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The Joy of Sets: Who's Your Favorite B#$@%?
Shannen Doherty by Ron Galella/WireImage.com, Marcia Cross by Jim Smeal/WireImage.com, Kelly Carlson by Prashant Gupta/FX
OK, so since we had so much fun last week with everyone’s DVD wish lists, (and where the hell is thirtysomething, anyway?!) I figured why not give ya’ll a chance to weigh in with more opinions. Obviously everyone here loves TV, so let’s keep the dialogue going folks. This week? Bitches.
And I mean that in a good way, not in the nasty rap way. Because most of my favorite shows feature a woman who gives as good as she takes, has no problem firing a boardroom full of suits with the toss of her fur stole, and never, ever leaves home without a victim in mind. How can you not love these women?!
Beverly Hills, 90210 — The Complete Fourth Season came out last month and I devoured this set like Mama Cass at the sandwich shop. Not only is it the gang’s first year in college, but it marks Brenda's move to the Dark Side (following my all-time-favorite Brenda moment ever in Season 3, when La Walsh loses it on Kelly and Dylan for their summer affair: “Look, I hate you both. Never talk to me again!”) From that point on, we knew Brenda was not long for the ol' zip code. [Thanks to Sharipep for the fact-checking!]
Buy 90210 on Amazon.com
Melrose Place — Obviously, these two go hand-in-well-manicured-hand and any look at TV’s best bad girls would be remiss without a nod to Heather Locklear’s Amanda. However, the Complete Fourth Season is really the showcase for Marcia Cross’ demented Kimberly Shaw. Hell, the first episode of the set is the "Melrose Goes Boom" extravaganza. And I have watched it over and over again, just to see Alison blown up. The season also gives us a great male meanie in Patrick Muldoon’s nasty fashion maven Richard Hart. But really, it’s all about crazy Kimberly.
Buy Melrose on Amazon.com
Bionic Woman — Last fall’s much-heralded reboot of my beloved childhood fave was disappointing to some, but I still think it had a chance to kick-ass with the right tweaks. Sadly, we’ll never know. Still, how frakkin great was Battlestar’s Katee Sackhoff as the original model, Sarah Corvus?
Buy Bionic Woman on Amazon.com
24 — OK, so later this month, 20th Century Fox is dropping this nifty Special Edition version of season 1, with an intro by Kiefer and a whole bunch of killer extras (alternate ending, people!). Anyway, because this is one of those shows a lot of folks have caught up with on DVD, I will not be SpoilerGuy and give anything away, but just keep your eye on Sarah Clarke’s Nina and Penny Johnson’s Sherry Palmer. That’s all I’ma say.
Buy 24 on Amazon.com
Laverne & Shirley — I’m sorry, but Big Rosie Greenbaum? You can’t beat that shizz. Or is that Shotz?
Buy Laverne & Shirley on Amazon.com
Nip/Tuck — Oh Kimber. There is so much to say about this angel-faced knockout. She’s a tramp. An opportunist. A druggie. A porn star with a heart of mold. She’s awesome. Every scene Kelly Carlson pours herself into spikes with fever. You never know what’s up her sleeve (or who’s been down her pants) and she’s joyfully ruined the lives of Christian, Sean and Matt by using sex as a weapon and a way of getting what she wants. This is a character who could only exist on cable. And in my old high school.
Buy Nip/Tuck on Amazon.com
Aiight, folks. Now it’s your turn. Give me the deets on your favorite TV beyotches and why they are so lovably hateful!
Until next week, don’t hog the remote. —Damian Holbrook
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May 7, 2008 1:03 PM
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Cordelia Chase. Even when she was playing nice with the Scoobies, she still didn't believe in tact.
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May 7, 2008 3:09 PM
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Celia from "Weeds," played by the amazing Elizabeth Perkins. I cannot think of a more gloriously nasty, self-centered, monstrous, yet hilarious character in television history. Whether she's pulling Nancy's (Mary Louise Parker) hair, demanding that she be her friend, slipping her overweight daughter Ex-Lax chocolates as revenge for finding her secret stash, putting out a cigarette on her ex-lover's hand, or shaving her husband's head, she is a grade-A beautiful, amazing b****.
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May 7, 2008 3:13 PM
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The mother of all TV b!tches is the one and only Alexis Morel-Carrington-Colby-Dexter!
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May 7, 2008 3:20 PM
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I agree that nobody tops Dynasty's Alexis. Nobody ever.
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May 7, 2008 4:04 PM
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Alexis is the queen of TV bitches.
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May 7, 2008 4:27 PM
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haha sorry to disappoint you but that Brenda 90210 moment happened in Season THREE, Rebel With a Cause. Dylan and Kelly's summer fling happened when Brenda was in Paris the summer before their senior year in high school, not the summer before their freshman year in college, where Dylan Kelly were still together and traveled to Europe themselves.
Season 4 is when Dylan got mugged and found out he had a sister, Andrea got pregnant and Brandon has an affair with his married professor.
Haha, as you can tell, I am a BIG HUGE FAN.
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May 7, 2008 4:34 PM
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Hot Lips Hoolihan
Livia Soprano
or for something a little more current, that girl from Saved By the Bell who is now on Prison Break
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May 7, 2008 7:15 PM
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Let's not forget Julie Cooper from The O.C. She's at least worth an honorable mention for her scheming and manipulating.
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May 7, 2008 7:16 PM
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My all time favorite-Donna Mills as Abby on Knots Landing!
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May 7, 2008 7:45 PM
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It's Kimberly from Melrose for me. So juicy watching her go on her mad streak.
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May 7, 2008 7:53 PM
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I have to say Cordelia from Buffy as well, but honorable mentions have to go to Cutthroat Bitch aka Amber from House and Julie Cooper from the OC
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May 7, 2008 10:22 PM
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The one and only Queen Bitch is Cordelia Chase of Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Angel. Here is a direct quote from Cordy herself from episode Room With A View.
Cordy: I'm a bitch?
Maude: Take off the bed sheets, make a noose. Go on. It'll all be over soon.
Cordy: I'm not a sniveling whiny little Cry-Buffy. I'm the nastiest girl in Sunnydale history. I take crap from no one.
Maude: You are going to make yourself a noose and put it around...
Cordy: Back off! Polygrip. You think you're bad? Being all mean and haunty? Picking on poor pathetic Cordy? Well, get ready to haul your wrinkly translucent ass out of this place, because lady, the bitch is back.
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May 7, 2008 10:29 PM
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Gotta go with Alexis! She's the Queen beeyatch of television.
As far as Nip/Tuck goes, rest in peace Gina Russo. She made Kimber seem like a girl scout and nobody ever said a-hole quite like her. I miss her!
TV these days is missing a good b!tch but I do love Blair from Gossip Girl. She's sort of an Alexis in training with just as much money and even better clothes!
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May 7, 2008 11:44 PM
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What, no bitchy love for Nell and Ling from Ally McBeal?
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May 8, 2008 8:16 AM
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