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Nothing Pleasurable About Real-Life Sex Addiction
Caveh Zahedi courtesy Caveh Zahedi; Californication by Randy Tepper/Showtime
David Duchovny 's character on Californication is like a lot of TV sex addicts — he can't help but wake up with a new woman every morning, almost in spite of himself.
Hank Moody's big problem — besides sleeplessness — is that his philandering may get in the way of his real relationships. But that's the main joke of the show: Moody's scattershot pursuit of short-term pleasure keeps him from accomplishing anything important.
"What keeps Hank going in the show is he loves the chaos," Duchovny told TVGuide.com in June. "Personally, I don't love chaos. I like things to be ordered."
If Duchovny is serious about seeking treatment for sex addiction — plenty of people are sure this is all a massive publicity stunt for the show — he'll have to start by admitting he's lost control over his life.
TV and movie sex addicts are usually portrayed as people so charismatic and gorgeous that they can't help roping in new sex partners — who they often meet at meetings of recovering sex addicts.
The main character in the upcoming movie Choke, based on the Chuck Palahniuk novel of the same name, scours such meetings on the prowl for easy targets. On Frasier, Ted Danson's womanizing Sam Malone once guest-starred to reveal that he had met the female version of himself at a meeting for sexual compulsives. (She was played, oddly enough, by Téa Leoni, years before she married Duchovny.)
Most real sex addicts are responding to emotional issues that go deeper than wanting fresh companionship. Many sexualize their sadness or anger, says Caveh Zahedi, director of the 2005 documentary I Am a Sex Addict.
"Some people, when they get angry, they want to drink. And some people want to have sex," he says.
Sex addicts may not have a problem with too much sex, and may not even have more sex than anyone else. Their problem is that their addiction destroys the other parts of their lives.
"It isn’t so much about quantity as destructiveness. If you're occasionally having affairs, for example, that’s very destructive to a marriage," adds Zahedi, who is now happily married and expecting a child with his wife next month.
"Sex Addicts Anonymous defines it as engaging in any kind of sexual behavior that you don't want to be involved in, something you're trying to stop," adds the filmmaker, who started writing the movie on the night he began attending SAA meetings to try to stop seeing prostitutes. "It varies from adultery to prostitution, exhibitionism, pornography."
SAA declined to comment for this story, but its Web site says the essence of sexual addiction, and any addiction, "is the addicts' experience of powerlessness over a compulsive behavior, resulting in their lives becoming unmanageable."
"The unmanageability of addicts' lives can be seen in the consequences they suffer: losing relationships, difficulties with work, arrests, financial troubles, a loss of interest in things not sexual, low self-esteem and despair," the group says.
The group follows a 12-step process inspired by Alcoholics Anonymous. The first step is admitting "that our lives had become unmanageable."
Saying, in other words, that they don't love the chaos. — Tim Molloy, with additional reporting by Anna Dimond
Related:
• Duchovny Enters Rehab for Sex Addiction Just as Series' Ad Campaign Breaks
• David Duchovny Talks Sex and Addiction
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Aug 29, 2008 3:09 PM
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Did anybody besides me recall that in the Frasier episode mentioned above, Ted Danson's Sam falls for a fellow sex addict who was played by Tea Leoni.
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Aug 29, 2008 3:33 PM
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Great memory! Just added it to the story.
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Aug 29, 2008 4:35 PM
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Sorry, but as much as I enjoyed Duchovny on "The X-Files", I'm not feeling much sympathy for his "addiction". I use quotes around that word in this case because there are probably many "sex addicts" who use that term to describe themselves in an attempt to avoid angry reactions (or divorce papers) from those they've hurt. I'm not buying Duchovny's story.
Hell, if I was married to Tea Leoni, I'd never feel a need to look any further, that's for sure.
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Aug 29, 2008 6:17 PM
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WOW, if this is a publicity stunt, the guy should be boycotted, I would expect something like that from a paris, kim k, nicole, any member from the hills etc, but not from someone of his caliber, I hope tv guide has got it WRONG AGAIN, I hope.
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Aug 29, 2008 10:27 PM
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Seriously, who is buying this s**t
it is so obviously a publicity stunt and/or he was busted cheating and is using this as the excuse
"ohhh, I can't stop myself"
come on !!!
