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Episode Recap: "Lulu Grandiron"
As I've been quite verbal about in the past, I was a huge Knots Landing fan. So after reading about this episode and then seeing the coming attractions last week, I was, needless to say, excited. I mean, how could I not be? Donna Mills was portraying a rich Beverly Hills socialite named Lulu Grandiron and she and her friends married wealthy high-powered execs, "divorced them and then took all their money." And adding to a true Knots fan's delight, one of those friends (Annette) was played by Joan Van Ark. All they needed was Michele Lee and it would've been more of a complete set. But I'm thinking that Michele was asked but declined since the four rich women were all plastic surgery fanatics and maybe Michele didn't want to admit she's had work done? Those two other roles were filled by women who co-starred on other prime-time soaps in the '80s: Shari Belafonte (she's dropped the "Harper") from Hotel played Catherine in the really bad wig and Deborah Shelton from Dallas was Marla with the large breasts. Not only was I anxious to see the four of them appear as new clients of McNamara/Troy, but what made me most psyched was the plot involving Lulu coming to Christian for a very unique and radical procedure. She wanted him to make her look like her cat!
Last week's coming attractions smartly did not include a shot of Donna/Lulu with her new cat face. But they did show Joan's character dropping her champagne glass after the big reveal and frighteningly proclaiming to Christian: "Jesus Christ! What did you do to her?!" I wanted to scream: "Jesus Christ, Joan! What did you do to your face?!" Can we all say together: "Mommy, mommy, my pigtails are too tight"? Yikes.
Obviously, this plot was inspired by Jocelyn Wildenstein, the real "cat lady" who will perhaps go down in history as having the worst plastic surgery ever. So I must commend the Nip/Tuck makeup department (or would it be the special effects people?) for a job well done. And by "well" I mean horrible, just like poor Jocelyn, so kudos! I thought Donna did a superb job as bipolar Lulu, both before and after she was "off her meds." First of all, she certainly has had the best work done of all four actresses, so seeing her turn into a cat lady was unfortunate, but hilarious. At least we can say that Donna didn't have to participate in any sleazy Nip/Tuck sex scenes. Speaking of which, did we ever think we'd see Joan Van Ark in such a...compromising position as Annette riding Christian like he was a horse? And how about some of those lines of her's? Joan (as Annette, who hasn't "had a carb since '87"): "Last year, when I had my vagina tightened, it was my girls here who pulled me through." Poor Val, I mean, Joan. Donna, please give Joan the contact info for your plastic surgeon. Stat.
Meanwhile, back at the crazy ranch, Sean finally got to see what a loon Colleen (Sharon Gless) is. But first, Eden got her own evidence when Colleen gave Eden the "Eden bear" she made for her and lied to Eden telling her Sean and Aidan had been calling Eden a whore in front of the whole crew. Eden: "You're totally in love with Sean" and "you're a liar." I absolutely love that it was Bliss (the awesome Leslie Grossman) who exposed Colleen to Sean. I knew it was going to be good when Bliss called Sean and said: "You have to meet me at Hollywood & Highland your career and your reputation depend on it!" I was dying during that scene with the two of them walking at H&H since that's the exact same area where I walk every weekday when I leave the parking lot under the Kodak Theatre and walk to the TV Guide building. So I kept thinking: "When did they shoot this? I could've joined Bliss in making fun of Colleen!" Oh yes, Dave...it's just a TV show, so back to it: How mortified did Colleen look when she was caught working behind a teddy bear kiosk? Not only did she have "another" job, she didn't really have the "other" job. As we expected, Colleen is no talent agent she's a stalker. Nice try, Colleen (trying to grin and bear it): "It's my niece's kiosk. I was just filling in while she's sick." But Bliss blissfully pre-checked with mall security to prove that Colleen pretty much works there full-time.
How many of you thought that when Sean came home at the end and saw the trail of blood, followed by what looked like the back of Colleen walking away, that we were going to see that Colleen had just murdered either Bliss or Eden? All throughout the episode, I kept thinking that she was going to kill either or both of them, especially Eden since Colleen witnessed Sean caring for Eden in the hospital room. But what we saw in the closing scene was Colleen sitting on the couch with blood all over both of her arms, wrists and hands. Either she slit her wrists or was attempting to, or she'd just murdered one of her enemies.
