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« Roush Dispatch
Can Someone Fire Celebrity Apprentice?
Omarosa by Tommy Baynard/NBC Photo
Well, that didn't take long. Three days into the new year and I already have a strong candidate for my 2008 worst-of-the-year list: Celebrity Apprentice, which we have to hope is the last gasp for this out-of-gas reality franchise.
Enlisting C-listers (which in most cases is a generous label) is the final desperate refuge for most shows in this oversaturated genre, but even by that standard, Celebrity Apprentice is pathetic. As is its attempt to turn the overexposed Omarosa into this season's ice-queen bitch villainess and the instantly tiresome Piers Morgan (the cut-rate Simon Cowell wannabe from summer time-waster America's Got Talent) into her "arrogant English bastard" nemesis (that phrase coined in a teaser by Vincent Pastore, who should have taken his early rubbing-out on The Sopranos as a sign to fade away gracefully).
At least Rob and Amber were nowhere to be seen. That's the best thing I can say about this new cycle of Trump-fueled pomposity, which appears to have permanently installed the inexpressive, charisma-challenged Trump children as Donald Trump's full-time lackeys. (Bringing along Mayor Bloomberg, who should have better things to do if he isn't running for national office, to sample hot dogs at their competing stands only served to inflate The Donald's Godzilla-sized ego.)
But what makes Celebrity Apprentice most unwatchable, at least in the first toxic impression it spewed in its season-opener Thursday night, is the notion that it will ask the players to cash in on their celebrity to win challenges. What kind of competition is that? And why, even in a strike-altered prime-time hell, would I care to watch Gene Simmons make phone calls to some anonymous "contact" to save his team's bacon by donating an enormous sum to his charity hot-dog stand?
It's saying something when a former playmate of the year (Tiffany Fallon, for those who don't keep up with such things) emerges with the most dignity, even as she's chastised for not badgering The Hef to pony up (over the phone; no way would he stoop to appear on this debacle) with cash for this task. "The nicest person is going home," clucked The Donald as he fired poor, bland Tiffany for being overwhelmed by the fire-breathing Omarosa, who is the soul-numbing embodiment of what happens when you believe you're a star for appearing on reality TV too frequently.
As Tiffany rode off, back to obscurity, I found myself riding an emotional roller-coaster. Not regarding this instantly forgettable show, but in my eager anticipation of new episodes of Grey's Anatomy and CSI next week (which will serve to crush this loser show), in my despair at knowing how few episodes of my favorite series are on tap for the new year until this blasted strike ends, and in anticipation of the premiere of Lost, a mere four weeks away.
I know I'd certainly rather spend my time on Mystery Island than the poisoned-by-ego Manhattan we get in Celebrity Apprentice.
For another take on Celebrity Apprentice, see Cheers & Jeers.
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Jan 4, 2008 8:30 AM
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Omarosa-Ponderosa needs to just go away. I was actually hoping that the women's team would lose so that they could fire her first. Ugh! 
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Jan 4, 2008 10:16 AM
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Matt, you poor thing! Your bosses actually made you watch this entertainment vomit? Shame on them. And to think that these attempts at reality programming are only going to get more desperate as the strike drags on. So, so sad 
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Jan 4, 2008 10:38 AM
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i find this all so funny, b/c I don't like apprentice and when I heard about celebrity apprentice i vowed to never watch it b/c it was the stupidest idea ever, but then i landed on that station, and when gene simmons made his first $ 5,000 hot dog call, i was forever hooked.....i LOVED IT....
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Jan 4, 2008 10:39 AM
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Matt--you hit the nail on the head. What might have been mildly interesting (does a quasi-celebrity have a bit of business sense?) is totally destroyed by the "contestants" being urged to use their "celebrity" to win. Every week will be the same thing no matter what the challenge. Spoiler alert: I stumbled across the filming of one of their challenges last October--an attempt to raise money for charity by selling half price Broadway tickets. While Marilu Henner was beautiful and personable and I was excited to meet her for all of five seconds, Miss Omarosa was her task partner, so it doesn't look like Omarosa is one of the early exits from the show. "Lost" will destroy this show when it returns on Jan 31.
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Jan 4, 2008 11:28 AM
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Calling these so-called "celebrities" "C-LISTERS" IS being generous of you Matt - they are so much lower on the totem pole than that! The sad part of it is that most of them buy right into this crap and think that they are still stars.
Kathie Griffin has the right idea - she is the first to poke fun at herself by calling herself a D-Lister and I would, and DO, rate her so much higher than the people on The Apprentice - she's great!.....I don't watch anything with Donald Trump on it, either, so it's painful catching even a glimpse of him if I see him on a commercial...
