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« Roush Dispatch
A Tale of Two Britneys: Mother, South Park
Josh Radnor and Britney Spears in How I Met Your Mother by Monty Brinton/CBS
Which Britney Spears do you prefer: the tragic cartoon version that appeared, head half-blown-off, on last week’s brutal South Park satire; or the silly cartoon version that appeared, mercifully briefly, on Monday night’s How I Met Your Mother? Could the appropriate answer be: Neither? Every time I see or hear about her, in unflattering paparazzi shots or the endless litany of late-night stand-up insults, I can’t help but wonder at a culture so fascinated by someone so intrinsically uninteresting.
On Mother, she was harmless and even (dare I say) kind of cute as an office receptionist with a crush on Ted, who in turn had a crush on her boss (Scrubs’ Sarah Chalke, who walked away with the episode). Eyes wide and face frozen in an eager-to-please grin, the sitcom Britney was kind of endearing as she desperately tried to endear herself to Ted. The role wasn’t really juicy enough to merit the attention it got as a stunt, but it was probably appropriately suited for her tentative acting chops. At no point did she convey the edge or danger a true actress might have brought to the role, making something actually funny of her obsession. As Simon Cowell might have said if this had been a performance on American Idol: Forgettable.
That said, I loved Ted’s two-minute date with Chalke’s Stella, the kind of grand if improbable romantic gesture this show is known for. And while Britney Spears’ glorified cameo may not be guest-actor Emmy worthy, it’s far from the embarrassment of her awkward Will & Grace guest shot in 2006 or the debacle of last year’s enervated Music Video Awards performance. (For another take on Mother's guest stars, see Cheers & Jeers.)
Poll: How do you rate Britney's performance on HIMYM? Vote here.
Poll: Do you want Sarah Chalke's Stella to be the Mother? Vote here.
A much more significant Britney moment occurred last week, when her besieged celebrity persona took center stage in a South Park episode that took no prisoners in its savage condemnation of the vulture “Britney Watch!” media that built her up only to break her down and, in this case, hound her to her grisly death. When the boys sneak into her motel room (posing as her own children) to snap a photo for a quick payday, she is so distraught at being punked by these punks that she blows her head off. They killed her, those bastards! Well, not exactly.
Britney isn’t quite dead, but spends the rest of the episode staggering around with only half a bloody stump of a head, uttering strangled gargling noises where words (or notes) should be. Only the boys seem to notice this. The gutter media and her hypocritical handlers go on and on about her new “no-top-part-of-my-head look,” too busy mocking her for being stupid, stoned or out of shape. When one of the boys points out, “Her head is gone,” he’s told, “Yeah, and she’s fat, too.”
It all ends with an Omen-like demonic world conspiracy to offer Britney up as a human sacrifice: death by paparazzi, slaking our culture’s lust for torture and death in the only way still deemed acceptable, through media. As the episode ends, we focus on the next potential victim: Hannah Montana’s Miley Cirus.
She can’t say she hasn’t been warned.
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Mar 25, 2008 9:03 AM
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It's obvious that you either skimmed over a recap of the episode of south park or you were watching it while on the phone. However you obviously watched how I met your mother and probably do weekly. You have decent writing skills but lacks research. Watch the episode of south park again, and then write about it. It has nothing to do with making fun of Britney, it's trying to put a magnifying glass over people like you. The journalists, paparazzi, news anchors, and even myself the reader.
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Mar 25, 2008 11:49 AM
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Yo, Matt (or typist) -- it's "Cyrus". And the South Park ep was brutal. I didn't have the stomach to watch it to its logical conclusion.
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Mar 25, 2008 11:49 AM
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When will the paparazzi be considered stalkers? How about when a celebrity does actually kill themselves in front of them. That seems to be the ONLY time anything gets done in the US, when tragedy strikes. This is why I never read or bought a tabloid magazine in my 34 years, I will not contribute to the problem.
