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« Desperate Housewives
Episode Recap: "The Gun Song" and "Free"
So here we are at the season finale, and I think Desperate Housewives did an admirable job of tying up many loose narrative plot strings, while still leaving us wanting more, what with a clever epilogue that fast-forwarded five years into the future. I apologize in advance for posting this much later than usual, but with a jam-packed two hours to cover and some unforeseen technical difficulties (my Internet went out at the worst possible moment!), it was a long night. I also want to thank you for generally being very nice to me these last few weeks. You made it all a lot of fun!
Katherine (from the Greek, meaning "purity")
So we finally know the secret!
Dylan I: The Phantom Menace accidentally died when a heavy armoire tipped over on her. Katherine and her aunt Lily decided to take the popular Wisteria Lane justice-circumvention route and bury the body in the woods, and get the heck out of Dodge. Katherine then adopted parentless Dylan II: The Sequel –- conveniently a spitting image of and the same age as her predecessor -- from a Romanian orphanage, hence her DNA dissonance from Wayne and her lack of memory about her childhood. One quibble: Dylan II, who looked to be about 4 in the orphanage scene, presumably had to learn a second language –- wouldn't she remember that?
But never mind. Katherine's fierce guarding of this most interesting of secrets (she even lied to Adam) cracked under the pressure of an increasingly homicidal Wayne, who needed Katherine to fill in the missing pieces. What to do? Oh, I know: kidnap and torture poor Adam! Yes, Nathan Fillion –- whose role was probably cut short by the strike –- returned to save the day. But this time knocking Wayne out wasn't enough for Katherine. She shot the bastard dead, which would have been problematic, had her fellow Housewives not stretched the truth for police, nabbing her a neatly rendered self-defense verdict.
One question remains, of course: What was all that about Cousin Tim witnessing Wayne's "murder"? In retrospect, I guess it was just meant to serve as a fake-out, to keep us all off the trail of Dylan I's accidental death. I wonder if we'll ever see Pervy Hottie Taxman Tim again.
But so ends this season's big mystery, which will perhaps go down as Housewives' best executed. Props, of course, go to Dana Delany for crafting a juicy character of equal parts sweetness, wit, obsessiveness, scheming, and vulnerability (ah, that crumple-cry face!).
Five Years Later: Katherine gets to play poker with the ladies! Yay! We see her get a cheerful call from Dylan, who had just returned from Paris, where she got engaged to "Bradley." We don't know if Katherine is still with Adam, but seriously, if I were Adam, I'd run for the hills.
Lynette (from English, meaning "lake")
This week's episode acknowledged something I've been saying for a few weeks: Lynette is a terrible mother. Yes, Kayla is a terrible child, but Lynette is the grown-up, and should have known better. But no. Instead, she's thrown in jail when Kayla burns herself with a curling iron.
It's Tom who comes to the rescue. First, he entraps his daughter into admitting she made it all up, and she is promptly shipped off to live with her grandparents. It's kind of a tidy resolution to a story that could have been something much more complicated and interesting if Kayla had been a touch less evil and Lynette a touch more loving. I would have liked to have seen how they actually worked it out. Instead, I guess I'm glad that Kayla is gone, if only because now I anxiously await the episode next season when a 16(?)-year-old Kayla resurfaces with all that pre-teen angst in full swing and ready to wreak more havoc!
Tom also redeemed himself by declaring his undying devotion to Lynette in the process of reuniting the squabbling Bob and Lee, whose commitment ceremony served as the set piece for this episode's big finale. Tom warned them not to sweat the small stuff (Lee thought the cherub ice sculpture Bob wanted looked like a "giant, icy slap in the face") because true love is about when things –- a tornado, cancer -– get much, much worse.
Five Years Later: Lynette's future-present indicates that perhaps her parenting skills haven't improved. It seems that Preston has boosted a car and taken it for a joyride, an offense that his twin Porter has already committed, which landed him in juvie for a stint. To quote Matt Dillon in There's Something About Mary, I love those goofy bastards!
