makes me wish I had a famous friend to chat with. Can't wait to see the episode with Dave Chappelle and Maya Angelou; I hear it's wacky. I'm also tuning in to Sundance's One Punk Under God, about Jay Bakker, the son of Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker. The tattooed and pierced 31-year-old hold his own super-liberal church services in a bar in Atlanta. Though I'm not a Christian, I find this intimate portrait of his relationship with his parents and wife compelling. It's especially touching to see him with Tammy Faye, who is suffering from Stage 4 colon cancer. Jay's effort to reconnect with his father, who hasn't spoken to him in years, is one of the driving plots of the show so far, and I'm anxious to see how that plays out.

2) Silly stuff. Last Wednesday's Colbert Report was the perfect way to start my vacation this morning. It was the "Countdown to Guitarmageddon," in which Colbert settled a months-long dispute with rock band the Decemberists — he claims they ripped off his Green Sceen Contest — with a battle of guitar solos. But that wasn't enough drama for the final episode of the year. In addition to Chris Funk, the Decemberists' guitarist, Colbert's guests included Henry Kissinger (via satellite), Morley Safer, New York Governor-elect Eliot Spitzer, Peter Frampton and Cheap Trick's Rick Nielsen (who wrote the Colbert theme song). I won't give away the outcome of the battle. Just watch it on ComedyCentral.com.

And I'm finally getting around to clicking on all those links to funny videos my friends have sent me. But why had I not seen Kelly's "Shoes" video before? For those of you as clueless as I was before this week, Kelly is the teenage-girl alter ego of comedian Liam Sullivan, who seems to me like the long lost Kid in the Hall. "Shoes" and its follow-up, "Text-message Breakup," are the funniest things I've seen online in months (second only to Justin Timberlake's "D--- in a Box"). Words can't really do Kelly justice (but I will warn you that there's some offensive language in it), so just watch her and the many tribute videos fans have made in her honor. Consider it the Internet's Christmas gift to you.

Warning: If you've yet to be exposed to the following genre, you must beware that it is extremely addictive and will suck away hours of your time. After I told Angel Cohn about the concept, she spent all day yesterday sending me new links. I had to cut her off by force. I'm talking about the music videos diligently edited by fans of TV couples, and then set to music. When done well, they are pure guilty-pleasure art: a combination of all the best longing looks, makeout sessions and tender moments between the couple or would-be couple in question, and pop songs that express the fan's interpretation of said relationship, or perhaps their wishful thinking. I started out just looking at an Office Pam and Jim video linked from David Denman's ("Roy") MySpace page, of all places. Before I knew it, I'd lost two hours to montages of Logan and Veronica arguing, making up, making cute and breaking my heart — and I think that was more emo music than any person over the age of 20 should hear in a lifetime. Without further ado, here are my faves:

1) The Office is supposed to be about the drudgery and awkwardness of everyday work life, but somehow, these YouTubers make it seem like a classic romance. Of the many "Jam" (Jim and Pam) vids out there, I like this one set to and this more recent montage done to the All-American Rejects' "Dance Inside." For a classy, black-and-white version of their love story, watch their noncourtship to the tune of Billie Holiday's "The Very Thought of You."

2) Veronica Mars' Jason Dohring can make my heart get all twisty with a single glance. Now imagine all those soulful looks (with a few of his smart-aleck ones for good measure) in one place, with Howie Day's "Collide." There's also "Listen to Your Heart," "Stab My Back" and another Ben Lee song, "Into the Dark." And for the old souls out there, you'll enjoy this clever rendition of the Elvis and Ann-Margret duet "The Lady Loves Me." (As I write this, it's taking great restraint not to watch it again. You know, in the name of research.)

3) Even the folks at ABC know Grey's Anatomy's Derek and Meredith are just made to be in music videos. And while the show's fans aren't quite as skillful with the soundtrack as Shonda Rhimes' people are, I did enjoy the two videos set to Snow Patrol songs: "Run" and "Set Fire to the Third Bar."