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Jan 4, 2008 12:20 PM
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Is Trump really so dumb that he believed Omarosa? I watched, thinking that the awful Omarosa would be fired, but Trump kept her. Somebody needs to tell him that nobody wants to see Omarosa. She is not even interesting enough to hate. The show is dull and not worth my time. Oh, and someone please tell me which one is a real celebrity.
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Jan 4, 2008 12:23 PM
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I only recognized three: Marilu Henner (so beautiful on "Taxi" and still stunning today), Gene Simmons (looks a lot better with his KISS makeup, however), and former Olympic gymnast Nadia Comenici (was Mary Lou Retton offered and she refused?). Oh, and Alec Baldwin's brother, Stephen, was there. God, "30 Rock" can't return soon enough for me (not for long though, if the writers strike last the rest of the season). Can't wait for "Lost" to return in three weeks!
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Jan 4, 2008 12:40 PM
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Matt: I completely agree with you about this new round of The Apprentice. I found watching Omarosa increasingly unbearable as the episode went on, and then Donald Trump actually kept her! I was angry I wasted an hour on this crap. Omarosa is the human equivalent of nails on a chalkboard. I can't imagine anyone watching another episode of this show. If Omarosa is a celebrity, than I am a movie star! Not that watching Gene Simmons call up rich, anonymous friends for donations was very thrilling either. This strike can't end too soon. P.S. Glad you are back from vacation.
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Jan 4, 2008 1:30 PM
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I completely agree with TV Guides assessment of the opening performance of what would appear to be a dreary season of the so-called "Celebrity Apprentice". Omarosa should have been fired, and not Tiffany, since she was simply following the dictates of Omorose who stated in the beginning that it would be about hot dogs and not their so-called celebrity status. I think Tiffany would have been embarrassed to call the Hef but was too polite to say so. Lucky for her that she won't have to put up with any more of the dismal crap.
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Jan 4, 2008 1:49 PM
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The saddest part is that this embarrassment won it's timeslot in the 18-49 demo. I think the worst is yet to come from these celebrities.
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Jan 4, 2008 2:41 PM
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Really? It was so much better than I thought it would be. I lost faith after the first season but last night was pure TV magic. Omarosa is BRILLIANT television whether she's a celebrity or not.
And I just read that 11 million people watched!!
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Jan 4, 2008 3:20 PM
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Matt, I must say that I love your columns and usually agree with you. I had watched the Apprentice up until he put the contestants in tents a while back and never planned on watching him again (especially after that feud with Rosie). When I found out that Gene Simmons would be on the show, I just had to watch. Gene Simmons Family Jewels is a guilty pleasure for my husband and me and I couldn't pass this up. I was hoping that stupid Omarosa would be the first to go but he apparently thinks that she makes good TV. She was the one who didn't want them to use their celebrity but the Playmate got in trouble for not using it. Oh well....until my favorite shows return, this is how I spend my time.
Thanks for the great columns, Matt!
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Jan 4, 2008 3:45 PM
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Look on the bright side - if many more of these reality series shoveled into the programming lineup during the strike also fail miserably, it might prompt the studios to actually make and effort in negotiating with the writers' guild.
Sadly, I wouldn't bet the farm on that. But one can dream...
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Jan 4, 2008 4:31 PM
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I just watched the premiere episode and we're in full agreement - it sucks BAD! Here's why:
1. The celebs are B- and C- list grade, heck I didn't even know the country singer dude. And Marilu Henner from "Taxi" in the 70s ?! I'd like to know which celebrities actually turned Trump down !
2. I (still) don't like the editing that's done. They showed how the women's team selected their first project manager, but they didn't show the men's. The men beat the women in the first fund-raising challenge but they didn't show how, pissed me off. (Yes, we know how but they edited out Gene's contacts who apparently delivered.)
3. Omarosa has regrettably returned as one of the has-been celebs. And though she claimed she had changed she's still the same vicious, evil harpie as before. Worse, she was the women's project manager because she basically demanded it, her strategy was pathetic and the single biggest reason why they lost, and yet she wasn't fired. Trump's integrity was seriously compromised (as if he had any to begin with).
4. Trump's assistants are his two kids, Donald jr and Ivanka, which look like young clones of his. I never have liked nepotism and I'm certain Trump thinks of himself as some modern day Egyptian pharaoh starting a new dynasty. This guy's ego is simply out of control.
5. Finally, the first fund raising challenge was for these celebs to sell hot dogs on the streets of NYC. I thought that was a demeaning and inappropriate activity to assign to them. Though they're secondary celebs you don't treat them like high school kids. That's just more of Trump's arrogance in evidence. I've really developed a bad taste for that man.
I see no reason to watch any more of this idiocy. It should be the last attempt of this series, it must be buried.
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Jan 4, 2008 9:33 PM
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