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« John Stone's Blog
A Mother's Dictionary
A Mother's Dictionary
Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.
Defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the children play outside.
Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.
Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster
Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
Full name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.
Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
Look out: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.
Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.
Preprared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.
Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.
Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.
Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.
Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
Two-minute warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
Verbal: Able to whine in words
Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.
Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."
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May 9, 2008 2:06 PM
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How funny John!
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May 9, 2008 2:22 PM
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Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
Bwahahahaha!!!
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May 9, 2008 2:29 PM
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Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."
...or "I didn't know you were in the shower when I flushed, Mommy!"
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May 9, 2008 2:52 PM
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Very amusing nice way to end the work day Thanks John.
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May 9, 2008 4:18 PM
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Those are great John! So true so true! hahaha
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May 9, 2008 5:55 PM
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May 9, 2008 7:12 PM
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I agree with those...thanks for the laugh.
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May 9, 2008 8:39 PM
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Awesome John, thanks for the laugh!!!!
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May 9, 2008 9:02 PM
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