To all my friends...Laugh with me!!!
For my women friends and men who can laugh at themselves:
1. Why does a man have a clear conscience?
Because it's never used.
2. Why are men so happy?
Because ignorance is bliss.
3. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man then for a
women?
Because when it's time to go back to childhood, he's already
there.
4. If a man and a woman fell off a 10-story building at the same
time,who would reach the ground first?
The woman, the man would get lost.
5. How are men like commercials?
You can't believe a word either one of them says and they both
last about 60 seconds.
6. What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
7. What's the difference between government bonds and men?
Bonds mature.
8. What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.
9. What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A tourist.
10. How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable."
11. Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it.
12. What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
13. Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.
14. How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
15. What makes men chase women they have no intention of
marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention
of driving.
16. Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half
the time.
17. What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.
Just so all you guys don't think this is one sided, here's some for you too!!!
The Top 10 Reasons Why a Handgun is Better Than a Woman
#10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.
#9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
#8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
#7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup.
#6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of ammo.
#5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
#4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.
#3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
#2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN . . .
You can buy a silencer for a handgun.
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