Dirty Sexy Money

I’m not sure how many more eps of Dirty Sexy Money are in the can, but I am worried we are going to get stuck in the middle of a serious cliff hangar.

I suspected when Tripp got on the phone and told the person on the line to find out what Simon wanted with the Darling’s financials, that it was Karen. But I wasn’t really sure until the last scene. So, if she’s getting busy with Simon for her Dad, then what are her reasons? Is it just to get Nick? Walking into the Nutcracker crying certainly got his attention. Though I think Tripp’s reasons are far more business related. And there’s some question as to whether Tripp isn’t using Nick to make it seem though he’s protecting Karen from Simon.

And speaking of which, Simon inviting Karen over to meet his ex was a little mean; he could have warned her at least. Because if he is just using her, then why did he want to get approval from his ex, unless…. Could the Princess be in cahoots with him against the Darlings? I’d heard Gina Torres was joining the cast as Simon’s former wife and it was a great thrill to see her with that crazy accent. I remember her from Serenity and Angel when she was kicking aspen and taking names. When Karen returned to the house, holding back tears, she looked absolutely stunning. So take that Simon Elder.

Lisa barely knows any of the Darlings and yet her relationship with Jeremy feels like they’re old friends. I loved when they were lying on the couch in the gallery all hopped up on marijuana and chillaxed and having a heart to heart. Then he sat in her lap. You just knew Jeremy was going to kiss her. And she didn’t exactly stop him, though she managed to pull herself together enough to make him stop after the first one.

Jeremy finally came clean and told the truth to Sofia who didn’t take it as well as he might have hoped. He’s suffered at the hands of “these love-pirates.” And now he may have lost Sofia as well.

Poor Carmelita, do you know how hard it is to get nail polish out of a cream colored carpet? What happened to her? Who kidnapped her? With the way Patrick was acting, I would have sworn he set something up with Clark. “They managed to elude the ficus.” Patrick was so nonchalant when he sniffed her scarf and said, “She’s gone.” He’d have been a heck of a lot more torn up if she was really gone. Maybe he got her out of there so he could save face with Ellen.

Lisa practically suffocated Nick with tears of gratitude when he suggested she have a baby now that she’d lost her job. Does she really not care about her career? I mean she was this close to selling a giant blue Berlin sponge. Well, the career didn’t work out honey, but good news, you can just have another kid and everything will be all right. Not to mention that Nick tossed that idea out like he was asking if she wanted a new car.

We were graced with another moment of humility from Brian; the range on that guy, holy smokes. I found it a little strange that Tish bathed his feet as they were talking about his relationship to God. Mary Magdelene did the same for Jesus on his road to the crucifixion. I don’t know very many mothers that would wash their grown sons' feet, but then I don’t know very many mothers who head up families worth 35 billion smackaroos, either. He was sweet to her. I feel like he turned a corner in this show, but I hope he’s not going to be completely nice; he plays nasty so well. He did look fine in that black suit. And I hope it made Tripp proud to have one of his children, (or not exactly one of his children,) finally become part of the family business.

Thank goodness for Juliet, it was a real pleasure to see her again after her almost nonexistent story line for the past few weeks, (can you say, ‘Rehab’?) I for one am happy she’s back. And the love affair with the guy she met on Karen’s honeymoon in the Seychelles was just what she needed. I pray he’s not just seeing her because of the Darling name. Someone in that family deserves a little happiness. She’s going to give it all away to him, let’s hope he’s on the up and up.

Next week they are re-airing the pilot, so check out the Online Video Guide for great Dirty Sexy moments.

It’s all happening.

Oh, how I hate to gloat, but way back in the second episode of Dirty Sexy Money, “The Lions”, I offered the following: Did we see a tiny glimmer of kindness from the bitter Brian when he sent the boy to bed? Perhaps he and Nick are half-brothers? Or could it be that Tish and Dutch had two children, Brian and Nick, the other set of twins? Hmmm.

Tooting one’s horn is so unbecoming, but “TOOT, TOOT”! Many of you had the same idea as well, so I’m sure I wasn’t the first to think it, I just got to point it out. Good to know we’re all on the same track. I’m still not 100% certain that Tish isn’t somehow Nick’s mom as well. The boys are the same age. And Nick’s mother was quick to dismiss him. Once again, I say, Hmmm…

So we have confirmation that Brian and Nick are brothers; if we didn’t know before the show started, we should have been able to tell as they strode side by side into the courtroom before the Reverend was arrested for a class “C” felony. It’s their bickering that gives them away.

As if that wasn’t enough proof, Letitia and Tripp had a nasty fight over Brian. She was not convinced that Tripp’s harshness towards his “son’s” criminal act had nothing to do with his being a ba*tard child. Tripp later defended Nick as if he was his son. The family tree(s) in this show are very convoluted.

Poor Patrick is a victim of his wife, his lover and his father, (and now Simon Elder). They all rule his life, leaving very little for him to decide for himself. The only decision he did make was that he wanted Carmelita in his life. Their love story is the truest one in this whole show. Somehow Carmelita makes Patrick honest.