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Aug 30, 2008 8:50 AM
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i think duchovny is legit about this. to me, he's always come across in iterviews as someone who tells it like it is, no spin. i could be wrong, of course, but that's what i think.
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Aug 30, 2008 9:25 AM
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I have absolutely no sympathy for this man. If he really wanted privacy for his poor wife and children, he should have kept his mouth shut and gone for treatment. No one would have known the difference. But, did he do that? No, he splashed their private business all over the press. Yeah, he wants privacy. What a sorry excuse for a husband and father.
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Aug 30, 2008 10:33 AM
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So I read this article discussing what a serious thing sex addition is and what an impact it can have on one's life. Then, at the end of the article, as I scroll down, what is the first thing I see before all the comments begin? A big square color ad for Gossip Girl showing two teens lying together in the apparent afterglow. TVGuide, you're a hoot.
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Aug 30, 2008 2:20 PM
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I am truly disgusted with the lack of sympathy/empathy for a person who has come to terms with the fact that he has an illness and is seeking treatment for it. What a jaded group of smug, self-rightous people we have become. Talk about guilty until proven innocent, what an unfunny joke!
I certainly hope that none of you has to seek treatment for anything emotionally imparing... you may find out what it's like to have your peers sit in judgement of you! Oh, but don't worry... you don't live in the public eye, so maybe EVERYONE won't know about it...
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Aug 30, 2008 4:05 PM
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I don't judge him for needing help, but how did people find out that he went for treatment, and what his problem is? Is he that big a star that the media follows him everywhere? If not, I think the nature of what he's being treated for should have been kept private.
If it's a publicity stunt, or if it's true but he's decided to use it for publicity, then that is sad. If it's just that the media are hounding him and ferreting out his private business, then I feel sorry for him and his family.
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Aug 30, 2008 5:02 PM
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Obviously, only David Duchovny and his wife know the truth of the matter, so anything the public comments on is based on his official statement.
Truth is, we all know that so called journalists who work for the National Enquirer have a long history of sniffing out personal illnesses and/or scandals of celebrities. It has happened to many artists over the years.
Maybe they or some other news outlet like TMZ were going to break the story. I highly doubt that a public figure would claim to have a sex addiction as a publicity stunt. That is just insane! His new show is on Cable, and the audience is limited to that channel's subscribers. It's not like he is on a prime time show on a network, which tend to have much larger audiences.
For those who are cynically judging his addiction, first, we will never know the details. Second, the man has never been part of a sordid scandal before. He is a well educated (Yale), highly intelligent man who is never seen out partying hard or begging for attention from the press. Third, some people do get easily addicted to porn, etc., especially now that the Internet has made it so accessible in the 'privacy' of a person's home.
I think it's rude to judge him and/or make fun of him. Although I recognize that everyone here has a right to their opinion, I wish we could show a little more compassion. Who here doesn't have a family member/friend who suffers from an addiction? I'm sure some of the people who criticize the most have issues of their own. People can become addicted to technology, shopping, etc. Nobody is perfect.
I feel awful for Téa Leoni, for their children and other family members who now have to put up with the gossip. If David really is a sex addict, my heart goes out to him. Why? Because if a person is an alcoholic or a drug addict they can actually eliminate those substances from their lives, even if it is hard and takes great willpower.
On the other hand, what is a sex addict supposed to do? Like food addicts, they are dealing with primal human needs, and cannot run away from temptation. No out of sight out of mind for them. It is possible to change, but very hard.
This is all sad.
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Aug 30, 2008 7:58 PM
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Well said, Chattypatra. Compassion should always be the order of the day.
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Aug 30, 2008 8:19 PM
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I think it's a publicity stunt for his show and the fact that he went public with the information, then quickly asked for privacy, tells me he wants tongues wagging about it. Crap on the rag magazines. There is a way to go into any rehab without anyone finding out. Rehab centers exist all over the country, not just the plush ones in and around LA, etc. Get a grip folks. I don't believe it for one minute.
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Aug 31, 2008 11:17 AM
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While I hope DD gets the help he needs and we are not being pinked.
I would also ask DD to take some time out for acting lessons. He is the second worse leading male actor on TV (David Caruso is #1).
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Aug 31, 2008 5:39 PM
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