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« The Great American Idol Blog
Simon Says... the Most Quotable Things!
Simon Cowell by Michael Becker/Fox
As this season of American Idol continues, we thought it'd be fun to keep a running tab of Simon's most scorching reviews. I'll get the ball rolling with a few notes I made last week and then, in comments, feel free to chime in with any other Cowell crowing that stands out in your mind. Hey, if we're all diligent enough, we should finish up the season with enough content to crash the website. (Kidding, guys in production!) — Matt Mitovich
From the Charleston auditions:
"I wouldn't have been surprised if you did a magic trick in the middle of that."
"That was a horrible audition, if I'm being honest with you."
"That was complete torture."
[To a brother-sister duo]: "Slightly inappropriate at the end, but it was good."
"You seriously murdered the Whitney Houston song. You can't sing."
From the Omaha auditions:
[After receiving gifts from a star-struck auditioner]: "Can't we just have money?"
[Upon hearing a golden-ticket recipient's girlfriend squeal with delight]: "He just stood on someone. He just stood on Ryan."
From the Miami auditions:
[To Shannon the meat handler]: "It sounds like you're eating when you sing."
"No one will ever pay you to sing. Ever."
"I would like you if I was drunk. You're out on the town in Miami, a few margaritas, you start singing, I'm drinking, I quite like you. Sober, I don't think it works."
"That was like the Hungarian Janis Joplin."
"That's a very short dress, Paula, very slutty."
From the Atlanta auditions:
"Do you want to be a smartass, or do you want to listen?"
"OK, this is like something out of a science-fiction movie."
"Possibly the most annoying person I have ever seen in my life. I actually didn't want her to sing well."
[After making a contestant sing with his back to the judges]: "That's something we should have done to Clay Aiken years ago."
From the Best of the Rest auditions:
"Everything was slightly mad, from the massive T-shirt to the eyes. Everything was just... mad."
[To a young man]: "You're not Jessica Brown, are you?"
"Can I be honest with you? It was a horribly over-the-top, corny, revolting audition."
[About the Lane twins]: "They must have so much fun with the chicks, those two."
"I'm not being rude, but you can't sing."
[After an auditioner said her voice was a gift from God]: "Does he have a return policy? I'm sorry, but if I was given that, I'd give it back."
From Hollywood Week:
"Absolute murder, with a bit of torture."
"You have the stage presence of a flea."
"I thought that was a good little audition."
From the top 12 guys:
[To Chikezie] "The suit was hideous, the wink was hideous, the woo was hideous."
[To Jason Yeager] "You're like a dependable old dog, aren't you?"
[To Garrett Haley] "It was boring, your voice sounded a bit whiny, you look terrified, and it looks like you've been shut up in your bedroom for about a month — you look verging on haunted. You need some fresh air."
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Jan 28, 2008 4:06 PM
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His new season 7 catch phrase:
"You aren't as good as you think you are."
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Jan 29, 2008 6:54 AM
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boy... it must be a slow day huh?
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Jan 29, 2008 10:34 AM
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Some of my favorites from last season were:
Randy (about a contestant's mom): I like mom...
Simon: Mom is foxy.
The way he was crushing on the mom was hilarious!
Also after Brandy doesn't go through (season 6 again):
Simon (sarcastically smiling): Call me.
Brandy: I don't wanna call you.
Simon: Yes you do
Brandy: No I don't
Simon: Yes you do
(Brandy exits and Simon erupts in laughter)
And last but not least:
After a contestent makes it through and bursts into tears of joy:
"One problem...no emotion..." Sarcastically.
Then the fight to end all fights between Simon and Seacrest:
Ryan: Simon, any advice on the high heels?
Simon: You should know Ryan.
Ryan: Stay out of my closet!
Simon: Come out!
Ryan: This is about the top twelve, Simon, not about your wishes
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Jan 29, 2008 2:34 PM
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Oh come on now... every freakin January people say that Simon is crueler than he's ever been.
Is that all we're reduced to now for 'Idol' chat? Personally, I'm just happy the hoopla is starting to diminish.
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Jan 29, 2008 2:51 PM
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SouthernblondeLKS - that last quote was from my fav episode ever. Everytime Simon and Ryan opened their mouths it was to insult each other!
I think Simon also had a great zinger about Terri Hatcher as well. 
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Jan 29, 2008 3:32 PM
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I loved it when he said that the girl audtioning (during season 7) reminded him someone, and he finally said she looked like Willem Dafoe...and Randy agreed. It may be mean, but it actually was true!
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Jan 29, 2008 5:50 PM
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If anything, Simon has actually been pretty tame compared to the last several years. He has been supportive and complimentary so far! Thats unusual!
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Jan 29, 2008 8:36 PM
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I love Simon but then again I also love Dr. Laura.
People who tell it like it is are the best.
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Feb 14, 2008 1:47 PM
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Are you all blind??? deaf??? Simon is the kindest he has EVER been. Sure he has some derogatory comments, as usual, but they are not half as cruel as all the other seasons put together. He smiles more now and even HUGS people too...jeeeeez!!
And have you noticed how much Paula is saying "NO" now?? I think the old Simon has rubbed off on Paula, at least for this year's auditions!!
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Feb 14, 2008 2:39 PM
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Gotta love Simon! 
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Feb 14, 2008 2:56 PM
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I thought car boy should be given a chance he was interesting and better then some of the others
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Feb 14, 2008 4:37 PM
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