Karen was hilarious. Her “Death, I’m coming for you!” monologue cracked me right the heck up. And with lines like, “I never go to Mozambique on a second date,” how does she not get more airtime?

That Simon is a slippery eel, though, he’s better looking than one. I don’t trust him, no way, no how. Can’t wait to find out what he’s got against Tripp that he’s willing to do to him and his family what he did to Darling Plaza.

Lisa was fantastic as Jeremy’s “beard” in his silly ploy to make Sofia think he’s poor. (He bought a brownstone to prove it.) Btw, Sofia is built like a brick house - does it matter if he’s rich or poor? More kudos to Seth Gabel, his physical comedy with the red sculpture in the art gallery was hilarious.

A ridiculously long list of fantastic lines, (Thanks, writers!!!):
“You got me sunshine, we’re screwed.”
“I feel like I’m filled with lime green neon.”
“That is like, financial racism.”
“The firearm chapter of my marriage is over.”
“I just love giving.”
“Let’s nude it up!”
“I’ve had quite a day; I’ve lost two fathers and a son. Please get the hell away from me.”
“Crossed my mind Karen might have been my sister. Thought it best to leave that alone.”
“It’s just me and my paints, and my other paints.”

This was the first ep I felt Peter Krause actually got to color his own canvas. First, when Tish explained the problems with Darling paternity, and Nick had to admit, “Brian is my brother,” I finally felt he was in the same acting class as the rest of them. And the Where the Red Fern Grows story was great. His “No one says everything” scene with Tripp when he said, “I lost my mother. I lost my father. I lost my whole childhood to your family. You owe me the truth,” was moving. When Tripp got up after him and slammed the door, I was speechless. The scene with Dutch was equally as heart wrenching.

Dutch, played by Peter Strauss, was trying to get away from the Darlings just before he was found dead in the Long Island Sound. Peter Krause. Peter Strauss. (Wasn’t it fitting that the Strauss fathered the Krause?) I’ve loved Peter Strauss since Rich Man, Poor Man.

I almost died when Tish asked Brian if it would have made a difference if she’d told him about Nick and Brian said, “Yeah.” It completely broke my heart.

It was very Pulp Fiction when Brian gave his son Dutch’s father’s watch and told the story of the generations of fathers who had worn it. I did however cry for about a 1/2 hour when they hugged before Brian Jr. got into the cab. “You don’t have to say it, Daddy. I know,” cried BJ. That rotten, self-serving mother of little Brian forced a quick good-bye. What a witch! She is mean. Meaner than Brian, if you ask me. How could you take a man’s son from him? (Oh, wait, didn’t Tish do the same thing?) Brian ran after the cab and the song that took us through that emotional moment, Nothing Left to Lose by Mat Kearney, made me cry even harder. Listen to it here.

We ended as we began with the brothers arguing. “Fine, I hate you. Sit down, please,” Brian’s said with a little smirk. I hope they’ll be OK.

I don’t know if I can handle seven days off without Dirty Sexy Money, so I’m headed over to our Online Video Guide to watch clips.

If there was ever a thrill-a-minute Dirty Sexy Money, tonight’s episode was the one. Simon Elder has a different name, one I imagine starts with the letter “C”, no doubt. I could not believe that he had the cahones to dynamite the old Darling Plaza. Has he no heart? Has he not seen those touching scenes of Tripp waxing nostalgic about the 15-story building he once called “home”? Ah, cruelty.

As if that wasn’t shocking enough, Ellen really pulled the rabbit out of the hat when she shot Paddy in the leg, and boy did he deserve it. We knew she had it in her when she invited Carmelita to tea and yet it was a complete surprise when she pulled the trigger. It was the emotional relationship with Carmlita that pushed Ellen over the edge more than the sexual one. More power to you, sister. Patrick was such a mamby-pamby during Ellen and Carm’s meeting, it begs the question, how does a guy like Patrick have two women fighting over him? Ellen’s face when she opened the door to meet Carmelita face to face? Priceless. For everything else, there’s Master…. Oh, nevermind.

It was great fun to watch Tish get into the mix between Karen and Lisa. Frankly, they weren’t using Ms. Clayburgh enough, so this little fun side plot line is a perfect antidote to the men’s seriousness. And she plays a troublemaker so well.

Not for nothing, but I almost hope Nick ends up in bed with Karen, just so we can get rid of Whiney Lisa. I liked her better when she was Ballsy Lisa, telling Karen to put her wiles somewhere where the sun don’t ever shine. She could a thing or from Ellen who handled infidelity in a more “pro-active” way. Nick wouldn’t dream of betraying her, but if she keeps up this way, she’ll end up pushing him right into Karen’s waiting arms.

Brian was back to his old self, no more poignantly pointed out than when he was praying to God just as his messenger handed the arbitrator in his custody case a humongous wad of cash. I’m not above a little pay-off. We can only hope she has the good sense to keep the money and make the appropriate judgment about which parent should get Gustav, pardon me, I meant Brian, Jr.

