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« Ramblings From A Cracked (by the LPP) M&M
The Devil
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of Johnstown got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc.
Suddenly, the Devil himself appeared at the front of the congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon everyone was evacuated from the Church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
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Jun 26, 2008 11:51 AM
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My wife and I were lying in bed the other day. My hands were slowly finding their way across her body. I whispered, "I'm gonna make you the happiest woman in the world." She whispered back, "I'll miss you."
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Jun 26, 2008 11:56 AM
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Mannie....TOO FUNNY!!!!!
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Jun 26, 2008 11:57 AM
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A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, But his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets. The man thinks for a moment and says,
"Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."
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Jun 26, 2008 11:59 AM
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Thanks, Mannie and Ranger. It's always nice to start the day with some good laughs.
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Jun 26, 2008 12:01 PM
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This one is for REV!
The priest was preparing a dying man for his voyage into the great beyond. Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!" The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?" The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody."
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Jun 26, 2008 12:02 PM
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Mannie & Ranger
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Jun 26, 2008 12:21 PM
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Mannie ~ I sent you a message ~ did I do it wrong again or am I just being impatient?
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Jun 26, 2008 12:22 PM
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Very funny ladies need those today way too busy at work it cramps by blogging.
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Jun 26, 2008 12:35 PM
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Must remember to NOT read blogs while eating and/or drinking!
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Jun 26, 2008 12:42 PM
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That is so funny!! I am so behind now...read your email and Marci's closer blog for RevVee news! Love you!
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Jun 26, 2008 12:56 PM
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Well I know one that would probably amuse Rev.
This was told to us by a priest.
After making love a couple is sitting in bed. The wife reaches across and slaps her husband face.
"What did you do that for?" the husband demanded.
"That was for being a lousy lover," the wife replied.
The husband thought about this for a few minutes, then he reached over and slapped his wife's face.
She sat forward outraged. "What did you do that for?" she screamed.
"That was for knowing the difference," the husband replied.
(I know, my religious education classes were quite interesting)
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Jun 26, 2008 1:30 PM
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Great jokes Ranger and Lacey!!! Keep them coming!!!
Glad you liked them DG, Marci, Julie (I just checked it impatient one!!! A girl's got to eat sometime in the day!!!), Joey, Kris and Cindy (I just checked it!!! Wonderful news!!!!)
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Jun 26, 2008 1:48 PM
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This one isn't for REV!
As the woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within.
Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator.
Shocked, she asked, "What in the world are you doing?"
The daughter replied, "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please go away and leave me alone."
The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door.
Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.
To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said, "Dad, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."
A couple days later, the wife came home from shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the family room.
She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, staring at the TV.
The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy.
The wife asked, "What the hell are you doing?"
The husband replied, "I'm watching the ball game with my son-in-law."
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Jun 26, 2008 1:51 PM
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This is one that Rev actually loved.
There were three churches that had a serious rat problem. The Baptist, The Methodists and The Roman Catholics.
The Baptists locked the rats up in the baptistry and drowned them. But the rats escaped.
The Methodists not wanting to harm any of God's creatures captured the rats and placed them in a box and let them go. The rats returned.
The Roman Catholics thought very hard about it and decided to baptize all the rats and register them as members of the congregation. Now they only see the rats at Christmas and Easter.
(Yep, it was part of the homily one Sunday morning)
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Jun 26, 2008 1:54 PM
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