4) Of course, we can't leave out the very Internet-savvy fans of Lost. There are so many videos devoted to the Jack-Kate-Sawyer triangle (aka Jate and Skate) that this took a lot of hard work to sort through (the sacrifices I make for you people!). The highlights: Jack and Kate edited to Daniel Powter's "Bad Day"; Jate and Kendall Payne's "Scratch"; Skate are best with some country music, like "That's the Beat of the Heart." But Angel discovered my absolute favorite in this collection, Jack and Sawyer's love as interpreted by Queens of the Stone Age's "Go with the Flow."

5) I'm not really a Smallville fan, but I'll just give you this link to Clark and Lana and "Listen to Your Heart." That'll lead you to a slew of Super romantic vids.

6) Watching all these couples got me thinking back to the star-crossed lovers of recently departed shows. There's Buffy and Angel getting angsty with Evanescence's "Whisper"; Sydney and Vaughn somehow go well with En Vogue's "Don't Let Go"; Felicity and Ben take the advice of Guns 'n Roses' "Patience"; and what else could Jordan Catalano and Angela make out to but Jared Leto's current band, 30 Seconds to Mars, and their song "A Beautiful Lie"?

Must. Stop. Now. This is getting dangerous. But I heartily encourage you guys to post links to your favorites.

Jagshemash! Sacha Baron Cohen's cheerfully offensive Kazakh reporter is not about to make everyone laugh. You have to be partial to squirm-inducing situations, laughing at bigots, and hearing graphic sexual and scatological jokes in a made-up accent. And silly moustaches. If your Borat exposure has been limited (besides the barrage of movie ads in the past two weeks), you might want to peruse a few of these clips before committing to the feature-length version of his Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. And if you're already a fan, hopefully I've found a few gems you've never seen.

1) Before you venture into fans' YouTube collections, begin with Borat's MySpace page, where he's uploaded three beautifully awkward videos, mostly about meeting his sexy MySpace friends. You can also watch the movie trailer and an ad for the soundtrack (available in from there.

2) Or you can watch the trailer in Spanish.

3) Get to know the real Borat with this 24-minute compilation of his segments on the British Ali G Show. He's at his best here when trying to get people to explain very simple concepts, like what a hippopotamus is, what a urinal is for, the basic customs of English hunting.

4) And you can see how those episodes led to his adventures on HBO's Da Ali G Show. By now, these are classic moments that hold an embarrassing mirror up to the backwards nature of some Americans: his awkward day of campaigning with right-wing Christian Jim Broadwater, the wine tasting in which an old Southern gentleman explains why slavery's been outlawed, and Borat's well-received country-western sing-along "Throw the Jew Down the Well."

5) The "Glorious Nation" of Kazakhstan has been none too thrilled with Borat's popularity. They've complained, issued press releases and created this picturesque ad. Borat responded via press conference in Washington, calling the press releases Uzbekh propaganda.

6) Borat's been mighty busy promoting his movie all year long. And thankfully, YouTubers have been documenting his efforts.
He began at the Toronto Film Festival, where something went wrong with the movie print, no joke.
He was big at Comic Con.
More recently, he's been hitting the talk-show circuit. Here's his exchange with David Letterman. And then with Matt Lauer on Today.
He actually wrestled with Harry Smith on the CBS Early Show.
And last week, he graced the Saturday Night Live studio (this is directly from NBC.com), since they yank YouTube bootlegs instantly.

Very nice! After watching all these, I think I might need a break before I see the movie. And I might need some deprogramming to stop talking like him. Chenquieh!

I've been sitting on a bunch of my favorite YouTube clips for a while now, waiting to think up a good "Best of" category in which to present them, but they're just way too unique, random and out there to be labeled. So rather than deprive you of their glory any longer, here's a tour of recent discoveries.