My sweet Juliet was nowhere to be found in this ep, but Jeremy was in rare form wooing the beautiful Sofia, played by the lovely Sofia Vergara, as a common valet. I didn’t believe her for a solitary minute when he said his family name and she played dumb. Why would a woman like her go out on a date with a laborer? She wouldn’t, it’s implausible. And then he took her to a “poor person’s” restaurant? That looked like a pretty pricey joint. Jeremy’s collusion with Clark as his father was great, but it was their conversation about Clark’s seeming poverty-stricken life that was the highlight for me. Watching Jeremy try to copy Clark to wipe down the car was precious. I loved that he called Clark to come and pick him up in Brooklyn rather than take the subway.

Oh, Tripp, don’t make me start hating you yet! I was dismayed that Tripp was so underhanded about getting Simon and Patrick to the “sit-down”. I think he has good cause to hate Simon and to want to prove Simon’s deviltry to his son, but he undermined Nick’s trust and further pushed Patrick away. Tripp and Simon are playing each other and may take a few people down with them. I knew it wasn’t going well when Simon referred to Tripp as a “desiccated old man.” Also, did you get the sense when Simon took Tish’s hand in greeting that they had met before?

And then they just slipped in that Tripp’s brother, Kenneth, was assassinated and the finger was pointing at Tripp. Opening the flood gates, if you ask me.

Total aside: Nick let his sideburns grow out just like Tripp’s. And they also had the exact same outfit on in the last scene: blue suits, white shirts, blue ties. Like father, like son?

There were so many incredible lines I couldn’t possibly put them all here, but a few of my favorites:
“I’m trying to buy our son.”
“The holiday die-off has commenced.”
“It’s so her to come along, isn’t it?”
“This is the new normal.”
“Reverend Darling, who is Gustav?”
“Isn’t it also true that you kept Brian Jr. on a Swedish diet including fermented milk and reindeer?”
“She had him for seven years. You had him for two months and made him speak Swedish.”
“I’m not dried meat.”

Until we meet again, our Online Video Guide will get you through the night. Or the next seven days as the case may be.

Or not. Karen and Freddie were married in a beautiful ceremony and divorced 45 minutes later, a record even for her. We knew she wouldn’t last long with the second-rate golfer, but the big news was that she finally admitted that she is in love with Nick. I found it rather sad that she was so freaked out when Freddie got down on his knees and professed his love for her and she immediately requested a divorce. He did get $3 million worth of Dirty Sexy Money, so how hard could it really be? Letitia tried to drink the candle when Karen said she wanted to marry Nick and asked Karen to “let me help you,” completely conspiratorially. All I can say is, Karen may be a lot of nasty things, but she looks good without makeup.

When Karen kissed Nick, he ran (guiltily) home to Lisa and told her how much he loved her. “I’m yours,” he repeated twice (because everyone on this show has two loves). Somehow, I wasn’t totally convinced the second was for his wife.

Patrick is in cahoots with Simon Elder and it is heartbreaking to his father. He proved his mettle by throwing a lawsuit against his father’s friends and business associates. To add insult to injury, his wife, Ellen, questioned him about his affair, “With a woman, or a man, or something in between.” Patrick accused a very drunken Tripp of having spilled the beans. I thought maybe Karen had told Ellen about Carmelita, but it was Simon. He’s just bad, bad to the bone. Based on Simon’s advice, Patrick told Ellen about the affair. I’m not sure this was such a good idea, but Simon obviously has an agenda. I think Patrick is a weak man. He always has to have someone tell him what to do. First his father, now Simon, then his wife and Carmelita. Poor guy.

Best lines:
• “It’s none of my business how you like your eggs.”
• “The last time I saw you, you dumped our son in my lap like a half-eaten sandwich.”
• “He is as capable and deserving a fourth husband as you are likely to find.”
• “Your honor, the seven deadly sins are not like the Constitution, they can’t be amended. So if I were you, yes, I would be worried.”
• “She will not keep us out of Washington, either one of us. I did not marry a Darling for nothing.”
• “I have to write a sermon for my sister and her fourth ex-husband.”

When Tripp told Kiki, “Your dad is family,” I thought, “Too true, too true.” The DNA results have still not been revealed to us....

Tripp’s tequila-drinking binge started at 9 am with Nick and ended with a bone-dry bottle and songs with Clark. It was a tradition he reserved for Karen’s wedding days, which he started with her first father-in-law. Her fourth wedding day was a bittersweet day for him. He was crestfallen but not surprised when she came to tell him that she had already had the marriage annulled.

OK, a total aside, but what’s with all the vanishing actors? First it was Elle Fanning being replaced by the new Kiki, and now there is a totally different mother for Brian’s son. The first actress, Brooke Smith, has been on Weeds and is on Grey’s Anatomy. I liked her. But Brian Sr didn’t seem to mind that it was someone else and had a quickie reunion with his babymama. I was heartbroken for him when she told him she was taking Brian Jr to Brazil. He’s such a self-righteous b--tard most of the time that it makes it that much harder when he is hurt by something. What a range on this actor. Glenn Fitzgerald really runs the gamut of emotions. He’s fabulous.

