Let me begin by apologizing right away for some lackluster blogging. I will immediately follow that apology up with telling you that none of it was my fault, which is how we roll in my family. Due to a technical difficulty, my second blog never made it to your screens that week, even though it was finished (which was caused neither by me nor the prescient Matt Mitovich of TVGuide.com). Then the following week I caught the flu, which is making its way through our set like nobody's business. I knew this virus was bad when our cameraman, Keith of the iron stomach, got sick. I wouldn't be surprised if the Men in Trees set was quarantined (just kidding… but its been spreading pretty quickly).
Nothing could stop me from blogging about our next episode, "I Wood if I Could." I know I tend to extol the virtues of all our episodes, but this one is a favorite of everyone on our show. This episode has it all: sex, near sex and mud wrestling! Our writers, Chris Dingess and Cara DiPaolo, teamed up to bring the funny this bachelor/bachelorette episode.
As Annie and Patrick are preparing for their prewedding festivities, Jack and Marin are coping with both being single in a small town where everyone wants them to get together. I know all of you out there want that whole Jack and Marin thing (nee Jarin) to blossom; but people, his pregnant ex-girlfriend's place on the couch is virtually still warm! Despite this fact, Jack seems quite eager to move on with Marin. He even insists upon doing little manly and charming gestures, which are way too soon and completely inappropriate, but charming nonetheless.
Poor Marin, she doesn't want to let Jack back into her life after all he's put her through, but he's just so damn mountain-man sexy. Meanwhile, the unflappable and equally sexy publisher Stuart is still trying to put his hat in the ring. What's a girl to do?
Marin, as we know from last episode, is both Annie's maid of honor and Patrick's best man. Taking care of Annie's party is easy, but Marin isn't really sure how to plan a crazy party for the relatively tame Patrick. At first the well of wild fantasies is running a wee bit dry for our Patrick, but he finally reveals a proclivity for, of all things, mud wrestling. Who knew he was so dirty?
When the mud wrestler finally shows up to the party, she is, in a word, incredible. Sapphire (her professional name) is played by the lovely and amazing Dot-Marie Jones, who makes me hope that there will be more mud wrestling in Elmo, because she was hilarious. There's a scene where Sapphire issues a wrestling challenge to the men of the Chieftain, and Jerome steps up to the plate. Tim Weber, who plays Jerome, had no idea that Dot would actually rip his shirt open at that moment. (Neither did our costume department, for that matter, and they were sure glad that they had another one. One of my favorite sayings on our set is "one is none," because you have to have two of everything just in case something happens.) So when you see the look of absolute surprise on Jerome's face, know that it is genuine, as is Derek Richardson's (Patrick) ability to chug a beer bong.
Meanwhile, the girls are raging at Annie's booze cruise... and painting pottery. We actually shot the entire bachelorette party on a real boat, although you would never know it. When you are watching us all cramped into a tiny, windowless cabin where you can't see the ocean, know that it is not some Vancouver soundstage but the real thing. What a day we had on that boat! Our fearless director, Joanna Kerns, was desperately seasick, as were several other members of our crew. I immediately slipped on the dock and hit my head, and Lauren Tom (Mai) met with an unfortunate boogying accident.
Luckily some of the best donuts on the planet are located right where our boat was parked (docked? moored?) and they served as a kind of poultice to our various ailments. Despite our injuries, I think the ladies of Annie's bachelorette party acquitted themselves with remarkable gusto. There's a scene where Annie finds out that Patrick is mud wrestling at his party, and she insists upon immediately turning the boat around to investigate. I was given the Herculean task of performing this scene while a drunken Chief Celia tries to distract me. Cynthia Stevens' comedy skills eventually got the better of me, because you can actually see in that shot that I am trying desperately not to laugh!
The only guest not in attendance of the bacchanalian festivities is Sara, who has to stay home to take care of Matty. Pastor Eric, sweetheart that he is, stops by to make sure everything is OK. Due to unexpected circumstances, the three of them end up spending the evening together, and Sara finds herself falling more for his sexy, priestly ways. The fact that he can't have sex would be kind of a deal breaker for me, but obviously Sara is more strong willed than I.
Of course, I can't reveal how the episode actually ends, but I will say that we see a side of Chief Celia that we have never, ever seen before, and it involves karaoke. I hope they include Mai and Celia's rendition of "You Don't Bring Me Flowers Anymore" on our DVD because it is priceless. Also, I can tell you that the ladies end up crashing the mud-wrestling bachelor party at the Chieftain. I can't say any more except that at the end of filming this episode, I was brought outside and literally hosed down. Enough said. Except that Ben buys a hockey team, which will pay off down the road by the introduction of even more hot guys to Elmo. In the words of Annie, yay!
So tune in at our new time, Tree Huggers, Sluggers and Chuggers all! And perhaps you could make sure that all of your friends who watch the show know that it's on at 8, 'cause we're kind of nervous about that. Our time slot has been moved so often on Men in Trees, but we are all so damn positive that we go around saying "No, this time slot really is the best one, way better than the old one!" I have this recurring nightmare of showing up to set and hearing everyone say, "Saturdays at 7 am is the best time slot for us! We're not a cartoon, so we'll have no competition!" That being said, I do know that both my friends who have families and my friends who go out on Fridays are very excited we are on a bit earlier. It should work out for everyone… except for those of us who work on Men in Trees, because we are always still working then, so TiVo it for us, will ya?! I can promise you won't be disappointed, as "I Wood if I Could" really is one of our best. See you in the mud-wrestling pit!
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Looking forward to seeing Chief Celia let her hair down!!