1) We begin with the oft-circulated, but still hilarious Gil the Crab in "I Pinch," which feels more like an Adult Swim cartoon than the Honda Element ad it really is. The dialogue is so silly — Element likes surfing, Gil wants to pinch Element, just a leetle pinch — that it works just as brilliantly when
2) illustrated by images of Bush and Cheney, or
3) done in Legos.
4) There are versions with other animals that aren't nearly as funny (though DJ Underground the mole is mildly amusing). And then there's the latest installment, in which Gil finds Element talking to a lobster and gets very jealous. I can't believe I'm talking this much about an ad.

5) While we're on the topic of crustaceans, this video of a shrimp on a treadmill got circulated a lot two weeks ago. I hope that doesn't make his meat too tough.
6) And here he is running even faster, set to a synthesized rendition of "Flight of the Bumblebees."

7) It appears that dry-land invertebrates also enjoy their workouts. Or at least the slugs from the upcoming Dreamworks/Aardman movie Flushed Away do, as evidenced by their "Gonna Make You Sweat" video.

8) Those slugs and shrimp are definitely more coordinated than Nobody's Watching's Derrick and Will, who try to do a two-man version of OK Go's treadmill video.

9) Speaking of funny video parodies, check out this pharmaceutical take on Justin Timberlake's "SexyBack": "Paxilback" by World's Fair. Put a little serotonin in it!

10) Because I'm 50 percent white and nerdy myself, I'll take this opportunity to recommend Weird Al's "White and Nerdy," (a parody of Chamillionaire's "Ridin' (Dirty)").

11) Breaking out of the top 10 format, 'cause I couldn't leave out this Office "phonisode," filmed by one of the show's crew members. (Those Office kids are so Web savvy!) It's members of the cast and crew reading aloud from Jenna Fischer's (Pam) article in Esquire called "10 Things You Don't Know About Women."

12) And because a random YouTube list isn't complete without at least one cute animal clip, here's another adorable "Sweet Tired Cat." Bonus: Because YouTubers can't resist the urge to imitate, here's the "Horror Remake of Sweet Tired Cat."

Enjoy!

What does one wear to meet Tim Gunn and a room full of fashion designers? That panicked question filled my head 30 seconds after I received confirmation that I'd be attending the Tresemmé-sponsored Project Runway Season 3 finale party. Thankfully, my husband Allen's excitement got me back into the right frame of mind — and besides, no one ever pays attention to what the reporters are wearing anyway, right? (I went with all black, just to be safe.)

The party was at the Tribeca Grand Hotel, whose dimly lit glamour has been featured in tons of movies and TV shows in its short life — you can see it most clearly as the abode of Hugh Grant in the annoying Two Weeks Notice. I assume that for the sake of privacy, the festivities weren't in the more glamorous lobby bar but rather in a more, shall we say, intimate location underground, conveniently close to the screening room. We made our way to a small room in which Laura, Uli, Jeffrey, Michael and Michael's entourage stood safely behind a velvet rope while reporters, photographers and cameramen patiently squeezed in for a chance to talk to them. Not much of interest can be said in such a situation, and after having a 45-minute phone interview with Jeffrey two weeks ago (thank you, Bravo, for saving me time!), I didn't really need to compete with everyone for noncommittal quotes. But I edged my way into a conversation with Michael about whether he'd stay in Atlanta ("Definitely"), what his real-life collection would be like (everything from sportswear to gowns, with a fragrance line in the works), and how much I dug the braces. He had four tall guys and a cute, short woman at his side, and he kept his sunglasses on the whole time. Jeffrey's lost the punk mullet and is much shorter than I expected. He was noncommittal about his next moves: "Things are popping up, but it has to be the right thing." I knew I wouldn't get much more from Laura, who was wearing the most revealing maternity dress I've ever seen, her breasts covered only with that black lace she used in her final collection. Uli was more subdued but wearing much more makeup than I'd ever seen. I was tired of this weird indoor red-carpet situation and moved on to the champagne. That's where we met Malan, who is sweet, adorable and really humble. He was wearing a black velvet blazer in this really hot room, but didn't look the least bit uncomfortable. He's so excited about his new collection and said he was opening a store in New York soon. Talk about using your 15 minutes (or three episodes) of fame to a complete advantage. As we were talking, I almost stumbled on top of Laura's husband, who I at first thought was some random professor or newspaper guy, until his image flashed on the screen opposite us showing the first part of the finale. I also almost smacked into Season 2's Kara Janx as I went into the bathroom. She's so small and cute in person!

