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Recap: New Orleans Saints at Atlanta Falcons

Sad times in Atlanta on Monday: Michael Vick was sentenced to 23 months in prison and depicted in a courtroom sketch as wearing a cartoonish prison uniform (really? They still do the black and white stripes? Or was he wearing a throwback uniform?); Falcons owner Arthur Blank (a man who invented his very own type of stare) somehow has a five o’clock shadow only on his upper lip; and their team was ripped by the New Orleans Saints 34 to 14. The New Orleans Saints, on the other hand, looked impressive, despite the absence of star Reggie Bush (he’s out for the season), as they try to make a push for the playoffs

1st Quarter: It looked like it might be a game after this quarter. I think I’ve typed this same sentence for every Monday Night Football game this season. If the NFL won’t let ESPN have a flex schedule, allowing them to swap out awful matchups like this one, then maybe the network should shorten the game to 15 minutes? They could have 4 games on Mondays instead of 1. I’d watch that. And not just because I’d be blogging it for the website. It seems like these games fall apart after this quarter.

After several ineffective drives by both teams, the Saints finally got going with three big passing plays, ending with a beautiful pass and catch from Drew Brees to David Patten for a touchdown. I think Jaws even referenced this idea during the game, but I swear I thought this same thing: the Saints might be better off without Reggie Bush. He hasn’t done well this season, and without him in the lineup they don’t feel obligated to get him the ball a lot. Drew Brees can just drop back and throw the heck out of the ball, which is exactly what he did Monday. Similar to what the Seattle Seahawks have been able to do with Shaun Alexander.

Surprisingly the Atlanta Falcons were able to answer with a touchdown of their own on a drive led by Chris Redman. You read that right. Chris Redman. You might read that and think “Hey! Isn’t that the name of the guy who drove my son’s school bus?” And you may be right. He was out of the league for two years and has returned. This led to many comical sideline shots of backup quarterbacks Joey Harrington and Byron Leftwich, each wearing the same puzzled expression that said “He’s starting over us? And didn’t he clean my gutters once?” At the end of the first it was all tied up at 7.

2nd Quarter: If ESPN would listen to me, this would have been overtime, with a second 15 minute game coming up, but those sheep continue to broadcast 60 minute NFL games like the league mandates.

This quarter is where you got the idea the Falcons didn’t have the horses to keep up with the Saints. New Orleans managed to add a field goal and a touchdown this quarter, and Drew Brees looked impressive. I really think they’ll be in good shape if they let him throw the ball until his arm falls off. The Patriots are proving you don’t need a running game (I know. I know. They have many other weapons tom allow them to do that). I wonder if this will be the latest style of offense to sweep the league?

The star of this quarter, though, was (Atlanta Falcons owner) Arthur Blank’s mustache. It deserves its own franchise, and I’d be the first in line to buy a Georgia ‘Stache’s jersey. For those of you who did not tune in and found this battle as intriguing as a test of the emergency broadcast system, let me paint a picture: the thing consisted of 20 to 25 hairs and formed a sparse triangle on his upper lip. It was like a few hairs decided to form a cheerleading pyramid right there below his nose. I was transfixed and wished more than ever that I had an HD television.

Ah, yes. The game. It was 17 to 7 going into the half.

3rd Quarter: The Saints scored on their first drive, capped by a nice catch and twist into the end zone by Marques Colston. The Falcons threw an interception that was returned for a touchdown on their first drive. The rout was on as the score climbed to 31 to 7. I don’t mean to rub this in, but ESPN could have been on its third game at this point if they’d take my advice.

Shortly after the interception was when my friend Chris was thrown into a rage by Suzy Kolber’s purple sweater. A bright, furry purple sweater that appeared to be made of freshly shaved Grape Ape, he believed the sweater wouldn’t be justified even if they were at a Minnesota Vikings game. I think he was most angered when the image of the sweater had been burned into his television screen.

From this point on, the sideline reporters shifted into high gear with personal stories about the players to try and take viewers’ minds off of the awful game. Michele Tafoya had a lighthearted tale about Warrick Dunne meeting one of the men that killed his mother. Jeesh. How do the announcers pretend the game’s important after that?

4th Quarter: Everyone, from the announcers to the fans to the players, seemed to have conceded the game was over: the announcers were talking about Vick’s jail time; Saints players were jubilant; Falcons players appeared close to fashioning nooses for themselves; the crowd had the mood and attendance level of the gymnasium at the end of Carrie; While the Falcons were on defense, Chris Redman was in the stands working his side job as a cotton candy salesman. It was ugly.

When the game mercifully ended as a 34 to 14 New Orleans victory, the Saints looked like a quality team that might be putting a legitimate playoff run together, while the Falcons looked like a team that should be thinking carefully about who they will draft next year.

Hope to see you all next week when the Chicago Bears take on the Minnesota Vikings.

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