Bree (an Irish word meaning "power")
OK, so we kind of knew that Bree was going to get back together with Orson, but how did that "happen"? Well, we still don't really know, but this episode showed Orson doing his hangdog best to prove to Bree that he was worthy of her love -– even if he did attempt to kill a neighbor!
When Reverend Michael Green returns from a missionary tour of duty in North Korea, Bree welcomes him home as any kiss-ass parishioner would, over pizza at Scavo's. But! The militant minister (shades of Brando in Apocalypse Now) comes on to her! He claims that he has had feelings for her "since Palm Sunday 1996, [when they] both reached for the same frond." Ha!
It's Orson who defends her honor with the dastardly rev, who was planning to out Bree as a "flame-haired jezebel" in front of the entire congregation.
Crazy OCD Bree was on full display tonight, as she singlehandedly catered the same-sex nuptials, since Katherine was off being held hostage and watching her life fall apart. There were some funny control-freak Bree moments, which were nicely balanced by the image of a grease-stained, de-coiffed Bree pushing a quickly melting ice sculpture in a baby carriage alongside the highway when both her cell phone and one of her car's tires went kaput. Again, Orson comes to her rescue, but falls short of actually getting back in the house. Bree stands firm on her demand that he turn himself in to the authorities. He refuses, and then, as Bree puts it: There they are.
Bree also had the misfortune to end up Wayne's second hostage, which also means she's the only Housewife who knows Katherine's secret. While the police investigation seems to be resolved, I'm guessing that this shared secret will deepen their friendship, and these two ladies will be slinging both hash in their catering business and lead at the firing range together for many years to come.
Five Years Later: As I mentioned, Orson is back in the house, prepping a bubble bath for a gussied-up Bree, who has apparently published a cookbook about to be reviewed by the New York Times. It was a nice surprise to see an all-grown-up Andrew acting as his mom's right-hand man. Not a surprise: No sight of Invisible Benjamin Hodge!
Gabrielle (from the Hebrew, meaning "God is my strength"):
The inevitable sting operation came to a head tonight, when Ellie's supplier showed up just as the cops finished bugging the Solis' house. When Gaby and the cop's tech guy got caught in Ellie's bedroom installing the bugs, Gaby hilariously covered by claiming that he was her handyman and that she was having an affair with him. When things get boring, "a little greasy, disgusting handyman really hits the spot," she claims.
When the cops finally moved in to arrest Ellie, Gaby, who still has a soft spot for the in-house narcotics trafficker, tipped Ellie off, allowing her to run. This week's Solis Ethical Challenge came in the form of $118,000 that Gaby found stashed in Ellie's teddy bear, and that Gaby and Carlos decided to keep in order to stave off their impending poverty. In the hubbub, the cops never seemed to have found out about the money, and…
Also, Ellie is dead. Wayne shot her when she had the misfortune to choose the Mayfair house as a hideout, walking in on his hostage scenario.
Five Years Later: A de-glammed Gaby, who had ironically claimed earlier in the episode that she and Carlos would never have kids ("shoes are my kids"), has kids! Two squishy, mischievous moppets who like playing with Mommy's makeup and her Vera Wang dresses. I, for one, can't wait to see Eva Longoria tackle motherhood.
Susan (the Greek form of the Hebrew name Shoshannah, meaning "lily")
Susan and Mike squabbled about naming the baby, which created some great comedy among the ladies when they heard Mike wanted to name Baby Delfino Maynard, after his late grandfather (late as of that day, in fact). "Which says 'kick my ass' more? May or Nerd?" Lynette asks. Bree suggests that Maynard doesn't match Delfino because "one is German and the other is Italian, and we all know what happens when those folks get together." As an Italian-American (I know I sound like a leprechaun, but my mom is Neopolitan), I am officially amused, er, offended.
Gaby emphasizes that a kid's name determines his future. "If my parents didn't name me Gabrielle, who knows if I'd be this pretty?" she asks, and she's serious. So Susan does what only Susan thinks is a good idea: She changes the baby's legal name to Conner without telling Mike, until he, of course, catches her in yet another hare-brained scheme. Ultimately, though, we find out that Grandpa Maynard was some kind of saint, having integrated the school system and taken in Mike when his dad went to the slammer.
