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« Rose's Rambles
Supernatural: Pancakes and Porn - It Can Help, Trust Me
I wanted to go on hiatus early.
I wish I had followed my instinct.
You can believe that I caved to the tough love of the testosterone section.
You can believe that I was fearful for the condition of my sanitarium, and the condition of my inmates.
You can believe that I was weak willed in the face of my obsessiveness.
You can believe however you choose, however the fact remains that at the appointed time my television was on, my VCR was running, my position was firmly placed close to the screen, my heart was pounding and my soul was … plunged into despair.
There was no scream.
There was no whimper.
There was simply a silent tearful flow of misery.
This is not a review, nor a ramble. To be honest, I’m not sure when that will come and I can only beg indulgence and time. It’s going to take me a while.
There are emotions to run through, thoughts to process, images to dispel, and hope to find.
This show, this episode, this, ladies and gentlemen, is the testament to the reason why television writers are so incredibly invaluable at their craft, and so incredibly necessary to script a program so crafted with depth, with love, with humor, with dignity, with tragedy, with sorrow, and with pain.
A program with a soul.
I don’t have words to help you right now. I wish that I did. As the Keeper of the Sanitarium, I know that my inmates look for me to provide comfort. I simply don’t have any right now. The future is in the hands of those highly gifted writers, directors and actors. The future is in the hands of the master, The Kripke. We can but wait.
And trust.
He may delight in torturing his audience, yet it is his tapestry that is being woven, his vision that unfolds with each thread. The loom is still set up and the picture has yet to be completed.
The journey is not ended. The Winchesters are not done. There is more to the hero’s journey than what we have been given.
The future is not written yet.
But there is a past. And solace can come from the past when the future is bleak and hearts are troubled. Granted, The Kripke and his crew have not given us much of the Winchester past, but our imaginations can take us to the time when innocence still was a part of their lives.
When my heart is heaviest, I look towards my girlies … towards my nursery of infants and preschoolers. Children provide us those bright glimpses of hope and the quirks of their innocent nature provide us with smiles … perhaps tremulous ones, but smiles none the less.
I don’t have words for you yet, my dear inmates. I wish that I did. But I can provide a moment … a smile … a brief laugh, if you’d like. While I am not a big reader of fan fiction (unlike some of my inmates), I do enjoy an occasional WeeChester story, especially when it is written in a way that captures my feelings of The Boys when they were small. I stumbled upon this short story last weekend and now I believe the timing was incredibly apt, because I needed something to dispel the ache in my heart when I woke at 2am and remembered … even if only temporarily … and what could be better than a moments sojourn to a time when 7yr old Dean and 3yr old Sam discover porn, Julia Childs, and the art of making pancakes for their father. The credit for the smile goes to the author Paperbkryter and the story is titled … Behold the Power of the Pancakes.
After the pancakes, take time to reflect. Reflect on the journey so far and all that we have learned. We all know that the Winchesters are heroes.
The hero’s journey is not done … not for any of them.
We can only wait now for the hero’s return.
In the meantime, The Keeper’s Sanitarium doors stand open and welcoming. Support and comfort can be found in many rooms, in many forms – from the thoughtful lectures, the insightful discussions and the silly playfulness.
The only one left out is the one that doesn’t come in.
Take heart dear ones … and believe.
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May 16, 2008 11:16 AM
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As I stated in my own blog, last night was quite possibly one of the worst hours of television I've ever seen ... but one of the best at the same time. I never cease to be amazed at hour gifted everyone working on Supernatural is. This is why I love this show. Yet at the moment I'm hating it too, because I hate that we have four months to sit and wait, with that final image of Dean in our minds, his cries filling our ears ... No I won't think about that now. I must not, or I think I'm going to go insane already and the hiatus has just begun.
This summer more than any other I think I'll be finding myself very thankful to be an inmate in your sanitorium, dear Keeper. Because I know I couldn't make it through the next four months otherwise.
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May 16, 2008 11:34 AM
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Cindy, devoted and beloved fangirlfriend,
I, too, have been rendered speechless by what I witnessed last night and likely will not fully recover for a couple of days to form coherent words and sentences to describe how WONDERFUL this episode was. How it left me breathless, sobbing, filled with pride and love for two loving brothers. I was left shaking and trembling in its wake.
All I can do is leave you with the words that had me transfixed:
"Sam, remember what Dad taught you, okay? And remember what I taught you."
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May 16, 2008 11:44 AM
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I read that story last weekend (after you rec'd it!). It was lovely & heartwarming. I think I will stick close to home & reread my favorite funny Wee!Chester fics this weekend, including CaffieneKitty's work.