I did enjoy Britney on HIMYM. She was cute and made me laugh once or twice, and I think Alicia really messed up by backing out of the part of the Dermatologist. Well the fans really made out well on that because Sarah Chalke was fantastic...good for us!
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Mar 25, 2008 11:52 AM
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When will the paparazzi be considered stalkers?
Yeah, they should all go to jail. Even parker, who was on BB this season, called himself a professional stalker.
I think it would take something big, like celebrities banding together and suing these people and filing for restraining orders, anything they can think of. Remember when Britney ran over some dude's foot and it was big news? I was so happy! I was like, more of those people need to get their feet run over. They are stalkers and jerks and need to get a respectable job. Being a photographer is one thing but not letting people live their lives is ridiculous, especially when it comes to their privacy and that of their family and especially their kids.
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Mar 25, 2008 12:09 PM
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I thought Britney was very cute and likable on HIMYM. But then, Ive always found her cute and likable.
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Mar 25, 2008 12:45 PM
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If you want to get rid of the paparazzi you need to get the people who buy the pictures the paps take to stop. When the demand goes away no one will pay top dollar for the pictures so what would be the point in taking them. It amazes me how some people cannot afford to buy this or that but must always have the tabloids no matter what they cost.
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Mar 25, 2008 12:54 PM
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I think the blame for the paparazzi rests squarely on the shoulders of the public. If someone can make $100K + for an unflattering picture of some star, then there will be no shortage of photographers. Just like the endless (and pointless and destructive) war on drugs, if there is a market for something there will always be providers. After all, isn't that the American way?
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Mar 25, 2008 1:52 PM
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Um, cking12, that's exactly how Matt described it:
"...when her besieged celebrity persona took center stage in a South Park episode that took no prisoners in its savage condemnation of the vulture “Britney Watch!” media that built her up only to break her down..."
"The gutter media and her hypocritical handlers..."
I didn't watch the South Park, but I got exactly what YOU said it was about from Matt's review. Maybe you only skimmed Matt's dispatch?
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Mar 25, 2008 1:56 PM
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cking12 - from what I've read - you said pretty much the same thing Matt wrote about. I don't think he missed the point at all. He's a critic and he tends to stay away from personalities and commenting much on them so I wouldn't lump him with other media/entertainment types.
I agree about staying away from the tabloids. What a bunch of junk. They can get away with lies and while we're at it - can we get rid of the Inside Access Entertainment or whatever those shows are called. I love to watch my tv, but those shows are such a waste of time and space.
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Mar 25, 2008 1:59 PM
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Listen guys, Britney is just like almost every young adult age 18 to 24. She makes silly mistakes and bad decisions, only hers are made with camera's flashing. How many of us would have wanted to be followed 24/7 when we were her age? Not me! She needs good people around her to take care of her who know how to say no to her and to others. Someone who is not looking for material for a future book!
I thought she was funny on HIMYM and hope they will have her back. Her delivery of the lines was very good. How funny would it be for her to be the one that corrals Barney?
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Mar 25, 2008 3:21 PM
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I do believe that she has a sweet cam-toe, and people shouldn't dis her just because she flashes her hoocher sometimes.
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Mar 25, 2008 4:08 PM
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To cking12: Wow, pretty harsh on Matt, what's the deal, killing the messenger? I love Matt's writing and his perspective on all things tv and celebrity. So he or his typist spelled "Cirus" wrong, so what? Try to look on the bright side!
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Mar 25, 2008 5:00 PM
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It's such a shame because she is really talented.Too bad she is so self absorbed she is more concerned with her career and getting attention then cleaning up her life and giving her children the kind of attention and care she obviously never got herself.
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Mar 25, 2008 9:46 PM
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i have to say i didn't see the britney south park, but will say that although i was sincerly delighted that britney did not embarass herself with either her performance or her persona on HIMYM, if she can't do well in that roll (which she can't) then she needs to find another line of work...
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Mar 26, 2008 1:56 AM
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