Also: Julie got into Princeton, and had to report to school early to do something-or-other-plot-device with a famous professor who liked her senior thesis. This development allowed it to make sense that Julie would be leaving to go to college in May, leading to a sweet scene between Andrea Bowen and Teri Hatcher, as Susan confesses that she is having a hard time letting her go. Despite Julie's minimal screen time, Bowen and Hatcher have always had great chemistry, and if a growed-up Julie isn't back next season, I will miss her.
Five Years Later: Susan enters her house and says, "Honey, I'm home," but the "honey" in question is in fact Gale Harold (Queer As Folk) and not Hottie Plumber Mike Delfino. I hadn't any idea that my complaints about James Denton would lead to this. Wow! This development puts Susan front and center for what is sure to be next season's central storyline.
Obviously, a lot of questions here:
1. Will the cops find out about Ellie's secret cash stash?
2. What do we want to see Katherine Mayfair get up to now that her mystery has been solved? My suggestion: some light physical comedy. Katherine needs a break!
3. Do you think Orson went to jail? If yes, what is his prison tattoo? My guess: The Brooks Brothers logo.
4. Did that glimpse of Serious Businessman Andrew make you as curious as I am to see what the Wisteria Kidz are like all growed up?
5. Will Gaby make a better mom than Lynette?
6. Where's Edie? Do you think she's been gone from Wisteria Lane during the intervening five years?
7. What the heck happened to Mike Delfino? Would you like to see James Denton remain on the show, even if he is apparently no longer with Susan?
8. What in the name of Minnie Pearl was Mrs. McCluskey wearing on her head at the wedding?
Missed the season finale? Catch up by watching full episodes of Desperate Housewives in our Online Video Guide.
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May 19, 2008 8:07 AM
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Do you think Orson went to jail? If yes, what is his prison tattoo? My guess: The Brooks Brothers logo.
Beautiful!
My two questions:
1. Who else besides me thought it was going to be Carl at the end with Susan?
2. Gabby's oldest, who I estimate is at the most 4 1/2, looked to be more like 9 or 10 years old? Do you think maybe Carlos and Gabby ended up the foster parents of the kids long-lost relatives?
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May 19, 2008 8:14 AM
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This episode was great. The ending threw me with the Susan part. I was in shock. Did not expect that.
Do you think they will skip ahead 5 years next year or show how they got to that point? I don't know if i will like it if they skip 5 years ahead. I guess if they do a good job of it then it will be all right. We will have to wait and see.
Can't wait till next season.
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May 19, 2008 8:27 AM
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I'm guessing that when they return they'll stay in the "5 years later" point. They like to use flashbacks as a device - and I think this was a way to give them ample opportunity to continue that.
I agree - I don't think those kids are Gabby's biological kids - because they would be too old to be. Who knows.
It will be interesting to see what happens.
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May 19, 2008 8:36 AM
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I am curious to see how the 5 year jump plays out! It was strange and even by DH standards the story lines were a stretch. So who hasn't covered up a murder now?
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May 19, 2008 8:39 AM
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'this season's big mystery, which will perhaps go down as Housewives' best executed' - for real ?? It's not been a mystery for weeks - we all saw this coming. Enjoyed it, sure, but would not call it the best execution since there was no surprise left to the story.
Not sure if I liked the 5 year leap - could make it interesting though.
Agree - those could not be Gabrielle's kids.
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May 19, 2008 8:39 AM
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I have never been a faithful "Housewives" viewer, but I caught it last night, and I was really blown away.
I couldn't leave the television. Gary Cole was excellent as Wayne, and (from what little I've seen this season) Dana Delany has been consistently great. Nathan Fillion is kind of wooden for my tastes, but everything else about that story was gold (if not a little forced - a Romanian orphanage? Really?).
Maynard? Seriously? Maynard Delfino? Maybe once Susan took up with that new guy, she changed his name to Conner. I hope.
The preview for next season really intrigued me; I'm excited to see where this goes.