While I'm mentioning Eden, it wasn't a big shocker to find out she was joining Kimber and Ram in their world of porn. Just when I thought I disliked the Eden character enough, there she was begging Kimber to punch her during their climactic and "very art-ty" scene of "Inside Kimber Henry": "Hit me! I'm a little whore and you need to hit me." Cut to Kimber willingly smacking the sh-t out of Eden. Kimber: "You've got to make an impression." Then cut to Eden and Kimber asking Sean to fix Eden's injury. Sean, not Christian. Kimber: "Stars flock to stars." Christian was certainly getting dissed throughout the hour. Even Colleen called him a bad actor. So it made sense that Christian took up the task of "filling the needs" of all those rich women and turning into Michelangelo, an "artist, not a mechanic."
I must mention that one of TV Guide Network's own, Lawrence Zarian, co-host of our show The Fashion Team, fabulously played one of those twin Berkowitz doctors at Lulu's dinner party and made me jealous. Lawrence's twin brother Gregory played the other Berkowitz twin.
Other items I'd like to point out:
Best line of the entire episode was Christian to Lulu when he showed up at her doorstep and she was holding her cat: "Nice p-ssy."
I laughed out loud and had to rewind a few times to hear the sound effect when Christian pulled out his, umm, "resume" and placed it on Lulu's dinner table for all to see: "You wanna see my resume?" I loved the gasp-filled looks of the women and the penis-envy facial expressions of the men.
One of the many great Bliss-to-Colleen insults was Bliss referring to Colleen as having "Chardonnay breath" and wearing "an ill-fitting ensemble from Chico's."
Another reason why I'd want Bliss as a friend of mine: she recommended to Colleen to "just get him a gift certificate from Burke Williams. It always makes me feel better." Same here, but the actual visit, not the certificate purchase.
Best line of Sean's was when he finally said something of substance to Eden: "I'm old enough to be your father." Ding-ding-ding!
Thankfully, Liz was her usual voice-of-reason self (to Christian, as he was preparing Lulu's catastrophic surgery): "What are you doing?" Christian: "Making my client happy." Liz: "By turning her into Garfield?" Then, Liz to Christian (after the surgery's done): "She'll look like the side of a Hello Kitty lunchbox." I knew Christian was into p-ssy, but this was ridiculous. Yes, I just typed that.
This week's brilliant song choices included "Cat Scratch Fever" by Ted Nugent played while Christian was having sex with Annette, Marla and Catherine. Two other doozies were "What's New Pussycat" by Tom Jones heard during Lulu's cat transformation surgery and "Maneater" by Hall & Oates played right before the unvealing.
Adding to the '80s TV nostalgia was John Schneider back as Ram Peters. I've said it before and I'll say it again: the man has aged well. Ram's an excellent businessman, getting Sean to give Ram's older porn actresses corrective surgery pro bono in exchange for releasing Eden from her contract. But is Eden really done being reborn via porn? You knew something was bothering Kimber when she was poppin' pills in bed with Ram towards the end. Oh, yes. Perhaps it was because the younger slut version of herself, Eden, was also in bed with them. Ram: "How's my baby doing? Welcome to the family." The three of them look like triplets they all have the exact same hair.
I liked that Sean and Christian admitted to each other that they both had made errors in judgment: Sean with trusting Colleen and Christian thinking he was Michelangelo.
So what did you think? Do you think Colleen is dead or will she be back to further stalk Sean? Was the blood on her hands and arms her own or the blood of the person she may have just murdered, such as, perhaps Eden? Yes, I know Eden was shown in next week's previews but maybe that was a flashback? A man can dream. I know there are a good amount of you who actually like Eden. Hey, to each his own, right? Only two new episodes left. At least until the writers strike gets resolved.
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Feb 6, 2008 4:34 AM
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I was too freaked out by Joan Van Ark's HORRIBLE plastic surgery to pay close attention to the rest of the episode. Sorry but Donna Mills looks too "pulled", too tight, too fake.
Actually didn't mind Eden this week. Probably because Kimber is just so irritating. John Schneider, however, is great and looks better than ever.
Loved the expression on Christian's face when the "girls" didn't like Lulu's new look!
Hopefully, the Colleen storyline ends here. It was pitiful and disturbing.
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Feb 6, 2008 9:50 AM
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First and foremost, I am soooo glad they did not drag the Colleen story on further. At least in regards to Sean not knowing how truly psycho she really is. The second she appeared on screen in her first scene, I knew something was off with her. She just exuded creepiness. And especially after last weeks disturbing episode, that was the last straw for me. I couldn't take knowing how truly crazy she was when Sean thought she was just a little quirky. That last scene when Sean came home and it was all dark, I knew Colleen was there and up to something, and I was holding my breath the whole time. I too thought she had either murdered someone or was going to attack Sean. But I definitely think she slit her wrists. I hope next week is the end of her storyline, it's just too much. I wonder if Sean will ever find out the extent of her craziness in that shes a murderer too?
