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« Roush Dispatch
Drowning in Summer's Reality Glut
Wipeout by Adam Larkey/ABC
First, some good news before the bad: July is less than a week away, and a month that once upon a time signified the absolute doldrums for TV fans now looms like an oasis of bountiful pleasures, with returning shows on the horizon including The Closer, Burn Notice, the Monk-Psych combo, and the piece de resistance of Mad Men's second season. (You’ll also want to add HBO’s gripping Generation Kill docudrama miniseries to your calendar.) Naturally, this is all on cable, but this is still especially good news after the dismal reality circus of June, capped by the current week’s onslaught of ridiculous time-wasters.
More than ever, I’ve been feeling trapped in a bizarro world, as if I’d bought a subscription to a season of “To Each Their Own” theater. I know there are people out there who get their jollies at watching elaborate and messy pratfalls accompanied by snarky commentary—the model being Spike’s MXC, which I found mildly amusing until at least the first commercial break, after which I grew quickly bored—and in a way, I almost admire the simple stupidity of ABC’s new slapstick obstacle-course contest Wipeout (which was a lot funnier when teased in clip form). With Wipeout, and the much more generically insipid show that follows, I Survived a Japanese Game Show, the titles couldn’t be much more clear about what you’re getting yourself into.
Wipeout scores at least a little higher on the guilty-pleasure meter, because it does nothing but cut to the chase: the chase being a muddy and wet playground of slippery slides, wobbly platforms and dizzying challenges all designed to send players of various abilities—many chosen for their apparent lack of stamina (the better for us to laugh at)—into the muck and drink as often as possible.
The “big balls” obstacle, in which even the best contestants run afoul of giant rubber balls that bounce them like pinballs into the water, is the standout attraction so far. “It never gets old,” says field correspondent Jill Wagner. She’s almost right, although Wipeout actually doesn’t get funnier the more you watch. In part because it’s overrun by the commentary of smug clowns like John Henson, whose comments go like this: “Jen told us she’s on the market? She’s already getting hit on,” as a contestant gets “sucker punched” into the mud. I think I’d enjoy Wipeout more if it just had a merry musical soundtrack and kept the stupid wisecracks to a minimum. Besides, by the end, the remaining players muster up enough enthusiasm in the pyrotechnic and visually impressive “Wipeout Zone” final round to convince you that an actual game is being played. With no contestant sob stories gumming up the works, Wipeout is at the very least a more simplistically entertaining piece of escapism than NBC’s tiresome American Gladiators remake, which already appears to have run out of steam this summer.
The less said the better about I Survived a Japanese Game Show, in which 10 all-too-typical “reality” types are recruited to go to Tokyo, where they’re thrust without warning onto the soundstage of a frantic Japanese game show that puts them through silly humiliating stunts, none of which have been particularly memorable so far. As the studio audience wildly shrieks and chants, I’m afraid this member of the at-home audience couldn’t help stifling yawns as we were taken backstage and at home (where a dour “mama-san” tries to keep them in line) and forced to try to care which of these narcissistic bozos was sent home first. Sayonara, show. I don’t think I could survive sitting through a second hour of that one.
As silly as ABC’s new reality shows are—and I wouldn’t be surprised if Wipeout at least gets a healthy tune-in—they’re almost instant classics compared to the junk NBC is offering up this week. Celebrity Family Feud, which also bowed Tuesday, is so inept it makes me sorry I ever said anything negative about CBS’s Million Dollar Password (which won me over the night that Betty White proved she’d lost none of her game-playing moxie). In the new and unimproved Feud, Al Roker plays cheerleader to a ghastly parade of has-beens and their entourages in an endless, charmless hour that depressed me no end. Survey says: Loser.
More dregs: The Baby Borrowers, starting tonight (Wednesday), is a reality “experiment” (code word for irresponsible exploitation) in which teen couples are given life lessons in responsibility by being saddled with infants to look after, while the real parents observe on monitors and occasionally intrude when they see their little darlings aren’t being fed or bathed properly by these clueless brats. What were these parents thinking? In future weeks, the couples will be given toddlers to look after, then pre-teens, then (preposterously) actual teenagers to be in charge of, and eventually the elderly to take care of. (Who’ll be watching over the teens then? Nursing-home volunteers?) This ugly, dull show of tantrums and bawling—and we’re not even talking about the babies here—feels like the longest installment of Dateline ever. And I don’t mean that as a compliment.
And now to end on a positive note, since that’s how I started: FX’s first Rescue Me “mini-sode,” in which a fasting Sean (Steven Pasquale) tried in vain to stick to his “cleanse” while his firehouse buddies gorged on Lou’s home-made donuts, provided more genuine entertainment in a mere five minutes than in the multiple hours of reality sludge I’d consumed over the last day or so. A scatological vignette that showed our heroes as obsessed with their bowel movements as they are with their steady intake of nicotine and caffeine and other “toxins,” this felt like it should have been a curtain-raiser for an actual episode. Instead, it reminds me how much we’re missing by FX virtually sitting out the summer this year. So much for ending on that positive note, I guess.
Isn’t July here yet?
Read Cheers & Jeers take on Celebrity Family Feud
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Jun 25, 2008 9:18 AM
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It seems like about 10 years since Amazing Race was on. I've been mildly enjoying Hell's Kitchen (when the boss isn't yelling and kicking trashcans), but otherwise, it's Rerun City for me.