After Allen nearly pulled my sleeve off with repetitive tugging, we talked to his crush, Alison. "Can I take a picture of you and my husband? You've brought so many straight men to the audience," I told her. "I know," she said, in not at all a conceited way. We talked about Brooklyn, where we both live now, and Allen asked a very (disturbingly?) detailed question about something she'd made and left off of the paper dress that got her booted. When we talked about Laura's accusations that Jeffrey had outside help for his collection, she was more frank than he'd ever been, saying, "I think someone had green eyes."

We stood around staring at people from Seasons 1 and 2 for a while: Austin Scarlett, Daniel Vosevic, Jay McCarroll, Marla Duran, Emmett McCarthy and I'm sure some others I can't remember. Finally, we worked up the nerve to talk to Tim Gunn. He's relieved to be done with the season, so he can concentrate full-time on Parsons. Shockingly, they haven't made plans for next season yet. "I can't film while school is in session," he said. "But everybody's expendable," he added, meaning he thinks it'd be possible they'd go on without him. Over Bravo's dead body!

At last, it was time to pile up at the door to the screening room. It was finally seeming normal to be mingling with all the designers, and I was feeling completely comfortable with the fact that Jay, Daniel V. and Austin were in our row. But then the show started, and Allen said, "It's like we're in our living room, except the people came out of the TV to sit with us." Very weird. There was so much cheering we couldn't hear half the dialogue, and there were a few moments when we had to bite our tongues when we really wanted to say something snarky about the clothing. Even in this balanced crowd, Michael got the most applause, and the gasps were audible when he was the first to be Auf'd. At least no one booed Jeffrey. When the show was over, the lights went on and a Tresemmé representative brought out one of those huge display checks for the hundred grand. Funny how that tradition never gets old, right? Once we saw the handoff, it was time to head home (to write more!), but not before we picked up our gift bags packed with Tresemmé products and a Tim Gunn bobblehead. See, we're all winners!

Project Runway fans are a special breed. I think because it's a show about artists at work, refining their craft, with just a little bit of bitchy rivalry served up on the side, rather than the other way around. Naturally it attracts creative types, or people who just really wish they were creative types. And some of those creative fans have had a little extra time on their hands, which, to our delight, they've used to deliver up a nice selection of clips and spoofs of our favorite designing women and men. Here are my favorites, in no particular order:

1) Project Runway, the Musical:
This clip from Season 2's reunion show, featuring a montage of Santino, Andrae, Nick and Daniel letting off steam through music, had me laughing uncontrollably even the fifth time I saw it.

2) Guadalupe Walks the Line:
Also during the Season 2 reunion show, Lupe's answer to a fan's question rivaled Ozzy Osbourne, Courtney Love and Anna Nicole Smith for most drug-addled monologue delivered on national television.

3) Quack, Quack
This season's designers weren't all that musical, so someone decided to help them out a bit and turned a montage of clips (punctuated by Jeffrey's imitation of Laura) into a video of the Wiggles' "Quack Quack" song.

4) Project Drunkway:
We wouldn't want to leave out Season 1's pioneering souls. This is a reunion-show montage of their happier moments.

5) Raizin's Indonesian Silk Box Dress:
Bet you didn't know about Project Runway's other contestant. Raizin, of the sketch comedy group Olde English, defends his magnificent work in front of the judges and gets into a fight with Michael Kors over which color is the new black.

