Steph (me) goes a little crazy this week. While Joy (Joely Fisher) and Eddie (Brad Garrett) are out of town visiting their daughter Allison (Krysten Ritter) at college, Steph decides to put some new tile on the bathroom wall. Since she and Jeff (Eddie Kaye Thomas) always fight whenever they work on household projects together, Jeff decides to hire Hector, a maintenance guy, to help Steph. As far as Steph knows, Jeff hired Hector because tiling is a job that is better left to a professional. What she doesn't know is that Jeff wants to hire someone to take the heat in case Steph gets upset during the tiling process. Jeff's brilliant idea backfires when Steph and Hector end up battling over how to place and cut the tiles. When Steph is unhappy with the final product, she blames Jeff for the mishap. Sometimes men just can't win.
Overall, I believe the notion that "men can't win" is a silly cliché. I even hate to utter the statement, because most of the time I don't think it's true — at all. Men win all the time. In good relationships, partners communicate and make compromises and sometimes fight and then have makeup sex and everybody wins (see our pilot episode). I'd like to think that disagreements don't lead to a win and a loss but rather to a mutually agreed upon outcome, where both parties can be happy with whatever decision has been reached.
That said, I will admit that in this week's episode, Jeff really can't win. No matter how much he tries to avoid a fight, Steph cannot seem to let anything slide. First she battles Hector about the tiles, then she blames Jeff for the way the tiles turn out, and then she suckers Jeff into sponge-painting the dining room with her, which will inevitably end up creating a fight every minute.
Once, about five years ago, I went to a boyfriend of mine's parents' house for the holidays. I got there the day after Christmas, so my present was still sitting under the tree. It was clear from the box that he had bought my present from Victoria's Secret. So we had dinner with his family and hung out and played charades and did all of the family stuff that you do, but secretly all I could think about was the fact that he had gotten me lingerie. This enraged me. First of all, his giving me lingerie for Christmas seemed inappropriate at his parents' house — not a gift for under the family tree. Secondly, lingerie seemed more like a present for him than me. And lastly, we had been going out for over a year at this point. Why hadn't he told me before that he wanted me to wear lingerie?! I felt grossed out, like I was seeing a whole new skeevy side of him.
After saying goodnight to his fam, the dreaded moment arrived. We sat on his bed, and he presented his gift to me. I don't think I faked my excitement too well as I untied the ribbon and opened the box. Finally, I ripped off the tissue paper to find: the ugliest blue flannel pajamas and a huge bulky red terry-cloth robe. I started to cry. Really cry. I was devastated. He wants to cover me up in ugly pj's and a huge-ass bathrobe? You don't want to see me in lingerie?
In that moment, my boyfriend, just like Jeff, simply could not win. The lingerie would have made me angry too, but receiving the ugly, totally unromantic and far-from-sexy sleepwear made me feel like I got a fat joke for Christmas. To me, in that moment, it felt very reasonable to cry over pajamas and all that they stood for. In retrospect, however, I'll admit, I acted a little insane. Just like Steph in this week's episode.
It's incidents like these that give women a bad reputation. In fairness, we can get a little switchy-changey sometimes. One minute we want one thing and the next we want something else. But we're allowed. Men change their minds all the time; it's just that either they don't talk about it or they have too much pride to admit their indecision. So, call us crazy, but you have to give us women credit for going after exactly what we want and not being afraid to speak up and express what's in our minds and hearts, no matter how "crazy" it might make us seem to the men with whom we share our lives.
So, men, here's what to do: Next time your girlfriend or your wife wants to redecorate, offer to help her. Give her your honest opinion, and when it differs from hers, change it. Then go to Victoria's Secret and pick up something nice for her (whatever your heart desires). You've been such a sport about fixing up the house, she'll love whatever you've bought. And she'll wear it (see our past episode, "Sex for Furniture"). Avoid a fight and make hot sexy love: I'd call that a win-win.
The "Clay Date" episode of 'Til Death airs Wednesday, March 14, at 9:30 pm/ET on Fox.
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