Speaking of little Kiki, she was already plotting to live just like the Darlings, “No matter what it takes, no matter what.” Scary. Sounds like she takes after the Darlings more than the Georges.

Tripp described the feeling he was having on Karen’s fourth wedding day, as “Aware,” pronounced "a-war-ay," a Japanese term meaning “reverence for the transient beauty and mortality of all things.” His inner struggle was apparent when he told Karen, “This day in a father’s life, grief and joy are intertwined.” Once again, Donald Sutherland stole just about every scene he was in, and even a few he wasn’t.

Strange and wonderful things:
• Brian at the foot of the wedding bed — hilarious.
• The wedding procession song was hysterical. “There’s no place left to go.”
• Juliet’s ever-lengthening and -shortening hair extensions.

Brian’s wedding sermon incorporated the three Cs: confirmation, consolation and, wait for it, joy. Even though "joy" isn’t a C-word, life and love are surprising. It was actually a really nice sermon. And it led to one of the best lines of the ep when Tripp said to Brian, “There really is such a kind person buried deep down inside of you — deep, deep down inside you. Somewhere.”

Have you ever noticed we almost never see scenes with Juliet and Karen. Not a lot of sisterly bonding going on there. Karen has to be near 40 and Juliet just turned 25. Poor Tish was pregnant over the course of more than 15 years? That’s gotta suck.

Simon finally ticked Tripp off to the point of no return. Tripp told Nick he has endured “massive betrayal” but “will not suffer this man. I want to destroy him.” Tripp, I’m not sure I understand what you mean. “I want that son of a bitch completely and utterly destroyed.” Oh, I see. Well, it sure seems like Simon deserves it.

Natalie tried to win Juliet back with her hit single "Free to Forgive." It really irked Jeremy, but it worked like a charm on Juliet, and she was smitten. The reunited girls ran off into the sunset with Juliet’s accessorizing dog and their Pinkberry fro-yos.

While the writers continue to strike, stay close to the Dirty Sexy action with our Online Video Guide.

Two words. Freddie rapping! Fantastic!

"The Game" was not a Halloween reference to bobbing for candy-covered apples, or pinning the tail on the ghoul. It referred to a high-stakes poker game where money, (you know it's Dirty Sexy Money) is worthless and real estate is king. I had a heart attack just watching them toss around $80 million at a time. I didn’t understand why Tripp would argue with Nick in front of the poker players. I found it unlike Nick for pushing something that hard with Tripp, although when I learned the truth behind it, it made more sense. Tripp folded but I wonder what hand he actually had. He may have thrown the game.

My favorite scene of the entire show was when the brothers played the video game. It was too short-lived. But one of the best lines came from that scene: “Doesn’t your conscience feel the tiniest prick?” “Not until you walked in, Brian.” Funny and so nice to see the brothers interacting. They don’t get to do that enough.

Incredibly, Patrick kissed Carmelita on the street and some TMZers, (or rather, Tripp’s Maniacal Zealotry) snapped a picture. Tripp tried to buy Carm off, but she would hear nothing of it. Tripp’s sad line to Carmelita, “No one knows better than me that money is cold comfort in the absence of love,” was another dig at Tish and Dutch’s secretive affair. Carmelita turned that right around on him, and bully for her. I liked the way she played Tripp. It only lead Patrick to cut his ties with his father and turn to none other than... wait for it… Simon Elder. He’s getting a lot of mileage and he’s only been around for two weeks!

Just as we were wondering why there wasn’t more of both Jill Clayburgh and William Baldwin, we were handed each on a silver platter. They both had some meaty scenes. Even Daisy got more face time.

I finally figured out why Nick is there. He is a blank canvas for the other actors to show off their colors. He’s like the straight man to a ridiculously funny comedian. A good percentage of the actor’s best scenes are played against Nick. He brings it out in them.

Dutch and Simon had a plan to make a New Manhattan. Or at least this is what Simon is telling Nick. Nick, don’t believe him for a second! I don’t trust that Simon Elder as far as I can throw him. He’s up to no good! He had the dealer, for goodness sake! Simon asked Nick to do something against his grain but sweetened it by offering the real NTSD report on his father’s death. Sounds like blackmail to me. (The police held something back from Nick claiming “Accidents happen” in the first report.) But Nick has a plan for Simon, too. Who will win this game?

The music in this ep was beautiful. The two songs that stood out sounded like they were from the same performer, only after much googling, I still can’t figure out who it was. Anyone?

Jeremy decided that making an honest living would be a good idea. He’s just not cut out for it. And Juliet became a babysitter for Brian, Jr. (I really preferred the name Gustav.) Juliet did have a great fight scene with her brother, the kid's father. An accusatory Brian: “Did you buy my son a $30,000 watch?” A defensive Juliet: “It was 15 percent off.” And the retort of the father: “You’ve turned a nice, sweet, fake Swedish orphan into your own personal living doll.”