About last night...our poor boys! *sniff* I'm definitely out of sorts over NRftW.
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May 16, 2008 11:45 AM
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With the exception of Friday Night Lights, no show has ever come so close to making me nearly cry (heck, weep!) at a tv show.
The testosterone section somehow managed to keep the tears and grief hidden inside last night, but it was definitely a struggle. When Dean looked at Sammy, the hour finally upon them with hell hounds at the door, and said "Take care of my wheels. Remember what dad taught you. Remember what I taught you." I almost lost it. Seriously. I got a big lump in my throat and started whispering to myself "please don't let this happen... oh please don't let this happen."
That final shot of Dean in hell crying out for his brother... wrecked me.
Thanks a million for opening the Sanitarium for us, Keeper.
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May 16, 2008 12:02 PM
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I'll be visiting the Sanitarium soon Keeper.
Last night's episode devastated me, the hook in Dean's shoulder finished me.
Those harrowing last screams totalled me.
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May 16, 2008 12:29 PM
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I need the sanitarium more then ever now. Thanks Keeper for keeping the doors open. I can't get my thoughts about last nights episode straight in my head. I feel lost.
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May 16, 2008 1:47 PM
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Dear Keeper, take all the time you need for your ramble. I'll be waiting, wandering around the Sanitarium, eating as much processed sugar as I can.
A program with a soul.
Ah, the perfect way to describe SN. This kind of television is the rarest of its kind and I doubt I'll find another like it any time soon!
*sigh* I guess in the end, we're all going to just have to have a little faith, because as you said:
The journey is not ended. The Winchesters are not done. There is more to the hero’s journey than what we have been given.
And thanks for the story, it put a smile on my face and warmed my heart. I think with enough sugar (mainly chocolate) and spoilers, I'll manage to make it though the hellatus.
P.S. Rod
When Dean looked at Sammy, the hour finally upon them with hell hounds at the door, and said "Take care of my wheels. Remember what dad taught you. Remember what I taught you." I almost lost it. Seriously. I got a big lump in my throat and started whispering to myself "please don't let this happen... oh please don't let this happen."
Oh, Rod, I know how you feel. And, by Dean Winchester's example, he's shown that it's alright for the testosterone section to let out a few tears every now and then when the occasion calls. And, I'd say it definately calls!
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May 16, 2008 1:56 PM
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Thanks, Cindy - We need all the help we can get. I was so traumatized at the end, I didn't even notice the hook in Dean's shoulder. I'll have to look for it when I have the strength to watch the episode again--although I don't know why I even want to see it.
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May 16, 2008 1:57 PM
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Cindy,
Well I'm glad you decided to join the rest of the masochists and watch the episode because I would sure have missed you around here during the hiatus.
Last night's epi may not have had a semi in it but I sure feel like I've been run over by one. It sure packed an emotional punch.
Thanks for the story to help offset the angst we're all feeling. I'm looking forward to reading it. If it comes recommended by you, I know it will be wonderful.
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May 16, 2008 2:04 PM
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Ahh, sweet Keeper, my room is very quiet, but I'm here - and if you listen carefully when you pause at the door, you'll hear the sound of computer keys softly clicking. I'm trying to come to terms with last night's surfeit of grief and fear, following the narrow thread of hope that will let us all survive the summer. When I've processed, I'll be back to post and share, I promise.
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May 16, 2008 2:46 PM
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*creeps in quietly*
Thank you Keeper. I'm still having trouble finding words for this episode. But I do appreciate having a place to go where I can sit in the corner and share the awe, pain, angst and anxiety that the Kripke has presented us.
I don't bring words, but I do bring some contributions.
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May 16, 2008 3:15 PM
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Cindy
I love the title!
All I can say is I needed a serious drink before the show just to calm my nerves! But I think I may continue the binge all the way until end of Sept!
Kripke sure knows how to keep us buzzing thru the summer! So many possibilities are in store for Dean, Sam and Ruby. Wow!
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May 16, 2008 3:58 PM
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Thanks Cindy. I knew we would all be wrecked but that you would be there for us in the end.
*Hugs*
Brit
*runs off to read Weechester fic*
I could use a little levity.
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May 16, 2008 4:25 PM
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Oh CindyRose I do know what you're going through. I'm kinda numb and am almost afraid to open the wounds that last night's episode created. I've been pushing aside those images that have been burned into my subconscious of Sam and Dean and their desperate attempt to fight back against impossible odds. I'm not sure just what to do next. Maybe reading that little pancake story WILL help.
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May 16, 2008 7:24 PM
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