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Jun 25, 2008 10:02 AM
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For me, Euro 2008 has been a nice way to bide my time until my faves comes back - The Closer, Psych, Burn Notice. I have to say TNT's promos for The Closer are really fun and with the BN dvds out, I've been on rewatching s1 over and over again.
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Jun 25, 2008 10:02 AM
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This is when I feel sorry for TVGuide employees - while I can bide my time until July with books and finishing up my year-long Netflixed X-Files marathon, you have to sample this stuff for your job. It must be torture! Hopefully now that you've gotten a column out of it, you won't be required to tune in to these shows anymore.
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Jun 25, 2008 11:10 AM
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I'm ready for The Closer (hoping for more focus on her squad rather than Brenda-at-home episodes), but I've been enjoying In Plain Sight, new Law & Order: Criminal Intent (which Matt isn't a fan of), Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List and My Boys. I think there's probably plenty to watch if you're open to leaving the comfort zone of Network TV.
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Jun 25, 2008 11:14 AM
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The best thing about summer is that I get to go to bed earlier and earlier! If I wanted to watch a Japanese game show, I'd move to Japan (where, at least, I could improve my language skills while watching this dreck). I feel like I'm losing brain cells if the television is even on during these shows, whether or not I'm actually actively watching.
And to think last year at this time we were watching Traveler and Drive when they were just getting good!
Thank goodness for reruns and a chance to catch up on shows I couldn't watch the first time around. And The Middleman! What a fun surprise that turned out to be!
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Jun 25, 2008 11:16 AM
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I'm so looking forward to new Eureka and Stargate Atlantis next month. I'm not usually one to want a summer to fly by but the crud on TV this summer so far has been punishing, a truly awful low that just seems to keep on sinking. No matter how poor the ratings are for these reality shows the nets just keep putting out more sludge. Maybe if we all cry "uncle" they'll stop torturing us with Antonio Sabato Jr. and pratfalls.
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Jun 25, 2008 11:48 AM
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Man it just disgusts me that great shows like "Life" and "The Black Donnellys" and "Las Vegas" fall by the wayside while more 'reality' dreck gets airtime. Now they are trying to up the nte by having 'celebrities' why not have some damn actors and SCRIPTED shows instead?!! Man tv executives are just plain STUPID with a capital S.
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Jun 25, 2008 6:37 PM
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howdyrudy, Life will be back in the fall. I think that it was picked up fairly early, despite having pretty low ratings.
We've been watching a lot of World's Deadliest Catch and Megamarvels at our house. The Middleman turned out to be quirky fun--my kind of TV. I don't want to wish away summer--it goes quickly enough as it is--but I wish that Burn Notice, Monk and Psych had started in the early half of June. And no Kyle XY until January? That was one of our go-to summer series. We might actually have to go outside. :-P
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Jun 25, 2008 6:46 PM
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Hats off to you Matt, (or my deepest sympathies, whichever) for having to stomach reality television--or television at it's worst, as I call it. I would rather watch cement harden then the shows that are currently showing. I too, am holding out for my favorites to reappear (The Closer-yeah!) Plus, bless USA for having the best programing out there. With reality shows on almost every freaking night--it's almost like the networks are trying to drive away audiences--!!
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Jun 25, 2008 8:01 PM
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I watched about 10 minutes of both shows and HAD to change channels. The only word I can think for this junk is 'mind numbing'. For the life of me I can't understand why they think this is the stuff people want to watch. I am very curious to know how Wipeout and How I survived.. did in the ratings.
I guess I have gotten used to new shows starting in the summer to fill in the void but it seems like there is nothing on. Having all the stupid crap on like Wipeout has caused me to look other places from some shows I really enjoy, like 30 Days and Jon and Kate plus 8. And luckily a few summer favs have started back, like Weeds and Flipping Out. It's no wonder the cable networks are pulling people in.
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Jun 25, 2008 8:04 PM
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I have never commented before but wanted to post - Don't forget about Saving Grace! We can't wait for this show to start.
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Jun 26, 2008 8:37 AM
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Matt I TOTALLY agree with your assessment of Wipeout. I saw the commercials a whole bunch of times and just couldn't stop laughing. But 10 minutes of the show and I just had to turn it off. The commentary was beyond lame.
This has been a great time for me to catch up on my TV DVD collection. For example, I just got a great deal at Amazon for all three seasons of Deadwood so I will be glued watching that until shows like The Closer, Monk, Mad Men and Psych return.
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Jun 26, 2008 9:32 AM
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I've upped my Netflix subscription to the next level until the autumn when the "regular" tv viewing season comes back. Its a good time to catch up on my 300+ item queue.
The only reality shows I can say I truly enjoy are Survivor and Biggest Loser. Guilty pleasures include Beauty and the Geek and Bret Michaels Rock of Love.
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Jun 26, 2008 10:50 AM
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I am proud to say that I have watch only one reality program for the complete hour - Survivor. In the years since I have probably watch less than 2 hours in total of reality programs. I watch for a few minutes - the beginning of the program to check the premise and at the end of the hour if I don't understand the ads, otherwise I don't watch.
I have over-the-air reception and if the glut of reality programs increases I may have to give up TV except for PBS - yes, I know, Nature is a reality program but they make you think instead of absorb.
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Jun 26, 2008 11:35 AM
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