Brian told Brian Jr. he planned on spending more time with him. The cute kid wanted to know, “What happens during good old-fashioned father-son time?” And once again, Brian pulled it out of the bag when he cut the hole in Brian Jr.’s pancakes. I may have sprinkled my computer with a tear or two.

Eddie Cibrian joined the cast as Karen’s ex — nix that, still current — hubbie. All I can say is, “Why can’t he answer my door?” Sebastian and his “nice hiney” (Daisy’s words, not mine) seduced Karen into being unfaithful to Freddie (as if she needed any real arm-twisting on that one). Karen was up to her old tricks, suggesting the reason Nick wanted her to slow the marriage train was because he wanted her for himself. She has a very deluded idea of herself. And I couldn’t believe the things she said to her mother. My mother would have washed my mouth out with soap. Ivory soap. Blech.

Tripp told Nick his wish was for him to take control of all of his companies. Wow. Now why would that be? Why would you ask your lawyer to take over your businesses and not one of your own children? (Note the irony.) Later Tripp professed his love for “Nicky.” Hmmm. How many people refer to their lawyers in such a familiar way? And was it just me, or did anyone else notice the way Nick looked at Tish as she walked up the staircase? Kind of like a son might look after his mother. I’m just saying….

For Pete’s sake, DSM won’t be around next week due to the CMAs, but you can keep up with clips in our Online Video Guide.

OK, first thing’s first. Tish didn’t reveal the truth about which child was not Tripp’s. That really ticks me off. However, did you catch Tish’s expression when Tripp brought up the twins and called them “different”? Priceless. Dirty Sexy Money mixes it up again.

Also, it’s official: I love the twins. They fought over their birthday party and found that $1 million was not enough to split. This should be my problem. Juliet’s Marie Antoinette birthday party was almost as over-the-top as Jeremy’s party on the Brooklyn Bridge. The expression she had on her face when she talked about kissing that good-looking boy was hilarious. I hope she never gets Botox. And once she saw him kissing another girl, she cried, “Let them eat cake.” Jeremy was off his rocker, weaving along nearly naked on the Brooklyn Bridge singing “All By Myself.” He wins the craziest-twin award this week. He’s a terrible singer! But it was so sad. I’m happy that Jeremy gave Natalie the boot. Juliet said it best: “You and Natalie together was like drinking orange juice after brushing your teeth.”

Excellent lines, although it was all in the delivery:
“Jet fuel doesn’t grow on trees.”
“It’s a lot of money for two ants.”
“OK, note to self, ‘crush her.’”

Boy, Karen’s true colors are finally showing. Since she got told off by Lisa last week, she needs a new place to toss her rage, so she chose to pick on her brother, Patrick. She is the one we’re going to love to hate. She has started playing hardball. And I love it.

When Brian Jr. finally broke down and told his stepmom the truth (“Yeah, about that… my name’s not Gustav”), I snickered. That kid is not only cute, but a good little actor. And Mei Ling Hwa confronted Brian. I was amazed that he was that honest with his wife about his son and his relationship with Brian Jr.’s mother. Brian begged his wife to forgive him and she told him she wants a divorce. I couldn’t believe it when Brian broke down in front of Nick. He’s been such a schmuck to Nick and then when something really hit him hard, he turned to Nick for advice. It was very — how should I put this? — brotherly.

Brian’s best line: “I’m sorry I called you, Mr. Perfect. You are kind of insufferable with your happiness, though.”

Brian was actually distraught at the idea that his marriage might break up. I think he really took the children’s Bible story about honesty to heart. When he asked Mei Ling Hwa to let him come back to her, it was touching. He had made that comment earlier with Karen that her several marriages sort of make the institution of marriage a sham. So his wife kicked him out of their house, and he was broken-hearted about it. But he got to move back in with his parents, so it’s not like he will be suffering too much.

Tripp was very hard on Jeremy, but Nick was fantastic. He was honest and straightforward: “I’m here to tell you what’s wrong.” It’s great that Nick is taking this role of advising Tripp and the rest of the brood. He’s not just their lawyer, but sometimes he's the only voice of reason in a family full of spoiled children. Sutherland was nothing short of brilliant again in that scene.

Kudos to Seth Gabel, he was the breakout star of the ep. He got to cover a range of emotions and he did it excellently.

Nick finally met Simon Elder, who thinks he and Nick are “cut from the same cloth.” Another familial reference. Someday we’ll find out who’s actually related. Simon made $100 million his first year in American after having grown up poor in Russia. A little far-reaching as reality, but then this show isn’t exactly about any reality I’ve ever known.

Once again, though, Dutch’s legacy lives on through all these other people and Nick continues to find out things about his father he never knew when he was alive. Simon is going to lead Nick somewhere. Not sure where, but this should be interesting.

Based on Simon’s encouraging advice, Nick stepped out of the nest and finally started spending Tripp’s money. First he bought the ants for his wife and then he gave away the lump of cash to the playground people.