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May 19, 2008 8:50 AM
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I don't know or remember if I read it on this board or not, but whoever said about what happened to Dylan was right. And I was also (and still am) about the what cousin Tim saw that night. Im thinking Tim witnessed Katherine striking Wayne the night that Dylan 1 died. My question is did Katherine tell Dylan 2 the entire truth? But another question I have how come Katheirne and Aunt Lilly didn't hear the armoire fall? Something that big would of made a loud noise.
As for Lynette, I still say that the little psycho had that slap coming. But what she really needed was an exorcist. But someone please refreash my memory, did Tom have a DNA on Kayla to prove thats his real daughter? Cause after this episode, I don't think Kayla is really his daughter.
As for the money that Gabi founded, Im suprised that the cops didn't seize everything of Ellie's(were they supposed to do that....IDK). Im wondering if those kids are adopted or what. I also like your theory ctheslayer about those kids are from long-lost relatives? Or maybe they were just baby-sitting?
Future Bree, I always wondered when Bree was going to turn herself into a Martha Stewart. But is she still in in business with Katherine? And whatever happened to Danielle? The last time we saw her was after she had Ben.
On to Susan, my main question is what happened to Mike? I dont care about nothing else that involved with Susan tonight but what happened to Mike? This question is going to keep us guessing all summer long.
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May 19, 2008 8:52 AM
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Very good episode last night. the first good show post strike, imo. Nathan Fillion, so glad you are alive. You think Wayne, being a cop, would have checked for a pulse somewhere.
So in the future we have no Mike Delfino. Hmmm not sure i like that point. Carlos and Edie were not mentioned either. Gabby's kids were precious in full make-up and running around in her "Vera Wang". So funny, so Gaby. Either Gaby is tired or broke. She looked messy, un-Gaby like if you will. When the ladies were playing cards I was checking for wedding rings, Bree and Lynette had rings, Gaby never showed her hands and Susans was bare.(the 5 year in the future was no real secret, it was leaked)
I am glad Kayla is gone (?), if they re-make "The Bad Seed" they could cast that little actress, she'd be perfect for that role. Loved when Tom finally grew a huge pair of... well you know. Abusoultly loved how he trapped Kayla in her lies and sent her away. I thought she would be back by the end of the show, somehow her grandparents dying a mysterious death. Oh well that could still happen. NOT!
Now if they can prevent the other strike looming we should be in for a great ride this fall.
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May 19, 2008 8:58 AM
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lizzybelle - could it be Katherine and Aunt Lily didn't hear the armoire fall b/c they had had a little too much to drink? They did make a point about geting out the scotch.
I want to know what was in Aunt Lily's note?!?!?!
And did I miss an episode when they explained that Katherine came to The Lane because she was hiding out from Wayne? I always assumed that they had lived their for awhile as a family, but Mary Alice didn't know who Wayne was.....
btw - LOVED THIS EP!!!!!
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May 19, 2008 9:01 AM
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Excellent finale!! The best I've seen this year and every word out of Tom Scavo's mouth last night......Brilliant!
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May 19, 2008 9:14 AM
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One thing I never really got, was why did Katherine decide after all these years to return to Wisteria Lane and to that exact house? Wouldnt the memories have been too painful? it obviously made it easier for Wayne to find them too.
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May 19, 2008 9:17 AM
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I was asking myself if Katherine's secret was worth killing her aunt for? Anyway, I've always had the sense that James Denton's role on the show was precarious, but I am curious as to how he went away. I've been an OLTL watcher from way back, but I still don't get everyone's obsession with Nathan Fillion. He had a lot more chemistry with Dana Delany on Pasadena...here he's kind of a lump. In my opinion, Tuc Watkins is the one who always brings it!
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May 19, 2008 9:18 AM
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About Gabi's kids - they have to be adopted or foster kids - Gabi can't have biological children. so, age doesn't really matter - they could have adopted them at any age - however, with Carlos prison record, it is more likely that they are somehow related to the Solises - I don't think they would qualify for any other kind of adoption or fostering.
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May 19, 2008 9:22 AM
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Carlos was never mentioned or seen in the flash forward. Maybe those are Gaby's step-kids from a new husband.
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May 19, 2008 9:27 AM
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