6) Operation Runway:
OK, this ER-meets-PR spoof isn't all that funny, but I really applaud their effort, especially all the outfits they made out of scrubs.

7) Project Catwalk:
Across the pond and far from the soothing voice of Tim Gunn, Britain's up-and-coming designers face host Elizabeth Hurley on the catwalk. Several segments from the first season are available.

8) Olympus Fashion Week:
Jeffrey
Uli
Laura
Michael
Spoiler alert! These aren't really videos but slide shows of the four finalists' collections at Bryant Park. Can't wait to see them all in motion on Oct. 18.

I just got back on Sunday from a trip to the Bahamas ? no, really, don't be jealous, it was for a disastrous family gathering, and as much as I want to go into detail, the Web is a small, small place. Anyway, it was a funny lesson about the far reach of American TV. First, it was a JetBlue flight to Nassau, so I spent the entire flight flipping manically between Laguna Beach, a nature show and bad '80s videos (note to self: make VH1 Classic a bigger part of my life). Then there was a long layover before our puddle-jumper flight to the island of Eleuthera. In a lounge full of Bahamians (apparently, many commute to work in this manner), there was one TV showing Rushmore (which I've already seen three times) and another with one of those bad Saturday-afternoon action movies starring Wesley Snipes. My husband and I opted for my laptop and Disc 3 of Beavis and Butt-head: The Mike Judge Collection, Volume 3. It includes the original "Frog Baseball" short and then a bunch of music videos with B&B's commentary (the actual cartoons from the series are on the other discs). Yes, we were in the middle of tropical paradise watching Poison's "I Want Action," Salt 'N Pepa's "Whatta Man" and similar gems from long-forgotten bands such as Jesus Lizard and Tripping Daisy. Well, it definitely postponed my anxiety a bit.

On the flight to Eleuthera, we met my dad's friends, and the wife said that she and her teenage kids all adore Project Runway. The son even met Michael Kors once. It never ceases to amaze me how diverse the show's audience is. She told me that the two houses we'd all rented for the week were equipped with cable TV, so we made plans to find Bravo right away. (From what I can tell, Bahamian TV consists of network stations from South Florida, American and Canadian cable channels, and two networks fully devoted to preaching.) Then there was a tense moment when she mentioned watching the CSI premiere and I worried about Grey's Anatomy; but there were two houses and two TVs, crisis averted. Actually, I had watched as many pilots and premiere screeners as possible before leaving the country, mostly in order to write my columns-formerly-known-as-Watercoolers for work, so this was supposed to be a TV vacation, too. But there we were, on our way to a private beach in a foreign country, scheduling our TV viewing. When we walked into the house, my father, my English stepsisters and stepsister's fiancé were all watching college football on a 46-inch screen. "There is no escape," I thought.

Fortunately, perfect sunny days on an empty, white-sand beach with crystal-clear water, a rented motorboat for snorkeling, and a handful of fashion magazines managed to keep me clear of the tube for a while. But TV was often a topic of conversation. The stepsister's fiancé, who lives in central England, chatted with us about Little Britain, The Osbournes, The Office, Stargate SG-1 and Lost (he's big on downloading current eps from newsgroups, not waiting for their delayed foreign broadcasts). Their family friend's 12-year-old daughter was also visiting from across the pond, and she's obsessed with 50 Cent, Busta Rhymes and CSI: Miami. How funny. When I was 12, I was obsessed with Jane Austen novels and Masterpiece Theatre's BBC imports. Yeah, I was also a big nerd.

By Wednesday evening, I think all that sun, relaxation and Bahamian beer finally got to us and the aforementioned disastrous conflict I cannot go into detail about occurred. When all the yelling and storming out of rooms was done, I went back to retrieve something from the other house and all of the neutral, nonfighting guests had settled in for the season premiere of America's Next Top Model. The hubby and I left the following morning for a few peaceful nights at a yoga retreat in Paradise Island. More sunshine and white, empty beaches, not a TV or a family member in sight. Missing the Grey's premiere was a rather small price to pay. On Sunday, we were fully recovered and blissed out by the time we boarded the plane back to New York. One of the yoga teachers, who'd just spent weeks meditating, stretching and improving her karma on the beach, was also on our flight. When I saw her as we made our way to baggage claim, she gave me a guilty grin and said, "That was great. I just watched the Project Runway marathon the whole way home." Yep, it's good to be back.