I hate when this show ends, because I could watch several hours of it at a time. Since we don’t get to make the rules about how long Dirty Sexy Money is on each week, we’ll just have to check out the Online Video Guide to help get us through the week.

Is it just me, or has this show gotten better every week? Darn! I love the Darlings. This week I laughed, I cried, I clapped and screamed along with both Brian Jr. and Juliet. Dirty Sexy Money! Hooray!

Lisa spoke more in the first minute of this episode than in the whole series. And we finally found out that she works in a gallery. And picks up a lot of dry cleaning.

With the truth of Tish and Dutch’s affair on the table, Tripp began to question: "The children, are they all mine?" Tish tried to tell him she was absolutely sure that they were his, but he did not believe her. And honestly, would anyone? His speech to her was another riveting performance. I’m thrilled to see this high level of quality from network TV.

By letting Tish’s OB/GYN know that he was aware that a certain painting was fake, Tripp found a way to get his children’s DNA. The doctor let out a gasp that could have woken the dead. I thought he might evaporate into thin air!

Tripp told Nick about Harold Templeton (Erick Avari played Chandra Suresh on Heroes; he has had quite a steady career), who was "a spy in the '60s for England and China and France, and did some work for Kennedy." Tripp sent Nick to find him at the Italian vineyard and to request the Chiavennasca, slightly chilled. (Glory be to the writers that made the episode title the same as the wine, because spelling that without knowing is not so easy.)

Another glory-be moment was Brian’s heartwarming lesson to his son and their pepper-shaking similarity. And then later, when Brian showed his pride at his son’s ability to hold his own against him. His little chat with Chura, the bully, was inspired. Do you think he was actually sticking up for his son? Showing a softer side, or just keeping Jr. from telling his wife the truth?

Best lines:
"I’m Pluto. Cold, distant and alone."

"$1,200? Do they come with a kidney?"

"Don’t be so financially resistant."

"Sometimes a shoe is just a shoe."

"I hope Ryan’s taking penicillin. That girl is septic."

"Sometimes I don’t know where you children come from."

"The tickets? They were subterfuge and a gift."

"You know God? He’s sort of my boss."

Clark not only drives the Darlings everywhere but he also flies their private jet. What a handy man!

Karen and Freddie went with Lisa and Nick to Italy much to Lisa's chagrin. So much for Nick’s promise of "For two days, no Darlings." Karen’s inappropriate behavior was completely hilarious. From buying the red shoes for Lisa to breaking the story about when Nick proposed to her. She’s almost as decadent to enjoy as Brian. (I totally loved when Freddie played along with the Nick lovefest, talking about walking on the beach with Nick and how his hair glistened.)

Kudos to Lisa, who laid down the law to Karen. I think things are going to get ugly between the two of them. Karen doesn’t seem the type to let someone beat her at her own game. Will Lisa be able to keep up? I don’t know, but it’s sure to be fun to watch.

When Juliet found her brother lying atop her nemesis, Natalie, her mortified scream was priceless as it filtered through the entire house.

I was mortified that Lisa said she never wanted to go back to Italy simply for a bottle of wine. To me that would be an ideal trip. The Alexi Murdoch song, "Orange Sky," that they played over that scene was haunting and beautiful. He sings, "my salvation lies in your love," and I think it applies to several characters here.

Tripp pulled out the paternity results and asked Tish some hard questions. I knew she wasn’t going to tell him this week. That just burns my britches. Tripp maintained his dignity during his tirade to Tish — I simply could not look away. Donald Sutherland is the absolute home run of this show. He steals every scene he is in. Stunning work. And as always, the idea that Nick may not be Dutch’s son is very tempting.

Speaking of paternity, Jeremy told Natalie he was in love with her and she told him she was pregnant. Is it Jeremy’s or Ryan’s, the self-absorbed actor?

"My father was working for someone else," Nick openly told Tripp. Templeton stopped helping Dutch when he found out Dutch was also gathering information about Tripp.

Finally, there he was, Simon Elder (Blair Underwood). His diplomatic license tag read "C." Mystery solved. Or is it? Can’t wait to see how this unravels. Let’s hear your best conspiracy theories.

Watch some Dirty Sexy Online Videos while you're thinking about that.

So we’ve got a sex tape and we’ve got an Italian banker. Hmm, how do these two things fit together? What exactly was on that tape? We've got dirty, we've got sexy, and we've got Money, lots of it. Who wouldn’t love walking into a vault full of fresh, new money? Even Nick held that bag with a million dollars in it for half of the show. And Paolo, the Darling family's Italian banker, let us know that the inspiration for the sexual position known as the Italian banker was his grandfather. Dirty Sexy Money sure started with a bang.

(Does anyone know what music was playing when the Italian banker opened the vault? It was perfect, as if the gates of Heaven had just opened.)

The intercut between Nick’s interview of each of the Darling kids about the sex tape was really well done. Karen singing Styx's Babe I Love You, from the mix tape Nick made her when they were 12, was precious. The botched sale of the sex tape was hilarious.