I'm also wondering if Eden telling Sean she wanted out of her contract was just a ploy planned with Ram all along to get Sean to do some free surgeries? It's hard to tell with her. Maybe she just went back to him because she felt like she needed to belong somewhere. Can't wait until next weeks episode! I hope they find out it was Eden who poisoned Julia, with mercury it looked like.
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Feb 6, 2008 10:27 AM
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Normally I can stomach Nip/Tuck's storylines, but tonight there were a couple of scenes that I could not watch. I am really tired of the female characters that are on the show (minus Liz & Linda) are very very self-absorbed, shallow, and plastic surgery junkies. I really wish Ryan and the writers will start to create female characters that have some substance. The only character that I can call on as an example is Season 1 Valerie Cruz (played by Grace Santiago). Whose character left the show without an explanation.
My review of last night's episode. I liked seeing a group of smart, rich, and powerful woman taking control of their lives. It's empowering to a certain extent if you blind yourself to their plastic surgery addiction. I laughed when one of the girls told Christian "that's the problem with you surgeons all d--k and no brains"  .
I can't wait until Eden gets her due and Sean can see how much of a liar, manipulative, two-faced, and nasty person she is. I think AnnaLynne McCord is playing her so beautifully, I am a fan of her acting not her character. I really don't understand how Sean can be so blinded by her is he really that sex deprived? 
Christian now has no excuse in calling any other woman a whore or slut since he is the prime example since every episode he is having sex for professional gain or release personal anguish  . He needs to go back to SAA (Sex Alcoholics Anonymous) pronto!
I hope next week's episode is better in some fashion. I really hope that the clip we saw of Matt talking with Megan saying has she looked in the mirror lately isn't a scene where he is bashing her for her rejecting him. If so, I will be completely mad since I thought Matt was growing-up finally into an adult. Also, how can Olivia and Julia still be together? Hasn't Olivia figured out Julia has been sleeping with Christian ? I hope someone figures Eden is poisoning Julia as payback for what really I have no idea?  ">
Does anyone agree with me or am I alone in my comments?
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Feb 6, 2008 10:38 AM
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Yeah, all I could think when I first saw Joan Van Ark was "What the hell happened to her face? And who told her that looked good?!"
I love this show, have watched through the awesome years and the not-so-awesome year(s). But lately, I find myself getting frustrated with the show, and Christian in particular. And I LOVE everything about the character...the sleaziness, the raw sexuality, all of it. But I don't know, lately I feel he's just not the same person. I can't explain it, he's just different.
As far as Colleen goes, my first thought when I saw the blood all over the apartment was that she was setting it up so that it looked like Sean had killed her. Colleen may have been a huge nut job, but what a great performance by Sharon Gless!!
As far as next week, it looked like mercury poisoning...that's scary!!!
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Feb 6, 2008 10:47 AM
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You know Dave after you had mentioned the sound effect after Christian brought out his "resume", I had to go back to that scene. And it was funny. No wonder I love Christian so much.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks that Jocelyn Wildenstein has the worst plastic surgery ever. But there is someone that tops her. This guy went further than Jocelyn for the cat look. He got the whiskers, had upper lip cut like a cat, had his formed like a cat, and i think he even got tail. But he was going for the tiger look.
But back to the show. I also thought that Colleen was going to kill Eden. And when Sean returned back home, I thought he was going to find a dead Bliss. But I think Colleen shot herself in the stomach. It looked like she had a bullet wound shirt. But then again, it also looked like she slit her wrist.
Good theory laurenc1110 on how all of that was just a set up by Ram to get some free surgeries.
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Feb 6, 2008 11:35 AM
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Dave, you are a riot! Another great recap. I, too, was thinking about Michele Lee & why she wasn't there. She probably read the script and said "No thanks!" Esp. some of the dialogue the Joan Van Ark character had to say like "Sock it to me, doc!" Can't picture Karen McKenzie saying those lines or admitting to plastic surgery. Bliss better not be dead - love her.
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Feb 6, 2008 12:12 PM
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It was nice to see a reunion of sorts of some of nighttime soaps favorite characters.
Any episode with my man, John Schneider is always a good one. The man is still fine as ever!
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Feb 6, 2008 12:49 PM
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I forgotten to talk about the music of last night episode. I think PJ deserves an award for his great music selections for this show, cause PJ would win hands down. Is there an Emmy category for "Best background music in a Drama/Comedy show"?