It took me an extra day, but I finally caught the first two episodes of Oxygen's latest attempt to remind us of its existence by employing a notoriously obnoxious yet telegenic has-been to head up a reality show: Breaking Up with Shannen Doherty. The premise, for those of you who haven't seen it (and/or have no deductive reasoning skills) is that people with no backbones tell Shannen about their no-good boyfriend or girlfriend and why they want to break up with him or her. Shannen then sets up some elaborate Candid Camera-esque ruse that will get the unsuspecting breakup-ee to open up about his or her relationship to an actor in disguise. The first breaking-up couple had a sorry, self-proclaimed player being questioned in a police detective's office after watching his girlfriend getting arrested. In the second episode, a girl thinks she's been hired to work at a relationship-help phone line. The situations are all unnatural and awkward, and I'm pretty sure that if I were a breakup-ee, I'd leave the building before Shannen even had a chance to make her next move. But anyway, the breakup-er is in another room with Shannen the whole time, watching on closed-circuit TV. At some point, Shannen decides the subject has been primed to have his heart broken, so she marches into the room. This is actually the most awkward moment, because we at home are now wondering if this person is even going to recognize Shannen Doherty. At some point, is everything going to come to a halt in order to have a conversation about that time Brenda had to skip the SATs because she thought she had breast cancer? But Shannen, being the gracious celebrity we all know she is, actually introduces herself with the line, "You're on a show called Breaking Up with Shannen Doherty." The editors must cut the part where she adds, "If you don't have Oxygen, call your cable provider." Then she pulls out a handy little DVD player with a message from the girlfriend/boyfriend. For the most part, these messages are articulate and to the point. One girl is tired of the long-distance relationship, another gives an ultimatum about getting married, and one guy is sick and tired of his girlfriend's controlling, jealous ways. These reasons are rather valid and clear, so here's my big problem with the show: Why the #$%* can't they say these things in person, without a camera or a celebrity in the room? These people are passive-aggressive, cruel and they're fame whores. One poor girl starts sobbing hysterically before stopping and realizing she was being filmed. Salt, meet wound. Twist that knife a bit more, why don't you?

What's funny is that through all this, Shannen actually remains the good, understanding person. She tries to comfort the breakup-ee, and says that she, too, has done bad things to sabotage her relationships (duh!). She was even nice to the guy who started hitting on her right after seeing his girlfriend's DVD message. What I really want to see is someone forcing her to use that notorious, tabloid-ready attitude. Otherwise, Oxygen might want to send someone in to break up with Shannen herself.

Confession: Even on the grossest, dog-torturing days of summer, I have a hard time justifying staying in to watch TV when I should be out playing or watching opera in the park or something else I'll long for in February. I still watch it, of course, but there's a whole lot of guilt, mixed in with memories of the summers my sister and I spent trapped at home, hiding from the Florida heat and watching General Hospital, Remington Steele reruns and Nickelodeon's entire afternoon lineup.

So I've decided to do the healthy thing and come up with ways of turning my passive habits into active ones.

Method 1: The TV workout. I'm not talking about traditional aerobics programs — though a male friend of mine told me he just got hooked on a 15-minute PBS yoga class that sounds genius. I prefer to multitask, so I dusted off the dumbbells, invested in a Xertube (this rubber thing with handles and a strap you close in the doorjamb) and tuned in to Real World/Road Rules Challenge, Rock Star: Supernova and three hours' worth of TiVo'd Colbert Report. Doing crunches and push-ups proved to be a bit more challenging, only because my dog kept trying to sit on me. But damn, why didn't I think of this before bikini season? At the gym, I'm bored of strength training after 10 minutes. At home, I got in a full hour. Can I keep this up? If anyone else is interested, I'll start a TV-exercise support group on another thread.