Best lines:
• “Having Natalie here is driving me insane, I’m getting shingles!”
• “I’m giving her a mulligan.”
• “Let yourself go, Pat.”
• “This really cheeses me off.”
• “I don’t want to pay for it. I want it for free. Paying for stuff sucks.”
• “Katherine, can I please be done unpacking?”
• “You have a sex tape of Buddy Epson?”
• “It’s not about the caviar!”
• “Patrick is going to be the next lying president of the United States of lying American."

I’m pretty sure that was Elle Fanning who played Nick and Lisa’s daughter in the pilot, but now they have a totally different daughter, played by Chloe Moretz. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I liked the Fanning kid.

Award for best performance goes to the publicist: “Rebecca Colfax, Darling Family Publicist.” She cracked me up. I certainly hope they write her into a few more episodes. Runner-up was Brian, for his comment to Nick when asked whether he may have made a sex tape, “How do you live with yourself?” But even more so for his tirade against “Gustav” for lying about being able to speak English. That poor little kid’s face when he left the room was so sad. But, I was still laughing.

Other noteworthy moments:
• Carmelita made Patrick a month’s supply of underwear with his favorite Yankees on them. “That’s love.”
• Juliet came out as a virgin.
• All of Donald Sutherland’s screen time. Especially leaving Condoleezza Rice on the phone while he finished his conversation with Nick.
• Juliet’s twin tuition. (She’s growing on me.)
• Juliet and Jeremy’s rooftop chat.

Tripp is either really brokenhearted about finding out that his wife and best friend were having an affair for most of his marriage or else he’s a really good liar. I want to believe him, but I’m not convinced he’s as honest as he claims to be. But as you know, I love the way Sutherland plays him.

The weekly wrap-up betwixt Tripp and Nick is one of my favorite aspects of the show. Nick called out Tripp on his crap, something Rebecca had earlier claimed no one would do to rich people. And Tripp took it from Nick. Although that might fall under the heading of "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer."

“You stole my bangs!” The paparazzi-encouraged catfight between Juliet and Natalie, (doesn’t Natalie look a little like a young Gina Gershon?) in front of Bulgari was over-the-top. A little stereotypical, but pretty funny; it was all about the bangs. With the oversaturation of certain media darlings, one might wish that the writers of DSM would turn Juliet into a philanthropic goddess, forming foundations left and right and giving away huge gobs of money to those less fortunate. Perhaps they could give those ultra-wealthy celebs who are famous for fame’s sake a little run for their money. I’m just saying.

Nick is told that Simon Elder is not who he thinks he is. When will we meet this Simon Elder? Next week, I hear Blair Underwood joins the cast. Coincidence?

I can't wait, so I’m checking out DSM videos in our Online Video Guide.

What a fitting episode title for the second installment of Dirty Sexy Money. Truths were revealed and secrets were kept hidden a little longer. So much happened in this ep, I don’t even know where to start.

Some immediate highlights:
• The photo shoot as “rebranding the family as fresh, hip”.
• Patrick announcing his candidacy for the Senate based on his girlfriend’s suggestion.
• Tripp reciting William Wordsworth.
• Tripp speaking Swedish.

Fantastic lines:
Juliet: “I want to be normal size!”
Brian: “She’ll take you back if I have to shoot you at her out of a cannon.”
Nick to Daisy: “Tell me no one from the family called.”
Daisy to Nick: “No, just the lion wrangler.”
Tish: “We’re all capable of everything.”

One of the things I love most about the show is the father-and-son theme. Nick and Dutch. His relationship with Tripp is very much like father and son. Tripp and his sons, Brian and his, the list goes on. The different ways that Nick and Brian interact with Brian Jr. Even though Brian is unwelcoming to his son, Nick brings Brian Jr. into the family in the way he wanted Dutch to include him.

One of my favorite scenes was when Brian kicked the cab while talking about having lied to his wife and children on behalf of “Gustav, the Swedish orphan.” Later, Brian asked Nick, “What are you going to do about the kid?” I love that Brian. “God bless!” He may just be the most interesting of the Darling children. Showing his cruel side he lectured his son, “If it were up to me, you wouldn’t even be here,” alluding to something more than just not there at the rectory. “Just act Swedish.” Did we see a tiny glimmer of kindness from the bitter Brian when he sent the boy to bed? Perhaps he and Nick are half brothers? Or could it be that Tish and Dutch had two children, Brian and Nick, the other set of twins? Hmmm.

As for the actual twins, Jeremy and Juliet, I’m not sure if they are getting on my nerves or if they're cute and comic relief. Though I must admit, the idea that Jeremy was writing songs with JT cracked me up. And I find Karen a little one-dimensional. I’m waiting for her storyline to blossom.

Did anyone get the sense that the plane mechanic was paid to lead Nick down a particular road?

Nick showed his integrity by taking the subway to work for the wealthy. Then he got caught stealing Tripp’s journal and couldn’t quite lie about it to the maid who was quite matter-of-fact about her payment to keep quiet — $500. She’s got her own pricing system. Her whisper, about “med school” regarding the kind of college Dutch’s similar actions helped put her daughter through, cracked me up.

