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« Ausiello Report
Grieving Heath Ledger via Ennis Del Mar
Heath Ledger as Ennis del Mar in Brokeback Mountain courtesy Focus Features
Last night, I reluctantly rewatched Brokeback Mountain. I say "reluctantly" not because I dislike the film. If I were to compile a top-10 list of my favorite movies of all time, Brokeback would easily make the cut. No, I hesitated because the heartbreaking love story of Ennis and Jack always leaves me an emotional wreck, and the undercurrent of Heath Ledger's untimely death was a tragic added layer I couldn't bear. But after a couple of glasses of chardonnay and a gentle nudge from my partner, Kit — "Think of it as a tribute to Heath" — I decided to do the brave thing and, rather than sidestep my grief, run headfirst into it.
So I popped in the DVD. And within seconds, the floodgates opened. I was a mess. A crying, nose-running, whimpering mess. But then, Gustavo Santaolalla's haunting, Oscar-winning score always triggered my inner Tammy Faye. (The Terms of Endearment theme has a similar effect on me.) The fact that those simple guitar tracks could easily double as the soundtrack to Ledger's real-life final chapter only compounded its potency. But I powered on, continuing to cry through much of the opening act, with varying degrees of intensity. Suffice it to say, the tissues were flying during any scene that featured both Heath and That Music.
But once I got deeper into the movie and over my initial rush of grief, I started to appreciate the brilliance of Ledger's transformative and, sure, I'll go there, legendary performance. And Kit was right: It did feel like we were honoring him. The highest compliment I can pay Ledger is that, differing accent and sexual orientation aside, I honestly didn't know where Ledger ended and Ennis began. Having never seen a single Ledger performance before or since — I know, it shocks me, too — the actor and the character were like one person to me.
But about 90 minutes into Brokeback, I started to seriously question the entire therapeutic exercise. You see, the hardest part was lurking around the corner, and I was dreading it. I'm talking about the two most gut-wrenching scenes in the movie: Ennis discovering his missing shirt in Jack's closet, and then that final scene. Alone — and lonely — in his trailer with nothing but his memories of Jack keeping him alive, Ennis opens his closet and sees the shirt.
Cue That Music.
Gets me every time. But it really got me last night. That scene was, from all indications, not dissimilar to Ledger's final hours. He was alone. Possibly depressed. Definitely struggling with his demons. The parallel was too much to bear and I lost it.
I remember the first time I saw Brokeback, and how deeply that final scene affected me. I left the theater feeling like someone had punched me in the gut. My heart ached for Ennis and the happy ending that so eluded him. I reminded myself that it was just a movie and Ledger was just playing a part. In real life, he was well on his way to a happy ending with then-girlfriend Michelle Williams and their daughter, Matilda. And, strangely, that was an enormous comfort to me.
But this time around, that emotional crutch was gone. Ledger's story had ended as tragically as Ennis' had. And it all seemed so incredibly heartbreaking — with or without That Music.
Related:
• Film critic Ken Fox reflects on Ledger's career
• Which of Ledger's films is your personal favorite?
• News: Heath Ledger Found Dead; Family Calls It "Tragic, Untimely"
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Jan 23, 2008 2:17 PM
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OMG. What a beautiful, touching tribute to an actor who hadn't even reached his full potential yet. I, too, cannot view BB mountain without sobbing. It was one of the most beautiful love stories ever told. I wholeheartedly agree with the grief you are feeling for the man that Heath was and for the man he could have become.
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Jan 23, 2008 2:22 PM
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That was the most open and heartfelt piece I have ever read on this site and I am so glad you shared your story with us! Kudos Mr. Ausiello, I think Heath Ledger would be proud of your words
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Jan 23, 2008 2:25 PM
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A very touching piece, and a fitting tribute. Thanks for sharing it.
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Jan 23, 2008 2:28 PM
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What a lovely, beautifully written tribute. Well done.
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Jan 23, 2008 2:52 PM
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Beautifully written & spot on...I dont think Ill be able to watch BB for a long time...RIP Heath...
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Jan 23, 2008 3:07 PM
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That was truly so vivid and straightforward! You usually enjoy writing pieces that are so ambiguous and full of mystery under the surface. This is a welcome change. I felt your heartfelt despair. We are all feeling it now because of how this man, this great great actor, had such an amazing life ahead of him. But most of all, his child will never know how much her father loved her or what a loving, humble, charismatic man he was.
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Jan 23, 2008 3:09 PM
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Great tribute, Mike. Terrible tragedy. But he did leave us a monumental work of art and I can't believe he'll ever be forgotten. And to whoever chose the photo accompanying this, I thank you, too. Perfect choice.
I hope Heath knew what his work meant to so many people.
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Jan 23, 2008 3:12 PM
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Wow, Mike. I was thinking last night how I need to rewatch this beautiful movie. It just touched a small iota of Heath's talent when giving the right role. He will be sorely missed. May movies like Brokeback keep his spirit and talent with us forever.
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Jan 23, 2008 3:13 PM
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Thank you for sharing your tribute, Mike. It is beautiful and touching.
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Jan 23, 2008 3:14 PM
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Well said. I too thought his performance in BB was amazing. I remember leaving the theatre & saying how incredible an actor he was. Plus, his portrayal of Ennis & the story stayed with me for days.
I thought he was robbed of the Oscar as his performance was so moving & affected me so. He was also brilliant in Monster's Ball, as another haunted soul. What a tragic & sad loss to the industry. He will be missed.
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Jan 23, 2008 3:25 PM
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I swear, Heath.
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Jan 23, 2008 3:31 PM
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Michael,
You've shown how powerful the combination of honesty and the written word can be...thanks for putting yourself out there and perhaps giving a voice to others' grief as well.
The web can be a harsh place sometimes, but this to me is the Internet at its best; i.e., it is a window through which we can peek at those around us, near and far, and give a cyberwave, knowing that others share our feelings and maybe we'll see a friend.
I agree with Kit, watching the movie was the right thing to do...and writing this column was another "right thing to do."
Hang in.
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Jan 23, 2008 3:50 PM
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Only die hard homosexuals would ever think about putting Brokeback Mountain in there top 10 list.
His best role was 10 Things I Hate About You.
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Jan 23, 2008 3:56 PM
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Thank you for the beautiful tribute, Michael. I've watched Brokeback Mountain at least a hundred times--it's been playing on HBO again lately and I have the DVD. It's the most heartbreaking love story I've ever seen, including A Place in the Sun.
Ennis and Jack were two people who should have been allowed to spend their lives together but were prevented by society's conventions and religious dogma. Ken Fox put Heath in the company of Montgomery Clift, one of my all-time favorite actors, and I agree that he belongs there.
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Jan 23, 2008 4:00 PM
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