Method 2: Working the brain. If you haven't yet seen Morgan Spurlock's 30 Days, please try it. He's got a brilliant way of introducing and discussing important issues without making you feel like you're in school again. There are even cartoons. Immigration, outsourcing, the failed prison system — not exactly subjects that help me wind down from a hard day. And yet it's actually enjoyable to watch these cultural/viewpoint-exchange programs. I'm allowing this to be a gateway show to other educational shows. There's plenty of PBS and Discovery Channel programming that's way more entertaining than your average sitcom. From American Experience to MythBusters, I think I could learn a thing or two.

Method 3: Get inspired. Watching the kids on So You Think You Can Dance work their butts off for two and a half months has really made me feel lazy. I'm hereby pledging a) to look into tango lessons, and possibly a trip to Argentina in the winter, and b) to attend more live dance performances. I live in New York Freakin' City, and I'm watching dance on television?!? I'm clicking over to the Joyce Theater's site right now. I hope other SYTYCD fans will do the same. Sure the top 10 tour will be fun, but even if it's just going to some local dance school recital or to a local park where the B boys and girls perform, we all need to get out more. And I'll still credit TV with getting us to do so.

This has been a strange month for me: Never in my life have I considered myself a sports fan. Baseball and football bore me; I fast-forward through the Super Bowl game to get to the commercials; basketball exists only during the last week of March Madness; and tennis flits into the radar only during the U.S. Open. But there is one event I haven't missed a minute of since 1994: the World Cup.

Maybe it's the cute boys. The cute foreign boys. Or the fact that I don't have to follow it every year. Mostly, though, it's the communal experience of walking into a bar at some unnatural bar hour and watching with other nontraditional sports fans: people from all over the world, people who wish they were from all over the world, people who normally shun the rowdy crowd of baseball or football spectators but somehow don't mind it on this occasion. At work, a handful of us became very adept at multitasking this month, keeping one eye on the TV screens above our heads and the other on our computers. Every once in a while, we'd scream out, startling the coworkers who consider soccer a sport for kids and parks, not major stadiums. On weekends there was the camaraderie of eating bagels and drinking bloody marys at 11 am at neighborhood bars I'd never seen during daylight. Unless we're trying to pick each other up or are discussing the long line for the bathroom, New Yorkers do not normally talk to each other in bars. During World Cup matches, though, we were all pals. I know this happens all the time for other people, but I've never before experienced a sport as a community builder in this way. Sure, nationalistic passions flared up on occasion, but when they didn't, it was fun picking favorites randomly, based on where we'd been on vacation, which players had better hair, or what the homeland was of a friend's friend.

Yesterday, the husband and I bid farewell to World Cup fever in SoHo, where West Broadway was divided evenly — French fans on the west and Italians on the east. An hour before the game there were already people packed on the sidewalks trying to watch through the windows. We ducked into a pub on a side street, filled with mostly French supporters, a smattering of Italian jerseys and a few folks like us — the neutral spectators who just wanted a good game. Halfway through the game, the Frenchies to my right got a little too pushy and aggressive, so we became Italian fans. Three hours flew by. Zidane's by now infamous head butt actually elicited cheers from the French. So by the time the Italians won the shoot-out, we were ecstatic to see the bar next door hang a beret-wearing blowup doll in effigy. Then we spilled out onto the street and headed over to Little Italy, where red-white-and-green flags materialized out of nowhere, and Mulberry Street began its all-night party. We practically felt Italian at that point.

It was actually a perfect way to end the experience. At home, in our living room, the game wouldn't have been nearly that exciting. Now I'm trying to figure out a way to make all my TV viewing this active. Can anyone tell me of a bar showing So You Think You Can Dance?