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I Find Myself Distracted by Jessica Simpson's...
Lips. Yes, her lips.
As I took in a Wednesday screening of Jessica's new feature folly, Employee of the Month, I found myself positively transfixed by her large, plump, round and seemingly enhanced lips. And not in a good way, really.
Employee of the Month is a cute and sometimes clever comedy, starring Dane Cook — now my No. 1 pick to fill Chevy Chase's tennis shoes in any new Fletch film — and Dax Shepard as bitter rival workers at Super Club (a badly "disguised" Costco superstore). But when J-Simp, the shared object of their affections, is on the screen, all you see are yes, those, but also her lips.
I know there were reports in the celeb glossies months ago about Jessica possibly having had some "work" done on her pucker, and if true, it apparently was done mere seconds before she shot her scenes for EOTM.
I plead ignorance about all things collagen and Botox, but whatever JS might (or might not) have had done seems to have affected her line delivery, as words aren't so much spoken by her but slip out of her mouth. It's sad, because as phantasmically attractive and pneumatic as she is — qualities that EOTM's director and wardrobe designer both played up to the hilt — I would have liked to see her big-screen self be even more bubbly and irresistible from the inside.
But Dane Cook, aka the love child of Paul Rudd, Chevy Chase and Will Ferrell? He is Fletch, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
What does TVGuide.com's Ken Fox have to say about Employee of the Month? Here's his review.
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Oct 5, 2006 12:40 PM
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You know, you have a way of mixing the guy point of view with a womanly cattiness, all mixed up with a lot of tongue in cheek. I really enjoy this blog, and I hope you'll be moved to post more frequently.
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Oct 5, 2006 3:21 PM
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I couldn't stop laughing when I read this. I haven't seen the movie, but I saw her in People magazine a few weeks ago and I thought the same thing. When she pouts it looks like she could suction cup her mouth to the mirror.
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Oct 5, 2006 4:30 PM
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You know, you have a way of mixing the guy point of view with a womanly cattiness, all mixed up with a lot of tongue in cheek.... I hope you'll be moved to post more frequently.
Thanks!...?
I saw her in [such-and-such] magazine a few weeks ago and I thought the same thing. When she pouts it looks like she could suction cup her mouth to the mirror.
Yeah, it really caught me by surprise there in the screening room. I was just there to polish off a Tear 'N' Share bag of M&Ms and have some laughs, take in some "fine scenery," but in addition to the obvious scene-stealers, The Lips really twigged me.
I am so getting a nasty call from Papa Joe any second now.
On a side and more exciting note, I would later learn that J-Simp herself in the screening room building the same time I was there, hence the massive crowd aiming Instamatics in the direction of the front door. Lesson for the Day: Tourists sometimes do know where they are going.
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Oct 5, 2006 4:47 PM
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Matt - I love that you read your comments and knowing that, I posted the comment to intentiionally get your attention and a return comment. Really - nothing "womanly" about you - just having fun with you!
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Oct 6, 2006 5:09 PM
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In an article in Allure magazine this month (Jessica graces the cover), Jessica admits to having Restylene (sp?) in her lips several months ago and says she hated it Ñ she was really glad when it wore off. Looks like she should have thought twice before having it done before a big movie!!! But at least now you know that it wasn't all in your imagination 
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Oct 9, 2006 12:54 PM
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I learned this hint in the Heroes comments (thanks again Monroe) - point to the link, right-click, select "Copy Shortcut", then paste the shortcut into the Address bar and press Enter. It's saved my sanity (and my computer from becoming a projectile).
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Oct 10, 2006 1:52 PM
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I still don't know who Jessica Simpson is. Who is she? What does she do? Is she an actress? A singer? Is she one of those Paris Hilton people?
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Oct 12, 2006 12:58 PM
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Oooh, deliciously dry humor there. So dry.
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Oct 12, 2006 2:39 PM
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