OK, so did Lisa have a job in the first show? They were living off his salary as basically a pubic defender; she must have worked. She’s definitely got nothing to do now, which makes sense since Nick was handed $10 million last week, yet they still remain in their relatively modest apartment. And she keeps telling Nick he shouldn’t be working for the Darlings. Wonder if she’ll be won over.

To get the heat off the boy, and perhaps to assuage his guilt, Nick admitted to stealing the journal. Tripp got remarkably upset when Nick accused him of perhaps killing Dutch. Tripp told Tish, “We’ll get through it, you, and me, and Nick,” (and perhaps by default, Dutch — the fifth Beatle, so to speak). I got the sense that Tripp is a deeply family-oriented man and is the glue that holds the family together. Tish seems like a grand manipulator and I wonder, is it her guilt or her grief speaking?

We learned who knew about Tish and Dutch’s affair and who didn’t. Tish admitted it started out as “a necessity and became a lifestyle.” How can she think Tripp didn’t know? Let’s call it denial. She told Nick, “Your father was my great love.”

The final scene when Nick returned Tripp’s journal was so moving and well crafted; Donald Sutherland is a master of subtlety. Tripp suggested the possible combination for the lock on Dutch’s briefcase, adding, “It’s Tish’s birthday.” I didn’t want that clasp to click. There was the pause as Nick thought about the consequences of it unlatching. I held my breath. It was heartbreaking when the combination worked and the shot of Tripp’s face, having to acknowledge the betrayal in a very real way. I had to go back and rewatch it because it was so emotional and played so beautifully.

Two down and I can’t wait for No. 3! But for now, our Online Video Guide will have to suffice.

Oh, for the love of money! Dirty Sexy Money, that is. Welcome to the world of the Darlings and their nonprofit-minded lawyer, Nick George. With a stellar cast including Peter Krause, Donald Sutherland, Jill Clayburgh and William Baldwin, ABC just might have a killer hit on their hands.

We quickly learn of Nick’s propensity to be a "do-gooder" and the Darling family’s propensity to get in a lot of trouble. This juxtaposition between Nick’s righteousness and the Darlings' sense of privilege plays intriguingly, oft times to great humor. Nick begins questioning whether "the love of money is the root of all evil" and ends wondering if maybe money isn’t the real problem — maybe it’s people wanting too much of anything.

The brief recap: For $10 million plus an undisclosed amount for salary, Nick George accepts the job his father used to hold as family lawyer to the richest family in New York, the Darlings. The family has very few boundaries when it comes to other people, while Nick is the epitome of well-mannered. He quits after his first day on the job as each character reveals something very sordid about themselves and Nick ends up brawling in the Darlings' marble foyer with the Reverend, who hates him already.

Nick’s father has died in a mysterious plane crash and when Karen Darling, his former lover, calls him and reveals that her brother, the Reverend, has paid off an airplane mechanic, it looks as though there’s more to the plane crash than meets the eye. Nick intends to find out what happened. He also finds out about the 40-year-old secret affair that his father and Tish were having for his whole life.

Here’s the trouble with:
• Karen: She is still in love with Nick and prone to marry men who love her for her money rather than herself.
• Reverend Brian: He is a bitter man who hates Nick and has two families: one with his wife and one with his lover, with whom he has a son.
• Jeremy & Juliet: They have too much time on their hands, too much money in their pockets and no sense of direction, but perhaps Nick’s sense of propriety can get under their skins.
• Tripp: He’s likable on the surface, but having a wife who has been in love with another man for 40 years, and as the head of a completely crazy family, there’s something brewing way down deep that's ready to explode at any minute.

Peter Horton directed and Craig Wright wrote the pilot. And they’ve done an excellent job. The show has a wonderful feel to it; Tripp Darling’s children may all be shipwrecks but he is the grand patriarch who wills them together. Sutherland plays this role with such a remarkably likeable persona, I almost cheer for him, and his riches. And they’ve used music to humorous effect, from Led Zeppelin escorting Tripp's car through the crowd to Dutch’s funeral to the ringtones Nick’s assistant applies to each family member, each more apropos than the next.

Some definitive highlights for me:
• Tripp wanting Johnny Cochran or Bill Clinton to become the family lawyer
• Peter Bogdanovich as the producer of Juliet’s play
• Dan Rather as a guest at the Darlings' party
• Patrick Darling’s secret lover, Carmelita, a transgendered "hooker"
• Tripp’s nonchalant yet guarded look at Dutch’s briefcase, which was recovered from the crash site
• Elle Fanning as Krause’s daughter, last seen with him in The Lost Room
• Jill Clayburgh. Period.

The best line? Easy. Tripp: "I’m gonna put my nuts on the table."

This is by far one of the best pilots coming out this season and I encourage you to keep watching as the plot thickens, relationships become entangled and lives are endangered — all the makings of an excellent nighttime soap.


While you’re waiting for next week’s show, check out these clips in our Online Video Guide.