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Feb 6, 2008 1:36 PM
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I've stayed tethered to this show through some giant crap storms. Last night I felt like Richie standing on the beach waiting for Fonzie to jump the shark.
They have made Christian and Sean into complete cartoon characters and the absence of Julia only heightened how stupid these characters have become.
Christian Troy having sex with an older, bitter, or crazy woman -- how many times will we visit this topic on this show? I thought they got everything out of that topic with Ruth Williamson's "Hedda Grubman". She was more compelling and sympathetic than any of these woman, and she was still a bigger b*tch. This whole story seemed like filler. Been there, done that already - many many times.
Why don't they make the show about Kimber and Ram and Eden. Change the title and the cast next year. That would be so much more fun. John Schneider and the underrated Leslie Grossman were the only palatable part of the entire episode yesterday. The Colleen story doesn't make any sense and I think that was that character's last episode. Nice closure?!?
I hope this is the last season of this show because it is OVER.
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Feb 6, 2008 3:06 PM
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I hope that Colleen dies off in the next episode, but I guess we won't know until next week. According to the previews it looks like Mercury is the reason for Julia being sick??? Finally they're going to reveal what's wrong. That damn Eden! She is definitely the reincarnation of Kimber.
I couldn't believe Christian revealing himself at the dinner table. I was thinking to myself "Put it away already!!" Hopefully he fixes his 'masterpiece' and keeps McNamara/Troy out of trouble.
My favorite part of this entire episode was seeing Joan Van Ark from Knots Landing, I absolutely loved that show when it was on the air.
I know it's not good for the show, but I wish things would just work out once in awhile for Sean!
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Feb 6, 2008 3:07 PM
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So Joan Van Ark really looks like that? I was SOOO hoping she was wearing make-up to look over-surgeried(?) I too was a huge Knots Landing fan.
I think it would be perfect to find out Colleen did kill Eden, then slit her own wrists, and we could be done with both of those characters!
I've missed Julia these last 2 eps, so I was glad to see her in the previews for next week.
My favorite part was Christian's resume. And I agree, Donna Mills' face did look pulled too tight, she can't even smile!
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Feb 6, 2008 3:09 PM
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I also watched KNots landing every Thursday night and Dallas on Friday then Falcon Crest. Joan Van Ark looked ridiculous and looked just as scary when she was on "Young and the Restless" for a short time. Thank goodness her part was re-cast but a real actress. Her lips looked like she was wearing those fake wax lips we bought as kids way back in the 50's and 60's. I am 62 and have watched many television shows and now with my DVR can save plenty more. This episode once again was crazy and really out there. Christian needs help badly as does Sean. Every time I think he is getting his life back on track he slips.
I will still watch the show no matter how nutty it gets.
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Feb 6, 2008 4:08 PM
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I think Eden went back to Ram and Kimber b/c she was hurt after the lies Colleen told her.
I was thinking what did JVA do to herself too? Her lips gave me the creeps. My husband and I joke about Jocelyn all the time and he calls her "Lion-o" from Thundercats (I know I just showed my age). So when they did he reveal I burst out laughing b/c I knew what she was going to look like!
Classic. I almost spit out my rootbeer when she said what she said with her wild eyes like "what's wrong". hahahhahahahahaha
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Feb 6, 2008 4:54 PM
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honestly, i am not one to like edan a whole lot, but after last night's episode.. she amazed me. i actuallyyy believed her when she said she didn't want to go back. i definitly think the only reason she even went back was because of the b*llsh*t lies colleen had said to her.
sean will resolve this.. just you wait and see. i can see this becoming a conflict between him and ram though. sean better not go threw with them operaations he promised. no edan no operations. screw that!
and christian! ehhhh. he really let this whole being better than sean thing get to his head. and that's exactly what it is! he's getting to be jealous of sean, for the whole hearts and scaples thing, and especially with colleen telling him he can't act?! wtf?! way to make him feel worse b*tch. and i'm not crackin' on christian, believe me, he's my favorite. :] but he just needs to forget about who's better. you'd think he'd be happy. i mean he does have julia right? well, for now..
idk. this was a good episode.. i'm just excited for next weeks. :] as always. :] i forgot alllllllll about edan putting the stuff in julia's angel cake.. iy yiy yiy. no wonder your sick girl! you don't have aids! try talking to your ex girlfriends physco of a daughter!!!
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Feb 6, 2008 10:27 PM
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